For Primary and Secondary Schools, and Early Childhood Centres 

Karen is available to consult with schools and early childhood centres to respond to specific identified needs in students, staff, or practice and policies. This can include working with school staff, students, early childhood centres, or families in the following areas:

  • overcoming school avoidance or refusal;
  • responding to challenging behaviour;
  • development of a curriculum to support the social and emotional development of all children to reduce anxiety, engage children in the learning process, maximise the learning potential of all students, reduce the incidents of challenging behaviour;
  • building high-quality student-teacher relationships to engage children and adolescents in the learning process, maximise the learning potential of all students, reduce the critical incidents of challenging behaviour;
  • building anxiety-informed practices;
  • building trauma-informed practices.

For more information, please get in touch with Karen on , or by completing the following form:

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    karenyoung_heysigmund

    So often the responses to school anxiety will actually make anxiety worse. These responses are well intended and come from a place of love, but they can backfire.

    This is because the undercurrent of school anxiety is a lack of will or the wish to be at school. It’s a lack of felt safety.

    These kids want to be at school, but their brains and bodies are screaming at them that it isn’t safe there. This doesn’t mean they aren’t safe. It means they don’t feel safe enough.

    As loving parents, the drive to keep our kids safe is everything. But being safe and feeling safe are different.

    As long as school is safe, the work lies in supporting kids to feel this. This is done by building physical and relational safety where we can.

    Then - and this is so important - we have to show them. If we wait for them to ‘not feel anxious’, we’ll be waiting forever.

    The part of the brain responsible for anxiety - the amygdala - doesn’t respond to words or logic. This means the key to building their capacity to handle anxiety isn’t to avoid anxiety - because full living will always come with anxiety (doing new things, doing things that matter, meeting new people, job interviews, exams). The key is to show them they can ‘move with’ anxiety - they can feel anxiety and do brave. Kids with anxiety are actually doing this every day.

    Of course if school is actually unsafe (ongoing lack of intent from the school to work towards relational safety, bullying that isn’t being addressed) then avoidance of that particular school might be necessary.

    For resources to support you wish this, I wrote ‘Hey Warrior’ and the new ‘Hey Warrior Workbook’ to help kids feel braver when they feel anxious.

    And if you live in New Zealand, I’ll be presenting full day workshops for anyone who lives with or works with kids on the topic of anxiety driven school ‘avoidance’. For more details see the in the link in the bio.♥️

    View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

    Oct 5

    Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18534287671053188
    So often the responses to school anxiety will actually make anxiety worse. These responses are well intended and come from a place of love, but they can backfire. This is because the undercurrent of school anxiety is a lack of will or the wish to be at school. It’s a lack of felt safety. These kids want to be at school, but their brains and bodies are screaming at them that it isn’t safe there. This doesn’t mean they aren’t safe. It means they don’t feel safe enough. As loving parents, the drive to keep our kids safe is everything. But being safe and feeling safe are different. As long as school is safe, the work lies in supporting kids to feel this. This is done by building physical and relational safety where we can. Then - and this is so important - we have to show them. If we wait for them to ‘not feel anxious’, we’ll be waiting forever. The part of the brain responsible for anxiety - the amygdala - doesn’t respond to words or logic. This means the key to building their capacity to handle anxiety isn’t to avoid anxiety - because full living will always come with anxiety (doing new things, doing things that matter, meeting new people, job interviews, exams). The key is to show them they can ‘move with’ anxiety - they can feel anxiety and do brave. Kids with anxiety are actually doing this every day. Of course if school is actually unsafe (ongoing lack of intent from the school to work towards relational safety, bullying that isn’t being addressed) then avoidance of that particular school might be necessary. For resources to support you wish this, I wrote ‘Hey Warrior’ and the new ‘Hey Warrior Workbook’ to help kids feel braver when they feel anxious. And if you live in New Zealand, I’ll be presenting full day workshops for anyone who lives with or works with kids on the topic of anxiety driven school ‘avoidance’. For more details see the in the link in the bio.♥️

    karenyoung_heysigmund

    We don’t need to protect kids from the discomfort of anxiety.

    We’ll want to, but as long as they’re safe (including in their bodies with sensory and physiological needs met), we don’t need to - any more than we need to protect them from the discomfort of seatbelts, bike helmets, boundaries, brushing their teeth.

