4 Important Things Your Children Need to Hear

4 Important Things Your Children Need to Hear

As parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and teachers, there is no more important of a job than raising the kids in our lives into successful adults. It would seem as if they are like little sponges, soaking up every bit of the environment around them. They will even pick up on things you didn’t realize they know about.  

Being an amazing role model can often be difficult at times. How we react during times of stress, like those times in a fit of road rage or when we accidentally drop something on our foot, is how they will often react to those things too. Sometimes, we’re not exactly sure what to say or how to discipline.

It’s not just our actions they take to heart, but how we talk to them and mold them. Our words have a bigger impact than you might even imagine. Children will often shape their view of themselves and the world around them by how they are treated by their parents. You hear stories of little kids desperate for their parent’s attention and if neglected, will often go about getting into trouble to ensure they get the attention they desire.

Yet, when you speak a message of hope to them and are honest, you can see a total difference in their eyes. If you also encourage them and help them grow, and not just constantly negative, it will have amazing results in how your kids see themselves. You’re essentially molding your child’s future a single word at a time. Groza Learning Center shares four things your child needs to hear:

#1: I’m Proud of You.

Who doesn’t like to hear that they’re doing a great job? Children might not have the responsibilities weighing them down like adults do, but they often work hard to accomplish goals put before them. If they consistently do their chores well without any arguments or regularly bring home good greats, there’s nothing wrong with saying you’re proud of them. This encouragement will keep them on the right track, where negative words and added pressure to ‘do better’ might discourage them.

#2: That’s a Good Choice.

Kids often love to be independent. They want to make their own choices, especially as they get older. The problem is, they can’t see the big picture. They don’t know why they can’t touch the stove until they get burned and realize actions have consequences. A lot of times, parents only punish kids when they do wrong, but fail to tell them when they made a good choice. You don’t have to celebrate every good decision they make, but acknowledging it helps them learn what’s right as much as punishment helps them learn what’s wrong.

#3: Have fun!

It seems as if this world forces our kids to grow up quicker and make more adult decisions before they’re ready. That’s unfortunate. They’re so busy being forced to act like adults that they forget how to have fun and be kids. A kid’s life should be full of fun times, wild imagination, and making memories that will last a lifetime. So make sure they know it’s okay to have fun.

#4: I’m Happy You’re Here!

It’s not rare for a child to question their place within the family unit, especially if they have many siblings. With bullying rampant in our schools and times becoming increasingly difficult, kids can begin to question who they are and whether or not they belong. This is especially true if their parents spend a lot of late nights working. They might not understand the whole financial situation and think work is more important than they are. So take the time to make sure they know how important they are to the you and to the family as a whole.

Our kids are precious. You will never do anything more important than to raise your kids to become upstanding citizens. It goes far beyond keeping them away from trouble, but you’re also in charge of how they feel about themselves. One wrong word can have devastating or healing effects.  


 About the Author: Scott Groza

Scott Groza has more than ten years experience teaching. Through both public and private school positions, he has seen how students can be overlooked, pushed aside, and virtually become invisible in the schools they are in.

In 2002, Scott and his wife founded The Groza Learning Center, located in California. It started as a vision from Scott and his wife to aid those students who were struggling in their academic endeavors. The center offers integrative learning experiences for all students in grades pre-K through college level through a holistic approach to learning that not only considers the requirements of local school boards for graduation, but also the individual needs of the students and their families. Each student is immersed in an environment where they feel welcomed, comforted and treated as the success story that they will become.

4 Comments

Jerilee

I wish I could send my 2 year old to this school. It sounds fabulous. Great job guys and lovely article really enjoyed it. Shall definitely quote.

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All kids need the 'the right things' to thrive. The right people, the right motivation, the right encouragement. Out in the world, at school, or wherever they find themselves, kids and teens with anxiety don't need any extra support - they just need their share, but in a way that works for them. 

In a world that tends to turn towards the noise, it can be easy for the ones that tend to stand back and observe and think and take it all in, to feel as though they need to be different - but they don't. Kids and teens who are vulnerable to anxiety tend to have a different and wonderful way of looking at the world. They're compassionate, empathic, open-hearted, brave and intelligent. They're exactly the people the world needs. The last thing we want is for them to think they need to be anyone different to who they are.

#parenting #anxietysupport #childanxietyawareness #mindfulparenting #parent #heywarrior #heysigmund
Sometimes silence means 'I don't have anything to say.' Sometimes it means, 'I have plenty to say but I don't want to share it right here and right now.'

We all need certain things to feel safe enough to put ourselves into the world. Kids with anxiety are thoughtful, observant and insightful, and their wisdom will always have the potential to add something important to the world for all of us. Until they have a felt sense of safety though, we won’t see it.

This safety will only happen through relationship. This isn’t a child thing, or an anxiety thing. It’s a human thing. We’re all wired to feel safest when we’re connected to the people around us. For children it starts with the adult in the room.

