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Strengthening children and teens from anxious to brave

Anxious to Brave: On Online Course for Parents of Children and Teens With Anxiety

Children with anxiety have everything they need inside them to light up the world, but too often anxiety will tell them a different story. We know they are capable, brave, strong, and that anxiety doesn’t change that a bit. The challenge is to help them realise it too.

Research has shown that with the right support, information, and strategies, parents and carers have a profound capacity to move children and teens towards brave behaviour and strengthen them towards long-term courage, calm, and resilience. The move through anxiety isn’t an easy one, for children or the adults who love them, but it is absolutely possible. As part of this program, we will explore how.

This in-depth program will provide parents with research-backed information and strategies to strengthen children and teens against anxiety in the moment and for the long term. We will discuss the what and why of anxiety and how to open up a world for your child or teen where anxiety stops getting in their way, and brave behaviour becomes possible.

‘Anxious to Brave’ will also provide parents and carers with ways to support children and teens through big feelings (including anxiety, anger, meltdowns) and the range of behaviour that can be fuelled by those big feelings (including at school, bedtime, when faced with a challenge, or more generally). We will also discuss ways to empower children and teens with an understanding of their brain and body that helps make sense of feelings and behaviour, and opens up new ways to respond.

The ‘Anxious to Brave’ program consists of six online modules plus ‘mini videos’, totalling over 7 hours of content. Participants will receive workbooks and a 70% discount on the purchase of Hey Warrior, Ups and Downs, and The Hey Warrior Workbook. Access to the course will be available for 6 months from purchase. As part of the course, we will explore:

  • Module 1:
    • Turning anxiety into an ally. How, and why it’s so important.
    • Using neuroscience to take the anxiety out of the anxiety.
    • The single worst thing for anxiety (that every loving parent has likely done at least one or hundreds of times!).
    • When anxiety fuels behaviour. How to respond, and why we need to rethink the old responses.
    • Why parents are key to strengthening young people against anxiety.
  • Module 2:
    • How behaviours are built in the brain.
    • Why old responses die hard and why new ones take time.
    • Parents don’t cause anxiety, but here’s why you’re a powerful part of the solution.
    • The responses (that all loving parents will do) that will inadvertently increase anxiety – why, and what to do instead.
    • A proven way for parents to increase brave behaviour in children – making a step-by-step plan.
    • When their anxiety becomes yours.
  • Module 3:
    • How the brain registers threat or safety – and what they need from you.
    • The house model of regulation – how our nervous systems influence each other, and how you can use yours to bring calm to theirs.
    • Practical strategies to build their capacity for calm, courage, and resilience.
    • How to respond in the moment when anxiety hits in a way that helps build calm, connection, and maximises your influence and their capacity for brave behaviour.
    • Co-regulation or co-dysregulation?
    • Dealing with anxiety fuelled behaviour – during the storm, after the storm.
    • Separation anxiety – practical examples and strategies to build brave.
    • School anxiety and how to build their attachment village.
  • Module 4:
    • Anxiety – 4 Responses. Which one when.
    • Building their Toolbox. The practical strategies for young people that will build calm, courage, and resilience.
    • Making the move towards brave behaviour – the practical plan that won’t depend on their response or their willingness to engage;
  • Module 5:
    • The different ways your child might respond when their anxiety is big, and how to respond.
    • Managing their reaction – the key strategies.
    • When their reaction is especially big.
    • The most important rule.
  • Module 6:
    • Proven strategies to strengthen against anxiety in the long-term.
    • Practical strategies to reduce anxiety at bedtime and ensure a restful sleep – for everyone.
  • ‘Stronger Than Anxiety’
    • This is a video for children and teens to watch on their own or with you. It will introduce the language and concepts we’ve been discussing to make sure they feel as ready as possible to make the move towards brave. This module includes 20-page workbook, ‘Calming Your Amygdala’. In this module, we will explore:
      • Why anxiety feels the way it does.
      • Why anxiety always comes with courage.
      • A way to think about anxiety that will help soften its impact.
      • How to feel braver, stronger, and more powerful when you need to.
      • How to calm anxiety.
      • The connection between anxiety and your ‘thinking brain’ – and how to switch your thinking brain on.
      • The things that will help anxiety in the moment and in the long term.

