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by Sarah Sacks

[post-views] VIEWS

Finding The Strength To Be

Finding the Strength to Be

Originally I came to meditation through yoga.  After many years of a very physical yoga practice, I found my home practice had become less and less active.  Allowing my body to guide me, at home on the mat, I no longer sought physical expression, but experienced a deep desire to sit.  Sitting in the unknowing, meditation became me.

It was in this sitting, that I came in contact with a deep unidentified grief.  Whilst incredibly painful, it was only in this sitting in the grief, that I began to experience glimpses of the potential for opening beyond the pain.  During this time, I continued to regularly attend yoga class and at home listened to my body, allowing myself to sit in mediation or to reflect in my journal.  This period was transformative, resulting in me opening to a new path in my life. 

Many years on, as I reflect on this experience and other pivotal moments in my life, I note what has sustained me.   Consistently it has been a blend of physical expression and reflection.  Noting that without one the other loses strength. 

Whatever the form, our exercise and reflective practices take, I sincerely believe that it is only in being in contact with our physical being, that we can find the strength to be.

Reflection – what do you do to support your capacity to find both stillness and expansion in your life?

[irp posts=”874″ name=”9 Ways to Tap Into Your Intuition (And Why You’ll Want To)”]

About the Author: Sarah Sacks

Sarah is a qualified and experienced counsellor, meditation teacher and group facilitator.  

Sarah’s years of body based based practices, in meditation and yoga, have led Sarah to believe in the inherent wisdom of the body.  In line with this belief, Sarah has trained and qualified as a Whole Body Focusing Orientated Therapist, Transpersonal Counsellor, Holistic Counsellor, Meditation Teacher and is currently continuing her training in Group Psychotherapy Facilitation.  

Over the last 5 years Sarah has worked in the not-for-profit sector, the community health sector and privately, as a generalist counsellor and group facilitator.  Sarah has experience working with children, families and adults around issues of; isolation, anxiety, depression, grief, loss, trauma, anger, separation, addiction and general mental health.  

Sarah’s warm and intuitive counselling style, along with her extensive life experience, enables Sarah to gently support her clients towards their own path of change.

Qualifications – Bachelor of Holistic Counselling, Diploma of Transpersonal Counselling, Bachelor of Business (International Marketing & Trade), Diploma of Arts (Japanese), ACA (level 2), qualifying member for CAPAV

You can find Sarah at The Grove Counselling and Therapy and on Facebook.

See the The Grove’s ‘Training and Events’ page for more information about training and events offered by the Grove, including Wholebody Focusing Training. This program is open to anyone interested in conscious living and connecting directly to their own body wisdom, and will be of particular interest to therapists and body/movement focused practitioners.

 

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karenyoung_heysigmund

Children will look to their closest adult - a parent, a teacher, a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle - for signs of safety and signs of danger.

What the parent believes, the child will follow, for better or worse.

Anxiety doesn’t mean they aren’t safe or capable. It means they don’t feel safe or capable enough yet.

As long as they are safe, this is where they need to borrow our calm and certainty until they can find their own.

The questions to ask are, ‘Do I believe they are safe and cared for here?’ ‘Do I believe they are capable?’

It’s okay if your answer is no to either of these. We aren’t meant to feel safe handing our kiddos over to every situation or to any adult.

But if the answer is no, that’s where the work is.

What do you need to know they are safe and cared for? What changes need to be made? What can help you feel more certain? Is their discomfort from something unsafe or from something growthful? What needs to happen to know they are capable of this?

This can be so tricky for parents as it isn’t always clear. Are they anxious because this is new or because it’s unsafe?

As long as they are relationally safe (or have an adult working towards this) and their bodies feel safe, the work is to believe in them enough for them to believe it too - to handle our very understandable distress at their distress, make space for their distress, and show them we believe in them by what we do next: support avoidance or brave behaviour.

As long as they are safe, we don’t need to get rid of their anxiety or big feelings. Lovingly make space for those feelings AND brave behaviour. They can feel anxious and do brave.

‘I know this feels big. Bring all your feelings to me. I can look after you through all of it. And yes, this is happening. I know you can do this. We’ll do it together.’

