karenyoung_heysigmund
Validation is a presence, not a speech.
It doesn’t mean you’re being permissive, or rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour. It doesn’t mean you’re saying the storm is okay. It’s a way of handling the storm and offering a safe passage through it, without judgement, shame, isolation.
Think about the times your big feels have taken over. Has it ever worked ever, in the history of forever, for someone to tell you to calm down, or shut you down, or manage you. Nope. Not for me either.
Because when we’re in big feels, we don’t need to be managed, we need to be seen. We don’t do or say the rubbish things we do because we don’t know the rules of social engagement, or because we haven’t had enough consequences, or because we think these things are okay. In fact, we’re not thinking at all. We do these things because in that moment, we don’t have the resources to do differently.
Validation is a way of adding resources, through relationship. It’s a strong, loving presence that sends the message, ‘Bring your feelings to me. I can take care of you through this. And I can keep you and everyone including you safe along the way.’
Of course even during a storm we need to hold boundaries to keep everyone safe (them, you, others), but let these be loving - hold the boundary, add warmth. ‘Yes, this is big. I want to hear you. (Relationship) No I won’t listen when you speak like that. When you can speak in a way I can hear, then we can talk (boundary). You’re not in trouble. I’m right here. (Relationship)
The might be a need for repair, learning, or talking about what’s happened, but during the storm isn’t that time.
We can’t reason with someone in big feels because the thinking brain, the part than can think rationally, logically, plan, think through consequences, make deliberate decisions, is locked out for a bit. This happens to all of us. It’s why we all do or say things that aren’t great when we’re in big feelings.
We can’t stop a storm once it’s storming, but we can offer a safe passage through it. This is what validation does. It a safe passage to a place of calm and connection, where you can have the influence and the conversations that will be growthful.♥️
USD $74.12 + This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page
Tracey B (verified owner) –
A story that simplifies the feelings for all ages.
Sarah M (verified owner) –
As expected a fabulous book – I recommend your books to all my clients and their parents
SandyP (verified owner) –
Karen’s books are always favorites with my child clients and their families, and this is no exception. What a fun and humorous way to learn about boundaries!
Sarah (verified owner) –
The art is gorgeous and the story is sweet and accessible to everyone.
Geraldine S (verified owner) –
I loved this story and the characters. It was very timely for my grandkids as they were having some issues with boundaries. Well explained with a great message. I passed this on to my son to read to his kids and they loved the story.
Beautifully presented.
Solen (verified owner) –
Thank you for this book!!! It was a fun read :)) This and more books like this to come will help children around the world and help immensely with their healthy development.
Peter S (verified owner) –
These books are all truly wonderful! Just what we were looking for! Thanks! 🙂
Lupe S (verified owner) –
Wow!! Love your books. Everything I have order has been beautifully and carefully wrapped. The books and their messages are amazing. I work with young people and they help them understand concepts we are learning in therapy so much better. Thank you.
Erin (verified owner) –
Gorgeous book and illustrations that teaches the value of self acceptance and boundaries in a really fun way. I really appreciate the conversation prompters at the back of all Karen’s books to help to guide parents/carers to discuss these really important topics with their children.
Susan R (verified owner) –
Excellent message! Compliments the strategy that I teach my students to use when someone says something hurtful to them; to put up their “invisible shield” to deflect the hurtful words. The “invisible shield” is positive self-talk: student’s strengths and positive qualities. This strategy empowers the student to focus on themselves, and not give power to the hurtful words or actions.
Carmen D (verified owner) –
Hi I was delighted to received books wrapped in lovely paper with a sticker sealing it. A lovely touch. Beautiful messages in this and another book I purchased. I would have like the pictures to be abit more colourful though to appeal to kids a little more. Pleased with my purchase
Robyn C –
Excellent child level explanation about acceptance and bullying giving the child excellent skills to deal with it on a day to day basis! Love the soft toy amygdala to cuddle too! It is a concrete object the child can hang on to so they can understand the abstract concepts of their brain!