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Posted by Karen Young

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Content Share Guidelines

I love you sharing the work on Hey Sigmund as much as I love you reading it.  

All work published on Hey Sigmund is protected by international copyright laws, so there are just a few things to keep in mind:

•  You are welcome to share links to any content contained in Hey Sigmund. The truth is, we’ll love you for it.

•  You are welcome to quote up to 75 words of content from any article in your own blog articles as long as you attribute ownership as follows:

– Articles that do not have a specified author are written by me, so for these articles, please attribute Karen Young and www.heysigmund.com as the source and create a link to the original Hey Sigmund article.

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•  Unless you obtain my prior written consent (which may be granted in exceptional circumstances) the republication or reprinting of full or substantial sections of any articles or resources word for word is not permitted, even if you provide full credit and links back to Hey Sigmund. 

•  You are not permitted to profit from the use of my content.

•  This one goes without saying but since we’re talking anyway … you cannot claim any content on Hey Sigmund as your own original ideas.

•  If you are wanting to print hard copies other than for personal use, please contact me for consent.

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The reading of Hey Warrior, Hey Awesome, or But We’re Not Lions out loud and sharing this online in any format, whether through Facebook, YouTube or on your own website is a breach of international copyright and is not permitted.

Thank you for your co-operation and most importantly, thank you for sharing the information and for keeping the conversation going.

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2 Comments

James P White

Hi,
I would just like to say that I love your weekley newsletters and your facebook page. As a qualified Psychotherapist and Hynpotherapist currently still studying and learning every day I have learned lots of great ideas that assist me in my daily practice and also great information that I pass on to my friends and clients. Thank you so much for sharing and caring.

Kindest Regards
James White

Comments are closed.

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Hey Warrior - A book about anxiety in children.






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The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to fight or flee anything that presents itself as a ...

Aug 12

Open
The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to fight or flee anything that presents itself as a threat - and shame, punishment, judgement, exclusion, humiliation all count as threat, even if they come with loads of love. . When our kids or teens mess up - which they will, because they’re humans not robots - the way we respond can open them up to our influence or shut them down to it. It can expand the fight and the disconnection, or it can shrink it. In time they will learn to be more in control of their urge for or flight, but for now, we will need to lead the way. (Of course, we are also human, and sometimes despite our biggest efforts to stay calm, we will step into the ring rather than wait for them to step out. We’re human. It’s going to happen. And that’s okay.) . If we want them to be open to our influence, we first need to calm their active amygdala (the seat of anxiety and big emotion) by sending the message that we aren’t a threat. We can do this by validating their feelings or the need behind their behaviour (if we know what that is). . Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with them, and it doesn’t mean approving of their behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we want to understand the world through their lens. ‘I can see you’re really upset about this.’ ‘It sounds as though you’re worried I’m going to get in your way. I can see this is important to you. I really want to understand. Can you talk to me about this?’ . When we do this, it sends a message to the protective, powerful, emotional amygdala that it’s safe and that it can back down. This will start to switch off the need to fight us or flee (ignore) us and open them up to our influence, support, warmth and guidance. . It also doesn’t mean giving them a free pass on ‘unadorable’ behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we see them, and that we understand there is something important they need. When things are calm, they will be much more open to exploring their decisions, their behaviour, the consequences of that (including any consequences for them), and what they can do differently in the future. ⠀⠀

The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to fight or flee anything that presents itself as a threat - and shame, punishment, judgement, exclusion, humiliation all count as threat, even if they come with loads of love.
.
When our kids or teens mess up - which they will, because they’re humans not robots - the way we respond can open them up to our influence or shut them down to it. It can expand the fight and the disconnection, or it can shrink it. In time they will learn to be more in control of their urge for or flight, but for now, we will need to lead the way. (Of course, we are also human, and sometimes despite our biggest efforts to stay calm, we will step into the ring rather than wait for them to step out. We’re human. It’s going to happen. And that’s okay.)
.
If we want them to be open to our influence, we first need to calm their active amygdala (the seat of anxiety and big emotion) by sending the message that we aren’t a threat. We can do this by validating their feelings or the need behind their behaviour (if we know what that is).
.
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with them, and it doesn’t mean approving of their behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we want to understand the world through their lens. ‘I can see you’re really upset about this.’ ‘It sounds as though you’re worried I’m going to get in your way. I can see this is important to you. I really want to understand. Can you talk to me about this?’
.
When we do this, it sends a message to the protective, powerful, emotional amygdala that it’s safe and that it can back down. This will start to switch off the need to fight us or flee (ignore) us and open them up to our influence, support, warmth and guidance.
.
It also doesn’t mean giving them a free pass on ‘unadorable’ behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we see them, and that we understand there is something important they need. When things are calm, they will be much more open to exploring their decisions, their behaviour, the consequences of that (including any consequences for them), and what they can do differently in the future.
⠀⠀ ...






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