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by Nick Paustian

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Parent
– Canberra, Australia

A wonderful day of ideas and learning tools to help children through anxiety. Thanks for helping my son find his inner warrior!

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Big feelings and big behaviour are a call for us to come closer. They won’t always feel like that,...

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Sep 24

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Big feelings and big behaviour are a call for us to come closer. They won’t always feel like that, but they are. Not ‘closer’ in an intrusive ‘I need you to stop this’ way, but closer in a ‘I’ve got you, I can handle all of you’ kind of way - no judgement, no need for you to be different - I’m just going to make space for this feeling to find its way through. Our kids and teens are no different to us. When we have feelings that fill us to overloaded, the last thing we need is someone telling us that it’s not the way to behave, or to calm down, or that we’re unbearable when we’re like this. Nup. What we need, and what they need, is a safe place to find our out breath, to let the energy connected to that feeling move through us and out of us so we can rest. . But how? First, don’t take big feelings personally. They aren’t a reflection on you, your parenting, or your child. Big feelings have wisdom contained in them about what’s needed more, or less, or what feels intolerable right now. Sometimes it might be as basic as a sleep or food. Maybe more power, influence, independence, or connection with you. Maybe there’s too much stress and it’s hitting their ceiling and ricocheting off their edges. Like all wisdom, it doesn’t always find a gentle way through. That’s okay, that will come. Our kids can’t learn to manage big feelings, or respect the wisdom embodied in those big feelings if they don’t have experience with big feelings. . We also need to make sure we are responding to them in the moment, not a fear or an inherited ‘should’ of our own. These are the messages we swallowed whole at some point - ‘happy kids should never get sad or angry’, ‘kids should always behave,’ ‘I should be able to protect my kids from feeling bad,’ ‘big feelings are bad feelings’, ‘bad behaviour means bad kids, which means bad parents.’ All these shoulds are feisty show ponies that assume more ‘rightness’ than they deserve. They are usually historic, and when we really examine them, they’re also irrelevant. . Finally, try not to let the symptoms of big feelings disrupt the connection. Then, when calm comes, we will have the influence we need for the conversations that matter.

karenyoung_heysigmund

"Be patient. We don’t know what we want to do or who we want to be. That feels really bad ...

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Sep 22

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"Be patient. We don’t know what we want to do or who we want to be. That feels really bad sometimes. Just keep reminding us that it’s okay that we don’t have it all figured out yet, and maybe remind yourself sometimes too." ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ #parentingteens #neurodevelopment #positiveparenting #parenting #neuronurtured #braindevelopment #adolescence #neurodevelopment #parentingteens

karenyoung_heysigmund

Would you be more likely to take advice from someone who listened to you first, or someone who ...

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Sep 20

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Would you be more likely to take advice from someone who listened to you first, or someone who insisted they knew best and worked hard to convince you? Our teens are just like us. If we want them to consider our advice and be open to our influence, making sure they feel heard is so important. Being right doesn't count for much at all if we aren't being heard. ⠀⠀ Hear what they think, what they want, why they think they're right, and why it’s important to them. Sometimes we'll want to change our mind, and sometimes we'll want to stand firm. When they feel fully heard, it’s more likely that they’ll be able to trust that our decisions or advice are given fully informed and with all of their needs considered. And we all need that. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ #positiveparenting #parenting #parenthood #neuronurtured #childdevelopment #adolescence ⠀⠀

karenyoung_heysigmund

"We’re pretty sure that when you say no to something it’s because you don’t understand ...

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Sep 19

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"We’re pretty sure that when you say no to something it’s because you don’t understand why it’s so important to us. Of course you’ll need to say 'no' sometimes, and if you do, let us know that you understand the importance of whatever it is we’re asking for. It will make your ‘no’ much easier to accept. We need to know that you get it. Listen to what we have to say and ask questions to understand, not to prove us wrong. We’re not trying to control you or manipulate you. Some things might not seem important to you but if we’re asking, they’re really important to us.❤️" . . . #neurodevelopment #neuronurtured #childdevelopment #parenting #positiveparenting #mindfulparenting

karenyoung_heysigmund

The move towards brave doesn’t have to be a leap. It can be a shuffle - lots of brave tiny steps, ...

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Sep 17

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The move towards brave doesn’t have to be a leap. It can be a shuffle - lots of brave tiny steps, each one more brave than before. What’s important isn’t the size of the step but the direction. ⠀⠀ #parentingteens #neurodevelopment #positiveparenting #neuronurtured #anxiety #anxietyinchildren

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