karenyoung_heysigmund
Approval, independence, autonomy, are valid needs for all of us. When a need is hungry enough we will be driven to meet it however we can. For our children, this might look like turning away from us and towards others who might be more ready to meet the need, or just taking.
If they don’t feel they can rest in our love, leadership, approval, they will seek this more from peers. There is no problem with this, but we don’t want them solely reliant on peers for these. It can make them vulnerable to making bad decisions, so as not to lose the approval or ‘everythingness’ of those peers.
If we don’t give enough freedom, they might take that freedom through defiance, secrecy, the forbidden. If we control them, they might seek more to control others, or to let others make the decisions that should be theirs.
All kids will mess up, take risks, keep secrets, and do things that baffle us sometimes. What’s important is, ‘Do they turn to us when they need to, enough?’ The ‘turning to’ starts with trusting that we are interested in supporting all their needs, not just the ones that suit us. Of course this doesn’t mean we will meet every need. It means we’ve shown them that their needs are important to us too, even though sometimes ours will be bigger (such as our need to keep them safe).
They will learn safe and healthy ways to meet their needs, by first having them met by us. This doesn’t mean granting full independence, full freedom, and full approval. What it means is holding them safely while also letting them feel enough of our approval, our willingness to support their independence, freedom, autonomy, and be heard on things that matter to them.
There’s no clear line with this. Some days they’ll want independence. Some days they won’t. Some days they’ll seek our approval. Some days they won’t care for it at all, especially if it means compromising the approval of peers. The challenge for us is knowing when to hold them closer and when to give space, when to hold the boundary and when to release it a little, when to collide and when to step out of the way. If we watch and listen, they will show us. And just like them, we won’t need to get it right all the time.♥️
Nicki A W (verified owner) –
This book gives an excellent explanation of the anxiety my 10 year old grandson is experiencing. He has named the plushie “Blue”. We are also practicing the coping strategies. Love all this material!
Peter S –
These books are truly wonderful! And the plush is my daughters favorite. (she calls him “Ang-zitty” and brings him and hands him to me or my wife to hug whenever either of us gets upset. 🙂 Thanks!
Sophie (verified owner) –
This was such a great recommendation! It really helped my daughter to better understand her anxiety and to feel more normal about it and in control of it. Thank you!!
Jodi H (verified owner) –
After discovering Hey Warrior at the library, I simply had to buy our own copy. The best explanation of anxiety for kids (and older) that I’ve found. Gentle and beautiful, without blame or shame, and it plants the seed that anxiety can be reduced, we can have some control.
Colleen M. (verified owner) –
I have experienced panic and anxiety, and I was noticing similar behavior patterns in my daughter such as withdrawal and worry. I gave the stuffy to my daughter I was a bit concerned about. I showed her how to use proper breathing using the stuffy on her stomach as suggested.
I gave the book to all three of my 6-year-olds — yes, I’ve got triplets! They love science so the thorough biological explanations of fight and flight weren’t lost on them. This is a valuable tool for all children. My greatest take-away was to continue to explain to my children that they can teach themselves when to ignore fear and when to listen to it.
Deborah Mc (verified owner) –
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and am using this book and plush toy with my young clients who struggle with anxious feelings. It is well written and so helpful to explain what is happening in their brains.
Jodi (verified owner) –
The book, plush Amygdala toy and strategies taught in the book have been really helpful for my 5yo daughter as she faces separation anxiety. Such a great concept and way to support children to understand and manage the uncomfortable feelings that come with anxiety. Thank you.
Dan P (verified owner) –
Really lovely and thoughtful book. Provides loads of child appropriate information and is incredibly insightful for parents too. 8yo daughter really liked reading it along with the soft toy.
Tracey (verified owner) –
Sent it to my nephew and he is 10. He thought the books was great and he sleeps with the plushy! Thanks for providing such a supportive, educational and comforting gift!
Sami, Xavier, and Revan (verified owner) –
Our family love this! My boys are 7.5 and 5.75 and we have been talking about their amygdala and being brave and helping soothe their over-reactive amygdalas if needed. Letting their brain know they are safe. It’s been amazing.
Mary T (verified owner) –
My 7 year daughter absolutely loves the stuffed animal warrior, she even packs it in her backpack everyday! We have learned so much by reading “Hey Warrior”. She is discovering how to be brave through this book. Thank you!!!
Jen T (verified owner) –
My 8 year old daughter really resonated with the scientific explanation of anxiety. She is so proud of her stuffy Amygdala and shows it to her friends and explains what it does. We ordered a book and stuffy set for her best friend too!
Amanda –
Fantastic book (and such a sweet stuffed “Warrior”)! My nine year old daughter and I have read the book together many times and she has shared it with many important people in her life.