karenyoung_heysigmund
Validation is a presence, not a speech.
It doesn’t mean you’re being permissive, or rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour. It doesn’t mean you’re saying the storm is okay. It’s a way of handling the storm and offering a safe passage through it, without judgement, shame, isolation.
Think about the times your big feels have taken over. Has it ever worked ever, in the history of forever, for someone to tell you to calm down, or shut you down, or manage you. Nope. Not for me either.
Because when we’re in big feels, we don’t need to be managed, we need to be seen. We don’t do or say the rubbish things we do because we don’t know the rules of social engagement, or because we haven’t had enough consequences, or because we think these things are okay. In fact, we’re not thinking at all. We do these things because in that moment, we don’t have the resources to do differently.
Validation is a way of adding resources, through relationship. It’s a strong, loving presence that sends the message, ‘Bring your feelings to me. I can take care of you through this. And I can keep you and everyone including you safe along the way.’
Of course even during a storm we need to hold boundaries to keep everyone safe (them, you, others), but let these be loving - hold the boundary, add warmth. ‘Yes, this is big. I want to hear you. (Relationship) No I won’t listen when you speak like that. When you can speak in a way I can hear, then we can talk (boundary). You’re not in trouble. I’m right here. (Relationship)
The might be a need for repair, learning, or talking about what’s happened, but during the storm isn’t that time.
We can’t reason with someone in big feels because the thinking brain, the part than can think rationally, logically, plan, think through consequences, make deliberate decisions, is locked out for a bit. This happens to all of us. It’s why we all do or say things that aren’t great when we’re in big feelings.
We can’t stop a storm once it’s storming, but we can offer a safe passage through it. This is what validation does. It a safe passage to a place of calm and connection, where you can have the influence and the conversations that will be growthful.♥️
Lisa (verified owner) –
Hey Warrior is such a fantastic tool to use in helping students who struggle with anxiety. As a school counselor, I have used this book with students and I have also shared it with family members. It is so empowering for young people to have information and understanding about what is going on in their brain and body. Thank you for such a meaningful book!
Katy R (verified owner) –
Very helpful for my 10yo with anxiety. He has named his Amygdala Brian, and so far addressing him directly is helping. He has asked to reread a few times already. Thank you!
Alet (verified owner) –
This is a wonderful book. I just read it to my kids and they nodded and laughed along… I think it will be very helpful with facing their worries (and even mine). So far the Amygdala is called Peanut Brain and Meat Brain (?) – I think that’s a compliment.
Jessica M –
Following attending the course with Karen, I used this book to talk to my kids about their amygdala and how it can hijack their thoughts. As a result of these conversation my son will now fall asleep on his own. For the five years prior to that I had to be in the same room as him. This was a game changer for us. My son found a new confidence and I felt empowered. The book is brilliant and beautifully illustrated.
Eve T (verified owner) –
I wanted to add to the positive words about Hey Warrior. I facilitate a social skills group with a group of middle school learning support students. I am always looking for books and other materials to use with this group of students. Hey Warrior was perfect! Beautiful illustrations, understandable language and a positive message about the ability to be in control of your emotions. Thank you for a lovely resource to help my students.
JoAnn (verified owner) –
Absolutely wonderful I’m so many ways. From presentation to content to illustrations, I couldn’t be more pleased. I work with tweens and teens in my practice and was not sure off this would be geared for younger children, but I truly believe it’s a great resource to introduce anxiety to many ages. So pleased with this book!!!
Alison C (verified owner) –
This book was perfect for my 8 year old granddaughter is starting to struggle with Anxiety. It was written for all ages to understand. Absolutely Loved this book.
Michelle (verified owner) –
This book is awesome. A great resource for our Early Learning Clinic.
Betsy (verified owner) –
This book is perfectly written so that a child can understand what is happening in their body when anxiety hits! My 8 year old refers to it as a tool whenever he feels anxious!