But we have to be kind and patient with ourselves too. The same instinct that makes you a wonderful parent - the attachment instinct - might send your ‘they’re not safe’ radar into overdrive.

Talk to their adults at school, talk to them, get the info you need to feel certain enough, and trust they are safe, and capable enough, even when anxiety (theirs and yours) is saying no.❤️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Jan 29

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18097682683908813
Children will look to their closest adult - a parent, a teacher, a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle - for signs of safety and signs of danger. What the parent believes, the child will follow, for better or worse. Anxiety doesn’t mean they aren’t safe or capable. It means they don’t feel safe or capable enough yet. As long as they are safe, this is where they need to borrow our calm and certainty until they can find their own. The questions to ask are, ‘Do I believe they are safe and cared for here?’ ‘Do I believe they are capable?’ It’s okay if your answer is no to either of these. We aren’t meant to feel safe handing our kiddos over to every situation or to any adult. But if the answer is no, that’s where the work is. What do you need to know they are safe and cared for? What changes need to be made? What can help you feel more certain? Is their discomfort from something unsafe or from something growthful? What needs to happen to know they are capable of this? This can be so tricky for parents as it isn’t always clear. Are they anxious because this is new or because it’s unsafe? As long as they are relationally safe (or have an adult working towards this) and their bodies feel safe, the work is to believe in them enough for them to believe it too - to handle our very understandable distress at their distress, make space for their distress, and show them we believe in them by what we do next: support avoidance or brave behaviour. As long as they are safe, we don’t need to get rid of their anxiety or big feelings. Lovingly make space for those feelings AND brave behaviour. They can feel anxious and do brave. ‘I know this feels big. Bring all your feelings to me. I can look after you through all of it. And yes, this is happening. I know you can do this. We’ll do it together.’ But we have to be kind and patient with ourselves too. The same instinct that makes you a wonderful parent - the attachment instinct - might send your ‘they’re not safe’ radar into overdrive. Talk to their adults at school, talk to them, get the info you need to feel certain enough, and trust they are safe, and capable enough, even when anxiety (theirs and yours) is saying no.❤️

karenyoung_heysigmund

Anxiety in kids is tough for everyone - kids and the adults who care about them.

It’s awful for them and confusing for us. Do we move them forward? Hold them back? Is this growing them? Hurting them?

As long as they are safe - as long as they feel cared for through it and their bodies feel okay - anxiety doesn’t mean something is wrong.
It also doesn’t mean they aren’t capable.

It means there is a gap: ‘I want to, but I don’t know that I’ll be okay.’

As long as they are safe, they don’t need to avoid the situation. They need to keep going, with support, so they can gather the evidence they need. This might take time and lots of experiences.

The brain will always abandon the ‘I want to,’ in any situation that doesn’t have enough evidence - yet - that they’re safe.

Here’s the problem. If we support avoidance of safe situations, the brain doesn’t get the experience it needs to know the difference between hard, growthful things (like school, exams, driving tests, setting boundaries, job interviews, new friendships) and dangerous things.

It takes time and lots of experience to be able to handle the discomfort of anxiety - and all hard, important, growthful things will come with anxiety.

The work for us isn’t to hold them back from safe situations (even though we’ll want to) but to help them feel supported through the anxiety.

This is part of helping them gather the evidence their brains and bodies need to know they can feel safe and do hard things, even when they are anxious.

Think of the space between comfortable (before the growthful thing) and ‘I’ve done the important, growthful thing,’ as ‘the brave space’.

But it never feels brave. It feels like anxious, nervous, stressed, scared, awkward, clumsy. It’s all brave - because that’s what anxiety is. It’s handling the discomfort of the brave space while they inch toward the important thing.