We can pour all the resources we want into learning support, or behaviour management, but until children have a felt sense of safety and connection with the adult in the room, the ‘thinking brain’ won’t be available. This is the frontal cortex, and it’s the part of the brain needed for learning, deliberate decisions, thinking through consequences, rational thinking. During anxiety, it’s sent offline.

Anxiety is not about what is actually safe, but about what the brain perceives. A child can have the safest, most loving, brilliant teacher, but until there is a felt sense of connection with that teacher (or another adult in the room), anxiety will interrupt learning, behaviour, and their capacity to show the very best of what they can do. And what they can do will often be surprising - insightful, important, beautiful things.

But relationships take time. Safety and trust take time. The teachers who take this time are the ones who will make the world feel safer for these children - all children, and change their world in important, enduring ways. This is when learning will happen. It’s when we’ll stop losing children who fly under the radar, or whose big behaviour takes them out of the classroom, or shifts the focus to the wrong things (behaviour, learning, avoidance, over relationships).

The antidote to anxiety is trust, and the greatest way to support learning and behaviour is with safe, warm, loving relationships. It’s just how it is, and there are no shortcuts.
In uncertain times, one thing that is certain is the profound power of you to help their world feel safe enough. You are everything to them and however scary the world feels, the safety of you will always feel bigger. 

When the world feels fragile, they will look to us for strength. When it feels unpredictable, they will look to us for calm. When they feel small, we can be their big. 

Our children are wired to feel safe when they are connected and close to us. That closeness doesn’t always have to mean physical proximity, but of course that will be their favourite. Our words can build their safe base, “I know this feels scary love, and I know we will be okay.” And our words can become their wings, “I can hear how worried you are, and I know you are brave enough. You were built for this my love. What can you do that would be brave right now?”

We might look for the right things to do or the right things to say to make things better for them, but the truth of it all is the answer has always been you. Your warmth, your validation, your presence, your calm, your courage. You have the greatest power to help them feel big enough. You don’t have to look for it or reach for it - it’s there, in you. Everything you need to help them feel safe enough and brave enough is in you. 

This doesn’t mean never feeling scared ourselves. It’s absolutely okay to feel whatever we feel. What it means is allowing it to be, and adding in what we can. Not getting over it, but adding into it - adding strength, calm, courage. So we feel both - anxious and strong, uncertain and determined, scared and safe ‘enough’. 

When our children see us move through our own anxiety, restlessness, or uncertainty with courage, it opens the way for them to do the same. When our hearts are brave enough and calm enough, our children will catch this, and when they do, their world will feel safe enough and they will feel big enough.
The temptation to lift our kiddos out of the way of anxiety can be spectacular. Here's the rub though - avoidance has a powerful way of teaching them that the only way to feel safe is to avoid. This makes sense, but it can shrink their world. 

We also don't want to go the other way, and meet their anxiety by telling them there's nothing to worry about. They won't believe it anyway. The option is to ride the wave with them. Breathe, be still, and stay in the moment so they can find their way there too. 

This is hard - an anxious brain will haul them into the future and try to buddy them up with plenty of 'what-ifs' - the raging fuel for anxiety. Let them know you get it, that you see them, and that you know they can do this. They won't buy it straight away, and that's okay. The brain learns from experience, so the more they are brave, the more they are brave - and we know they are brave.

 #parenting #positiveparenting #parenthood #parentingtips #childdevelopment #anxietyinchildren #neuronurtured #childanxiety #parentingadvice #heywarrior #anxietysupport #anxietyawareness #mindfulparenting #positiveparentingtips #parentingtip #neurodevelopment
To do this, we will often need to ‘go first’ with calm and courage. This will mean calming our own anxiety enough, so we can lead them towards things that are good for them, rather than supporting their avoidance of things that feel too big, but which are important or meaningful. 

The very thing that makes you a wonderful parent, can also get in the way of moving them through anxiety. As their parent, you were built to feel distress at their distress. This distress works to mobilise you to keep them safe. This is how it’s meant to work. The problem is that sometimes, anxiety can show up in our children when it there is no danger, and no need to protect. 

Of course sometimes there is a very real need to keep our children safe, and to support them in the retreat from danger. Sometimes though, the greatest things we can do for them is support their move towards the things that are important a or meaningful, but which feel too big in the moment. One of the things that makes anxiety so tough to deal with is that it can look the same whether it is in response to a threat, or in response to things that will flourish them. 

When anxiety happens in the absence of threat, it can move us to (over)protect them from the things that will be good for them (but which register as threat). I’ve done it so many times myself. We’re human, and the pull to move our children out of the way of the things that are causing their distress will be seismic. The key is knowing when the anxiety is in response to a real threat (and to hold them back from danger) and when it is in response to something important and meaningful (and to gently support them forward). The good news is that you were built to move towards through both - courage and safety. The key to strengthening them is knowing which one when - and we don’t have to get it right every time.♥️

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