NOTE: This course includes ‘Stronger Than Anxiety’, a module specifically for young people to help them discover their own brave way through anxiety. 

This course is intended to offer meaningful and impactful support to parents of children with anxiety. It is not therapy, nor is it intended to replace any therapy you or your child might currently be involved in. If your child is currently working with a therapist, please feel free to discuss anything you learn here with the therapist to ensure consistency of pacing, approach, and goals and timing.

Price: AUD  290.00
Developed and presented by: Karen Young
Location: On-Demand Course
Includes: Videos (7+ hours) + Workbooks

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‘Making sure they aren’t alone in it’ means making sure we, or another adult, helps them feel seen, safe, and cared as they move towards the brave, meaningful, growthful thing.❤️
Children will look to their closest adult - a parent, a teacher, a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle - for signs of safety and signs of danger.

What the parent believes, the child will follow, for better or worse.

Anxiety doesn’t mean they aren’t safe or capable. It means they don’t feel safe or capable enough yet.

As long as they are safe, this is where they need to borrow our calm and certainty until they can find their own. 

The questions to ask are, ‘Do I believe they are safe and cared for here?’ ‘Do I believe they are capable?’

It’s okay if your answer is no to either of these. We aren’t meant to feel safe handing our kiddos over to every situation or to any adult.

But if the answer is no, that’s where the work is.

What do you need to know they are safe and cared for? What changes need to be made? What can help you feel more certain? Is their discomfort from something unsafe or from something growthful? What needs to happen to know they are capable of this?

This can be so tricky for parents as it isn’t always clear. Are they anxious because this is new or because it’s unsafe?

As long as they are relationally safe (or have an adult working towards this) and their bodies feel safe, the work is to believe in them enough for them to believe it too - to handle our very understandable distress at their distress, make space for their distress, and show them we believe in them by what we do next: support avoidance or brave behaviour.

As long as they are safe, we don’t need to get rid of their anxiety or big feelings. Lovingly make space for those feelings AND brave behaviour. They can feel anxious and do brave. 

‘I know this feels big. Bring all your feelings to me. I can look after you through all of it. And yes, this is happening. I know you can do this. We’ll do it together.’

But we have to be kind and patient with ourselves too. The same instinct that makes you a wonderful parent - the attachment instinct - might send your ‘they’re not safe’ radar into overdrive. 

Talk to their adults at school, talk to them, get the info you need to feel certain enough, and trust they are safe, and capable enough, even when anxiety (theirs and yours) is saying no.❤️
Anxiety in kids is tough for everyone - kids and the adults who care about them.

It’s awful for them and confusing for us. Do we move them forward? Hold them back? Is this growing them? Hurting them?

As long as they are safe - as long as they feel cared for through it and their bodies feel okay - anxiety doesn’t mean something is wrong. 
It also doesn’t mean they aren’t capable.

It means there is a gap: ‘I want to, but I don’t know that I’ll be okay.’

As long as they are safe, they don’t need to avoid the situation. They need to keep going, with support, so they can gather the evidence they need. This might take time and lots of experiences.

The brain will always abandon the ‘I want to,’ in any situation that doesn’t have enough evidence - yet - that they’re safe.

Here’s the problem. If we support avoidance of safe situations, the brain doesn’t get the experience it needs to know the difference between hard, growthful things (like school, exams, driving tests, setting boundaries, job interviews, new friendships) and dangerous things. 

It takes time and lots of experience to be able to handle the discomfort of anxiety - and all hard, important, growthful things will come with anxiety.

The work for us isn’t to hold them back from safe situations (even though we’ll want to) but to help them feel supported through the anxiety.

