You’re Not You When You’re Tired. How a Lack of Sleep Can Lead to Anxiety & Arguments

You're Not You When You're Tired: How a Lack of Sleep Can Lead to Anxiety & Arguments

Sleep is one of those things that has an absence as powerful as its presence. A lack of sleep comes with its own face – eyelids that hang, eyes that are redder and more swollen, darker circles, paler skin, wrinkles or fine lines, and a wilting mouth. It is a face that is often identified by others as being sad, communicating, perhaps, that they should go gently. There are also major changes that we can’t see. The brain is shaped by every experience, and a scarcity of pillow time is a heavyweight when it comes to having an influence.

Being able to tell what is important is vital to effectively reading people and situations, but a lack of sleep causes us to lose our neutrality. New research has found that one night of limited sleep is enough to wreak havoc with the brain’s ability to tell what is important, leading it to see everything as significant. It also is enough to weaken our ability to regulate our emotions, and it causes problems for cognitive processing. We will always struggle to learn, remember, attend, judge, solve problems or make decision when we’re wrestling with a lack of sleep.

The research. What they did.

For the study, researchers kept 18 adults awake all night. Following their sleepless night, researchers mapped the brains of the participants who were asked to identify the direction of travel of small yellow dots that moved over distracting images. The images were chosen because of their different emotional impacts – ‘positively emotional’ (a cat), ‘negatively emotional’ (a mutilated body), or ‘neutral’ (a spoon).

After a good night’s sleep, the participants were quicker and more accurate in identifying the direction of the dots hovering over the neutral images. Brain scans revealed the brain responded differently, depending on whether the images were neutral or emotional.

In contrast, when the participants were sleep deprived, they performed badly for both the neutral and the emotional images. According to brain scans, there was very little difference to the way their brains responded to the emotional and the neutral images.

It could be that sleep deprivation universally impairs judgement, but it is more likely that a lack of sleep causes neutral images to provoke an emotional response.Ben-Simon, Researcher, Tel Aviv University.

 In the second part of the study, researchers tested concentration, and the degree to which emotional things or neutral things caused distraction. After only one night of a lack of sleep, participants were distracted by every image – neutral and emotional. On the other hand, the participants who had plenty of sleep were only distracted by the emotional images.

 Interestingly, brain scans revealed that the part of the brain involved was the amygdala. The amygdala is key to the detection of threat and the activation of the fight or flight response. It’s a big player in anxiety and in any situation that involves confrontation (fight) or avoidance (flight).

What it means.

Without sleep, we’ll struggle to tell the difference between the things that could hurt us and the things that won’t. Our brains give as much weight to something neutral as it does to something more emotional. Understandably, this can lead to a bucketload of trouble.

We may experience similar emotional provocations from all incoming events, even neutral ones, and lose our ability to sort out more or less important information. This can lead to biased cognitive processing and poor judgement as well as anxiety.’ -Professor Talma Hendler, Tel Aviv Universisty’s Sagol School of Neuroscience.

Our brains are constantly scanning the environment for threats. We’re all wired to do this and it’s important to keeping ourselves safe. It does this beautifully, but sometimes it can do it too much. Not only does a lack of sleep tend us towards being cranky or irritable, it also puts our brain on high alert.

Being able to read the environment and respond appropriately is critical to having healthy relationships and to living well. The problem with having a brain that’s so quick to interpret things as potential trouble, is the heightened tendency to respond to harmless things as though they could be a problem.

 It’s no surprise then, that when we’re tired, we can be fragile or quick to temper when something is said or done, much to the confusion of the innocent ones in the line of fire. It also makes it clear why it’s so important to catch plenty of peaceful zzz’s the night before something difficult – an exam, an interview, a date. Our brains love sleep, they adore it, and given that we’re completely reliant on our brains to walk us through life as seamlessly as we can, one of the best things we can do for ourselves is to make sure we get plenty of uninterrupted, blissful pillow time. 

6 Comments

viv

Great article – but as with every article that recommends 7 – 8 hours’ sleep, I find myself wondering ‘what about mums of young children’? My child is now 3 and sleep pattern remains mixed, but we are guaranteed at least one waking per night (which incidentally I can cope with, it’s 2+ wakings that wreak havoc!).
I’m not a believer in controlled crying methods, so we try to go with the flow, encouraging good sleep but managing wakings with as much compassion as we can muster. Does this condemn me to being a terrible person until we are through this phase? I can’t be the only mum who has experienced prolonged sleep disturbance!

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Hey Sigmund

You are definitely not alone there! It’s something that all parents of young children go through, including myself (for about 10 years!) 7-8 hours is an ideal but for a lot of people, including shift workers and people with young children etc, it’s just not possible. If you aren’t able to get 7-8 hours, don’t worry – it won’t make you an awful person! If you aren’t sleeping well, try to do as much as you can to add in the other lifestyle factors. Remember that these are all ideals, and anything you can do will make a difference.

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InDaylight

Great article. Very interesting study! I notice this on myself a lot. When I’m tired I get very irritable and emotional over small things. It makes sense that sleep plays a big role in our anxiety.

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Hey Sigmund

It’s a great study isn’t it. It makes a difference to understand why we do what we do, and this is a study that just makes pieces click into place – it makes a lot of sense!

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Bryan

I hadn’t thought of the inability to screen out emotional responses to neutral occurrences before. “Last straw” & “flying off the handle” “post partum Blues”, so many times and expressions make more sense when seen in that context.
Now, if for various health, economic, or reasons beyond one’s control, that good night’s sleep is not going to occur, what are some useful tools in handling this response?

