karenyoung_heysigmund
There are things we do because we love them, but that doesn’t mean they’ll feel loved because of those things.
Of course our kids know we love them, and we know they love us. But sometimes, they might feel disconnected from that feeling of being ‘loved by’. As parents, we might feel disconnected from the feeling of being ‘appreciated by’.
It’s no coincidence that sometimes their need to feel loved, and our need to feel appreciated collide. This collision won’t sound like crashing metal or breaking concrete. It will sound like anger, frustration, demanding, nagging.
It will feel like not mattering, resentment, disconnection. It can burst through us like meteors of anger, frustration, irritation, defiance. It can be this way for us and our young ones. (And our adult relationships too.)
We humans have funny ways of saying, ‘I miss you.’
Our ‘I miss you’ might sound like nagging, annoyance, anger. It might feel like resentment, rage, being taken for granted, sadness, loneliness. It might look like being less playful, less delighting in their presence.
Their ‘I miss you’ might look like tantrums, aggression, tears, ignoring, defiant indifference, attention-seeking (attention-needing). It might sound like demands, anger, frustration.
The point is, there are things we do because we love them - cleaning, the laundry, the groceries, cooking. And yes, we want them to be grateful, but feeling grateful and feeling loved are different things.
Sometimes the things that make them feel loved are so surprising and simple and unexpected - seeking them out for play, micro-connections, the way you touch their hair at bedtime, the sound of your laugh at their jokes, when you delight in their presence (‘Gosh I’ve missed you today!’ Or, ‘I love being your mum so much. I love it better than everything. Even chips. If someone said you can be queen of the universe or Molly’s mum, I’d say ‘Pfft don’t annoy me with your offers of a crown. I’m Molly’s mum and I’ll never love being anything more.’’)
So ask them, ‘What do I do that makes you feel loved?’ If they say ‘When you buy me Lego’, gently guide them away from bought things, and towards what you do for them or with them.♥️
Cathy J –
This book made me cry. So validating..beautiful uplifting way to empower children that have the tendency toward anxiety
Mel F (verified owner) –
Beautifully written book with the sweetest illustrations! We gifted it to my son’s teacher – to read to future primary school kids
Theresa W (verified owner) –
Wonderful book with lovely illustrations! I’ll recommend this to any family with an anxious child
Chrissy (verified owner) –
Amazing Book! My daughter absolutely loves this book and utilizes the strategies in the book. She reads it daily and loves it! I highly recommend this book!
Peter S (verified owner) –
These books are truly wonderful! Just what we were looking for! Thanks! 🙂