How to Make a Person Fall In Love With You – Using Psychology (by John Alex Clark)

How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You - Using Psychology
By John Alex Clark

Not everyone knows what a Lovemap is. It’s a field of study that mostly only people within psychology circles know about. However, analyzing someone’s Lovemap and understanding how it works is essential in trying to make that person fall in love you.

Dr. John Money, a famous American psychologist of Johns Hopkins University, first coined the term Lovemap in 1980. It is used to explain the code which is inside a human’s mind that causes them to fall in love with another person. In this article, I am going to show you how to use this to make a specific person you like fall in love with you.

What is This Code, Exactly?

As a person grows, little by little, he or she forms a subconscious guide to his or her ideal future partner. They begin to develop subliminal preference towards specific qualities and traits in the opposite sex.

Everything from our:

  • Parents
  • Experiences
  • Culture
  • Worries
  • Fears

… influence, one way or another, our subliminal guide that is also known as “Lovemap”.

As an example, people who are shy have a high tendency to become attracted to people who exude confidence as their potential future spouse. These people’s subconscious reason that getting married to someone who has traits which they lack will make them complete.

Another example is if someone grows up without having a lot of money, they will naturally feel attracted to people who have more money than them. Subconsciously, they think that being with that kind of person will fulfill an aspect of their life that they lack.

This is how a person’s Lovemap operates. When there are enough specifications of a person’s Lovemap that are met, the person will consequently fall in love with them.

Use This If You Want Someone to Fall In Love With You

If you learned the specifications that are on the Lovemap of the person you want to fall in love with you, you can use this information to help you make him or her fall for you. There are two core things you need to keep in mind when matching someone’s Lovemap like this:

  • Negative Lovemap Specifications:

    If you learned that the parents of the person you like regularly fight with each other because one of them drinks a lot, then you should realize that he or she will never be impressed if he or she finds out that you like to have one too many drinks every weekend. So you should display to this type of person that you have little time or respect for people who drink too much. By doing this, you will have displayed to their subconscious mind that you are a match for their Lovemap (at least in this one regard).

  • Positive Lovemap Specifications:

    On the other hand, if the one you like grew up in an environment where their parents gave them a lot of affection, they’re more likely to be attracted to people who can be as affectionate as their parents. This is what they’re likely to look for in their future spouse. So, in such a situation if you were to display little affection to your own family, then their subconscious probably won’t see you as a perfect match to their Lovemap.

It’s important to take note that all of these happened at the subconscious level. The person wont be consciously aware of the specification that are on their own Lovemap. All that will happen is that from their interaction with different people, their subconscious will recognise that some people are a better match for them than others, and their subconscious will naturally draw them towards these people making them fall in love with the one that matches the most specifications on their Lovemap.

This is the reason why people fall in love and can’t quite figure out why they fell in love with that person. Our Lovemap basically works in the background making judgments about the people that we interact with – all of this without us realizing it’s actually happening.

This Is Where a Lot of People Go Wrong

Most people have the idea that to make someone fall in love with them, they should be reading guides and books on how to dress, talk, and flirt with the opposite ex.

Although being able to do these kinds of things properly does add to a person’s level of attractiveness, if they broke an important Lovemap specification of the person, they will most likley never be able to make him or her fall in love with them …no matter how well they dress or flirt with them..

You also need to remember that you not only have to match the specifications that the person is looking for in a future spouse but also to avoid matching the specifications in their Lovemap that turn them off (like in the case above with the person who is turned off by people who drink too much). This will take a bit of research on your part, but if you do it properly, you won’t just have a person attracted to you …but instead that person will be subconsciously programmed to see you as THE ONE.

I Don’t Think I’m Attractive Enough for the Person!

Some of you might ask:

“What if the person I like is looking for someone who’s really good looking and I’m just an average-looking person?” Does this mean that making them fall in love me is never going to happen?”

Absolutely not and here’s why …

When someone puts more emphasis on good looks, the reality is that they actually don’t really want someone with good looks at all … but instead they’re looking to satisfy another unmet specification on their Lovemap which is unrelated to a person’s looks.

When a person fusses about looking for a partner who’s very attractive, it’s more likely that they only want someone good looking because they:

  • Want to be thought of as cool
  • Want to be admired
  • Don’t think they are attractive themselves

The above three unmet needs (or even just one of them) is recognized by their subconscious and so their subconscious mind reasons that if they were to get someone who is good-looking, it would be an indirect way of fixing that unmet need.

