karenyoung_heysigmund
We can’t fix a problem (felt disconnection) by replicating the problem (removing affection, time-out, ignoring them).
All young people at some point will feel the distance between them and their loved adult. This isn’t bad parenting. It’s life. Life gets in the way sometimes - work stress, busy-ness, other kiddos.
We can’t be everything to everybody all the time, and we don’t need to be.
Kids don’t always need our full attention. Mostly, they’ll be able to hold the idea of us and feel our connection across time and space.
Sometimes though, their tanks will feel a little empty. They’ll feel the ‘missing’ of us. This will happen in all our relationships from time to time.
Like any of us humans, our kids and teens won’t always move to restore that felt connection to us in polished or lovely ways. They won’t always have the skills or resources to do this. (Same for us as adults - we’ve all been there.)
Instead, in a desperate, urgent attempt to restore balance to the attachment system, the brain will often slide into survival mode.
This allows the brain to act urgently (‘See me! Be with me!) but not always rationally (‘I’m missing you. I’m feeling unseen, unnoticed, unchosen. I know this doesn’t make sense because you’re right there, and I know you love me, but it’s just how I feel. Can you help me?’
If we don’t notice them enough when they’re unnoticeable, they’ll make themselves noticeable. For children, to be truly unseen is unsafe. But being seen and feeling seen are different. Just because you see them, doesn’t mean they’ll feel it.
The brain’s survival mode allows your young person to be seen, but not necessarily in a way that makes it easy for us to give them what they need.
The fix?
- First, recognise that behaviour isn’t about a bad child. It’s a child who is feeling disconnected. One of their most important safety systems - the attachment system - is struggling. Their behaviour is an unskilled, under-resourced attempt to restore it.
- Embrace them, lean in to them - reject the behaviour.
- Keep their system fuelled with micro-connections - notice them when they’re unnoticeable, play, touch, express joy when you’re with them, share laughter.♥️
USD $21.25 + This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page
USD $16.06 +
Cathy J –
This book made me cry. So validating..beautiful uplifting way to empower children that have the tendency toward anxiety
Mel F (verified owner) –
Beautifully written book with the sweetest illustrations! We gifted it to my son’s teacher – to read to future primary school kids
Theresa W (verified owner) –
Wonderful book with lovely illustrations! I’ll recommend this to any family with an anxious child
Chrissy (verified owner) –
Amazing Book! My daughter absolutely loves this book and utilizes the strategies in the book. She reads it daily and loves it! I highly recommend this book!
Peter S (verified owner) –
These books are truly wonderful! Just what we were looking for! Thanks! 🙂
Elizabeth W (verified owner) –
Love this book the way it is written and the illustrations. Great information that children can relate to thank you
Elizabeth W (verified owner) –
Loved this book so much great information I also learned so much and will also use the breathing techniques described in the book. I bought it for our grandchildren as in this world they are growing up in there us so much anxiety. They talk about having anxiety at such a young age. Much younger than when we grew up, I believe I knew about the term anxiety as an adult. I had some but did not know what it was. Love the illustrations a great book thank you
Sue (verified owner) –
Thank you for presenting anxiety in such a positive way, breaking down the characteristics of a person with anxiety and then showing how to manage the anxiety that wells up inside of you. Thanks for leaving you feeling an awesome person when you have read this book.
Rose P (verified owner) –
High quality book with easy to understand concepts of how our “brains” work and why anxiety occurs. Practical ideas for managing emotions for children and adults alike . As an educator consultant this is a fabulous resource I have added to my teaching as well as gifts to my whanau.
Shannon H (verified owner) –
This book is amazing! My daughter loves it. An entertaining and special way to teach them coping mechanisms and help them reflect on how special they truly are and why. The illustrations are beautiful. Love cuddling up with her and reading it together! 100% recommend it!
Laura (verified owner) –
What a wonderful book! My daughter struggles with anxiety, and reading through this really made her smile and understand more. It also reiterated a lot of coping mechanisms and explanations I have used to try and help her, which I think made her more comfortable knowing that there is reasons for it. I highly recommend “Hey Awesome”, letting children know how amazing they are while helping them is such a great gift!
Jessie D (verified owner) –
I would have loved to share this book with my daughters when they were young! I would have loved to tell them how awesome those feelings they were dealing with were, how awesome their skill, their abilities, and their gifts were. As a mom of two teens, I tell them now. What feels like weakness is described and explained as strength in this wonderful book! Lovely and true! Thank you for sharing it with us!
Natalie B (verified owner) –
I purchased this book after a colleague introduced me to the ‘awesomeness’ of this book. WOW! As a mental health professional I think this book is fantastic and I know I will use it often and recommend it to clients.
As a parent I also have a teenage daughter who lives with diagnosed generalised anxiety and she gave this book a HUGE thumbs up and I have also shared the book with a teenage neighbour who lives with social anxiety. Both girls thought the book “Hey Awesome” was great and very helpful.
