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Strike a (Power) Pose – A Video

A proven way to feel more confident, more powerful, and less anxious in two minutes.

Transcript

  • Our minds and bodies are deeply connected. Our thoughts and feelings will influence what’s happening in our bodies, and vice-versa.
  • You would have experienced this just with your day to day experience. If you’re thinking angry thoughts, for example, or if you’re feeling upset about something, your body is more likely to be slower, stooped, more closed off to the world.
  • By changing our what we do with our bodies, we can actually influence the way we feel. Researcher Amy Cuddy found that if we hold a ‘power pose’ for two minutes, the chemistry of our body changes in ways that can make us feel stronger, more confident, less stressed and less anxious.
  • A power pose is expanding your posture in any way that makes you feel bigger. Think in terms of superheroes – Superman with arms out, chest tall, head high; Wonder Woman with your arms on your hips, legs apart, standing tall. Another power pose is the boss pose, where you sit back with your arms behind your head, chest out, head high.
  • The good news is that you don’t actually have to do these in front of people for them to influence your body chemistry. So, before an exam, a performance, or before you take to the field, find some space and hole a power pose for two minutes.
  • Two minutes of power posing increases testosterone (which helps you feel more dominant and powerful), and reduces cortisol (the stress hormone).
  • It also works the other way. When you make yourself smaller – arms crossed, body stooped or wilted, legs tightly crossed – this increases the stress hormone, and decreases testosterone. When this happens, it can cause you to feel less confident and more stressed.

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When terrible things happen, we want to make sense of things for our kids, but we can’t. Not in a way that feels like enough. Some things will never make any sense at all.

But here’s what you need to know: You don’t need to make sense of what’s happened to help them feel safe and held. We only need to make sense of how they feel about it - whatever that might be.

The research tells us so clearly that kids and teens are more likely to struggle after a tr@umatic event if they believe their response isn’t normal. 

This is because they’ll be more likely to interpret their response as a deficiency or a sign of breakage.

Normalising their feelings also helps them feel woven into a humanity that is loving and kind and good, and who feels the same things they do when people are hurt. 

‘How you feel makes sense to me. I feel that way too. I know we’ll get through this, and right now it’s okay to feel sad/ scared/ angry/ confused/ outraged. Talk to me whenever you want to and as much as you want to. There’s nothing you can feel or say that I can’t handle.’

And when they ask for answers that you don’t have (that none of us have) it’s always okay to say ‘I don’t know.’ 

When this happens, respond to the anxiety behind the question. 

When we can’t give them certainty about the ‘why’, give them certainty that you’ll get them through this. 

‘I don’t know why people do awful things. And I don’t need to know that to know we’ll get through this. There are so many people who are working hard to keep us safe so something like this doesn’t happen again, and I trust them.’

Remind them that they are held by many - the helpers at the time, the people working to make things safer.

We want them to know that they are woven in to a humanity that is good and kind and loving. Because however many people are ready to do the hurting, there always be far more who are ready to heal, help, and protect. This is the humanity they are part of, and the humanity they continue to build by being who they are.♥️
It’s the simple things that are everything. We know play, conversation, micro-connections, predictability, and having a responsive reliable relationship with at least one loving adult, can make the most profound difference in buffering and absorbing the sharp edges of the world. Not all children will get this at home. Many are receiving it from childcare or school. It all matters - so much. 

But simple isn’t always easy. 

Even for children from safe, loving, homes with engaged, loving parent/s there is so much now that can swallow our kids whole if we let it - the unsafe corners of the internet; screen time that intrudes on play, connection, stillness, sleep, and joy; social media that force feeds unsafe ideas of ‘normal’, and algorithms that hijack the way they see the world. 

They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be enough. Enough to balance what they’re getting fed when they aren’t with us. Enough talking to them, playing with them, laughing with them, noticing them, enjoying them, loving and leading them. Not all the time. Just enough of the time. 

But first, we might have to actively protect the time when screens, social media, and the internet are out of their reach. Sometimes we’ll need to do this even when they fight hard against it. 

We don’t need them to agree with us. We just need to hear their anger or upset when we change what they’ve become used to. ‘I know you don’t want this and I know you’re angry at me for reducing your screen time. And it’s happening. You can be annoyed, and we’re still [putting phones and iPads in the basket from 5pm] (or whatever your new rules are).’♥️
What if schools could see every ‘difficult’ child as a child who feels unsafe? Everything would change. Everything.♥️
Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’

Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️

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