A big warm welcome to you.

There will be new videos added constantly. If what you’re looking for isn’t there, let me know – I’d love to hear. One thing is for certain, if you’re wondering about something, loads of other people will be too. It takes a village.

The video library is divided into three sections:

So … what’s it all about?

Being human is an, exciting, messy, ridiculous, sometimes brutal, sometimes glorious adventure. At different times we will have all thrived, struggled, loved and lost and from all of this, we grow – wiser, stronger, braver, better than before – because that’s what being human is about. The video library is a roadmap towards strength, happiness and empowerment, full of information and strategies to master the beautifully imperfect art of being human. 

Here’s what you need to know straight up – you have everything inside you to lead a happy, healthy life. Sometimes it’s about knowing where to look, or about knowing what to do with it when you find it. A solid pulse will always come in handy, but to live – really live – it’s about knowing where to find that well inside you that has all the courage, wisdom and strength you need to make life-giving, empowered decisions. 

Who are the videos for?

The videos are for everyone – adults, teens, kids, parents, counsellors, teachers, health professionals … and the list goes on. If you are any version of human – strengthened, enlightened, depressed, anxious, empowered, disempowered, hurting or happy – you will gain valuable insights and information through the videos. 

As well as this, the videos will provide the support and information for any children or teens in your life to be the extraordinary adults they are capable of being. (Oh if only we all knew this way back when!)

If you are open to new information and new ways of doing things, there will be something here for you. When we know how things work, we can actively change them in ways that work for us – but information is key. Here you will find solid information based on real science. From this, you can make decisions about the things you want to change, do more of, less of, get rid of, or ignore like a bothersome thing.

What’s in it for me?

There’s so much to gain from psychology’s insights into way we humans think, feel, live and love. But it’s all pointless if the information isn’t delivered in a practical, interesting, jargon free way. Oh but for the love of almond croissants and all things bakery – where am I going to find that you say?

With the right information, lives change, people change and relationships change. We become better humans, partners, siblings, parents, and friends. Above all else, with the right information we become better for ourselves. It’s just the way it is.

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I love being a parent. I love it with every part of my being and more than I ever thought I could love anything. Honestly though, nothing has brought out my insecurities or vulnerabilities as much. This is so normal. Confusing, and normal. 

However many children we have, and whatever age they are, each child and each new stage will bring something new for us to learn. It will always be this way.

Our children will each do life differently, and along the way we will need to adapt and bend ourselves around their path to light their way as best we can. But we won’t do this perfectly, because we can’t always know what mountains they’ll need to climb, or what dragons they’ll need to slay. We won’t always know what they’ll need, and we won’t always be able to give it. We don’t need to. But we’ll want to. Sometimes we’ll ache because of this and we’ll blame ourselves for not being ‘enough’. Sometimes we won’t. This is the vulnerability that comes with parenting. 

We love them so much, and that never changes, but the way we feel about parenting might change a thousand times before breakfast. Parenting is tough. It’s worth every second - every second - but it’s tough.

Great parents can feel everything, and sometimes it can turn from moment to moment - loving, furious, resentful, compassionate, gentle, tough, joyful, selfish, confused and wise - all of it. Great parents can feel all of it.

Because parenting is pure joy, but not always. We are strong, nurturing, selfless, loving, but not always. Parents aren’t perfect. Love isn’t perfect. And it was meant to be. We’re raising humans - real ones, with feelings, who don’t need to be perfect, and wont  need others to be perfect. Humans who can be kind to others, and to themselves first. But they will learn this from us.

Parenting is the role which needs us to be our most human, beautifully imperfect, flawed, vulnerable selves. Let’s not judge ourselves for our shortcomings and the imperfections, and the necessary human-ness of us.❤️
Brains and bodies crave balance. 

When our bodies are too hot, too cold, fighting an infection, we’ll will shiver or fever or sweat in an attempt to regulate.

These aren’t deliberate or deficient, but part of the magnificent pool of resources our bodies turn to to stay strong for us.

Our nervous systems have the same intense and unavoidable need for balance.

When the brain FEELS unsafe (doesn’t mean it is unsafe) it will attempt to recruit support. How? Through feelings. When we’re in big feels, someone is going to notice. Our boundaries are clear. Were seen, heard, noticed. Maybe not the way we want to be, but when the brain is in ‘distress’ mode, it only cares about the next 15 seconds. This is why we all say or do things we wouldn’t normally do when we’re feeling big sad, angry, anxious, jealous, lonely, frustrated, unseen, unheard, unvalidated.

In that moment, our job isn’t to stop their big feelings. We can’t. In that moment they don’t have the resources or the skills to regulate so they need our help.

When they’re in an emotional storm, our job is to be the anchor - calm, attached, grounded.

Breathe and be with. Hold the boundaries you need to hold to keep everyone (including them) relationally and physically safe, and add warmth. This might sound like nothing at all - just a calm, steady, loving presence, or it might sound like:

‘I know this feels big. I’m here. I want to hear you. (Relationship)

AND
No I won’t hear you while you’re yelling. (Boundary) Get it out of you though. Take your time. I’m right here. (Relationship. The message is, bring your storm to me. I can look after you.)

OR
No I won’t let you hurt my body / sibling’s body. (Boundary. Step away or move sibling out of the way.) I’m right here. You’re not in trouble. I’m right here. (Relationship)

OR if they’re asking for space:
Ok I can see you need space. It’s a good idea that you take the time you need. I’m right here and I’ll check on you in a few minutes. Take your time. There’s no hurry. (Relationship - I can look after you and give you what you need, even when it’s space from me.)’♥️
I think this is one of the hardest things as parents - deciding when to protect them and when to move forward. The line isn’t always clear, but it’s an important one. 

Whenever our kiddos feels the distress of big anxiety, we will be driven to protect them from that distress. It’s what makes us loving, amazing, attentive parents. It’s how we keep them safe. 

The key is knowing when that anxiety is because of true danger, and when it’s because they are about to do something growthful, important, or brave. 

We of course want to hold them back from danger, but not from the things that will grow them. 

So when their distress is triggering ours, as it is meant to, and we’re driven to support their avoidance, ask,

‘Do they feel like this because they’re jn danger or because they’re about to do something brave, important, growthful.’

‘Is this a time for me to hold them back (from danger), or is it a time for me to support them forward (towards something important/ brave/ growthful)?’

And remember, the move towards brave can be a teeny shuffle - one tiny brave step at a time. It doesn’t have to be a leap.❤️

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