How to Make a Person Fall In Love With You – Using Psychology (by John Alex Clark)

How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You - Using Psychology
By John Alex Clark

Not everyone knows what a Lovemap is. It’s a field of study that mostly only people within psychology circles know about. However, analyzing someone’s Lovemap and understanding how it works is essential in trying to make that person fall in love you.

Dr. John Money, a famous American psychologist of Johns Hopkins University, first coined the term Lovemap in 1980. It is used to explain the code which is inside a human’s mind that causes them to fall in love with another person. In this article, I am going to show you how to use this to make a specific person you like fall in love with you.

What is This Code, Exactly?

As a person grows, little by little, he or she forms a subconscious guide to his or her ideal future partner. They begin to develop subliminal preference towards specific qualities and traits in the opposite sex.

Everything from our:

  • Parents
  • Experiences
  • Culture
  • Worries
  • Fears

… influence, one way or another, our subliminal guide that is also known as “Lovemap”.

As an example, people who are shy have a high tendency to become attracted to people who exude confidence as their potential future spouse. These people’s subconscious reason that getting married to someone who has traits which they lack will make them complete.

Another example is if someone grows up without having a lot of money, they will naturally feel attracted to people who have more money than them. Subconsciously, they think that being with that kind of person will fulfill an aspect of their life that they lack.

This is how a person’s Lovemap operates. When there are enough specifications of a person’s Lovemap that are met, the person will consequently fall in love with them.

Use This If You Want Someone to Fall In Love With You

If you learned the specifications that are on the Lovemap of the person you want to fall in love with you, you can use this information to help you make him or her fall for you. There are two core things you need to keep in mind when matching someone’s Lovemap like this:

  • Negative Lovemap Specifications:

    If you learned that the parents of the person you like regularly fight with each other because one of them drinks a lot, then you should realize that he or she will never be impressed if he or she finds out that you like to have one too many drinks every weekend. So you should display to this type of person that you have little time or respect for people who drink too much. By doing this, you will have displayed to their subconscious mind that you are a match for their Lovemap (at least in this one regard).

  • Positive Lovemap Specifications:

    On the other hand, if the one you like grew up in an environment where their parents gave them a lot of affection, they’re more likely to be attracted to people who can be as affectionate as their parents. This is what they’re likely to look for in their future spouse. So, in such a situation if you were to display little affection to your own family, then their subconscious probably won’t see you as a perfect match to their Lovemap.

It’s important to take note that all of these happened at the subconscious level. The person wont be consciously aware of the specification that are on their own Lovemap. All that will happen is that from their interaction with different people, their subconscious will recognise that some people are a better match for them than others, and their subconscious will naturally draw them towards these people making them fall in love with the one that matches the most specifications on their Lovemap.

This is the reason why people fall in love and can’t quite figure out why they fell in love with that person. Our Lovemap basically works in the background making judgments about the people that we interact with – all of this without us realizing it’s actually happening.

This Is Where a Lot of People Go Wrong

Most people have the idea that to make someone fall in love with them, they should be reading guides and books on how to dress, talk, and flirt with the opposite ex.

Although being able to do these kinds of things properly does add to a person’s level of attractiveness, if they broke an important Lovemap specification of the person, they will most likley never be able to make him or her fall in love with them …no matter how well they dress or flirt with them..

You also need to remember that you not only have to match the specifications that the person is looking for in a future spouse but also to avoid matching the specifications in their Lovemap that turn them off (like in the case above with the person who is turned off by people who drink too much). This will take a bit of research on your part, but if you do it properly, you won’t just have a person attracted to you …but instead that person will be subconsciously programmed to see you as THE ONE.

I Don’t Think I’m Attractive Enough for the Person!

Some of you might ask:

“What if the person I like is looking for someone who’s really good looking and I’m just an average-looking person?” Does this mean that making them fall in love me is never going to happen?”

Absolutely not and here’s why …

When someone puts more emphasis on good looks, the reality is that they actually don’t really want someone with good looks at all … but instead they’re looking to satisfy another unmet specification on their Lovemap which is unrelated to a person’s looks.