    Courage isn’t an absence of anxiety. It’s the anxiety that makes something brave. Courage is about handling the discomfort of anxiety.

    When we hold them back from anxiety, we hold them back - from growth, from discovery, and from building their bravery muscles.

    The distress and discomfort that come with anxiety won’t hurt them. What hurts them is the same thing that hurts all of us - feeling alone in distress. So this is what we will protect them from - not the anxiety, but feeling alone in it.

    To do this, speak to the anxiety AND the courage.

    This will also help them feel safer with their anxiety. It puts a story of brave to it rather than a story of deficiency (‘I feel like this because there’s something wrong with me,’) or a story of disaster (‘I feel like this because something bad is about to happen.’).

    Normalise, see them, and let them feel you with them. This might sound something like:

    ‘This feels big doesn’t it. Of course you feel anxious. You’re doing something big/ brave/ important, and that’s how brave feels. It feels scary, stressful, big. It feels like anxiety. It feels like you feel right now. I know you can handle this. We’ll handle it together.’

    It doesn’t matter how well they handle it and it doesn’t matter how big the brave thing is. The edges are where the edges are, and anxiety means they are expanding those edges.

    We don’t get strong by lifting toothpicks. We get strong by lifting as much as we can, and then a little bit more for a little bit longer. And we do this again and again, until that feels okay. Then we go a little bit further. Brave builds the same way - one brave step after another.

    It doesn’t matter how long it takes and it doesn’t matter how big the steps are. If they’ve handled the discomfort of anxiety for a teeny while today, then they’ve been brave today. And tomorrow we’ll go again again.♥️

    View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

    Sep 3

    Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18018587267767427
    We don’t need to protect kids from the discomfort of anxiety. We’ll want to, but as long as they’re safe (including in their bodies with sensory and physiological needs met), we don’t need to - any more than we need to protect them from the discomfort of seatbelts, bike helmets, boundaries, brushing their teeth. Courage isn’t an absence of anxiety. It’s the anxiety that makes something brave. Courage is about handling the discomfort of anxiety. When we hold them back from anxiety, we hold them back - from growth, from discovery, and from building their bravery muscles. The distress and discomfort that come with anxiety won’t hurt them. What hurts them is the same thing that hurts all of us - feeling alone in distress. So this is what we will protect them from - not the anxiety, but feeling alone in it. To do this, speak to the anxiety AND the courage. This will also help them feel safer with their anxiety. It puts a story of brave to it rather than a story of deficiency (‘I feel like this because there’s something wrong with me,’) or a story of disaster (‘I feel like this because something bad is about to happen.’). Normalise, see them, and let them feel you with them. This might sound something like: ‘This feels big doesn’t it. Of course you feel anxious. You’re doing something big/ brave/ important, and that’s how brave feels. It feels scary, stressful, big. It feels like anxiety. It feels like you feel right now. I know you can handle this. We’ll handle it together.’ It doesn’t matter how well they handle it and it doesn’t matter how big the brave thing is. The edges are where the edges are, and anxiety means they are expanding those edges. We don’t get strong by lifting toothpicks. We get strong by lifting as much as we can, and then a little bit more for a little bit longer. And we do this again and again, until that feels okay. Then we go a little bit further. Brave builds the same way - one brave step after another. It doesn’t matter how long it takes and it doesn’t matter how big the steps are. If they’ve handled the discomfort of anxiety for a teeny while today, then they’ve been brave today. And tomorrow we’ll go again again.♥️

    karenyoung_heysigmund

    Feeling seen, safe, and cared for is a biological need. It’s not a choice and it’s not pandering. It’s a biological need.

    Children - all of us - will prioritise relational safety over everything.

    When children feel seen, safe, and a sense of belonging they will spend less resources in fight, flight, or withdrawal, and will be free to divert those resources into learning, making thoughtful choices, engaging in ways that can grow them.

    They will also be more likely to spend resources seeking out those people (their trusted adults at school) or places (school) that make them feel good about themselves, rather than avoiding the people of spaces that make them feel rubbish or inadequate.

    Behaviour support and learning support is about felt safety support first.