Let’s say that there’s a need for the person to be admired. We don’t know if there was something that happened in his or her past that gave them the need to feel wanted or admired. It could be that:

  • They didn’t have many friends in school
  • They were neglected when they were a child
  • They feel inferior to other people and they feel that getting a good looking partner would be able to compensate for this

The reality though is that getting someone who is good-looking is only ONE way of fixing this unmet need. If they were to fix this unmet need via another means, they would no longer put as much weight on the idea that they must get with someone that’s good-looking. And so, the “necessity” of getting someone that’s good looking becomes obsolete. If the person has a need to feel admired – look for ways to make them feel admired. If the person feels neglected – look for ways to make them feel wanted.

If you think that there’s one component in that person’s Lovemap that’s an obstacle for you and you feel like you can’t satisfy it then look for a different way around it. This way, you can provide him or her with the same feeling even if you don’t necessarily have the actual thing itself.

Is it Ethical to Manipulate Love?

If we’re talking about whether tricking the person you like into loving you is ethical or not, then I think it depends on the situation. If you genuinely love the person and intend on treating them well …then giving them a push to make them fall in love with you is in my opinion an ethical thing to do.

However, if you’re trying to use this information to make someone fall in love with you just to stroke your ego or get them into bed …then you’re clearly crossing the line and using this information to make them fall in love with you is clearly unethical. Ultimately, how a person uses this information depends on the character of that person.

John Alex Clark
About the Author: John Alex Clark


John Alex Clark is a Relationship Coach & NLP Practitioner from Dublin Ireland. He is also an entrepreneur, a motivational speaker, and an author. 

His background in relationship coaching, neuro-linguistic-programming, science, psychology and perhaps most importantly – innovation …have created a unique skill-set which he has concentrated mainly in the field of love psychology. He is recognized as the worlds leading expert in the field of Lovemaps (the field of study into how to make someone fall in love with you).

He is the founder of the relationship advice website and is the author of the two best-selling relationship programs:

•   THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology; and

•   THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology

His book THE LOVEMAP CODE is the first book to be released on the topic of Lovemaps since Dr. John Moneys (the man who coined the term Lovemap) death in 2006 and marks a major step forward in our understanding of this field.

You can find John Alex at, and check out the main sections of his website “How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You” and “How To Fall Out Of Love With Someone” …and learn more about him at About Me.




Hey so I’m 24 and I have been in a relationship with my baby mom for 6,years and before I went to prison in 2016 we was inseparable we dominated the game we really loved each other and we got into a fight and we broke up well I had sex with someone else and I went to prison for 18_months during that time I tried to contact her and she want having it. Over this course she got into another relationship and almost had a baby but miscarried and then I was released and we fellvaprat we hung out one time and fell back unlocked or so I thought but our relationship was based on drugs and when I got out we both did things to each other that are both on both ends and white we was going this she got pregnant by me and we had a baby but I went to prison forna year and just got out three days ago but she is in another relationship and doesn’t wanna be with him but says she wants to be with me but still talks tovhim and hamgs out with him and stuff what should I do


Long and well written post about using psychology to make a person fall in love. I liked the point about attractiveness the most. I don’t think it is all about looks and being attractive.


Hi, I was wondering, I have been in a FWB relationship for 6months, we broke up because he didn’t want to hurt me more as I fall deeper and deeper in love with him. He says he wants to love me but he can’t because he only falls in love at first sight, thats what he had with his ex, his first and only love of 4 years. However how can he say he tried if we never met outside the bedroom.
I really want him back, but don’t know what I should do, can I convince him that he didn’t try and actually give me a real shot, he says himself im perfect for him and he thinks im gorgeous so its not that he is saying that but doesn’t find me attractive 🙁

Hey Sigmund

Kelsey I can hear how much he means to you. The thing is, he has told you really clearly how he feels – believe him. I’m sure he things your gorgeous and wonderful, but he has made it clear that he doesn’t love you and doesn’t see himself loving you. If he wanted to try outside the bedroom he would have – but he hasn’t. If he came back to you, you might stay together for a while longer but you don’t want to be with someone who is in like-a-lot with you. You deserve so more than that. Let him go and find the one who is waiting to fall in love with you. He’s there – give him the chance to find you.


Thank you for your reaction and expertise advice and I understand when you say let him go.