When a person fusses about looking for a partner who’s very attractive, it’s more likely that they only want someone good looking because they:

  • Want to be thought of as cool
  • Want to be admired
  • Don’t think they are attractive themselves

The above three unmet needs (or even just one of them) is recognized by their subconscious and so their subconscious mind reasons that if they were to get someone who is good-looking, it would be an indirect way of fixing that unmet need.

Let’s say that there’s a need for the person to be admired. We don’t know if there was something that happened in his or her past that gave them the need to feel wanted or admired. It could be that:

  • They didn’t have many friends in school
  • They were neglected when they were a child
  • They feel inferior to other people and they feel that getting a good looking partner would be able to compensate for this

The reality though is that getting someone who is good-looking is only ONE way of fixing this unmet need. If they were to fix this unmet need via another means, they would no longer put as much weight on the idea that they must get with someone that’s good-looking. And so, the “necessity” of getting someone that’s good looking becomes obsolete. If the person has a need to feel admired – look for ways to make them feel admired. If the person feels neglected – look for ways to make them feel wanted.

If you think that there’s one component in that person’s Lovemap that’s an obstacle for you and you feel like you can’t satisfy it then look for a different way around it. This way, you can provide him or her with the same feeling even if you don’t necessarily have the actual thing itself.

Is it Ethical to Manipulate Love?

If we’re talking about whether tricking the person you like into loving you is ethical or not, then I think it depends on the situation. If you genuinely love the person and intend on treating them well …then giving them a push to make them fall in love with you is in my opinion an ethical thing to do.

However, if you’re trying to use this information to make someone fall in love with you just to stroke your ego or get them into bed …then you’re clearly crossing the line and using this information to make them fall in love with you is clearly unethical. Ultimately, how a person uses this information depends on the character of that person.

John Alex Clark
About the Author: John Alex Clark


John Alex Clark is a Relationship Coach & NLP Practitioner from Dublin Ireland. He is also an entrepreneur, a motivational speaker, and an author. 

His background in relationship coaching, neuro-linguistic-programming, science, psychology and perhaps most importantly – innovation …have created a unique skill-set which he has concentrated mainly in the field of love psychology. He is recognized as the worlds leading expert in the field of Lovemaps (the field of study into how to make someone fall in love with you).

He is the founder of the relationship advice website and is the author of the two best-selling relationship programs:

•   THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology; and

•   THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology

His book THE LOVEMAP CODE is the first book to be released on the topic of Lovemaps since Dr. John Moneys (the man who coined the term Lovemap) death in 2006 and marks a major step forward in our understanding of this field.

You can find John Alex at, and check out the main sections of his website “How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You” and “How To Fall Out Of Love With Someone” …and learn more about him at About Me.



Ellen Ford

I think you’re about eleven eggs shy of a dozen on ethics here. First, the fact that you “intend on treating them well” when you’re in the early stages of infatuation means almost nothing–the road to hell is well-paved. (After all, who doesn’t intend to behave well when newly in love?) If we later start behaving badly to another person, we generally rationalize our actions because we’ve been hurt or disappointed, and feel they owed us better.
Second, and more importantly, a suggestion that you present what will successfully fit the love map of the desired person skips right over the issue of what is true. You can present yourself as someone who has little respect or time for heavy drinkers, and you can hide your genuine drinking pattern for quite awhile–especially when in the throes of love or infatuation. However, it’s not unreasonable for the object of your affection to want to be with someone who genuinely does not want to have an extra drink, even when not on their best behavior. Manipulating based on Love Maps classically invites deception.
At the same time, your explanation of how individual history affects Love Maps is over simplistic to the point that it will be, very often, wrong. The notion that children of alcoholics or fighters would be “Love Mapped” to avoid these behaviors seems sensible, but is hugely inaccurate. So figuring out how to manipulate based on your analysis is likely to send readers back to square one, scratching their heads and wondering “why didn’t it work?” Anyway. Maybe no harm done.
E Ford