Any experience in the brave space matters. Even if it’s just little steps at a time. Why? Because this is where they learn that they don’t need to be scared of anxiety when they’re heading towards something important. As long as they are safe, the anxiety of the brave space won’t hurt them. It will grow them.❤️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Jan 28

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18382936468153868
Anxiety in kids is tough for everyone - kids and the adults who care about them. It’s awful for them and confusing for us. Do we move them forward? Hold them back? Is this growing them? Hurting them? As long as they are safe - as long as they feel cared for through it and their bodies feel okay - anxiety doesn’t mean something is wrong. It also doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means there is a gap: ‘I want to, but I don’t know that I’ll be okay.’ As long as they are safe, they don’t need to avoid the situation. They need to keep going, with support, so they can gather the evidence they need. This might take time and lots of experiences. The brain will always abandon the ‘I want to,’ in any situation that doesn’t have enough evidence - yet - that they’re safe. Here’s the problem. If we support avoidance of safe situations, the brain doesn’t get the experience it needs to know the difference between hard, growthful things (like school, exams, driving tests, setting boundaries, job interviews, new friendships) and dangerous things. It takes time and lots of experience to be able to handle the discomfort of anxiety - and all hard, important, growthful things will come with anxiety. The work for us isn’t to hold them back from safe situations (even though we’ll want to) but to help them feel supported through the anxiety. This is part of helping them gather the evidence their brains and bodies need to know they can feel safe and do hard things, even when they are anxious. Think of the space between comfortable (before the growthful thing) and ‘I’ve done the important, growthful thing,’ as ‘the brave space’. But it never feels brave. It feels like anxious, nervous, stressed, scared, awkward, clumsy. It’s all brave - because that’s what anxiety is. It’s handling the discomfort of the brave space while they inch toward the important thing. Any experience in the brave space matters. Even if it’s just little steps at a time. Why? Because this is where they learn that they don’t need to be scared of anxiety when they’re heading towards something important. As long as they are safe, the anxiety of the brave space won’t hurt them. It will grow them.❤️

karenyoung_heysigmund

In the first few days or weeks of school, feelings might get big. This might happen before school (the anticipation) or after school (when their nervous systems reach capacity).

As long as they are safe (relationally, physiologically) their anxiety is normal and understandable and we don’t need to ‘fix’ it or rush them through it.

They’re doing something big, something brave. Their brains and bodies will be searching for the familiar in the unfamiliar. They’re getting to know new routines, spaces, people. It’s a lot! Feeling safe in that might take time. But feeling safe and being safe are different.

We don’t need to stop their anxiety or rush them through it. Our work is to help them move with it. Because when they feel anxious, and get safely through the other side of that anxiety, they learn something so important: they learn they can do hard things - even when they feel like they don’t have what it takes, they can do hard things. We know this about them already, but they’ll need experience in safe, caring environments, little by little, to know this for themselves.

Help them move through it by letting them know that all their feelings are safe with you, that their feelings make sense, and at the end of the day, let those feelings do what they need to. If they need to burst out of them like a little meteor shower, that’s okay. Maybe they’ll need to talk, or not, or cry, or get loud, or play, or be still, or messy for a while. That’s okay. It’s a nervous system at capacity looking for the release valve. It’s not a bad child. It’s never that.

Tomorrow might be tricker, and the next day trickier, until their brains and bodies get enough experience that this is okay.

As long as they are safe, and they get there, it all counts. It’s all brave. It’s all enough.❤️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Jan 27

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 17927849610192008
In the first few days or weeks of school, feelings might get big. This might happen before school (the anticipation) or after school (when their nervous systems reach capacity). As long as they are safe (relationally, physiologically) their anxiety is normal and understandable and we don’t need to ‘fix’ it or rush them through it. They’re doing something big, something brave. Their brains and bodies will be searching for the familiar in the unfamiliar. They’re getting to know new routines, spaces, people. It’s a lot! Feeling safe in that might take time. But feeling safe and being safe are different. We don’t need to stop their anxiety or rush them through it. Our work is to help them move with it. Because when they feel anxious, and get safely through the other side of that anxiety, they learn something so important: they learn they can do hard things - even when they feel like they don’t have what it takes, they can do hard things. We know this about them already, but they’ll need experience in safe, caring environments, little by little, to know this for themselves. Help them move through it by letting them know that all their feelings are safe with you, that their feelings make sense, and at the end of the day, let those feelings do what they need to. If they need to burst out of them like a little meteor shower, that’s okay. Maybe they’ll need to talk, or not, or cry, or get loud, or play, or be still, or messy for a while. That’s okay. It’s a nervous system at capacity looking for the release valve. It’s not a bad child. It’s never that. Tomorrow might be tricker, and the next day trickier, until their brains and bodies get enough experience that this is okay. As long as they are safe, and they get there, it all counts. It’s all brave. It’s all enough.❤️

karenyoung_heysigmund

Anxiety on the first days or weeks of school is so normal. Why? Because all growthful, important, brave things come with anxiety.

