Our job as parents isn’t to remove their distress around boundaries, but to give them the experiences to recognise they can handle boundaries - holding theirs and respecting the boundaries others.
Every time we hold a boundary, we are giving our kids the precious opportunity to learn how to hold their own.
If we don’t have boundaries, the risk is that our children won’t either. We can talk all we want about the importance of boundaries, but if we don’t show them, how can they learn? Inadvertently, by avoiding boundary collisions with them, we are teaching them to avoid conflict at all costs.
In practice, this might look like learning to put themselves, their needs, and their feelings away for the sake of peace. Alternatively, they might feel the need to control other people and situations even more. If they haven’t had the experience of surviving a collision of needs or wants, and feeling loved and accepted through that, conflicting needs will feel scary and intolerable.
Similarly, if we hold our boundaries too harshly and meet their boundary collisions with shame, yelling, punishment or harsh consequences, this is how we’re teaching them to respond to disagreement, or diverse needs and wants. We’re teaching them to yell, fight dirty, punish, or overbear those who disagree.
They might also go the other way. If boundaries are associated with feeling shamed, lonely, ‘bad’, they might instead surrender boundaries and again put themselves away to preserve the relationship and the comfort of others. This is because any boundary they hold might feel too much, too cruel, or too rejecting, so ‘no boundary’ will be the safest option.
If we want our children to hold their boundaries respectfully and kindly, and with strength, we will have to go first.
It’s easy to think there are only two options. Either:
- We focus on the boundary at the expense of the relationship and staying connected to them.
- We focus on the connection at the expense of the boundary.
But there is a third option, and that is to do both - at the same time. We hold the boundary, while at the same time we attend to the relationship. We hold the boundary, but with warmth.♥️
Zoe H (verified owner) –
I brought this for my daughter after she had a lady come yo school and talk about it . We absolutely love it the books are amazing and she just loves the plushie she’s been sleeping so well since we got him.
Brooke (verified owner) –
I absolutely adore this set! I’m a play therapy’s in the US so figured I might as well order a bundle. The plush sits in my cozy corner in the play room and kids are so curious about it. Great way to introduce psychoeducation into child centered play. Also use the book and plush together as a directive approach. This book is so well written to explain the brain and stress reactions to kids, as well as introduce coping skills. I love it!
Aleisha (verified owner) –
Best books ever for children struggling with anxiety
Karen D P (verified owner) –
My supervisor bought me a set of the smaller one with three books and I liked it so much I bought the bigger one. I was a little disappointed that it did not have the book, “But We Are Not Lions.”
Victoria B (verified owner) –
Everything about this package is beautifly thoughtful, from the packaging that it arrived in right to the back pages. My son loves the plush and books. We loved that you could pick any page to start with in Hey Awesome. I have recommended this to the Learning Support team I work with at School. Highly recommended to all ages and all people with or without anxiety. Love it!
Christine (verified owner) –
Very glad I purchased. Son doesn’t like many books and I was worried he wouldn’t want to listen to the messages. The first page gave us permission not to read in order and we pick a random page every night. He wants to take the book ‘Hey Awsome’ to school. Highly recommend.
Janette w –
Awesome! My son really liked it. It really supported me as a mom knowing that there are more kids out there like mine.
Danielle (verified owner) –
Fantastic books and my son loves the teddy. All my kids want one now. Great resource for any kids who suffer anxiety and nervous stress on any level. Even mild.
Yanina K (verified owner) –
This books are carefully and insightfully written to explain in a simple yet caring way how anxiety works in our body. The illustration is magnificent. The plushie wraps up the whole message. We loved it.
Giselle (verified owner) –
Such a great help to explain anxiety to kids
Lidia (verified owner) –
I have used the ultimate resource pack with ALL my clients from ages 3 – 17. I find it the MOST helpful tool for explaining how their brain works on and off anxiety, why they react as they do and most importantly how to manage it and strengthen their brain to make different choices in behavior.. EVERYONE loves the stuffed Amygdala and they ALL hold onto him as we are exploring our brain and how awesome they are. Thank you so much for this! As a child therapist – I can attest to the efficiency and ease of using your tools to help kids in therapy (and all others as well – I have used it with my 18 year old and twin 11 year olds as well).
