Well this is good to know … A recent study from the University of Queensland in Australia has found a trait that both men and women find attractive in potential partners.
We tend to speculate about the things men and women find attractive, so anything that can add substance to the conversation is welcome news.
The trait is non-conformity and it turns out that both men and women think it’s a little bit of wonderful.
The Research. What They Did
Researchers asked 115 undergraduate students to rate the attractiveness of 20 individuals based on their profiles. Participants then had to say whether or not they would be interested in going on a date with the person behind the profile.
Each profile was ‘manipulated’ to emphasise conformity (with statements such as, ‘She is quite happy to go along with what others are doing,’) or non-conformity (‘She often does her own thing rather than fit in with the group.)
The participants were asked which people of the opposite sex they found most attractive. They were also asked to name which members of their own sex they thought would be most attractive to others.
What They Found
So what do men and women find attractive?
Both the men and women were more attracted to the profiles of people who seemed to know their own mind.
Interestingly though, the men were more accurate in predicting which profiles would be the most attractive to the opposite sex.
Women tended to overestimate the extent to which men would prefer women who followed the crowd, but it turns out that’s not the case. Men prefer women who know their own mind.
To test out whether the finings were unique to the Australian culture, the study was also conducted in Britain, America and India. The results were similar to those found in Australia. Both men and women prefer partners who can think for themselves.
The research dispels a common belief (or maybe a stereotypical belief) that men prefer women who are submissive and agreeable. Of course some men prefer this (just as some women prefer men who are more conforming) but for the vast majority this just isn’t the case. For them, women with their own minds are the ones who get their attention – and the first date.
In a world that can sometimes feel like it presses too hard for prescription and conformity, it’s feels more than a little bit excellent to know that an independent mind is where it’s at to send sparks flying. Thanks science.
(Image Credit: Unsplash | Morgan Sessions)
![It’s the simple things that are everything. We know play, conversation, micro-connections, predictability, and having a responsive reliable relationship with at least one loving adult, can make the most profound difference in buffering and absorbing the sharp edges of the world. Not all children will get this at home. Many are receiving it from childcare or school. It all matters - so much.
But simple isn’t always easy.
Even for children from safe, loving, homes with engaged, loving parent/s there is so much now that can swallow our kids whole if we let it - the unsafe corners of the internet; screen time that intrudes on play, connection, stillness, sleep, and joy; social media that force feeds unsafe ideas of ‘normal’, and algorithms that hijack the way they see the world.
They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be enough. Enough to balance what they’re getting fed when they aren’t with us. Enough talking to them, playing with them, laughing with them, noticing them, enjoying them, loving and leading them. Not all the time. Just enough of the time.
But first, we might have to actively protect the time when screens, social media, and the internet are out of their reach. Sometimes we’ll need to do this even when they fight hard against it.
We don’t need them to agree with us. We just need to hear their anger or upset when we change what they’ve become used to. ‘I know you don’t want this and I know you’re angry at me for reducing your screen time. And it’s happening. You can be annoyed, and we’re still [putting phones and iPads in the basket from 5pm] (or whatever your new rules are).’♥️](https://www.heysigmund.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png)
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