by Karen Young (BSc)(Psych)(Hons)MastGestTher

451
VIEWS

How to Deal With Frenemies and Bullies – A Video

If you’re struggling with frenemies or bullies, you’re not alone! Here’s what you need to know …

Transcript and Take-Aways

 

  • Adolescence can be a really difficult time socially for a lot of people, so if you’re doing it tough at the moment know that you aren’t alone, and most importantly, the tough times will end.
  • Some people can become hard work to deal with during adolescence – they can make your life miserable for no reason at all. There’s a reason for this, although of course none of that makes it okay.
  • During adolescence, it’s more important than ever for people to feel like they’re part of a group. As humans, we always need to feel part of a group. When we’re younger, the most important tribe is our family tribe. As we grow older this dependency will start to turn towards a peer tribe. Your family will still be as important as ever, but for a while you’ll be experimenting with discovering the independent adult you’re going to be.
  • For some people, the only way they can feel part of the group is to be the head of it, so they’ll put other people down to feel on top.
  • If you’re feeling like you don’t fit in, if you’re feeling excluded or lonely, know that it won’t always be like this. People grow up, and they change into decent humans. People won’t always be awful, and they won’t always be nasty, mean, and self-centered.
  • Hold on tight to who you are. Your experiences, your history, your beautiful flaws and imperfections will all make up the amazing adults you’ll be one day. You are who you are because of your history, not despite it. You’re who you are because of your flaws and your vulnerabilities and your differences. Not despite them.
  • It’s these vulnerabilities, and the mistakes that you make, and your differences that will make you interesting and will open the way for people really connect with you later on. None of us are perfect, and none of us want to be with people who think they’re perfect. We want to be with people who are real and honest about who they are, and who are able to come into relationships with an open heart and an open mind.
  • If you are struggling now, don’t change who you are. You are brilliant, and strong, and beautiful, and courageous. You’re amazing. There will come a time where you will feel surrounded by love and people who get you, and people who want to know you because of everything you are and everything you’ve ever been.

 

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karenyoung_heysigmund

We know there are too many kids struggling right now, including those from loving, responsive families and in loving, responsive schools.

One of the places these struggles will show themselves is at school, even in the most loving responsive ones. Sometimes these struggles show themselves with a roar, sometimes with nothing at all.

Too many kids are feeling no sense at all that they matter. They don’t feel they are doing something that matters, and they don’t feel that they matter to others.

Too many of them will go weeks at school without hearing their name in a way that makes them feel seen, cared for, and valued.

Too many of them are showing up at school but are noticed more when they don’t, even if only by the unticked box beside their name.

For too many kids, we are asking them to show up when they don’t feel like they have anything to offer, or anything at all to show up for. Why wouldn’t they struggle?

This week I had the greatest privilege of speaking to a room of 300 school well-being staff about how to support all children, how to catch the ones who are struggling, and what we can do to buffer, protect and heal all young people at school.

If you are a parent of a young person who is struggling, I want you to know that schools are working hard to hold them, lovingly and safely.

I know there are also many parents who haven’t had this experience, and your children haven’t got what they need. I know that. I want you to know that change is happening. I want you to know what I see when I work with the wellbeing staff at these schools. They care. They really do. They are so invested in supporting your children, seeing the child behind the student and showing up big for all of them. The work is happening. There’s a lot to do, but it’s happening.

Yes we need more resources, and yes more people, and yes we’re asking more of our schools and teachers than ever, and yes the world is asking more of our kids than ever, but the work is happening.

Thank you to the Department of Education Queensland for working with me, and thank you to the wellbeing staff, teachers, and leadership who are giving everything they can to be there for our children. You matter.♥️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

