Anxiety. Sometimes it just sneaks up on you.
You can be doing all the right things – eating well, exercising, meditating. But still, feelings of anxiety can just appear out of nowhere. Suddenly you have to deal with racing thoughts, heart palpitations, maybe even a full-blown panic attack.
The symptoms and conditions that anxiety produces vary greatly from person to person. For me it was depersonalization, a sense of being cut off from reality, like you’re dreaming all the time. It was horrible and the symptoms were particularly frightening.
And like all anxiety conditions, what was most frightening was the lack of control I seemed to have over it. But here’s a great tip I found incredibly useful:
You may not always be able to control the anxiety.
But you can always control your reaction to it.
And that’s a lot more powerful than you might think!
Take panic attacks, for example. The initial scary thought that sets it off might be something really small. A thought that for most people would last a few seconds and then fade away naturally.
It’s your reaction to it that sets off the spiralling thoughts and eventually, a full-blown panic attack.
But if you can recognize that initial scary thought for what it is (just a thought!), you automatically change your reaction to it. And by not overreacting to it, you can reduce the anxiety and even stop the panic attack completely.
Let’s look at this from another angle. Let’s say you’ve just had a panic attack. What’s the most effective thing to do? Sit around, feeling sorry for yourself, dreading the next panic attack? Of course not. That’ll only worsen your fear and increase the likelihood of another one happening.
Instead, don’t overreact. Distract yourself. Keep your mind occupied. Stay busy. Play an instrument, take a walk, meet up with a friend. That reaction teaches your brain that even though the panic attack has just happened, it hasn’t affected you.
When your brain registers that these feelings can bring your day to a halt, it confirms that anxiety is ‘big’ and ‘important’. But when you go about your day regardless of any panic attacks, depersonalization or any other form of anxiety? Your brain registers that anxiety is not ‘big’ or ‘important’!
Think of anxiety like a spoiled child. It throws tantrums to get attention. And the more attention you pay to it, the more attention it demands. But if you just let the tantrum happen and go about your day? The child sees that tantrums don’t get him anywhere — and will eventually stop using them!
The same goes for all feelings of anxiety: Don’t overreact to them.
Accept that the feelings are there. Let the ‘tantrum’ happen. It can’t hurt you. And then immediately focus on something constructive and engaging.
This technique is especially useful as you start to recover from any anxiety. You’ll find that you have some good days and some bad days. It’s a natural part of recovery!
But again — the trick is not to overreact.
When you have a bad day, don’t be disappointed or feel sorry for yourself. Just accept that you feel a little anxious, and stay busy. And it may seem counterintuitive, but when you have a good day, don’t celebrate!
This teaches your brain that anxiety is not important, in either positive or negative terms. That puts the unwanted thoughts and feelings into perspective and allows them to fade away and disappear — which is exactly what they’re supposed to do.
This simple technique was invaluable in my recovery from depersonalization disorder, but can be used with any anxiety condition. It teaches your brain that feelings of anxiety, no matter how intense they might get, are ultimately not that important.
There’s a great saying in mindfulness: “Engage with useful thoughts, disengage from the others.”
Anxious thoughts are not useful. So disengage from them by not overreacting to them.
About the Author: Shaun O Connor
Shaun O Connor is the author of The Depersonalization Manual, a book which details his recovery from Depersonalization disorder and provides a complete guide to recovery for sufferers of the condition. First published as an ebook in 2007, it has since expanded to become a complete recovery package and has sold over 9,000 copies worldwide.
Shaun is also a multi award-winning television and film director whose work has screened around the world, including at the Dublin, Helsinki and Boston Film Festivals.
I became depersonalized many years ago. I woke up disconnected from reality. The storage part is that night I had a horrid nightmare that felt so real. Next thing I know I’m like this.I get this weird feeling in my head that’s hard to explain. I just recently came across info about brain fog, memory and other symptoms that make up DP/DR being connected to the neck. It’s a sign of massive compression. Going to see if this may be my solution.
Just wanted to comment, I have cervical spine issues and dealing with the depersonalization so that makes alot of sense!
Thank You for this information of a very scary feeling. I wish that I would have known about it then, when it had happened to me, but I didn’t know what it was. It felt so real, and so scary. Remembering it still now, it still scares me. I had no control of it then. I am still afraid of loosing control. I did not find these feelings helpful then. They caused me to get locked in a mental hospital. These feelings (I learn now) were protecting me, and yet, I felt that they were destroying me. I had to them, and I did. I had to hide them, so that no one would know, so that I would not be locked up in a mental hospital again. I am so glad reading this now. It shows me that I was not crazy, even that this thing was, and I felt helpless in being that. I am glad knowing now that it was not my fault in feeling these crazy things, and that I was not the only one feeling them. This information is very important to any trauma survivors. Everyone should know it, so that if something like this happens again (I hope not) but at least that then it would be known what it really was, and not to be afraid of it. That fear in me was real, and just like with now with the depression, or panic attacks, I can’t control it completely. At least now I know it, and I accept for what it really was, and not for what my mind had caused me to believe. That believe was terrifying, and I am glad that I have survived it.
I’m 18 and I’m not sure if what I have is dp but from what I’ve found I think it is. I just have this strange feeling all the time like I’m looking at everything from a different perspective. It’s hard to focus and sometimes I find my self thinking about certain things with out trying to, as if my subconscious is in the drivers seat. It’s hard to focus and it makes me tired all the time but it gets worse If I sleep during the day. It started a few days ago after I took an hour nap and woke back up and went to bed before I had to go to work the next morning ever since then it’s gotten slightly better but I can still notice it with out a problem. I do have a lot of stress with school, work, and a failing relationship with my girlfriend, and I recently made a decision to stop vaping after trying a few times and failing. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and want to know if I should go to the doctor or do something to make it better. I don’t even know how to describe it to anyone and I’ve only told two people. I just need answers.
I’m 18 years but I started having this DP when i was 17,a day before my birthday and ever since it’s been months and I read about others who get well in days and I thought mine was different, but recently I was starting to feel better but it got worse again, I don’t know what to do