I’m often asked by parents how they can help their children to be more resilient and less vulnerable to mental health problems. Although we can’t stop all mental health problems, we can help children and young people to develop habits that build their wellbeing and resilience. But, these habits can’t exist on their own. They need to grow out of strong, supportive, nurturing relationships that children can develop with their parents, caregivers and teachers.
We talk often about the rules we should be setting for our children around their use of technology and social media, but here’s the rub – the way we as parents use technology can affect our children as much as their use of technology affects them. Rules around technology usage in families can be a source of angst for both parents and kids. Even when rules are agreed on, enforcing them can bring as much joy into the household as a three-day old temper.
As parents, we often spend a lot of time worrying about how we look to our children, and questioning if we are making a good impression. It’s so easy to beat ourselves up about our behavior and parenting decisions, but in the moment of seriously losing my cool, I found true understanding and empathy from my daughter. I learned, once again, that I am only human and so rather than focus on the perfect image, I better figure out how to make the most of my temper tantrums.
Envision a scenario with your child in a public place, behaving in a way that is not acceptable. Now consider your standard response to his or her poor behavior(s) as you look around and see the disapproving expressions of others. While struggling to keep the onset of rage unnoticeable, the reactions of common strangers can sometimes be the breaking point.
You’ve probably heard the word… mindfulness. These days, it seems to be popping up everywhere – books, magazines, websites, on TV… everywhere. It’s definitely a buzzword and quickly making waves across many fields including psychology, business, and education. But what does “mindfulness” actually mean?
A messy life is a full life. If your kitchen is in a mess, that means you live out of it – and that means good fuel for your growing family. You don’t order fake out (yes that’s right, my phone autocorrected ‘take’ out to ‘fake’ out – even iPhone knows!) each night, and you sometimes even grill vegetables and pan fry chicken. It makes a mess. That mess is a byproduct of healthy bodies. You feed your family well. And the science behind that is clearly beneficial. Go you.
Imagine this. You’re travelling along the freeway when your brakes feel as though they might fail. They’re working, but something feels off. This has never happened before. You drive the car to the closest mechanic. After a thorough inspection of the car, you’re told everything is fine and there’s nothing to worry about.
What’s So Great About the Present Moment Anyway? Taking a Mindful SEAT, and Other Ways to Find Calm (by Dr Christopher Willard)
It took me a long time to realize why the present moment was a helpful place to hang out. I can even recall as an anxious kid how my mind worked “I’m going to fail this test, then fail out of school, never get into college, probably die homeless and alone under a bridge, and no one will come to my funeral” was a not so rare thought for me. But when I learned about mindfulness and staying in the moment, I realized that I could still prepare for the future, like just studying for the darn test, without getting caught up in story of how badly it could go.
Why I’m Unfortunately Not Surprised By More Incidences Of School Violence (by Michelle Maidenberg PhD)
Yet another incident of violence in a school. Over the last few weeks, there were shootings and stabbings in Kentucky, Texas, and New York high schools. We cannot deny or avoid the problem, even if we desperately try. Our children hear of these incidences, and even though they are relatively rare, we can only imagine the thoughts and feelings our children are sitting with. As parents we are fully aware of our deep concern, fear, and outrage over this epidemic.
Anxiety can be a shady character and can often appear in ways that don’t look like anxiety. Because of this, it can be difficult to know when your child is anxious. Anxiety has been doing its thing since the beginning of humans, and it’s brilliant at it. What it’s not so great at is announcing its presence in gentle, clear ways that preserve the capacity for any of us to meet it with a strong, steady, ‘Oh, there you are,’ and an even more powerful, ‘It’s okay, I’m safe – you don’t need to be here right now’.
I spent years trying to commit suicide and probably made more than 15 attempts in my life. Thankfully, none of them were successful although there were a few which came pretty darn close. I used to hoard pills and keep them in a bottle which I hid under my bed. It was my “ security blanket”. My stash was my “way out” if things got to the point that I could no longer stand to be alive. I would go into my room when my kids were at school and open the bottle and count them just to make sure they were all there.