Where the Science of Psychology Meets the Art of Being Human

Posts Tagged: living with anxiety

Anxiety - Why the Worry?
11th March, 2016

Anxiety – Research Sheds Light on Why the Worry

People with anxiety have an extraordinary ability to anticipate potential problems. This makes them great to be with – they are the ones with the plan B, the plan C, the spare batteries, the phone charger and the escape route. Being able to anticipate trouble can be a great strength, but like any strength, too much can cause a metaphorical headache. 

Let's Talk About Anxiety
18th November, 2015

Let’s Talk About Anxiety (by Allison Acquaviva)

There are many things I am proud of in my 22 years of life. Having anxiety doesn’t exactly make the top of the list, but it is what it is. Living with anxiety has been far from easy, but after 2 and a half years of battling it, I am finally comfortable enough to share my story.

School Anxiety: Powerful Things That Adults Can Do
30th October, 2015

Dealing with School Anxiety: Powerful Things That Adults Can Do

Anxious kids are brave kids. They are creative, thoughtful and have the potential to light the world on fire, every one of them, often in unexpected ways. When anxiety takes hold though, it’s overwhelming. It can shut down their potential, their engagement with the world and their self-belief. It feels awful and life becomes more about avoiding anxiety than it does about embracing life in ways that flourish them. This can be turned around and although anxiety doesn’t generally go away, it can be managed so that it stays in the background and out of their way. For anxious kids, the important adults in their lives are a powerful ally in helping to make this happen.

How to Deal With School Anxiety: Powerful Ways to Make Goodbyes Happy Ones
28th October, 2015

How to Empower Your Child to Deal With School Anxiety

School anxiety is awful for children and heartwrenching for parents. It’s so common, but it doesn’t always look the same. Sometimes it will dress itself up as illness (headaches, tummy aches), sometimes as a tantrum or fierce defiance, and sometimes it looks exactly as you would expect.

5th October, 2015

What are the Signs of an Anxious Toddler? (by Natasha Daniels)

What are the signs of an anxious toddler? Many parents will miss the early signs of toddler anxiety, as it can often look vastly different than what we might expect. There are the obvious signs of toddler anxiety such as excessive fears and phobias, but there are also more subtle signs that indicate an anxious personality. Some early precursors to anxiety are often seen in behavioral and sensory issues.

When you love someone with anxiety. Man. Woman. Child.
22nd September, 2015

When Someone You Love Has Anxiety

Anxiety is unpredictable, confusing and intrusive. It’s tough. Not just for the people who have it but also for the people who love them. If you are one of those people, you would know too well that the second hand experience of anxiety feels bad enough – you’d do anything to make it better for the one going through it.

















Hey Warrior - A book about anxiety in children.








Hey Sigmund on Instagram

If we knew everything - absolutely everything - ab If we knew everything - absolutely everything - about each other everything we do would make sense. It doesn’t mean it would be okay, but it would make sense. 
.
Too often though, when our kids do things that aren’t so ‘adorable’ we are quick to judge, either them, ourselves, or both. The truth of it all is that as much as our kids need boundaries, they (and we) need compassion and space to find clarity. If we can look at their behaviour, as wild as it might be, with curious eyes, we’re more likely to be able to give them what they need to move forward. For sure we might be furious or baffled by what they’re doing, but if we could understand everything going on for them it would make sense. 
.
All behaviour is driven by a need, and if we can look at their behaviour with curiosity (and I know how hard this can be sometimes!) we can discover the blind spots that can reveal the need. The need might be connection, attention, stillness, food, a sleep, a cuddle, space, a little power and influence (especially if they’ve been following rules all day at school) - all valid.
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Of course we need to talk to them about how to meet the need in ways that don’t end in chaos, but the time for this will come after the storm. If the need isn’t clear, that’s okay. Preserve the connection with them as much as you can by validating what you see and letting them know you’re there. Then, ‘I know if I could understand everything that’s going on for you right now what you’re doing would make sense. Can you help me understand?’ They might not be able to explain if they are in big emotion, but ride the wave with them until the emotion eases and then talk. 
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Our kids and teens are no different to us. We all do things that dull our shine sometimes. We don’t do these things because we’re bad, we do them most often because we’re feeling bad. When this happens, we don’t need judgement. Nope. We know when we’re being feral, just like our kids have a clue when they are. What we (and they) need is space to find calm and clarity. As their important big person, the space you create in your connection with them is the most healing, calming, insight-making space of all.♥️

If we knew everything - absolutely everything - about each other everything we do would make sense. It doesn’t mean it would be okay, but it would make sense.
.
Too often though, when our kids do things that aren’t so ‘adorable’ we are quick to judge, either them, ourselves, or both. The truth of it all is that as much as our kids need boundaries, they (and we) need compassion and space to find clarity. If we can look at their behaviour, as wild as it might be, with curious eyes, we’re more likely to be able to give them what they need to move forward. For sure we might be furious or baffled by what they’re doing, but if we could understand everything going on for them it would make sense.
.
All behaviour is driven by a need, and if we can look at their behaviour with curiosity (and I know how hard this can be sometimes!) we can discover the blind spots that can reveal the need. The need might be connection, attention, stillness, food, a sleep, a cuddle, space, a little power and influence (especially if they’ve been following rules all day at school) - all valid.
.
Of course we need to talk to them about how to meet the need in ways that don’t end in chaos, but the time for this will come after the storm. If the need isn’t clear, that’s okay. Preserve the connection with them as much as you can by validating what you see and letting them know you’re there. Then, ‘I know if I could understand everything that’s going on for you right now what you’re doing would make sense. Can you help me understand?’ They might not be able to explain if they are in big emotion, but ride the wave with them until the emotion eases and then talk.
.
Our kids and teens are no different to us. We all do things that dull our shine sometimes. We don’t do these things because we’re bad, we do them most often because we’re feeling bad. When this happens, we don’t need judgement. Nope. We know when we’re being feral, just like our kids have a clue when they are. What we (and they) need is space to find calm and clarity. As their important big person, the space you create in your connection with them is the most healing, calming, insight-making space of all.♥️
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