But it feels like its impossible if I where still to want to try, because I do, I do not fall in love easily, and when I do I fall really deeply, circumstances have also changed. He was gotten his own studio instead of living at home and during our time together he got sent away quite often for several weeks at a time for his job since he is in the military. I really want him back, but I want him to fall in love this time around, I just need to know if its possible or not.. Im trying the no contact rule, hoping that will work. The hope that it could is what keeps me going and gets me out my bed to do things. You can’t force love, but can you aid it?

Hey Sigmund

You can aid love but only when it wants to be and only when it is moving in both directions. Otherwise it’s trying to fuel something that isn’t there to begin with. There is a difference between aiding love and hanging on for dear life to something which is trying to let go of you. I know how much you want him to love you, and it is likely that you won’t be ready to let go of this for a while. That’s okay, but make a really strong, clear decision around how long you will keep trying before you let him go. Otherwise, you will be living in hope and tortured by the reality for too long.
You are doing the right thing with the no contact rule. He knows how to get in touch with you and he knows how you feel. If he wants to get in touch with you, he knows where you are.
You are going through an emotional and physical withdrawal at the moment, so everything in you will be telling you that you can’t let go and that he is the one. Don’t buy into this. Here is an article that will explain what you are going through
I imagine if you listened really hard to yourself, you would have a sense of whether you should let go or whether you should keep trying to encourage him to want to be with you. Listen to that voice. It’s your own wisdom and it contains great insight. If you want to keep fighting for him, keep doing that, but there are so many people out there who would fall madly in love with the person you are. Don’t let the one who doesn’t want to return you love, keep you from the one who will.

Ellen Ford

I think you’re about eleven eggs shy of a dozen on ethics here. First, the fact that you “intend on treating them well” when you’re in the early stages of infatuation means almost nothing–the road to hell is well-paved. (After all, who doesn’t intend to behave well when newly in love?) If we later start behaving badly to another person, we generally rationalize our actions because we’ve been hurt or disappointed, and feel they owed us better.
Second, and more importantly, a suggestion that you present what will successfully fit the love map of the desired person skips right over the issue of what is true. You can present yourself as someone who has little respect or time for heavy drinkers, and you can hide your genuine drinking pattern for quite awhile–especially when in the throes of love or infatuation. However, it’s not unreasonable for the object of your affection to want to be with someone who genuinely does not want to have an extra drink, even when not on their best behavior. Manipulating based on Love Maps classically invites deception.
At the same time, your explanation of how individual history affects Love Maps is over simplistic to the point that it will be, very often, wrong. The notion that children of alcoholics or fighters would be “Love Mapped” to avoid these behaviors seems sensible, but is hugely inaccurate. So figuring out how to manipulate based on your analysis is likely to send readers back to square one, scratching their heads and wondering “why didn’t it work?” Anyway. Maybe no harm done.
E Ford


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Follow Hey Sigmund on Instagram

Growth doesn’t always announce itself in ways that feel safe or invited. Often, it can leave us exhausted and confused and with dirt in our pores from the fury of the battle. It is this way for all of us, our children too. 

The truth of it all is that we are all born with a profound and immense capacity to rise through challenges, changes and heartache. There is something else we are born with too, and it is the capacity to add softness, strength, and safety for each other when the movement towards growth feels too big. Not always by finding the answer, but by being it - just by being - safe, warm, vulnerable, real. As it turns out, sometimes, this is the richest source of growth for all of us.
When the world feel sunsettled, the ripple can reach the hearts, minds and spirits of kids and teens whether or not they are directly affected. As the important adult in the life of any child or teen, you have a profound capacity to give them what they need to steady their world again.

When their fears are really big, such as the death of a parent, being alone in the world, being separated from people they love, children might put this into something else. 

This can also happen because they can’t always articulate the fear. Emotional ‘experiences’ don’t lay in the brain as words, they lay down as images and sensory experiences. This is why smells and sounds can trigger anxiety, even if they aren’t connected to a scary experience. The ‘experiences’ also don’t need to be theirs. Hearing ‘about’ is enough.

The content of the fear might seem irrational but the feeling will be valid. Think of it as the feeling being the part that needs you. Their anxiety, sadness, anger (which happens to hold down other more vulnerable emotions) needs to be seen, held, contained and soothed, so they can feel safe again - and you have so much power to make that happen. 

‘I can see how worried you are. There are some big things happening in the world at the moment, but my darling, you are safe. I promise. You are so safe.’ 

If they have been through something big, the truth is that they have been through something frightening AND they are safe, ‘We’re going through some big things and it can be confusing and scary. We’ll get through this. It’s okay to feel scared or sad or angry. Whatever you feel is okay, and I’m here and I love you and we are safe. We can get through anything together.’
I love being a parent. I love it with every part of my being and more than I ever thought I could love anything. Honestly though, nothing has brought out my insecurities or vulnerabilities as much. This is so normal. Confusing, and normal. 

