Children With Autism: The Difference a Pet Can Make

Deciding whether or not to bring a pet into the family is a big decision. We bring them in. We fall in love. They love us back. Sometimes they find trouble like it’s what they were put here to do, but then they do that cute face thing they all seem to manage at exactly the right time and we’re deleting the ‘Pet For Sale’ sign ideas from our head.

The benefits of owing a pet on mental health have long been established in the literature. Recently researchers looked at whether there were any particular benefits of pet ownership for children with autism.


They Study. What They Did

70 families who had children with autism participated in the study. The children were aged between 8 and 18. About 70% of the families had dogs and about half had cats. Other pets included fish, farm animals, rodents, rabbits, reptiles, a bird and a spider. 

What They Found 

Children who lived with a pet had greater social skills compared to those who did not have a pet at home. 

As explained by researcher Gretchen Carlisle:

‘The data revealed that children with any kind of pet in the home reported being more likely to engage in behaviours such as introducing themselves, asking for information or responding to other people’s questions. These kinds of social skills typically are difficult for kids with autism, but this study showed children’s assertiveness was greater if they lived with a pet.’


In research conducted specifically on the effect of dogs, it was found that for children with autism, the longer they had owned a dog the better the their social skills were, though living with any pet had a positive impact. 

The researchers explained the findings by noting that pets often act as ‘social lubricants’. When pets are around children seem to talk and engage with each other. This could explain why children who have a pet at home are more assertive

As Carlisle explained, ‘Kids with autism don’t always readily engage with others, but if there’s a pet in the home that the child is bonded with and a visitor starts asking bout the pet, the child may be more likely to respond.’

Which Pet is Best for Children with Autism?

The best type of pet depends on the child, but dogs have been suggested as one to keep in mind because they can provide unconditional, nonjudgemental love and companionship.

Interestingly when the children were asked, they reported having the strongest attachment to smaller dogs.

Children with autism are so individual and it’s important to involve them in the decision as to which pet to bring into the family.

If the child is sensitive to loud noises, for example, a dog that is a barker won’t be the best option. If the child has touch sensitivities, the feel of the dog will be important for them.

‘Many children with autism know the qualities they want in a dog, Carlisle explained. ‘If parents could involve their kids in choosing dogs for their families, it may be more likely the children will have positive experiences with the animals when they are brought home.’

2 Comments

Kirsten

Is 14 too old to start looking for a dog for my autistic son? He was diagnosed at age two. We had a cat until he passed this year at age 17. And what about a trained dog for people with autism or a therapy dog?

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Hey Sigmund

It’s definitely not too old. I’ve heard great things about the trained dogs you have mentioned, so that might be worth considering too.

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Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’

Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️
Anxiety is driven by a lack of certainty about safety. It doesn’t mean they aren’t safe, and it certainly doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means they don’t feel safe enough - yet. 

The question isn’t, ‘How do we fix them?’ They aren’t broken. 

It’s, ‘How do we fix what’s happening around them to help them feel so they can feel safe enough to be brave enough?’

How can we make the environment feel safer? Sensory accommodations? Relational safety?

Or if the environment is as safe as we can make it, how can we show them that we believe so much in their safety and their capability, that they can rest in that certainty? 

They can feel anxious, and do brave. 

We want them to listen to their anxiety, check things out, but don’t always let their anxiety take the lead.

Sometimes it’s spot on. And sometimes it isn’t. Whole living is about being able to tell the difference. 

As long as they are safe, let them know you believe them, and that you believe IN them. ‘I know this feels big and I know you can handle this. We’ll do this together.’♥️
Research has shown us, without a doubt, that a sense of belonging is one of the most important contributors to wellbeing and success at school. 

Yet for too many children, that sense of belonging is dependent on success and wellbeing. The belonging has to come first, then the rest will follow.

Rather than, ‘What’s wrong with them?’, how might things be different for so many kids if we shift to, ‘What needs to happen to let them know we want them here?’❤️
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So much of our stuckness, and our children's stuckness, comes from needing to silence the parts of us that don't fit with who we 'should' be. Or from believing that the thought or feeling showing up the loudest is the only truth. 

We believe their anxiety, because their brave is softer - there, but softer.
We believe our 'not enoughness', because our 'everything to everyone all the time' has been stretched to threadbare for a while.
We feel scared so we lose faith in our strength.

One of our loving roles as parents is to show our children how to make space for their own contradictions, not to fight them, or believe the thought or feeling that is showing up the biggest. Honour that thought or feeling, and make space for the 'and'.

Because we can be strong and fragile all at once.
Certain and undone.
Anxious and brave.
Tender and fierce.
Joyful and lonely.
We can love who we are and miss who we were.

When we make space for 'Yes, and ...' we gently hold our contradictions in one hand, and let go of the need to fight them. This is how we make loving space for wholeness, in us and in our children. 

We validate what is real while making space for what is possible.
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When our children are distressed, anxious, in fight or flight, we’ll feel it. We’re meant to. It’s one of the ways we keep them safe. Our brains tell us they’re in danger and our bodies organise to fight for them or flee with them.

When there is an actual threat, this is a perfect response. But when the anxiety is in response to something important, brave, new, hard, that instinct to fight for them or flee with them might not be so helpful.

When you can, take a moment to be clear about the ‘why’. Are they in danger or

Ask, ‘Do I feel like this because they’re in danger, or because they’re doing something hard, brave, new, important?’ 

‘Is this a time for me to keep them safe (fight for them or flee with them) or is this a time for me to help them be brave?’

‘What am I protecting them from -  danger or an opportunity to show them they can do hard things?’

Then make space for ‘and’, ‘I want to protect them AND they are safe.’

‘I want to protect them from anxiety AND anxiety is unavoidable - I can take care of them through it.’

‘This is so hard AND they can do hard things. So can I.’

Sometimes you’ll need to protect them, and sometimes you need to show them how much you believe in them. Anxiety can make it hard to tell the difference, which is why they need us.♥️

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