Hi, I was wondering, I have been in a FWB relationship for 6months, we broke up because he didn’t want to hurt me more as I fall deeper and deeper in love with him. He says he wants to love me but he can’t because he only falls in love at first sight, thats what he had with his ex, his first and only love of 4 years. However how can he say he tried if we never met outside the bedroom.
I really want him back, but don’t know what I should do, can I convince him that he didn’t try and actually give me a real shot, he says himself im perfect for him and he thinks im gorgeous so its not that he is saying that but doesn’t find me attractive 🙁

Hey Sigmund

Kelsey I can hear how much he means to you. The thing is, he has told you really clearly how he feels – believe him. I’m sure he things your gorgeous and wonderful, but he has made it clear that he doesn’t love you and doesn’t see himself loving you. If he wanted to try outside the bedroom he would have – but he hasn’t. If he came back to you, you might stay together for a while longer but you don’t want to be with someone who is in like-a-lot with you. You deserve so more than that. Let him go and find the one who is waiting to fall in love with you. He’s there – give him the chance to find you.


Thank you for your reaction and expertise advice and I understand when you say let him go.

But it feels like its impossible if I where still to want to try, because I do, I do not fall in love easily, and when I do I fall really deeply, circumstances have also changed. He was gotten his own studio instead of living at home and during our time together he got sent away quite often for several weeks at a time for his job since he is in the military. I really want him back, but I want him to fall in love this time around, I just need to know if its possible or not.. Im trying the no contact rule, hoping that will work. The hope that it could is what keeps me going and gets me out my bed to do things. You can’t force love, but can you aid it?

Hey Sigmund

You can aid love but only when it wants to be and only when it is moving in both directions. Otherwise it’s trying to fuel something that isn’t there to begin with. There is a difference between aiding love and hanging on for dear life to something which is trying to let go of you. I know how much you want him to love you, and it is likely that you won’t be ready to let go of this for a while. That’s okay, but make a really strong, clear decision around how long you will keep trying before you let him go. Otherwise, you will be living in hope and tortured by the reality for too long.
You are doing the right thing with the no contact rule. He knows how to get in touch with you and he knows how you feel. If he wants to get in touch with you, he knows where you are.
You are going through an emotional and physical withdrawal at the moment, so everything in you will be telling you that you can’t let go and that he is the one. Don’t buy into this. Here is an article that will explain what you are going through
I imagine if you listened really hard to yourself, you would have a sense of whether you should let go or whether you should keep trying to encourage him to want to be with you. Listen to that voice. It’s your own wisdom and it contains great insight. If you want to keep fighting for him, keep doing that, but there are so many people out there who would fall madly in love with the person you are. Don’t let the one who doesn’t want to return you love, keep you from the one who will.


Long and well written post about using psychology to make a person fall in love. I liked the point about attractiveness the most. I don’t think it is all about looks and being attractive.


Hey so I’m 24 and I have been in a relationship with my baby mom for 6,years and before I went to prison in 2016 we was inseparable we dominated the game we really loved each other and we got into a fight and we broke up well I had sex with someone else and I went to prison for 18_months during that time I tried to contact her and she want having it. Over this course she got into another relationship and almost had a baby but miscarried and then I was released and we fellvaprat we hung out one time and fell back unlocked or so I thought but our relationship was based on drugs and when I got out we both did things to each other that are both on both ends and white we was going this she got pregnant by me and we had a baby but I went to prison forna year and just got out three days ago but she is in another relationship and doesn’t wanna be with him but says she wants to be with me but still talks tovhim and hamgs out with him and stuff what should I do


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During adolescence, our teens are more likely to pay attention to the positives of a situation over the negatives. This can be a great thing. The courage that comes from this will help them try new things, explore their independence, and learn the things they need to learn to be happy, healthy adults. But it can also land them in bucketloads of trouble. 

Here’s the thing. Our teens don’t want to do the wrong thing and they don’t want to go behind our backs, but they also don’t want to be controlled by us, or have any sense that we might be stifling their way towards independence. The cold truth of it all is that if they want something badly enough, and if they feel as though we are intruding or that we are making arbitrary decisions just because we can, or that we don’t get how important something is to them, they have the will, the smarts and the means to do it with or without or approval. 

So what do we do? Of course we don’t want to say ‘yes’ to everything, so our job becomes one of influence over control. To keep them as safe as we can, rather than saying ‘no’ (which they might ignore anyway) we want to engage their prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) so they can be more considered in their decision making. 