However many children we have, and whatever age they are, each child and each new stage will bring something new for us to learn. It will always be this way. Our children will each do life differently, and along the way we will need to adapt and bend ourselves around their path to light their way as best we can. But we won't do this perfectly, because we can't always know what mountains they'll need to climb, or what dragons they'll need to slay. We won't always know what they’ll need, and we won't always be able to give it. We don't need to. But we'll want to. Sometimes we’ll ache because of this and we’ll blame ourselves for not being ‘enough’. Sometimes we won't. This is the vulnerability that comes with parenting. 

We love them so much, and that never changes, but the way we feel about parenting might change a thousand times before breakfast. Parenting is tough. It's worth every second - every second - but it's tough. Great parents can feel everything, and sometimes it can turn from moment to moment - loving, furious, resentful, compassionate, gentle, tough, joyful, selfish, confused and wise - all of it. Great parents can feel all of it.

Because parenting is pure joy, but not always. We are strong, nurturing, selfless, loving, but not always. Parents aren't perfect. Love isn't perfect. And it was meant to be. We’re raising humans - real ones, with feelings, who don't need to be perfect, and wont  need others to be perfect. Humans who can be kind to others, and to themselves first. But they will learn this from us. Parenting is the role which needs us to be our most human, beautifully imperfect, flawed, vulnerable selves. Let's not judge ourselves for our shortcomings and the imperfections, and the necessary human-ness of us.❤️
The behaviour that comes with separation anxiety is the symptom not the problem. To strengthen children against separation anxiety, we have to respond at the source – the felt sense of separation from you.

Whenever there is separation from an attachment person, there will be always be anxiety unless there is at least one of 2 things: attachment with another trusted, adult; or a felt sense of you holding on to them, even when you aren’t beside them. 

If separation is the problem, connection has to be the solution. The connection can be with any loving adult, but it needs more than an adult being present. Just because there is another adult in the room, doesn’t mean your child will experience a deep sense of safety with that adult. This doesn’t mean the adult isn’t safe - it’s about what the brain perceives, and that brain is looking for a deep, felt sense of safety. This will come from the presence of an adult who, through their strong, loving presence, shows the child their abundant intention to care for them, and their joy in doing so. The joy in caretaking is important. It lets the child rest from seeking the adult’s care because there will be a sense that the adult wants it enough for both.

This can be helped along by showing your young one that you trust the adult to love and care for your child and keep him or her safe in your absence: ‘I know [important adult] loves you and is going to take such good care of you.’ This doesn’t mean children will instantly feel the attachment, but the path towards that will be more illuminated.

To help them feel you holding on even when you aren’t with them, let them know you’ll be thinking of them and can’t wait to be with them again. I used to tell my daughter that every 15 seconds, my mind makes sure it knows where she is. Think of this as ‘taking over’ their worry. ‘You don’t have to worry about you or me because I’m taking care of both of us – every 15 seconds.’ This might also look like giving them something of yours to hold on to while you’re gone – a scarf, a note. You will always be their favourite way to safety, but you can’t be everywhere. Another loving adult or the felt presence of you will help them rest.
Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say or whether to say anything at all. It doesn’t matter if the ‘right’ words aren’t there, because often there no right words. There are also no wrong ones. Often it’s not even about the words. Your presence, your attention, the sound of your voice - they all help to soften the hard edges of the world. Humans have been talking for as long as we’ve had heartbeats and there’s a reason for this. Talking heals. 

It helps to connect the emotional right brain with the logical left. This gives context and shape to feelings and helps them feel contained, which lets those feelings soften. 

You don’t need to fix anything and you don’t need to have all the answers. Even if the words land differently to the way you expected, you can clean it up once it’s out there. What’s important is opening the space for conversation, which opens the way to you. Try, ‘I’m wondering how you’re doing with everything. Would you like to talk?’ 

And let them take the lead. Some days they’ll want to talk about ‘it’ and some days they’ll want to talk about anything but. Whether it’s to distract from the mess of it all or to go deeper into it so they can carve their way through the feeling to the calm on the other side, healing will come. So ask, ‘Do you want to talk about ‘it’ or do you want to talk about something else? Because I’m here for both.’ ♥️
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins
Error: Access Token is not valid or has expired. Feed will not update.

Pin It on Pinterest