My biological mother abandoned me when I was about six months. At least that’s the way the story goes. No one really knows for sure. The doctor who worked at the orphanage where I was dropped off assessed me to be about six months old. But since I was abandoned with no identifying information it was impossible for anyone to know for sure.
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I spent years trying to commit suicide and probably made more than 15 attempts in my life. Thankfully, none of them were successful although there were a few which came pretty darn close. I used to hoard pills and keep them in a bottle which I hid under my bed. It was my “ security blanket”. My stash was my “way out” if things got to the point that I could no longer stand to be alive. I would go into my room when my kids were at school and open the bottle and count them just to make sure they were all there.
People who have BPD often have tremendous issues with anger — both expressing it and being the recipient of it. They will often go to extreme lengths to make people happy in order to avoid having people get angry at them. The flip side of that is that they themselves can go into a drop dead rage at the drop of a hat. I will examine why this happens.
Recovering from Borderline Personality Disorder Means Learning To Change The Way You Think (by Dee Chan)
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) have a skewed way of thinking. We see criticism where there is none, we see abandonment when someone doesn’t return our phone calls, and we see despair when really it is just a different perspective. Although BPD is not classified as a “thought disorder”, in my opinion it should be. People with BPD internalize their skewed visions of themselves and turn their own thoughts against them. My husband used to always say to me, ‘Every feeling first begins with a thought.’ I think this is true.
Shep is tall with gentle mischievous eyes, deep set within a prominent and solitary brow line. His eyes are an interesting mix of blues and greens with some hazel textured throughout to create the effect of different moods. There’s a depth to his eyes that reveals a man who is still very much evolving. Shep had, during the hour I spent with him, the emotional dexterity that comes with age, if you work hard enough at it.
It’s a simple question I heard on the Timothy Ferriss podcast. It was a recent episode featuring Tony Robbins. At first, I thought “Huh?” Turns out Tony uses this question to uncover internal conflicts. To find the things we beat ourselves up for without knowing why. The high standards we yearn to achieve, but seldom do. Why are the standards there in the first place? Why do we expect so much from ourselves?
At sixteen, my best friend and I started a band. We were two quiet, nerdy, never been kissed teenagers who wanted desperately to have an adventure. Though we technically lived in the retirement town of White Rock, British Columbia, we spent most of our time in our own world… a world that from an outsider’s point of view could only be described as “very cute”.
How often have you allowed stress to affect your happiness by placing unrealistic demands on yourself resulting in negative self-talk? Does this sound like you? I used to fall victim to this exact practice regularly and, at times, I still succumb to negativity and destructive behaviors that prevent me from achieving everything I am capable of.