    The schools and educators who know this and practice it are making a profound difference, not just for young people but for all of us. They are actively engaging in crime prevention, mental illness prevention, and nurturing strong, beautiful little people into strong, beautiful big ones.♥️

    View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

    Aug 19

    Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 17976303911870995
    Feeling seen, safe, and cared for is a biological need. It’s not a choice and it’s not pandering. It’s a biological need. Children - all of us - will prioritise relational safety over everything. When children feel seen, safe, and a sense of belonging they will spend less resources in fight, flight, or withdrawal, and will be free to divert those resources into learning, making thoughtful choices, engaging in ways that can grow them. They will also be more likely to spend resources seeking out those people (their trusted adults at school) or places (school) that make them feel good about themselves, rather than avoiding the people of spaces that make them feel rubbish or inadequate. Behaviour support and learning support is about felt safety support first. The schools and educators who know this and practice it are making a profound difference, not just for young people but for all of us. They are actively engaging in crime prevention, mental illness prevention, and nurturing strong, beautiful little people into strong, beautiful big ones.♥️

    karenyoung_heysigmund

    Emotion is e-motion. Energy in motion.

    When emotions happen, we have two options: express or depress. That’s it. They’re the options.

    When your young person (or you) is being swamped by big feelings, let the feelings come.

    Hold the boundary around behaviour - keep them physically safe and let them feel their relationship with you is safe, but you don’t need to fix their feelings.

    They aren’t a sign of breakage. They’re a sign your child is catalysing the energy. Our job over the next many years is to help them do this respectfully.

    When emotional energy is shut down, it doesn’t disappear. It gets held in the body and will come out sideways in response to seemingly benign things, or it will drive distraction behaviours (such as addiction, numbness).

    Sometimes there’ll be a need for them to control that energy so they can do what they need to do - go to school, take the sports field, do the exam - but the more we can make way for expression either in the moment or later, the safer and softer they’ll feel in their minds and bodies.

    Expression is the most important part of moving through any feeling. This might look like talking, moving, crying, writing, yelling.

    This is why you might see big feelings after school. It’s often a sign that they’ve been controlling themselves all day - through the feelings that come with learning new things, being quiet and still, trying to get along with everyone, not having the power and influence they need (that we all need). When they get into the car at pickup, finally those feelings they’ve been holding on to have a safe place to show up and move through them and out of them.

    It can be so messy! It takes time to learn how to lasso feelings and words into something unmessy.

    In the meantime, our job is to hold a tender, strong, safe place for that emotional energy to move out of them.

    Hold the boundary around behaviour where you can, add warmth where you can, and when they are calm talk about what happened and how they might do things differently next time. And be patient. Just because someone tells us how to swing a racket, doesn’t mean we’ll win Wimbledon tomorrow. Good things take time, and loads of practice.♥️

    View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

    Aug 10

    Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18081959395923958
    Emotion is e-motion. Energy in motion. When emotions happen, we have two options: express or depress. That’s it. They’re the options. When your young person (or you) is being swamped by big feelings, let the feelings come. Hold the boundary around behaviour - keep them physically safe and let them feel their relationship with you is safe, but you don’t need to fix their feelings. They aren’t a sign of breakage. They’re a sign your child is catalysing the energy. Our job over the next many years is to help them do this respectfully. When emotional energy is shut down, it doesn’t disappear. It gets held in the body and will come out sideways in response to seemingly benign things, or it will drive distraction behaviours (such as addiction, numbness). Sometimes there’ll be a need for them to control that energy so they can do what they need to do - go to school, take the sports field, do the exam - but the more we can make way for expression either in the moment or later, the safer and softer they’ll feel in their minds and bodies. Expression is the most important part of moving through any feeling. This might look like talking, moving, crying, writing, yelling. This is why you might see big feelings after school. It’s often a sign that they’ve been controlling themselves all day - through the feelings that come with learning new things, being quiet and still, trying to get along with everyone, not having the power and influence they need (that we all need). When they get into the car at pickup, finally those feelings they’ve been holding on to have a safe place to show up and move through them and out of them. It can be so messy! It takes time to learn how to lasso feelings and words into something unmessy. In the meantime, our job is to hold a tender, strong, safe place for that emotional energy to move out of them. Hold the boundary around behaviour where you can, add warmth where you can, and when they are calm talk about what happened and how they might do things differently next time. And be patient. Just because someone tells us how to swing a racket, doesn’t mean we’ll win Wimbledon tomorrow. Good things take time, and loads of practice.♥️

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