May 30

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18028767818474582
We know there are too many kids struggling right now, including those from loving, responsive families and in loving, responsive schools. One of the places these struggles will show themselves is at school, even in the most loving responsive ones. Sometimes these struggles show themselves with a roar, sometimes with nothing at all. Too many kids are feeling no sense at all that they matter. They don’t feel they are doing something that matters, and they don’t feel that they matter to others. Too many of them will go weeks at school without hearing their name in a way that makes them feel seen, cared for, and valued. Too many of them are showing up at school but are noticed more when they don’t, even if only by the unticked box beside their name. For too many kids, we are asking them to show up when they don’t feel like they have anything to offer, or anything at all to show up for. Why wouldn’t they struggle? This week I had the greatest privilege of speaking to a room of 300 school well-being staff about how to support all children, how to catch the ones who are struggling, and what we can do to buffer, protect and heal all young people at school. If you are a parent of a young person who is struggling, I want you to know that schools are working hard to hold them, lovingly and safely. I know there are also many parents who haven’t had this experience, and your children haven’t got what they need. I know that. I want you to know that change is happening. I want you to know what I see when I work with the wellbeing staff at these schools. They care. They really do. They are so invested in supporting your children, seeing the child behind the student and showing up big for all of them. The work is happening. There’s a lot to do, but it’s happening. Yes we need more resources, and yes more people, and yes we’re asking more of our schools and teachers than ever, and yes the world is asking more of our kids than ever, but the work is happening. Thank you to the Department of Education Queensland for working with me, and thank you to the wellbeing staff, teachers, and leadership who are giving everything they can to be there for our children. You matter.♥️

karenyoung_heysigmund

Over the past the past 24 hours, I’ve been in Devonport, Tasmania to deliver two sessions to parents and carers - ‘Big Feelings, Connection, and Confidence’, then later an open Q and A where parents brought their real life questions - and we talked.

Thank you for welcoming me so warmly, and for trusting me with your questions, your stories, and your vulnerability.

This was an openness where real change begins. Parenting is hard - beautiful and messy and hard. In the last 24 hours, I’ve been moved by the openness and honesty of parents I’ve shared space with. This is where generational patterns start to shift.

So many of the parents I met are already doing this deep, brave work. The questions asked were honest, raw, and profoundly human — the kind of questions that can feel heavy and isolating until you hear someone else ask them too.

Our children will grow in the most incredible ways if we allow them the space, and if we hold that space with love and leadership and a curious mind. And, if we open ourselves to them, and are willing to shift and stretch and grow, they will grow us too.

Thank you to @devonportevents for everything you’ve done to make these events happen.♥️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

May 20

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 17863244988401941
Over the past the past 24 hours, I’ve been in Devonport, Tasmania to deliver two sessions to parents and carers - ‘Big Feelings, Connection, and Confidence’, then later an open Q and A where parents brought their real life questions - and we talked. Thank you for welcoming me so warmly, and for trusting me with your questions, your stories, and your vulnerability. This was an openness where real change begins. Parenting is hard - beautiful and messy and hard. In the last 24 hours, I’ve been moved by the openness and honesty of parents I’ve shared space with. This is where generational patterns start to shift. So many of the parents I met are already doing this deep, brave work. The questions asked were honest, raw, and profoundly human — the kind of questions that can feel heavy and isolating until you hear someone else ask them too. Our children will grow in the most incredible ways if we allow them the space, and if we hold that space with love and leadership and a curious mind. And, if we open ourselves to them, and are willing to shift and stretch and grow, they will grow us too. Thank you to @devonportevents for everything you’ve done to make these events happen.♥️

karenyoung_heysigmund

Can’t wait for this! I’ll be in Devonport, Tasmania next week to present two talks for parents and carers.

The first is on Monday evening 19 May for a talk about how to support big feelings, behaviour and regulation in young people. This is not just another anxiety talk. You’ll walk away feeling hopeful, empowered, and with strategies you can start using straight away.

Then, on Tuesday morning 20 May, I’ll be giving another talk for parents and carers but this will be a Q&A. Bring your questions to me! Even if you don’t have questions, the ones I answer will be loaded with practical information that will support you in your parenting journey.

So grateful to @devonportevents for organising the events. They are public talks, open to everyone.

Tickets available at Humanitix - search Devonport events and scroll down until you find me!

Would love to see you there.♥️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

May 11

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18083049445708978
Can’t wait for this! I’ll be in Devonport, Tasmania next week to present two talks for parents and carers. The first is on Monday evening 19 May for a talk about how to support big feelings, behaviour and regulation in young people. This is not just another anxiety talk. You’ll walk away feeling hopeful, empowered, and with strategies you can start using straight away. Then, on Tuesday morning 20 May, I’ll be giving another talk for parents and carers but this will be a Q&A. Bring your questions to me! Even if you don’t have questions, the ones I answer will be loaded with practical information that will support you in your parenting journey. So grateful to @devonportevents for organising the events. They are public talks, open to everyone. Tickets available at Humanitix - search Devonport events and scroll down until you find me! Would love to see you there.♥️

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