Allison Hamff –
Truly one of the best books, if not the best, for helping children understand and learn to deal with anxiety effectively.
Sally (verified owner) –
Love this book! Ordered it, even though my kids are teens. They were reluctant at first, but stayed through the entire book and had a good discussion with me. Easy to understand language that helps take away the “feeling bad about yourself for reacting” when your Warrior is watching out for you.
Laura (verified owner) –
What a wonderful book. I think it’s an absolute masterpiece. I’ll be using this as a mother, an educator, and a human being forever! But I’ll start by using for myself first. Thank you!
Lina –
Such a great way to explain anxiety to kids and making them feel brave and proud of themselves. It inspires them to continue showing their strength in ways that they can understand.
Katie Mc (verified owner) –
Got so much out of this book for my 11yr old daughter. It simplified what I used to try to explain to her and put it in a way easy for her to understand.
Jennifer (verified owner) –
Beautiful book that describes anxiety clearly and shines a positive light on it.
Kimi (verified owner) –
Love it! The book does a great job of presenting anxiety in a really positive way. A great book for kids AND their parents!
Abby (verified owner) –
I just love how the book describes the physical symptoms of anxiety as strengths. I’ve used it in therapy sessions numerous times and it’s gone over well. For younger kids I’ve skipped around, but my middle schoolers get really engaged for the entire thing.
Ashley S (verified owner) –
A beautifully illustrated and very well written book that explains how anxiety works in an age appropriate way. This book will always have a place in my counseling office. Thank you!
maggi (verified owner) –
Well worth the wait. It will be a great tool for our whole family to use. The break down of how anxiety so you can understand what is happening to your body and the illustrations a beautiful.
Martin T (verified owner) –
Great book, really well written and explains anxiety perfectly for kids that need it and for adults to learn from. Well done.
Naomi (verified owner) –
Beautifully done! My son really loves this book.
Helen (verified owner) –
I bought this when my 11 year old had her first experience of anxiety and stopped eating. She didn’t know what was happening to her. The book (along with the letting which she calls Ammy) has helped to explain what is happening in her brain, what it is doing to her body as a reaction and what she can do to take back control of Ammy. It’s really worth investing in! Also recommended it to the psychologist working with my daughter.
Lauren (verified owner) –
This book is amazing and has been super helpful with talking about anxiety with my 6 year old.
Kaari E (verified owner) –
With a little assistance, my three year old understands and loves this book! My child has been sleeping through the night and does not fight bedtime! It also is a great way to teach adults who are skeptical about mental health issues in children or themselves! I highly recommend for any school teacher, counselor, or interested parent!
Sarah L (verified owner) –
Beautiful well written book
Karen (verified owner) –
I am an elementary educator and a lover of beautiful picture books. This one has stunning, artful illustrations that capture the richness of emotions with exquisite detail.
The text is emotionally accessible for young children, and yet rich enough in content that my 12 year old enjoyed listening when I read it out loud.
We talk a lot about feelings in our house, but the whole family learned something new when reading this book. I’m so glad that I discovered it, and highly recommend to any grown up with children they love in their lives.
I will certainly be sharing this book with other parents and teachers in my life!
Joanne (verified owner) –
The book is sensitively written. I haven’t yet given it to my grandson, but I am sure he will like it and be able to connect with the story. Thanks to both the author and the illustrator for creating a beautiful and comforting book.
Amanda (verified owner) –
My 5 year old is an over thinker and worries about everything. We got the book. Beautifully presented and illustrated and read it that morning before school. She loved the character and I could see she was understanding the message. Went to a nurses appointment the day after and she was much calmer. She told her amygdala ( won’t call it another name -she’s so literal) that she got this and mommy got this so no need to be feeling anxious. Great result already!
Michelle Ruth A (verified owner) –
Beautifully written and illustrated. Excellent explanations and coping strategies.
Lynda (verified owner) –
Well written with beautiful illustrations.