karenyoung_heysigmund
Approval, independence, autonomy, are valid needs for all of us. When a need is hungry enough we will be driven to meet it however we can. For our children, this might look like turning away from us and towards others who might be more ready to meet the need, or just taking.
If they don’t feel they can rest in our love, leadership, approval, they will seek this more from peers. There is no problem with this, but we don’t want them solely reliant on peers for these. It can make them vulnerable to making bad decisions, so as not to lose the approval or ‘everythingness’ of those peers.
If we don’t give enough freedom, they might take that freedom through defiance, secrecy, the forbidden. If we control them, they might seek more to control others, or to let others make the decisions that should be theirs.
All kids will mess up, take risks, keep secrets, and do things that baffle us sometimes. What’s important is, ‘Do they turn to us when they need to, enough?’ The ‘turning to’ starts with trusting that we are interested in supporting all their needs, not just the ones that suit us. Of course this doesn’t mean we will meet every need. It means we’ve shown them that their needs are important to us too, even though sometimes ours will be bigger (such as our need to keep them safe).
They will learn safe and healthy ways to meet their needs, by first having them met by us. This doesn’t mean granting full independence, full freedom, and full approval. What it means is holding them safely while also letting them feel enough of our approval, our willingness to support their independence, freedom, autonomy, and be heard on things that matter to them.
There’s no clear line with this. Some days they’ll want independence. Some days they won’t. Some days they’ll seek our approval. Some days they won’t care for it at all, especially if it means compromising the approval of peers. The challenge for us is knowing when to hold them closer and when to give space, when to hold the boundary and when to release it a little, when to collide and when to step out of the way. If we watch and listen, they will show us. And just like them, we won’t need to get it right all the time.♥️
K Smith (verified owner) –
I bought a hardback copy of this book for every teacher, admin, and student support staff in our school!! It is a big hit and it is changing everyone’s approach to our “anxiety” kids. Some adults have told me already that it is helping them and their families as well. Highly recommend!!
Tracey (verified owner) –
Beautifully written and beautifully illustrated! I will get so much use from this book, working with primary aged children!
Jessica (verified owner) –
Excellent book. I will use this book often, as a mental health therapist working with youth in Canada.
Shayna (verified owner) –
I absolutely love this book! My kids Elementary school in Canada is doing a unit on mental health and the principal read this book to every class. My 7 year old with anxiety came home talking about his warrior and how it sometimes makes him have anxiety. The conversation was so good that I had to get the book for myself. (and I bought a couple extra for gifts). I love the conversations we have every time we read this book together and what it has done for my son to help him understand his feelings. I also got the Hey Awesome and We’re not Lions books as well, I would recommend them to everyone!
MrsDavi (verified owner) –
Book and stuffy are very nice quality. Love how anxiety is presented in this book. My 8 & 6 yr old recognized which family members might be struggling with anxiety after reading this. So happy with this purchase!
Krista G –
As a school counselor, this is an AMAZING resource to explore anxiety and the somatization with young children.
Autumn A –
Great book!
Sue (verified owner) –
This book is awesome! I a counselor and I use it all the time with kids.
Jamie K –
This book is amazing! My 11 year old son has really struggled in the last year with fear and anxiety. This book made him feel like someone finally put his feelings into words!
Laura B (verified owner) –
Wonderful book for children and adults alike! I purchased this for my son who struggles with anxiety but it also helped me as well. The schools guidance counselor loved it so much she borrowed my copy until hers arrives so she could use it with the students this fall.
Tina S (verified owner) –
Love this treasureI Not just for kids! I use it with adults who I work with who struggle with anxiety. We all need a good dose of understanding why our body reacts the way it does when it does and that is what this book does. The images are comforting without being too childish.
Karen S (verified owner) –
Absolutely incredible. As a licensed therapist I am thrilled with this book. Parents love it and are interested in buying it as well! 10 stars!
Aleksandra S (verified owner) –
‘Hey Warrior’ is an amazing book to help anxious children. It is empowering, positive and provides kids with practical tools whilst helping parents put words on a complex topic. My 7 year old boy suffers from anxiety and it flared up after we moved interstate and he had to change school. Now he understands how his warrior works and what he can do to keep it in check. More importantly, he feels safe and more confident. I couldn’t recommend it enough!
Brad P –
After sitting in my car with my daughter for over an hour trying to help her overcome her anxiety about school, I realized this was very real and I knew I needed professional help. I searched the internet and found your website. Thank you for sharing your expertise and for giving some insight into anxiety. We read the content of your website together and several times my daughter would shake her head yes and say, “that’s it, I experience all of these symptoms”. We immediately purchased Hey Warrior. We love the book and now my daughter feels like she has coping mechanisms and does not feel alone in her anxiety. We love the book and I am so thankful that you gave us tools. Now my daughter can choose to be brave and overcome her anxiety. It not only helped my daughter; it helped mom & dad. We tried so many things but they did not work!!! Thank you!
Brad P –
After sitting in front of my daughters school for an hour because she was experiencing anxiety. I immediately searched online to find something to relate and give her comfort. I found your website. We read the content of your website together and immediately purchase Hey Warrior. She is 10 and repeatedly shook her head yes and told me “that’s it”. “That is how I feel”. We used a few of the suggestions on your website and we were able to walk her into her class. Thank you for sharing and for giving us some coping mechanisms to allow her to be “brave” and gave her anxiety. So thankful and we love the book.
Nicole F (verified owner) –
As a mother and a licensed counselor this book is one of the best I have read to my daughters. They love the graphics and answered the questions at the end which added insight! Highly recommend!