Welcome to The Sunroom

The Sunroom (For You)

The Sun Room celebrates the many different versions of human and as we do that, nothing is off limits. Anything you’ve wondered, noticed or wanted to understand – we’ll deal with it. If there isn’t the answer to your question, let me know. As part of the member’s home, I will be answering real questions, from real people. Ask me anything. Anything! We won’t give any names – none. If we needed the world to know your name, we’d at least write it on a coffee cup with something smooth and delicious inside. 

Being HumanThe ups and downs of everyday life.

A Beautiful MindStrengthening mind, body, and spirit.

AnxietyProven strategies for calmer, braver living.

DepressionStrengthening against, and healing from depression.

With KidsRaising children who are happy, emotionally healthy, strong, confident, and brave.

With TeensUnderstanding your adolescent, strengthening your connection, helping them thrive.

With OthersBeing with friends, family, intimate others. Building intimacy and connection. When relationships break.

Difficult RelationshipsDealing with difficult relationships – work, family, exes, frenemies, toxic people, relationships you can’t walk away from – but wish you could.

The Sunroom - Real Questions Answered

Real Questions AnsweredAsk me anything. Real questions from real people.

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karenyoung_heysigmund

It’s the simple things that are everything. We know play, conversation, micro-connections, predictability, and having a responsive reliable relationship with at least one loving adult, can make the most profound difference in buffering and absorbing the sharp edges of the world. Not all children will get this at home. Many are receiving it from childcare or school. It all matters - so much.

But simple isn’t always easy.

Even for children from safe, loving, homes with engaged, loving parent/s there is so much now that can swallow our kids whole if we let it - the unsafe corners of the internet; screen time that intrudes on play, connection, stillness, sleep, and joy; social media that force feeds unsafe ideas of ‘normal’, and algorithms that hijack the way they see the world.

They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be enough. Enough to balance what they’re getting fed when they aren’t with us. Enough talking to them, playing with them, laughing with them, noticing them, enjoying them, loving and leading them. Not all the time. Just enough of the time.

But first, we might have to actively protect the time when screens, social media, and the internet are out of their reach. Sometimes we’ll need to do this even when they fight hard against it.

We don’t need them to agree with us. We just need to hear their anger or upset when we change what they’ve become used to. ‘I know you don’t want this and I know you’re angry at me for reducing your screen time. And it’s happening. You can be annoyed, and we’re still [putting phones and iPads in the basket from 5pm] (or whatever your new rules are).’♥️

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Nov 23

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18080770460136641
It’s the simple things that are everything. We know play, conversation, micro-connections, predictability, and having a responsive reliable relationship with at least one loving adult, can make the most profound difference in buffering and absorbing the sharp edges of the world. Not all children will get this at home. Many are receiving it from childcare or school. It all matters - so much. But simple isn’t always easy. Even for children from safe, loving, homes with engaged, loving parent/s there is so much now that can swallow our kids whole if we let it - the unsafe corners of the internet; screen time that intrudes on play, connection, stillness, sleep, and joy; social media that force feeds unsafe ideas of ‘normal’, and algorithms that hijack the way they see the world. They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be enough. Enough to balance what they’re getting fed when they aren’t with us. Enough talking to them, playing with them, laughing with them, noticing them, enjoying them, loving and leading them. Not all the time. Just enough of the time. But first, we might have to actively protect the time when screens, social media, and the internet are out of their reach. Sometimes we’ll need to do this even when they fight hard against it. We don’t need them to agree with us. We just need to hear their anger or upset when we change what they’ve become used to. ‘I know you don’t want this and I know you’re angry at me for reducing your screen time. And it’s happening. You can be annoyed, and we’re still [putting phones and iPads in the basket from 5pm] (or whatever your new rules are).’♥️

karenyoung_heysigmund

What if schools could see every ‘difficult’ child as a child who feels unsafe? Everything would change. Everything.♥️

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Nov 17

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18083773586094765
What if schools could see every ‘difficult’ child as a child who feels unsafe? Everything would change. Everything.♥️

karenyoung_heysigmund

Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’

Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️

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Oct 22

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18077374403118466
Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’ Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️

karenyoung_heysigmund

Anxiety is driven by a lack of certainty about safety. It doesn’t mean they aren’t safe, and it certainly doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means they don’t feel safe enough - yet.

The question isn’t, ‘How do we fix them?’ They aren’t broken.

It’s, ‘How do we fix what’s happening around them to help them feel so they can feel safe enough to be brave enough?’

How can we make the environment feel safer? Sensory accommodations? Relational safety?

Or if the environment is as safe as we can make it, how can we show them that we believe so much in their safety and their capability, that they can rest in that certainty?

They can feel anxious, and do brave.

We want them to listen to their anxiety, check things out, but don’t always let their anxiety take the lead.

Sometimes it’s spot on. And sometimes it isn’t. Whole living is about being able to tell the difference.

As long as they are safe, let them know you believe them, and that you believe IN them. ‘I know this feels big and I know you can handle this. We’ll do this together.’♥️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Oct 16

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18487124080077945
Anxiety is driven by a lack of certainty about safety. It doesn’t mean they aren’t safe, and it certainly doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means they don’t feel safe enough - yet. The question isn’t, ‘How do we fix them?’ They aren’t broken. It’s, ‘How do we fix what’s happening around them to help them feel so they can feel safe enough to be brave enough?’ How can we make the environment feel safer? Sensory accommodations? Relational safety? Or if the environment is as safe as we can make it, how can we show them that we believe so much in their safety and their capability, that they can rest in that certainty? They can feel anxious, and do brave. We want them to listen to their anxiety, check things out, but don’t always let their anxiety take the lead. Sometimes it’s spot on. And sometimes it isn’t. Whole living is about being able to tell the difference. As long as they are safe, let them know you believe them, and that you believe IN them. ‘I know this feels big and I know you can handle this. We’ll do this together.’♥️

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