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Hey Sigmund

It makes a lot of sense doesn’t it. I know what you mean – sometimes sleep is easier said than done. If a good night’s sleep is something that isn’t going to come easily, try mindfulness. Even 10-20 minutes a day will make a difference. It been proven to have some amazing capacities to strengthen the brain, including helping to protect the brain against anxiety, stress, depression – and so much more. It really is incredible. Here is some information here https://www.heysigmund.com/category/being-human/mindfulness/ . There are plenty of ways to practice mindfulness but there is a free app from Smiling Minds which is a great way to get started. It has mindful meditations on it for kids to adults http://smilingmind.com.au. Hope this helps towards a happy brain.

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‘Brave’ doesn’t always feel like certain, or strong, or ready. In fact, it rarely does. That what makes it brave.♥️
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#parenting #mindfulparenting #parentingtips
We teach our kids to respect adults and other children, and they should – respect is an important part of growing up to be a pretty great human. There’s something else though that’s even more important – teaching them to respect themselves first. 

We can’t stop difficult people coming into their lives. They might be teachers, coaches, peers, and eventually, colleagues, or perhaps people connected to the people who love them. What we can do though is give our kids independence of mind and permission to recognise that person and their behaviour as unacceptable to them. We can teach our kids that being kind and respectful doesn’t necessarily mean accepting someone’s behaviour, beliefs or influence. 

The kindness and respect we teach our children to show to others should never be used against them by those broken others who might do harm. We have to recognise as adults that the words and attitudes directed to our children can be just as damaging as anything physical. 

If the behaviour is from an adult, it’s up to us to guard our child’s safe space in the world even harder. That might be by withdrawing support for the adult, using our own voice with the adult to elevate our child’s, asking our child what they need and how we can help, helping them find their voice, withdrawing them from the environment. 

Of course there will be times our children do or say things that aren’t okay, but this never makes it okay for any adult in your child’s life to treat them in a way that leads them to feeling ‘less than’.

Sometimes the difficult person will be a peer. There is no ‘one certain way’ to deal with this. Sometimes it will involve mediation, role playing responses, clarifying the other child’s behaviour, asking for support from other adults in the environment, or letting go of the friendship.

Learning that it’s okay to let go of relationships is such an important part of full living. Too often we hold on to people who don’t deserve us. Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay and if we can help our children start to think about this when they’re young, they’ll be so much more empowered and deliberate in their relationships when they’re older.♥️
When we are angry, there will always be another emotion underneath it. It is this way for all of us. 

Anger itself is a valid emotion so it’s important not to dismiss it. Emotion is e-motion - energy in motion. It has to find a way out, which is why telling an angry child to calm down or to keep their bodies still will only make things worse for them. They might comply, but their bodies will still be in a state of distress. 

Often, beneath an angry child is an anxious one needing our help. It’s the ‘fight’ part of the fight or flight response. As with all emotions, anger has a job to do - to help us to safety through movement, or to recruit support, or to give us the physical resources to meet a need or to change something that needs changing. It doesn’t mean it does the job well, because an angry brain means the feeling brain has the baton, while the thinking brain sits out for a while. What it means is that there is a valid need there and this young person is doing their very best to meet it, given their available resources in the moment or their developmental stage. 

Children need the same thing we all need when we’re feeling fierce - to be seen,  heard, and supported; to find a way to get the energy out, either with words or movement. Not to be shut down or ‘fixed’. 

Our job isn’t to stop their anger, but to help them find ways to feel it and express it in ways that don’t do damage. This will take lots of experience, and lots of time - and that’s okay.♥️
The SCCR Online Conference 2021 is a wonderful initiative by @sccrcentre (Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution) which will explore ’The Power of Reconnection’. I’ve been working with SCCR for many years. They do incredible work to build relationships between young people and the important adults around them, and I’m excited to be working with them again as part of this conference.

More than ever, relationships matter. They heal, provide a buffer against stress, and make the world feel a little softer and safer for our young people. Building meaningful connections can take time, and even the strongest relationships can feel the effects of disconnection from time to time. As part of this free webinar, I’ll be talking about the power of attachment relationships, and ways to build relationships with the children and teens in your life that protect, strengthen, and heal. 

The workshop will be on Monday 11 October at 7pm Brisbane, Australia time (10am Scotland time). The link to register is in my story.
There are many things that can send a nervous system into distress. These can include physiological (tired, hungry, unwell), sensory overload/ underload, real or perceived threat (anxiety), stressed resources (having to share, pay attention, learn new things, putting a lid on what they really think or want - the things that can send any of us to the end of ourselves).

Most of the time it’s developmental - the grown up brain is being built and still has a way to go. Like all beautiful, strong, important things, brains take time to build. The part of the brain that has a heavy hand in regulation launches into its big developmental window when kids are about 6 years old. It won’t be fully done developing until mid-late 20s. This is a great thing - it means we have a wide window of influence, and there is no hurry.

Like any building work, on the way to completion things will get messy sometimes - and that’s okay. It’s not a reflection of your young one and it’s not a reflection of your parenting. It’s a reflection of a brain in the midst of a build. It’s wondrous and fascinating and frustrating and maddening - it’s all the things.

The messy times are part of their development, not glitches in it. They are how it’s meant to be. They are important opportunities for us to influence their growth. It’s just how it happens. We have to be careful not to judge our children or ourselves because of these messy times, or let the judgement of others fill the space where love, curiosity, and gentle guidance should be. For sure, some days this will be easy, and some days it will feel harder - like splitting an atom with an axe kind of hard.

Their growth will always be best nurtured in the calm, loving space beside us. It won’t happen through punishment, ever. Consequences have a place if they make sense and are delivered in a way that doesn’t shame or separate them from us, either physically or emotionally. The best ‘consequence’ is the conversation with you in a space that is held by your warm loving strong presence, in a way that makes it safe for both of you to be curious, explore options, and understand what happened.♥️
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#mindfulparenting #positiveparenting #parenting

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