karenyoung_heysigmund
Our nervous systems are designed to receive their distress. Fight or flight in them raises fight or flight in us - to get our bodies ready to fight for them or flee with them.
When they’re in actual danger, it’s a brilliant response, but ‘danger’ is about what the brain perceives.
Big feelings and behaviour are a sign of a brain that has registered ‘threat’. A felt sense of relational threat and emotional threat all count as ‘threat’.
This can happen any time there is any chance at all of humiliation, judgement, missing out on something important, felt disconnection, not feeling seen, heard, validated, not having the resources for the immediate demands (stress).
Think of this in terms of interruption, transition times, sibling arguments, coming home after a big day at school.
When the threat isn’t a true physical danger, there is nothing to fight with or flee from (except maybe siblings and instructions).
This is when the fight or flight that’s been raised in us can move us to fight with them (we might get irritated, frustrated, angry, annoyed, raise our voices) or flee from them.
These are really valid feelings and signs of things working as they should, but it’s what we do in response that matters.
Think of it this way. Brains don’t care for the difference between actual danger and things that are safe, but annoying or upsetting. They all count as ‘danger’.
Pause for a moment, and see that this is a young person with a brain that doesn’t feel ‘safe’ right now. Whether it’s emotionally safe, relationally safe, physically safe - they all matter.
First, they need to be brought back to safety. We’ll do this most powerfully through relationship - co-regulation, validation, touch.
In practice this looks like breathe (to calm your nervous system so you can recalibrate theirs), be with (validate with or without words - let them feel you believing them and not needing anything from them in that moment), and wait.
If you need to hold a boundary, add that in (‘I won’t let you …’) but don’t take relationship away.
Then, when they are calm, have the chat - ‘What happened?’ ‘What can we do to put things right?’ ‘What might next time look like?’♥️
USD $33.32 +
USD $11.74 +
Dearne B (verified owner) –
This book has been life changing for my 18 year old son, it explains anxiety like no other book I have found and helps them understand what is happening when they have anxiety. I would recommend this book to anyone that suffers from anxiety.
Elizabeth W (verified owner) –
I also did not realize it was coming from Australia. I have read it through, and loved how well everything is explained . There is so much information and written in a way the children understand. I have not had the chance to share with our grandchildren , but know they will enjoy learning about what Anxiety is, and the tools to help control it.I also love the illustration in the book, so pleased with my purchase.
Ashley N (verified owner) –
Totally worth the wait and shipping. When I first bought this I hadn’t realized it was coming from Australia to the US. It took a little bit but I received updates about when it shipped, which was great.
The illustrations are amazing and I love the way it was written. I have purchased and read a lot of anxiety books for kids and this one is my favorite. As an adult with anxiety, I felt like it even helped me think about my anxiety with more understanding as well.
As a plus, it came adorably wrapped as well 🙂 My kids have watched Bananas in Pajamas enough that they call jello jelly. So they though the part with the jelly on his belly was hilarious. Thank you!
Jennifer (verified owner) –
This book is amazing. If only it would have been written 31 years ago when my sons were diagnosed with OCD at 8 and 9 years of age. I had to do lots of research to find resources to bring in to the school board as their special ed consultants had no knowledge of this disorder at the time. Such stressful times. It will help children, parents and educators. My marriage did not survive the stress. This book would have helped lessen the stigma, denial and confusion. Thank you, thank you for this beautiful book. I will be giving it to my grandchildren who are now 4 and 7. It will help them understand themselves, as well as their father. Such a gift.
Andrea (verified owner) –
This is such a beautifully written book. All of my children (5,7 & 9) really enjoyed it. We go back to it often and explore what is captured in the book. It’s been so helpful for them to understand what’s going on in their minds. Understanding is power and this book is powerful!
Viv L (verified owner) –
This is a wonderful book – my 5 year old has really enjoyed it and it’s opened up a new language and way for us to talk about anxiety. I think it should be in every kindy and school, thank you!
Michelle K (verified owner) –
This is an excellent book that should be a part of every classroom library. In a way that is easy to understand, for both children and their parents, the book shares the biology and chemistry that causes feelings of anxiety. This positive approach, helped empower my daughter to practice bravery, and overcome her feelings of shame about being “different”. Giving a name to her amygdala (Fred!) helped her to understand it’s purpose and recognize and accept that she CAN use strategies to help direct its energies and impulses, when it’s being over-protective.
Amber S. –
This is a great book that uses an analogy that kids can easily understand about how the brain functions and how it functions with anxiety. The visuals are amazing. This has really helped my child understand what is happening when she experiences anxiety and has helped her be able to explain it to her friends.
Pastor Ken (verified owner) –
I bought the book for my young people at church. They thought it was great the material is easy to read.
