The Power of Dads

The Power of Dads

Fathers are significant influencers in the lives of their children and fortunately, the days of detached fathering are a thing of the past. Dads are more involved than ever in all aspects of childrearing. Research has found that men who are fathers are actually happier than their childless peers.

Not only do dads benefit from getting involved, but there are huge benefits for children, too. The latest research points to several areas where dads have an especially profound effect on their daughters’ health and wellbeing.

The power of dads.

Dealing with stress

Research has found that the perceived quality of the relationship between father and daughter may influence the daughter’s ability to manage stress because lower baseline cortisol levels were detected when there was a warm relationship, and higher cortisol levels were detected when there was a strain on the relationship. Cortisol is often referred to as the “stress hormone” and is responsible for regulating changes that occur in the body in response to stress. Thus, the daughters with the lower cortisol levels tended to have lower reactivity to developmentally appropriate stressors and increased coping mechanisms to deal with stressful situations. They also found that positive interactions between fathers and daughters may influence social cognition such that when discussing social problems with peers, women with warm fathers tended to be less inclined to focus on the elements of the problem that are uncontrollable or unpredictable. 

Self-esteem and body image

Fathers can set the foundation for a young woman with regard to how she views herself and her body. When fathers are present and loving, young girls learn to view themselves in a positive light. Dads who show unconditional love and support for their daughters increase the probability of a positive body image. But when a dad’s feedback focuses on his daughter’s looks and talents, there tends to be a higher incidence of negative body image. Research has also proven that daughters who feel a strong emotional connection to their fathers are also less likely to be depressed or have an eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia. 

Academic performance and professional success.

Not only does a positive, warm and connected relationship to one’s father help girls and women emotionally, it can have a profound effect on their success in school and in their careers. A recent US census found that girls who had a warm relationship with their fathers were 43% more likely to earn A’s and 33% less likely than other children to repeat a grade. Women are seeking careers that are similar to those of their fathers now more than ever. A 2009 study from the University of Maryland found that 20% of women currently in their 30s are following in their fathers’ professional footsteps, compared to only 6% back in the early 1900s. The thinking behind this shift is that not only are more women in the workforce now, but also their fathers are mentoring and investing more in their daughters’ futures, as well as in their relationships with their daughters. 

Healthy relationships in adulthood with men.

One of the most significant published findings is that girls who enjoy healthy relationships with their fathers tend to have healthier, happier and longer-lasting relationships with men in adulthood. They also tended to have stronger communication skills, which promoted healthier intimate relationships with men. A study in 2010 found that the interactions with her father in a girl’s formative years could be a strong predictor of both her intimate and sexual relationships with men later. The study found that girls who did not feel emotionally close to their fathers tended to engage in more frequent sexual activity in adolescence. The reason for this may be that they are trying to fill the emotional void created by a lack of closeness and affection.

A final word.

When fathers connect on an emotional level and invest in building relationships with their daughters the increase in physical, mental and social well-being is profound. Fathers have a very important role to play in building emotionally and socially healthy children. So be sure to get dad involved in coming up with your family’s parenting plan.  He has an important role to play!  

References: 
Allgood SM, Beckert TE, Peterson C. The Role of Father Involvement in the Perceived Psychological Well-Being of Young Adult Daughters: A Retrospective Study. North American Journal of Psychology. 2012.

Byrd-Craven J, Auer BJ, Granger DA, Massey AR. The Father-Daughter Dance: The Relationship Between Father-Daughter Relationship Quality And Daughters’ Stress Response. Journal of Family Psychology. 2012.

Hartwell-Walker, M. (2015). Daughters Need Fathers, Too. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/daughters-need-fathers-too/

Lawson, J. (2012, June 12). 5 Ways Fathers Influence Their Daughters. Retrieved from http://www.ldsliving.com/5-Ways-Fathers-Influence-Their-Daughters/s/68982

Lloyd, R. (2009, March 16). Trend: Daughters Follow Dads’ Footsteps. Retrieved from http://www.livescience.com/3388-trend-daughters-follow-dads-footsteps.html

Scheffler TS, Naus PJ. The Relationship Between Fatherly Affirmation And A Woman’s Self-Esteem, Fear Of Intimacy, Comfort With Womanhood And Comfort With Sexuality. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality. 1999.

Scutti, S. (2013, June 12). Why The Father-Daughter Relationship Is So Important. Retrieved from http://www.medicaldaily.com/why-father-daughter-relationship-so-important-246744

This article originally appeared on The Committee For Children blog on June 17, 2016

One Comment

c

The power of “good” dads. Go guys, it can’t be that hard to want your kid to grow up not being afraid of the world and everyone in it.

And, it’s not just girls!, if you want good dads, the boys need just as much work, (if not more), or your “dad” pool starts drying up.

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It’s the simple things that are everything. We know play, conversation, micro-connections, predictability, and having a responsive reliable relationship with at least one loving adult, can make the most profound difference in buffering and absorbing the sharp edges of the world. Not all children will get this at home. Many are receiving it from childcare or school. It all matters - so much. 

But simple isn’t always easy. 

Even for children from safe, loving, homes with engaged, loving parent/s there is so much now that can swallow our kids whole if we let it - the unsafe corners of the internet; screen time that intrudes on play, connection, stillness, sleep, and joy; social media that force feeds unsafe ideas of ‘normal’, and algorithms that hijack the way they see the world. 

They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be enough. Enough to balance what they’re getting fed when they aren’t with us. Enough talking to them, playing with them, laughing with them, noticing them, enjoying them, loving and leading them. Not all the time. Just enough of the time. 

But first, we might have to actively protect the time when screens, social media, and the internet are out of their reach. Sometimes we’ll need to do this even when they fight hard against it. 

We don’t need them to agree with us. We just need to hear their anger or upset when we change what they’ve become used to. ‘I know you don’t want this and I know you’re angry at me for reducing your screen time. And it’s happening. You can be annoyed, and we’re still [putting phones and iPads in the basket from 5pm] (or whatever your new rules are).’♥️
What if schools could see every ‘difficult’ child as a child who feels unsafe? Everything would change. Everything.♥️
Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’

Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️
Anxiety is driven by a lack of certainty about safety. It doesn’t mean they aren’t safe, and it certainly doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means they don’t feel safe enough - yet. 

The question isn’t, ‘How do we fix them?’ They aren’t broken. 

It’s, ‘How do we fix what’s happening around them to help them feel so they can feel safe enough to be brave enough?’

How can we make the environment feel safer? Sensory accommodations? Relational safety?

Or if the environment is as safe as we can make it, how can we show them that we believe so much in their safety and their capability, that they can rest in that certainty? 

They can feel anxious, and do brave. 

We want them to listen to their anxiety, check things out, but don’t always let their anxiety take the lead.

Sometimes it’s spot on. And sometimes it isn’t. Whole living is about being able to tell the difference. 

As long as they are safe, let them know you believe them, and that you believe IN them. ‘I know this feels big and I know you can handle this. We’ll do this together.’♥️

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