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Saron

Well I have a boyfriend and we have been together for 2 and 5months but thoes two years we weren’t together,he was living in the states so we were on a long distance relationship but then he came to his country where I also live there it was nice the first couple of weeks but then he started to spend more time with his toxic ass family and friends so he always gets mad at me for silly things he tries to manipulate me when arguing by saying that he came all the way just for me weather it’s my fault or not.almost everyday he asks me aggressively to meet up with my family or else he won’t be sure if I love him truly lol I know this sounds so funny but the long am with him the less I love him so I think everything that he does is toxic he also don’t get happy when I get to chill with my friends without him he brings up the silly bad things that they did long long ago and am sick of it

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O'Reilly S

I know at first that it’s really hard to accept it, but if it turns out that you’re not happy anymore then what’s the point of staying.

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Dr gauri

I said something wrong in anger to someone few months ago . Should I go apologize now ? Won’t it exaggerate or bring old things up ? I don’t know how they gonna react .

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Debbie M

My husband told me he didn’t really like sex and was t interested in me or anyone else. I was devastated but accepted it because i love him. I always told him, I told him how sexy he was. Cooked his fave meals. Did everything I could to look after it. And then I find out during lockdown he’s been cheating for around a year with a much younger woman. I’ve lost at weight but she’s as big as I was. She went through a marriage whilst bedding my husband. He’s devastated but won’t discuss it. Says he’s no idea why he did it. He was lost. He was sad. He was lonely. I begged him for years to see the dr and get counselling. I even asked about sex but he said he didn’t think about it.
He wants to stay with me. He’s remorseful but only so when I am trying to see from his point of view. Unless I’m recognising and supporting his distress, he says I’m a vile abuser who has made his life misery (which is a lie. I had a psychotic illness which was treated.)
I just want to know why. I did everything. Lost weight. Wore make up and nice clothes. Made sure his very need was met. Now four months on I can’t sleep. I cry all the time. It richocets between agony and rage. I attempted suicide afterwards and he was and still is remorseful. He cries a lot basically he feels super sorry for his self. If we had t been on lockdown I wouldn’t have know. But I waked into his office and he threw down and I knew. What did I do wrong. I even am growing my hair for him. I colour it for him. I’m bending over backwards for him. We’ve been married 30 years and my life is over. I have nothing. To look forward to but death. I can’t take the constant agony. Drs havent been able to help and mental health services won’t touch me as it’s not a mental health issue. Please. Help me. I can’t cope

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Yaya

You sound like you described a narcissist. Yikes. Low self esteem and low self love are narc traits but obviously there’s much more to narcs that make them actual narcs. Let’s not get this twisted if someone is dealing with a narc there is little things no hope for change and if you stay thinking it will, you will be completely destroyed in the end sometimes over and over. So if they are a narc RUN!! Don’t look back. Close the door and lock it forever.
Now if you’re dealing with a man with low self but is not a narc then I agree you may be able to get through it with them and create an unbreakable bond but I say all this to say KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
Read up on narcs and what they do and what traits make them narcs. If you check many or all of the narc boxes don’t even bother. Again RUN OR YOU’LL BE SORRY.
If it is just a matter low self esteem read up on that and decide if you can endure sticking by a man with such an issue. Find out ways to help him overcome these issues.
Don’t ever let someone destroy you. Know your boundaries and limits and stick to them at all costs. If you have a hard time doing this maybe it’s YOU that also have low self esteem/self love and you should also be looking into fixing yourself too.
Just be careful with your heart.

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Noone

Came to this article thinking my boyfriend is toxic; turns out I am the toxic one (8/12) 😐

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Bun

Have a relationship with someone with depression is like having a relationship with someone with dementia.

He’s here, but not here.
He’s withdrawn and not present.

Even just some silly talk could easily trigger to become a huge fight.
There’s no more you in the relationship, everything is about him.
Have to play along with his rules, or else you are playing games.

I love him, but also exhausted to be alone in the relationship.
I’m afraid I’ll end up to be depressed and he doesn’t care at all.