Thanks for writing such a great book Karen and I look forward to purchasing your new books – please write a book about depression.
Jessica P (verified owner) –
This book was recommended by a children’s councillor, and I’m so glad we got a chance to read it.
In a world where anxiety is viewed as a bad thing, hey Awesome lifts children’s spirits up instead. It focuses on all the ways our kids are strong and amazing, and that they have the power to do amazing things. This means a lot to children whose worries are trying to tell them otherwise, or to those who feel like anxiety holds them back.
Ashley A K (verified owner) –
Awesome books. Also, funny – which keeps kids engaged while they’re learning. There are several talking points in the books – good to note. Thank you for your work.
Erin M (verified owner) –
My 8 yr old son has the Hey Warrior book as well as this book. Both are beautiful to read. Hey Awesome is currently laid out on our kitchen table for him to enjoy over breakfast before school each day. THANK YOU for providing such empowering resources that lift our kids up even in the face of challenge. We love how validating they are!
Jane (verified owner) –
Lovely, my son read this book to me on the way back from our holiday, we talked about every page, and even laughed in a few parts (we are big on humor in our house so it was amazing to have this part of a sometimes difficult topic”.
Kerstin (verified owner) –
This is a wonderful book – full of warmth and empathy for the difficult journeys that some people are on. My 7yo daughter loves it. She now keeps talking about her amygdala expertly. Thanks!
Raelyn A. (verified owner) –
I love these books! What awesome resources. They are so on point and the pictures are welcoming for children of all ages.
Lina –
Another great book! Such a great way to explain anxiety to kids and making them feel brave and proud of themselves. It inspires them to continue showing their strength in ways that they can understand.
Natalie C –
I absolutely love this book. What I love about it the most(apart from the light humourous touches and fun illustrations) is how it reframes anxiety and speaks to the positive traits associated with having anxiety. It’s an important message.
Jo (verified owner) –
Bought this for my 12 year old autistic daughter who really struggles with life…. We read it together and even I felt uplifted! Such a wonderful resource, so glad I purchased a copy
Lisa (verified owner) –
Love it! Such a great way to explain anxiety and reframe the way it is viewed and even felt
Andrea (verified owner) –
This is such a positively framed book, with insight into anxiety and helpful ways to reframe it and deal with it. I love it so much!!
Michael (verified owner) –
A wonderful, beautifully illustrated book about anxiety – and not just for children. It’s a joy to read, a source of peace and calm as well as wisdom.
Anna (verified owner) –
I just bought this for my 10 year old daughter. I bought Hey Warrior and the plush doll about 2 years ago, and it has been really helpful for her. We are on online school and she was having some self-confidence issues with some parts of the distance learning. I ordered Hey Awesome and it has been wonderful for her. It explains what is happening in her brain in a way that she easily understands. And even though this is a picture book, and she usually reads non-illustrated chapter books these days, it was still interesting for her and the right level for her to understand and make sense of her emotions and anxiety symptoms. I am so grateful for these books!
Simone P (verified owner) –
I bought both these amazing books. I have wanted them for quite some time.
After receiving them, I had a chance meeting with a foster Mum, who was in the process of adopting her 9year old foster son. She mentioned how he had endured so many struggles in his short life.. I was so moved by his story, that I gifted them to her to give to him,..
Imagine my absolute delight when she mapessaged me to say he loved them & had placed the little note I wrote him under his pillow that night…my heart sang.
Thankyou for creating such AWESOME books.
Sincerely
Simone
Jennifer R –
Thank you for these amazing resources. What a gift to any family learning about what anxiety is and what amazing qualities people with anxiety have and the incredible things they can do!
Valerie A (verified owner) –
Hi there, I love these books. My youngest two children are 17 and 20 and they both have anxiety. They couldn’t believe how it so accurately describes the feelings they would get. So thank you.
I took it to school for my Year 4 class and they loved it as well. I introduced it to our staff and the mindfulness teacher promptly ordered one for every class in the school. It has been a super addition for working with our kids. So thank you again.
A little while back I purchased the Hey Awesome book in hardcover but I can only find it in softback. How do I find the hardcover version please. Also do you do a pack that includes both books in hardcover along with the plushie? I would like to buy them for my grandchildren.
Thank you very much
Lyndsay B (verified owner) –
I just received “Hey Awesome” in the mail. I am a fellow Psychologist and love this book! More importantly, I am a mother to a highly anxious 9 year old boy. It’s as though this book was written for him! It is absolutely brilliant.
As a Psychologist we have accessed so many wonderful resources to support our sons health, however i truly believe this book is one of our best resources.
Thank you Karen Young for writing such a great book for children who experience anxiety. I love your “awesome” strengths based perspective!!!