Where the Science of Psychology Meets the Art of Being Human

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Youngest

Hi I have been following the comments on here. I have a sibling who has always bullied me and in the past few years did some really bad things, like smear campaign. When I told him that I did not trust him, he accused me of being mean and carrying a grudge. Also no apology for anything – it’s ‘well sorry you are so sensitive ( or sorry you didn’t like that) It’s like I’m being shamed into putting up with the behavior. If I try to tell him what a counselor said, he will hum loudly so as not to hear what I say, or say, yeah yeah, big deal….
When I was growing up, my dad said that you have to turn the other cheek, so very little family support for me.

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Cheryle

That family member is exactly the person this article is talking about. I know. I lived it for 49 yrs. I finally had enough and cut them all out of my life six years ago. It was hard but today I wish I had done it much sooner.
Society gives us the impression that just because you’re related to someone that gives that person the right to use and abuse you and you just have to accept it. Wrong! Family should be held at a higher level than others. They are supposed to be there when other people hurt you.
Let this sibling go. The first time I refused to accept my sister’s horrible treatment of me she went ballistic!! She no longer has control over me and that made her crazy!! It was then that I saw her true colors. I stood my grown and when she started attacking me with all the horrible things she said I was I simply said ” well..that’s to bad for you” and hung up. She expected me to immediately call back groveling for her forgiveness like I always had but I just walked away and never looked back. A year later she tried it again. This time I went balistic letting her know under no circumstances that I NEVER wanted to see or hear from her again!! I told her having get in my life made me miserable all the time and that getting her out of my life was the best thing that I had ever done. I also let her know I didn’t give a damn what she thought of me or did. Then I changed my phone number so she really couldn’t call me anymore.
You don’t owe your brother a damn thing. His opinion or approval are not necessary for you to be the best person you can. Chances are your probably already such a better person than he that your mere presence brings up all his insecurities which is why he has to make you feel less than for him to feel good.
You do not have to have any contact with him that you don’t want and if anyone makes you feel bad about that then that person doesn’t have your best interests at heart either.
Be your own best friend. Stop working so hard to make someone like you When they are doing nothing to deserve it.

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Cheryle

I forgot to tell you to go to Luke 17:3 ministries web site. It saved my life!! You’ll be astonished and enlightened about things you never knew you needed to hear and know.

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Alice

I love him but I’m scared of missing out on everything. We’ve been together since freshman year of high school and now I’m in college. I feel like we’re growing apart but I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what I missed out on.

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Aisha

Hi Shawn,
I am a 14 year old girl who’s in middle school. I had my first panic attack a few months ago and after that, my life changed. I started having symptoms of depersonalization. As school was hectic and so was life, i got busy and the feeling slowly got less. Now that i am at home for school holidays, i barely go out. I am unable to leave the house because i am afraid. I dont feel like eating or being around family. Im afraid that this feeling will be permanent. From the moment i wake up to the second i sleep, this feeling is on my mind. It’s a 24 hour thing. Now that this is happening, i am unable to focus on my work, life and daily essentials. What can i do? Im so scared that i will have to live like this forever.

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Karen Young

Hi Aisha. What you are describing makes a lot of sense. I understand how scary this would be for you but it is certainly manageable so you don’t have to live like this. Please speak to an adult you trust about what’s happening. If you can, speak with your school counsellor. This is something that can be treated. It happens to a lot of people. You will be okay, but please speak to somebody so you can get the support you need to help you through this. Wishing you love and strength.

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Emily

After reading this, it’s hard for me to say it but that’s my sister to a T.

She always manipulates the situation to get her way. Every argument that happens is never her fault, but it’s the other person. She will never apologize for snapping at someone with an attitude, but she expects apologies from others. The way she belittles me kills my self esteem, and triggers my anxiety and depression. I just… If I ever try to defend myself, I suddenly have the attitude and I’m the one starting everything.

And what’s worse, her 13 year old spoiled entitles child is the same. Manipulates situations so she can skip school and be on YouTube at home all day. She acts all upset and ‘needing to stay home today’, but as soon as my sister leaves she changes personalities altogether, dancing and laughing and jumping around the house while I get ready for work. She has never been grounded. Threatened to be grounded, sure, but as soon as the crocodile tears start, the grounding is forgotten.

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Cheryle

STOP defending yourself!! That is exactly what she wants!! As long as your defending your actions then her behavior is not even questioned. Every time she does or says anything that makes you immediately feel like you need to defend your self. STOP IT!! Turn it around!! Point out all the ways she falls short of even being a decent human being! Better yet, just tell her she’s entitled to her fantasy world and walk away!!
I have found that the louder a person is screaming about somebody else’s faults the more they are trying to hide what they have done. So long as your looking at your mistakes the more her really disgusting behavior is never seen. That’s all they are really trying to do, make everyone look at you so they don’t even think about what horrible things she’s getting away with.
Do not feed the animals! They’ll just keep coming back for more. The less you engage, the more times you don’t the the bait, the more boring you become to them. Toxic people really don’t care what the subject is all they really want is the chaos they create. They love it. They feed on it. They have nothing inside so they have to suck the life out of everyone else in order to feel alive. The more you engage the more they can take. Stop handing her your soul on a silver platter. Just because you share some dna with a person does not mean you have to have to have anything to do with them. Ask yourself this…if I wasn’t related to this person would I want them for a friend. Of the answer is HELL NO! Then get them out of your life.
Go to Luke 17:3 ministries web site. It saved my life. It’s all about the most accepted abuse in the world…abuse of adult daughters (or sons). It will help you see things you never even knew you weren’t seeing.

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Tammy

I have one son who is now 20 and I was a great mother when he was younger and I avoided the toxic mothering as my mom had treated me. But as my child reached teenage yrs and I came into perimenopause I changed and became my mother and my son and his wife are living back with me and I am treating him the same way my mom treated me. I make him feel inadequate and I guilt trip him.. why did It start so late in life and I recognize it and am trying to change my behavior. I want the closeness we had when he was younger and not push him away.. we have talked about this and I have apologized to him and told him I’m working on fixing this. Help

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Jean

All I have is problems and it’s like nothing is ever going to get better. I try to be happy positive and outgoing. It doesn’t matter what kind of mood I’m in it’s my boyfriends job to make me upset. I stay silent I stay in my place i don’t speak anymore because it feels like I’m constantly walking on eggshells and I’m scared too. If I speak he don’t respond if I have a conversation with him And if he does he yells and says I’m annoying he complains about everything I do for him such as cook dinner wash his cloths and complains I don’t give him enough sex when I have sex with him at least once a day if not more. Everything I do isn’t good enough. I don’t even feel like a person anymore. I sit alone all the time and then when he comes home he don’t even want anything to do with me. I never talk to anyone besides my mom and it gets lonely. I ignore 90 percent of the rude shit he says but every once in awhile I get mad from letting all the shit build up and I snap but I’m wrong for that too. As years go on with no change I realize I’m always gonna be miserable. I just want what everyone else has love affection to be comfortable. I’m in such a low spot I feel no self worth toward myself. Why do I keep giving my love when all I get is hate in return

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