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Racheal

Racheal
Hi all I have been in a relationship for 23 years my partner. has just been diagnosed with Low self-esteem. He has been on dating apps and text a prostitute so we separated and then he had to have counselling on his own . which they told him he had lost self-esteem . and now one minute he said he wants to move back in the next minute he wants time on his own the next minute he wants to marry me the next minute he just wants to think about himself. I want us go to marriage counselling one day he wants to go next day doesn’t .We have four beautiful children together where does that leave me?him. He’s told me they must be more to life than me and the kids. I feel guilty because I should’ve known all the years ago that something wasn’t right. i’m not eating sleeping. Do I let him move back in I live him so much. My heart is so broken Wright now.

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About to be single... and happier.

Incredibly well written article, grateful to have come across it. My relationship with the father of my youngest has been riddled with problems. I am imperfect in many ways to him however know in the deepest depth of myself that most of the toxic behavior I did/do not deserve. He says to not beg and cry for him back, after recently trying to make me choose between he and my teen son and then telling me I am the one making the choice for him to leave. I want my son back in my life. I know he will be okay without me, us because his greatest strength is being self-involved. My parting gift to him is completing his Biology lab class with grace and not asking for anything else in return for it. I just cannot take the financial manipulation, the mean spiritedness, and controlling behavior any longer. Who in their right mind feels entitled to 80k of their partner’s financial investment because they decided to stay four more years in their partner’s home state for their partner in exchange for money … lots of money. Money comes and goes, it is the entitlement to my investment prior to our relationship that really gets to me. Especially since I am responsible for our rent because as he says I would have to pay for it anyways if I was single. Enough is enough. The toxicity is oozing. 😉

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loughlin

personally i have misophonia but im to scared to tell people or point them out in fear of upsetting them or hurting their fellings. as said it`s a realy isolating felling and i only know 2 people that have it, one being my mum. i have gone to thereapy but apparently im “faking it” witch let me tell you is the WORST felling. my responses include eating, smacking lips, chewing, breathing, snortin and a spoon hitting a bowl. i also hate the mre sight of someone eating even if i cant hear it

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Janet T

My mom abused me in my childhood, she talked down to me, she even talked about me to others. I had a terrible time.
I dated and married men like her over and over. Finally, God blessed me with a wonderful, loving caring supportive husband. It took me a while to interduse him to her because I know how she do. Anyways, she is instantly jealous. Me and my brother had to fi and visit my dad and my mom want to go, for what reason I don’t know cause she don’t even like him, she lied on him saying he
didnt support us and he did all along. Anyways, she called my huaband and tried to convince him to leave me because I had left him behind and that he better keep his eyes and ears open because I was a slick person and if he needed her she would come over to help him. I never knew she would stup so low… My heart hurts, I can’t take this abuse any longer… All I ever done in my life was to help her, taking her abuse, it’s ALWAYS something with her.

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Notlongerinlove

Having such a hard timing making the decision I know I have to make.. my partner and I have been together for 4 years now. He left his last relationship because he found out she was texting someone else. He explained all of this before we got serious and said he’d be a total wreck if he ever had to go through it again. He is 9 years old than me and has two children from this relationship. I was 23 when we met and had never really had a serious relationship before. I was never tied down to one person at this point for an extended time. Partying non stop. Making poor choices, lying and just an overall mess. It’s not a part of my life that I’m very proud of. After we met I really started to turn things around, I stopped partying, went back to school, got a good job. But for the first year of our relationship I was still working at a bar and I ended up kissing someone else (so not proud of this and regret it everyday) I also lied several time to him about where I was (going out with friends after work). I know I’m terrible, judge me if you will. HOWEVER, eventually I owned up to all of these things and although we had a huge fight about it we choose to stick it out and he said we’d be okay and that he’d forgive me. Since then I have given him nothing but honestly, loyalty, the perfect housewife you name it. We now have a daughter that is 1.5. Over the last three years he’s become so spiteful and hateful towards me. He acts my character and calls me a whore and slut. I feel so down on myself all the time and have zero confidence left at all. I try to stand up for myself and end up cowering because he gets scary. A few weeks ago I got mad because he poked me in the face and out of reaction I slapped him. He then instantly out of reaction slapped me so hard I flew into the kitchen counter. I just find that he’s becoming more and more aggressive lately. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me but treats me like shit and talks to me like I’m worthless. I know I deserve more but I am hard on myself because he said he warned me and I created this. We have a beautiful child together and I hate the thought of her growing up in a broken home. But in reality our home is broken as it is. I have a huge support system with my family but I’m still scared. He is very much a depressed person. He’s gone through a lot in his life and I’m scared that if I leave he’ll do something to himself. I fight with myself everyday and then end up feeling guilty for feeling this way and not saying anything to him about it. I’ve threatened to leave before and even spent a few nights with our daughter and my parents place. He always says sorry and then things are good until they arnt. Leaving just seems so hard even though I know it’s what I should do. How do you tell someone that you still love them but you’re no longer in love with them.