Our teens are very capable of making good decisions, but because the rational, logical, thinking prefrontal cortex won’t be fully online until their 20s (closer to 30 in boys), we need to wake it up and bring it to the decision party whenever we can. 

Do this by first softening the landing:
‘I can see how important this is for you. You really want to be with your friends. I absolutely get that.’
Then, gently bring that thinking brain to the table:
‘It sounds as though there’s so much to love in this for you. I don’t want to get in your way but I need to know you’ve thought about the risks and planned for them. What are some things that could go wrong?’
Then, we really make the prefrontal cortex kick up a gear by engaging its problem solving capacities:
‘What’s the plan if that happens.’
Remember, during adolescence we switch from managers to consultants. Assume a leadership presence, but in a way that is warm, loving, and collaborative.♥️
Big feelings and big behaviour are a call for us to come closer. They won’t always feel like that, but they are. Not ‘closer’ in an intrusive ‘I need you to stop this’ way, but closer in a ‘I’ve got you, I can handle all of you’ kind of way - no judgement, no need for you to be different - I’m just going to make space for this feeling to find its way through. 

Our kids and teens are no different to us. When we have feelings that fill us to overloaded, the last thing we need is someone telling us that it’s not the way to behave, or to calm down, or that we’re unbearable when we’re like this. Nup. What we need, and what they need, is a safe place to find our out breath, to let the energy connected to that feeling move through us and out of us so we can rest. 
But how? First, don’t take big feelings personally. They aren’t a reflection on you, your parenting, or your child. Big feelings have wisdom contained in them about what’s needed more, or less, or what feels intolerable right now. Sometimes it might be as basic as a sleep or food. Maybe more power, influence, independence, or connection with you. Maybe there’s too much stress and it’s hitting their ceiling and ricocheting off their edges. Like all wisdom, it doesn’t always find a gentle way through. That’s okay, that will come. Our kids can’t learn to manage big feelings, or respect the wisdom embodied in those big feelings if they don’t have experience with big feelings. 
We also need to make sure we are responding to them in the moment, not a fear or an inherited ‘should’ of our own. These are the messages we swallowed whole at some point - ‘happy kids should never get sad or angry’, ‘kids should always behave,’ ‘I should be able to protect my kids from feeling bad,’ ‘big feelings are bad feelings’, ‘bad behaviour means bad kids, which means bad parents.’ All these shoulds are feisty show ponies that assume more ‘rightness’ than they deserve. They are usually historic, and when we really examine them, they’re also irrelevant.
Finally, try not to let the symptoms of big feelings disrupt the connection. Then, when calm comes, we will have the influence we need for the conversations that matter.
"Be patient. We don’t know what we want to do or who we want to be. That feels really bad sometimes. Just keep reminding us that it’s okay that we don’t have it all figured out yet, and maybe remind yourself sometimes too."

 #parentingteens #neurodevelopment #positiveparenting #parenting #neuronurtured #braindevelopment #adolescence  #neurodevelopment #parentingteens
Would you be more likely to take advice from someone who listened to you first, or someone who insisted they knew best and worked hard to convince you? Our teens are just like us. If we want them to consider our advice and be open to our influence, making sure they feel heard is so important. Being right doesn't count for much at all if we aren't being heard.
Hear what they think, what they want, why they think they're right, and why it’s important to them. Sometimes we'll want to change our mind, and sometimes we'll want to stand firm. When they feel fully heard, it’s more likely that they’ll be able to trust that our decisions or advice are given fully informed and with all of their needs considered. And we all need that.

 #positiveparenting #parenting #parenthood #neuronurtured #childdevelopment #adolescence 
"We’re pretty sure that when you say no to something it’s because you don’t understand why it’s so important to us. Of course you’ll need to say 'no' sometimes, and if you do, let us know that you understand the importance of whatever it is we’re asking for. It will make your ‘no’ much easier to accept. We need to know that you get it. Listen to what we have to say and ask questions to understand, not to prove us wrong. We’re not trying to control you or manipulate you. Some things might not seem important to you but if we’re asking, they’re really important to us.❤️" 
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