Think about how you feel on their first day of school, or before a job interview, or a first date, or a tricky conversation when you’re setting a boundary. They all come with anxiety.

We want our kids to be able to do all of these things, but this won’t happen by itself.

Resilience is built - one anxious little step after another. These anxious moments are necessary to learn that ‘I can feel anxious, and do brave.’ ‘I can feel anxious and still do what I need to do.’

As long as the are safe, the anxiety they feel in the first days or weeks of school aren’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of their development and a sign that something so right is happening - they’re learning that they can handle anxiety.

Even if they handle it terribly, that’s okay. We all wobble before we walk. Our job is not to protect them from the wobble. If we do, they won’t get to the walking part.

To support them, remind them that this is scary-safe, not scary-dangerous. Then, ‘Is this a time for you to be safe or brave?’

Then, ask yourself, ‘Is this something dangerous or something growthful?’ ‘Is my job to protect them from the discomfort of that growth, or show them they are so very capable, and that they can handle this discomfort?’

Even if they handle it terribly, as long as they’re not avoiding it, they’re handling it. That matters.

Remember, anxiety is a feeling. It will come and then it will go. It might not go until you leave, but we have to give them the opportunity to feel it go.

Tomorrow and the next day and the next might be worse - that’s how anxiety works. And then it will ease.

This is why we don’t beat anxiety by avoiding it. We beat it by outlasting it. But first, we have to handle our distress at their distress.

We breathe, then we love and lead:

‘I know you feel […] Of course you do. You’re doing something big and this is how big things feel sometimes. It’s okay to feel like this. School is happening but we have five minutes. Do you want me to listen to your sad, or give you a hug, or help you distract from it?’❤️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Jan 26

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18031532522774725
Anxiety on the first days or weeks of school is so normal. Why? Because all growthful, important, brave things come with anxiety. Think about how you feel on their first day of school, or before a job interview, or a first date, or a tricky conversation when you’re setting a boundary. They all come with anxiety. We want our kids to be able to do all of these things, but this won’t happen by itself. Resilience is built - one anxious little step after another. These anxious moments are necessary to learn that ‘I can feel anxious, and do brave.’ ‘I can feel anxious and still do what I need to do.’ As long as the are safe, the anxiety they feel in the first days or weeks of school aren’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of their development and a sign that something so right is happening - they’re learning that they can handle anxiety. Even if they handle it terribly, that’s okay. We all wobble before we walk. Our job is not to protect them from the wobble. If we do, they won’t get to the walking part. To support them, remind them that this is scary-safe, not scary-dangerous. Then, ‘Is this a time for you to be safe or brave?’ Then, ask yourself, ‘Is this something dangerous or something growthful?’ ‘Is my job to protect them from the discomfort of that growth, or show them they are so very capable, and that they can handle this discomfort?’ Even if they handle it terribly, as long as they’re not avoiding it, they’re handling it. That matters. Remember, anxiety is a feeling. It will come and then it will go. It might not go until you leave, but we have to give them the opportunity to feel it go. Tomorrow and the next day and the next might be worse - that’s how anxiety works. And then it will ease. This is why we don’t beat anxiety by avoiding it. We beat it by outlasting it. But first, we have to handle our distress at their distress. We breathe, then we love and lead: ‘I know you feel […] Of course you do. You’re doing something big and this is how big things feel sometimes. It’s okay to feel like this. School is happening but we have five minutes. Do you want me to listen to your sad, or give you a hug, or help you distract from it?’❤️

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