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dlw

You have all the gift that the heavens could give you in your daughter. Every move you make is meant to teach her how to move through this world. You know what you need to do if not for yourself, for her. Given my own history, I would put a plan together, an exit strategy if you will, before you have that talk with him. You may not see it now but you’re so lucky that you don’t have to take him to court to get a divorce.

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RandomGirl

Hi,

I have been depressed nearly all my life. I rarely cry because nothing really touches me anymore. But this article made me cry. The list of things you SHOULD say to depressed people are all things I wish someone would say to me, but things I’ve never heard. Guys, listen up, do your depressed friends a favor and tell them these things. Please.

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reubin

So was dating this girl, and it ended for a year or so and now we are just friends.

I know she manipulated and lied her way into a lot of things, and I could c it done to other people and me but I never called her on it cuz I didn’t care, and the relationship wasn’t that serious at the time…. But there is one particular habit that she does that I don’t quite get!!!!

Long story short, she was getting divorced when we started seeing each other (or so I was told) and it turned out she was still with her husband or working things out with him.

Back then, when she flaked, id message her and she would call after an hour or so always in a hurry (lol) come up with some random excuse like walking into a store, ordering food saying she would call again then hanging up…

Now she reconnected again… we agreed on being just friends, but she still does that same stupid shit. I mean if she did this before cuz she were messing around and was trying to play smart with the lame ass excuses so I won’t end it.. i don’t get it now as there is nothing on the table what so ever.

Am I mad?

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La

ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU WOULD LET HER BACK INTO YOUR LIFE?
IF SHE MANIPULATED YOU ON MANY OCCASSIONS AND LIED TO YOU, HER TRACK RECORD REALLY SPEAKS AGAINST HER.
(oops sorry for caps lock). And then ask herself why did she reconnect? And how did she do it? Did she show remorse and was apologetic of her past behaviours or did she pretend as if nothing had happened?
I would strongly advise against being in contact with her. She will mess with you and you have nothing to gain but a lot to lose. It’s very easy to get sucked into drama by a manipulator or a toxic person, but getting out will be much more diffuclt.
Be careful!

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Andrea R

I would like to receive an outsiders opinion on this. Recently a long time friend and I got drunk and I let it slip out that a guy who liked her had confessed to liking me, about a year ago. However I also did mention that I didn’t feel the same as he felt towards me and that I knew my friend liked him so there was no way I would ever date him because I cared about her too much. At the time I was also dating my friend’s cousin. Another important detail is that my friend‘a cousin knew about the guy liking me because the guy would constantly mention wanting to ask me out on a date. Her cousin also knew she liked the guy but he never mentioned what the guy had said to him ever. Now my friend is putting all the blame on me and saying that all I do is hide stuff from her, when in reality this is the only thing I’ve ever kept from her. She even told me that it wasn’t fair because “I was pretty and she had nothing.” I do admit that I should have told her about this incident when it happened but at the time I felt that it was best if I didn’t because in a way I thought I was going to protect her. She has now blocked me on everything, and I almost feel as if she wants me to say something that’s not true just so she can feel at peace.

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La

Dear Andrea,

It does indeed sound like your friend is manipulating you.
The ‘incident’ does not seem to warrant such a strong response from your friend. A more appropriate response from her to would be to express her feelings, which you should acknowledge and try to understand without defending your point.
It does however seem like she now has no desire to be speaking to you if she has blocked you.
Blocking someone is a clear message which says: “I do not care what you have to say”.
If you care a lot about her, write her a letter which she can choose to read or not to read. Lay out how you feel, explain that you are open to a conversation (if you are) and that you hope that you both can grow stronger through this experience.
If she continues to manipulate you if any way, I would distance myself from her.