Lindsey (verified owner) –
I love the ultimate resource pack! I’ve ordered this from England. I have children who are grieving the loss of their father and as a result they are suffering from anxiety. This pack has helped me to explain to them what is happening in their body and why they have some of the physical responses. The plushie Amygdala is awesome and this is great for them to hold while we talk about whats happening. The books are easy to understand and beautifully illustrated. Its a genius idea and has been very helpful. Thank you.
Angela S (verified owner) –
What can I say, the book set is amazing, came beautifully wrapped and packaged, both me and my daughter learned some tips on how to handle our anxiety ❤️ Very happy
Kelley (verified owner) –
Just ordered this set, it’s wonderful! My daughter’s therapist introduced her to the amygdala character and book – this really helped her to better understand her anxiety and what was happening in her body. She’s named her amygdala plush and talks to him when he’s acting up! What a wonderful tool to help kids (and adults!) process and better manage anxiety or panic attacks.
Claire P (verified owner) –
I have just received my Hey Warrior set and they are even better than I imagined. I live in the UK but I am so glad I bought them from the Hey Sigmund site and they were worth the wait!! I am looking forward to using these as a psychologist to help young and old understand how our brain works. I look forward to more resources.
Christiane (verified owner) –
What an incredible resource. I have 2 sons, age 3 and 6. I am a therapist who works with adults and I also have struggled with anxiety my entire life. I just LOVE the amygdala character. I even use it with my adults clients as a way to personify anxiety. The quality of the books is so incredible. The images are so beautiful I could look at them all day. The small activities detailed in the book and the writing is so welcoming and encouraging. I feel like I’m healing my inner child as I heal my kids! I am also super loving all the videos on the website. Both my kids got a stuffy and they just adore their amygdala! 🙂 he is both a fierce warrior and a snuggly friend.
Jodi (verified owner) –
I am beyond happy with this set! You cannot find these wonderful books anywhere for this price AND the Warrior plushie is the best. This is my favorite purchase of the year. Counselors…you need these books!
Ally A –
Both books are fantastic. I am going to use with adult clients as well. As all adult material is too serious and intense. I’d love a follow up for adults on how the high of being busy is really their system in full fight flight
Nicole G (verified owner) –
These 2 books and plushie are amazing I have used them in my therapy with children the really great thing is that kids feel really smart because they know how their brain works and why they feel the way they feel and the plushie is great to hug when you are anxious. I absolutely love them.
Kirsty M (verified owner) –
We are absolutely in love with our book set and plushie. It has helped our 2 sons so much, especially since coming out of months of lockdown. These will be treasured forever and will give our children tools to help cope, for the rest of their lives. I couldn’t recommend this highly enough.
Rebecca Lyn G, ATR-BC, LPC, CEDS (verified owner) –
I bought this book set after “Hey Warrior” was suggested as a tool to us with children during my EMDR training, and it has been an amazing asset to my bibliotherapy collection. I have used it in the past month with multiple clients and have parents preparing to purchase their own copies. As an art therapist, I can easily take the book and create directives for clients after using the book in session. I highly suggest that you purchase the book,
As an aside I am so glad I bought it through the site as the packaging was adorable!
Julie H (verified owner) –
I bought these amazing books and warrior toy for my friends child and for my own child. My daughter loves the warrior toy and sleeps with it every night she even said she was having a bad dream and her warrior helped her change her dream.
My friends child has been having bad anxiety from everything that is happening in this world at the moment, anxiety about going back to school as well. My friend said her child sleeps with his warrior every night and the books have helped her child so much. I read the books before I read them to my daughter and I have to say they are written very well. It explains everything that they need to understand about anxiety. So thank you so much!
Casey (verified owner) –
Wonderful set. The plushie is soft and intrigues the children I see as a psychotherapist. The hands and feet are adorable. My clients love to learn about their brains and bodies. I often simplify the wording in the books, keeping the message the same, as well as adapting it to the general population and not just those with anxiety. I use these tools in conjunction with the Triune Brain model for many of my clients. Thank you for this wonderful resource.
Anji M. (verified owner) –
Excellent books, great quality, well written and makes my daughter understand more clearly what she’s experiencing in her body and how to breath through it.