Where the Science of Psychology Meets the Art of Being Human

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Lakesgirl

I too love a man with low self esteem. Been with him two years and periodically he runs saying he can’t be with anyone. Then in a few weeks he runs back to me. This has happened over 10 times in a year . I am exhausted, depressed, torn on what to do with him, and just sad that he can’t let go of the past hurt and relax and enjoy life. I have walked out several
Times only for him to pull me right back in. Tired and drained.

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Freida

Honestly, I had a very clear vision for my future at age 19.
My extremely toxic mother dragged me into her bad drama with my biter father. I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
I am now 62 years old. These people have never changed and my siblings all fended for themselves. They were alienated from my messed up parents in their own way.
It’s your life. It’s okay to tell your parents to leave you alone.
Just go your own way. You will never get support from parents whose main objective is fulfilling their own personal agenda.
Very well put comment. It will never change and the siblings may unwittingly be involved in the whole scapegoating process. At least it wasn’t one of them.
Frankly I wish I had never tried to speak to my parents about my dreams and goals. They crushed them all.

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foxhq

Your childhood was one in which you felt unloved, unseen, and marginalized, and were subject to endless criticism and perhaps scapegoating. You did what you could to armor yourself, or perhaps you placated others instead; in any case, you did what you could to deal until you finally moved out into your young adult life. It’s at that moment that you began to make your own choices about where to live, friends, how to support yourself, partners, and lovers, but also how to deal with your family of origin. Most unloved daughters — relishing the fact that they’re out from under their mothers’ direct influence — do little to challenge the status quo and do what they can to manage the situation. It’s when their efforts to manage begin to fail — they are still hurt by encounters with their parent or parents or perhaps siblings, are unable to manage the resulting emotions, still feel adrift, and are unable to set healthy boundaries — that they realize they’re stuck and have to disengage and find a new way of relating to their family.

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website

Your loved one is going to lie to you, and you will want to believe them. They might actually believe it themselves. But what they are doing is protecting their illness, because their substance has come to seem as vital to them as air. This isn’t to say that you should excuse lying, only that you should understand where it’s coming from so you can take it a little less personally and avoid getting sidetracked by pain and resentment. Instead, keep the lines of communication open, but set clear boundaries that protect you and them, and that encourage a turn toward treatment.

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George W

Could the link between marijuana and depression, anxiety and psychosis be as a result of higher use among these type of people rather than causing these mental issues directly?

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jenmooney

I just think it is hard to meet people and it isnt like in the times when our grandparents met and they actually knew the family of the erson they were interested in.They knew the weird families who had a quirky uncle that lived there or whatever. Now you meet someone at work or church or online and it could be one of Manson’s children- I heard he had a lot of children. But question is- how do you get to know someone.
A guy (or a woman) can pretend to be someone- to be anyone you want. I met someone like that. He was like a chameleon- he changed and became a person I would want to have a future with. But his family were poor- they didnt ever meet with him- they all lived on the east coast and he had moved to the west. By the time I met them (deep sigh) this is a nightmare- they were awful, terrible. I am not saying my family were perfect- no but they were educated and mentally stable and lived in decent homes- beautiful homes. They aspired to be something. My brother was born with the cord around his neck and his sppeech was affected- He was intellegent but because of his speech my mother sent him to a special school. I supposed we were brought up to not even think of him until he came home and we were so estranged not bonded aith him at all. So thats the worst thing that happened in our faily.But in my husbands family. It was very hard to not feel deep sorrow for him- His mum died a week after his baby brther was born.His father gave all his siblings up to the state- he was in a series of awful foster homes- he never bonded with anyone- but I did not realize that until years later when I was watching a program on Romanian babies and their inability to form any connections. But what he could do was mimic- he would mimic sadness and if he felt me growing distant when we dated he’d start crying – I arried him so I could mend the huge hole in his soul. Hah! The joke was on me. Anything that came remotely near him was like a great black holee- he absorbed all the love and attention and pity. He gave back nothing- no light- nothing. I had two children with him and while liked having a ‘picture perfect family’ he never once was able to bond with them- he gave them money- he would sit up at night with them when they were teething but no real deep connection.
His family were all messed up- His brother an alcoholic- his sisters strange- Honestly had I met them when we dated-I would have not married him.Please to anyone reading this and dating please visit the family and please if they are odd DO NOT CONTINUE dating these type of people. I have only experienced complete unhappiness with him. He was an alcoholic- he drained all our resources- he could not give back any love or company- he actally after we married could not bear to touch or be touched apart from some drunken sex (on his part)
still feel sorrow for him and his early life that life created this empty shell of a human.

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