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Vicky

I’m 30 years old guy. I married before 9 years ago. We really love to each other beginning days up to 2 years. I’m a soldier so I say away from home. But she still love me. To be honest I had found attraction in other girls. I thought she is mine and will be mine no problem that’s why I attract towards other girls and my interest and phone talk time towards her day by day reducing. And she always complaint me regarding this. But I always ignored this. After this she find her interest in other guy and he has talking her elder sister husband and slowly slowly she closed with him and they did with each everything like sex and other since last 6 years the doing. And no-one knew about their relationship. But one day I read her chat that was intimate and I totally shocked. I talk to her regarding this and she told me everything about her and promise me do not repeat again and I know she was love me but I can’t digest her 7 years extra material affair. I want to forget anything and I want to forgive her but in deeply I not unable to forgive her but I want to forgive her..want should I do please help me

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Rahul R

you should forgive her, after all she has confessed and let you know that she is sorry, forgiving and forgetting are way of life, you be above everything

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Bea

Hello everyone,
I felt the need to leave a comment. I’m 20 years old now, and I just realized that my mother is toxic for me. I’ve been reading articles about this and it all makes sense. I find it hard to accept that this is a serious problem, I tend to believe that there are people with bigger and more “realistic” problems. So thank you all for sharing your experiences, I know see that this is a real problem, and a big one. My mother never cares about my feelings and often diminishes them or mocks me, even if I’m crying. She always finds a way to put me down, because there’s nothing I do that it’s just good, just ok. Everything is imperfect. I’m never enough. She usually says things like “I’m gonna leave this house”, “you guys only care about me for money” and things like that, just to manipulate us. I’ve tried to understand, but I can’t. I cannot understand why someone would actually want to live and to be like that. I was really happy to leave for college two years ago. I’ve been living my best life (asides the daily controlling video calls she makes every single night, and the neverending weekends at home). The coronavirus situation ended this state of peace that I had in college. I had to spend two months with her, all day long. Fortunately I found a way to be far away with my loving boyfriend, who has helped me a lot with all of this. I know I should tell my mother about this, but I find it useless, since she doesn’t care at all about what I feel. She only cares about what she thinks is right. I’m sick and tired of this. I am not financially independent so I can’t just stop talking to her – and also, my father doesn’t deserve that, neither does my little sister. But I (and also them) don’t deserve to be her boxing bag. No one does. Sometimes I feel like I’ve “raised myself”, even tho I find that idea a little unfair… Fortunately, I’m able to be happy whenever I’m not talking to her, nor thinking about this (during the day). I hope to find a solution for this soon, very soon. No one should have the power to control us, or to even wanting to do that. I don’t care what her intentions are – I’ve had 20 years of this, of suffering alone in silence, of hiding it all inside me. I’m done. This affects me way more that I wanted it to and than it should. I want to put an end to this. I just think maybe that’ll have to wait a few more years, until I’m independent. Coronavirus is not gonna help on that… But well, here I am, here we are. Thank you for making me see that I’m not alone

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Flora

They are still active in their twilight years. Nothing stops them, the more power they have the more people they control.
But not me, so I’ve become a target and all narcissist traits being used against me.
A lifetime………

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Mari

As a 23 year old I’m starting to realize I had mentally abusive parents but they were great in some ways they did so much for me that a lot of kids never had but they would talk down to me make me feel like I’m always doing something wrong and they would always talk negatively about everything never had something positive to say and they weren’t there for me when I had big changes in my life that I had no clue about and that parents are usually there for to answer questions a child would have. I would ask questions and was always made feel stupid about it. I’m just commenting because I know some people can relate and I’d love to hear how you coped and broke this pattern of mental abuse

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Hey Warrior - A book about anxiety in children.








Hey Sigmund on Instagram

Anxiety starts with a physiological response desig Anxiety starts with a physiological response designed to get the body ready for action - to fight or to flee. This physiology feels so awful (because it’s meant to) that it drives anxious thoughts, feelings and behaviour (fight or flight). 
.
Movement helps to discharge the fight or flight energy. This helps to bring the physiology back to calm, which can in turn help to bring anxious thoughts, feelings and behaviour back to calm enough.

Anxiety starts with a physiological response designed to get the body ready for action - to fight or to flee. This physiology feels so awful (because it’s meant to) that it drives anxious thoughts, feelings and behaviour (fight or flight).
.
Movement helps to discharge the fight or flight energy. This helps to bring the physiology back to calm, which can in turn help to bring anxious thoughts, feelings and behaviour back to calm enough.
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