This is part of helping them gather the evidence their brains and bodies need to know they can feel safe and do hard things, even when they are anxious.

Think of the space between comfortable (before the growthful thing) and ‘I’ve done the important, growthful thing,’ as ‘the brave space’. 

But it never feels brave. It feels like anxious, nervous, stressed, scared, awkward, clumsy. It’s all brave - because that’s what anxiety is. It’s handling the discomfort of the brave space while they inch toward the important thing.

Any experience in the brave space matters. Even if it’s just little steps at a time. Why? Because this is where they learn that they don’t need to be scared of anxiety when they’re heading towards something important. As long as they are safe, the anxiety of the brave space won’t hurt them. It will grow them.❤️
In the first few days or weeks of school, feelings might get big. This might happen before school (the anticipation) or after school (when their nervous systems reach capacity).

As long as they are safe (relationally, physiologically) their anxiety is normal and understandable and we don’t need to ‘fix’ it or rush them through it. 

They’re doing something big, something brave. Their brains and bodies will be searching for the familiar in the unfamiliar. They’re getting to know new routines, spaces, people. It’s a lot! Feeling safe in that might take time. But feeling safe and being safe are different. 

We don’t need to stop their anxiety or rush them through it. Our work is to help them move with it. Because when they feel anxious, and get safely through the other side of that anxiety, they learn something so important: they learn they can do hard things - even when they feel like they don’t have what it takes, they can do hard things. We know this about them already, but they’ll need experience in safe, caring environments, little by little, to know this for themselves.

Help them move through it by letting them know that all their feelings are safe with you, that their feelings make sense, and at the end of the day, let those feelings do what they need to. If they need to burst out of them like a little meteor shower, that’s okay. Maybe they’ll need to talk, or not, or cry, or get loud, or play, or be still, or messy for a while. That’s okay. It’s a nervous system at capacity looking for the release valve. It’s not a bad child. It’s never that. 

Tomorrow might be tricker, and the next day trickier, until their brains and bodies get enough experience that this is okay.

As long as they are safe, and they get there, it all counts. It’s all brave. It’s all enough.❤️
Anxiety on the first days or weeks of school is so normal. Why? Because all growthful, important, brave things come with anxiety.

Think about how you feel on their first day of school, or before a job interview, or a first date, or a tricky conversation when you’re setting a boundary. They all come with anxiety.

We want our kids to be able to do all of these things, but this won’t happen by itself. 

Resilience is built - one anxious little step after another. These anxious moments are necessary to learn that ‘I can feel anxious, and do brave.’ ‘I can feel anxious and still do what I need to do.’

As long as the are safe, the anxiety they feel in the first days or weeks of school aren’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of their development and a sign that something so right is happening - they’re learning that they can handle anxiety.

Even if they handle it terribly, that’s okay. We all wobble before we walk. Our job is not to protect them from the wobble. If we do, they won’t get to the walking part. 

To support them, remind them that this is scary-safe, not scary-dangerous. Then, ‘Is this a time for you to be safe or brave?’

Then, ask yourself, ‘Is this something dangerous or something growthful?’ ‘Is my job to protect them from the discomfort of that growth, or show them they are so very capable, and that they can handle this discomfort?’

Even if they handle it terribly, as long as they’re not avoiding it, they’re handling it. That matters.

Remember, anxiety is a feeling. It will come and then it will go. It might not go until you leave, but we have to give them the opportunity to feel it go.

Tomorrow and the next day and the next might be worse - that’s how anxiety works. And then it will ease.

This is why we don’t beat anxiety by avoiding it. We beat it by outlasting it. But first, we have to handle our distress at their distress.

We breathe, then we love and lead:

‘I know you feel […] Of course you do. You’re doing something big and this is how big things feel sometimes. It’s okay to feel like this. School is happening but we have five minutes. Do you want me to listen to your sad, or give you a hug, or help you distract from it?’❤️