Kate (verified owner) –
I bought this book for my granddaughter. She has engaged with it and is able to understand that her feelings can be hijacked by her amygdala. Hopefully it will help her.
S. M (verified owner) –
An excellent book to address Anxiety with kids and teens. Can’t wait to see other books in this series!
Tilly –
Absolutely just right for explaining anxiety. Not patronising so can be used for some adults also. Understanding about the benefit of breathing great
Sue (verified owner) –
i found this book to be a positive way to address and demystify anxiety. I liked how it left you feeling what an awesome person you are and gives you some helpful tips on how to manage the overactive flight/fight mechanism that rears up as panic attacks and/or adrenaline fuelled response. Understanding what occurs in your body helps to alleviate the worry about anxious thoughts and reactions and settles in your mind what is taking place and what to do about it. The thoughtful illustrations are soft and engaging too. I bought this for myself and for a friend. We both work in Early Education.
Erin (verified owner) –
This is a fantastic book with great resources to practice with your children and the illustrations are really fun and beautiful. Absolutely love the collection
John (verified owner) –
I bought the book for a friend and her daughter and they love it!! I think most importantly it facilitated a more open dialog were her daughter is comfortable expressing herself. An observation on my part.
Plus it can fom another continent so they kept the postage from its exciting adventure!!
Michael L (verified owner) –
What a lovely book. My 9 and 11 year old daughters have their fears and anxieties about all kinds of things in life but most significantly with starting something new. We are moving to a new school district next month so you can understand how that can affect any child. We are very pleased with the way this book explains what is actually happening with your mind and body when it comes to feeling anxiety. Understanding what is happening to ourselves and our feelings is so important in living life and this book portrays that through words and imagery.
Matt (verified owner) –
My 9 year old daughter has been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for a few months. I love this book because of the way it explains the mechanisms behind and reasons for stress and anxiety and gives clear, actionable methods to better manage oneself that are accessible to a a child of her age and emotional and mental stages of development.
I will say that putting in place a daily ritual to habitualise the strategies given in the book requires support from me – she’s not old enough to do it alone.
The book is also beautifully illustrated and very aesthetically appealing (at least to my tastes..).
Thank you!
Saul G (verified owner) –
Well presented ,illustrated and explained and most importantly my 10 year old son is understanding why sometimes we feel the way do.
Donna G (verified owner) –
My boys loved these books so I purchased them as end of year teacher gifts.
Amy T (verified owner) –
My 9 year old son absolutely loves this book. It’s written SO well. We read it together sometimes, but I also see him reaching for it by himself.
Katie (verified owner) –
My son, who is almost 10, is clearly empowered by this book. The page about the physical manifestations of anxiety gave him a big “aha moment.” We read it together often, at his request. I also bought the key chain and we do some goofy role playing with it where Lookout (his name for his amygdala) is afraid of things and we talk him through it. I’m so glad we purchased these and it was well worth the wait as it was shipped overseas. Thank you!
Kristen –
This is a beautiful book! My 6 year old son and 9 year old daughter both loved it in its ability to teach about the value of befriending our amygdala and appreciate its helpful intentions for our safety. They both had fun naming their inner warriors and by the end of the book they were engaged with the various strategies to become the boss of their own bodies and allow their warriors to relax. I’m a psychotherapist and would happily recommend this book to most of my adult clients as well!! It’s a very clear, non-pathologizing and empowering way to understand our nervous systems and develop emotion regulation. Thanks so much:)
joelene grassby (verified owner) –
i bought this book for my son, who is struggling since starting in his new class at school. He is been testes for autism however I feel anxiety with the pandemic has brought many of his traits on. My son loves this book and it has helped massively! He is back to staying in his own bed and going to school with no tears. I used the sticker the book was sealed with and he wears it on his school jumper so if he feels the big emotion he can touch it to remind himself he’s ok. We are due our third child in the next few weeks and i am going to buy the soft toy for him and his sister as i’m sure they are going to feel anxious when the new arrival comes so thought it would be a nice gift for the baby to give to its siblings. I am also a primary school teacher and will use this book for many years to come to help in the classroom!
Margaret A K (verified owner) –
I have a 16 year old son with high functioning autism who struggles with OCD. Hey Warrior was recommended by his therapist and I was so impressed with how the author could take such a complex subject and explain it terms that were simple and yet still relatable to older kids. The book helps takes the shame out of feeling anxious by explaining it in a positive way. Thank you!
Andrea L (verified owner) –
Helpful tool in assisting my 8 year old with his very active mind and feelings. Sometimes we take in “too much” and wish we had different filters. This book simplifies the very human experience of anxiety for children, and most importantly validates this super strength that at times feels paradoxically something to be at odds with. Thank you for the wonderful addition to the toolbelt!