karenyoung_heysigmund
Validation is a presence, not a speech.
It doesn’t mean you’re being permissive, or rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour. It doesn’t mean you’re saying the storm is okay. It’s a way of handling the storm and offering a safe passage through it, without judgement, shame, isolation.
Think about the times your big feels have taken over. Has it ever worked ever, in the history of forever, for someone to tell you to calm down, or shut you down, or manage you. Nope. Not for me either.
Because when we’re in big feels, we don’t need to be managed, we need to be seen. We don’t do or say the rubbish things we do because we don’t know the rules of social engagement, or because we haven’t had enough consequences, or because we think these things are okay. In fact, we’re not thinking at all. We do these things because in that moment, we don’t have the resources to do differently.
Validation is a way of adding resources, through relationship. It’s a strong, loving presence that sends the message, ‘Bring your feelings to me. I can take care of you through this. And I can keep you and everyone including you safe along the way.’
Of course even during a storm we need to hold boundaries to keep everyone safe (them, you, others), but let these be loving - hold the boundary, add warmth. ‘Yes, this is big. I want to hear you. (Relationship) No I won’t listen when you speak like that. When you can speak in a way I can hear, then we can talk (boundary). You’re not in trouble. I’m right here. (Relationship)
The might be a need for repair, learning, or talking about what’s happened, but during the storm isn’t that time.
We can’t reason with someone in big feels because the thinking brain, the part than can think rationally, logically, plan, think through consequences, make deliberate decisions, is locked out for a bit. This happens to all of us. It’s why we all do or say things that aren’t great when we’re in big feelings.
We can’t stop a storm once it’s storming, but we can offer a safe passage through it. This is what validation does. It a safe passage to a place of calm and connection, where you can have the influence and the conversations that will be growthful.♥️
Elysha –
I purchased this when my younger child was struggling with physical effects of anxiety after his grandfather died. My older child has anxiety. I have anxiety. My mother has anxiety.
This book was so great. It explains where the physical symptoms of anxiety originate, what it means, and give suggestions of how to deal with it. My 75 year old mother read it and later told me it has helped her deal with her anxiety attacks.
I recommend this book to so many people, especially with the increase in anxiety in kids.
Charlotte C –
The book was amazing. Olivia aged 9.
Courtney (verified owner) –
A great book for all ages. It gives understanding as to what is happening in our bodies.
Ed (verified owner) –
An empowering narrative about anxiety. Love the illustrations.
Miranda (verified owner) –
An absolutely incredible resource that I refer to and recommend to others regularly. I’m a single mother dealing with PTSD and complex trauma and Karen’s work has given me tools to help raise my daughter with a healthier, informed understanding of her own brain & body and hopefully an ongoing respect of others around her. Thank you, Karen
Nikki O’Brien (verified owner) –
Amazing way of unpacking Anxiety for children!!
I loved reading this, it gave a new way of understanding what happens to you when you suffer with Anxiety!!
Highly recommend
Christine Z (verified owner) –
A wonderful resource for our school serving students on the autism spectrum who often struggle with anxiety and dysregulation.
David (verified owner) –
My kindergartner was having a lot of anxiety over going to school. I did some searching and came across this book and thought I’d take a chance. It’s wonderfully written, easy for kids to understand, and has helped him a lot. Highly recommend.
Ruth (verified owner) –
I was recommended this book from someone I met only briefly. It is a beautiful, easy to read book which has really helped my 7 year old understand what’s happening when she feels anxious. I have already recommended to others.
Jan D –
This book is easy for children and adults to understand and very well written. I bought the Warrier cuddly toy and the little key chain. This has helped so much. As a grandma I have learnt so much to help my grandchild. I have just ordered “ups and downs” and am looking forward to working with this one. Well done Karen. You are helping so many families.
Miranda L (verified owner) –
I am a mindfulness coach and work with a lot of families in helping their kids (and them) with anxiety. This is the best and most informative book I’ve found on helping kids understand and befriend their anxious mind. I can’t recommend it more.
Beth (verified owner) –
I have been using it in my practice for 4 years now. It is helpful to children and to their parents in their efforts to understand what is happening to their child and so often, to the parent as well. It is a soft approach that packs a wallop.
Nicci C (verified owner) –
Absolutely wonderful book written so well for children
Marisa H (verified owner) –
This is a really nice book, does a great job of explaining anxiety in a kid-friendly way
Fenella (verified owner) –
I really love this book. I have read it to my daughter who found it enjoyable and informative, now I can’t wait to read it to my class.
Veronica F (verified owner) –
We have used this amazing book with small groups, whole classes and even parents! I have now bought more copies for teachers so they can revisit again and again.
Karen H (verified owner) –
Love the book and the stuffed animal. Helps make anxiety more manageable! Sharing this in the classrooms I visit is helping many of my students feel more in control of their own emotions. Thank you!
Maria –
A lovely helpful book for children and teens. The explanations are simple enough to help understand why and a few tips to what to do. Takes the scary out of anxiety which is really good. I recommend this book.
Billi G (verified owner) –
Excellent resource for all ages! fast and affordable shipping too 🙂
Krow F (verified owner) –
This is a fun, yet powerful book of magic that I bought for my grandchildren and another copy for a friend’s counselling office! The number of kids today suffering anxiety symptoms is beyond concerning. I will be ordering copies to donate to the school as well so that more kids can access the support it offers.
Crystal M (verified owner) –
My 9 year old daughter loved this book so much, she took it to school and asked her teacher if she could present it to her class because she thought it would help some of her classmates as well (her teacher was very sweet and supportive, and loved the book as well). It explains anxiety in a simple yet beautiful way for children (and adults too) and helped my daughter understand why she feels the way she does. She likes that she has a protector but she’s still in charge, which gave her back some power. The checklists at the end of the book were a big hit. We have tried a few different books to explain anxiety to kids and this is by far the best one we’ve found. Highly recommend if you have children struggling with anxiety.
Emily (verified owner) –
Such an excellent book for helping people understand and ease anxiety. I’ve used this book with my children, recommended it to friends, and colleagues. I work in a pediatric office and we love the book so much and regularly recommend to our patients.
Sharyn C (verified owner) –
Hey Warrior is a wonderful resource to share with children and families. It is written in such a child friendly way and is relevant for children of a wide age range.
Andrea W –
As a therapist working with traumatized children for the last 20 years, this is my all time favorite books. I recommend it over and over and read it to countless families and children. It is also my go to gift for the students that I supervise!!
L Brown (verified owner) –
Bought this book after hearing a recommendation. Grandmother here and my grandchildren are all almost too old for the book. Bought one, ordered 2 more within the next month. On top of a wonderful, easy to understand book the shipping – tracking was phenomenal.
Thank you
Courtney –
This is a fantastic description and breakdown for anxiety for kids. Very helpful to understand, even as an adult
K Smith (verified owner) –
I bought a hardback copy of this book for every teacher, admin, and student support staff in our school!! It is a big hit and it is changing everyone’s approach to our “anxiety” kids. Some adults have told me already that it is helping them and their families as well. Highly recommend!!