Raising Confident Kids – Roots and Wings

Raising Confident Kids: Roots & Wings

I’ve been blessed with three healthy children. I appreciate and am grateful for this gift I have been given. I have aspired to parent consciously. It has not always been easy. I suffered with severe post natal depression on and off for over a decade. My daughter suffered with Anorexia during her teenage years. I divorced my husband after a 20 year marriage. The road has certainly be challenging. Yet, we, the children and I, have come through it stronger and more connected that I ever imagined possible at the time.

One of the fundamental goals and responsibilities for me as a parent for the last 25 years has been the idea of giving my children Roots and Wings. To raise them in a way that they feel they have a strong sense of self and of belonging and at the same time instilling in them through unconditional love, trust and respect the confidence to truly spread their wings and fly. I’m not sure I’ve done this consciously over the years but I’ve certainly been able to articulate it more coherently recently.

What do I actually mean by roots and wings? For me roots are about having a sense of what home means. Home not as in the bricks and mortar necessarily although this does help, but home as the unconditional love and support that home gives. It is the understanding of family and of values. A shelter from the storm, a place inside that is always safe. Even when the family home was sold at the ending of my marriage I kept with me this sense of home so that the transition could be made as easy as possible for the children.

Think of it literally. A plant that is given food and the correct amount of water, talking to and tender loving care WILL grow a strong root system that will sustain it through drought and growth spurts, wind and rain. As will our children.

By roots, I’m also implying an understanding of oneself. I want that my children have spent some time exploring who they are as people in a safe, loving and non-judgmental environment and what better place than at home. My understanding of roots is also about having a sense of place in the world and what better place to explore than at home.

We will all have different experiences in how we were raised and we often either continue in the same vein (if it was a positive, life-affirming experience) or we react against our upbringing and do something quite different. There is of course a middle ground!

Some of us may well have been raised with very strong roots (sometimes these can strangle). We know who we are, who our family is, and we have a very strong identity. We may also have been given the impression of having wings. We may be the bird that has wings yet sits perched in a cage and can fly nowhere. These are not the wings I mean.

To give our children wings means to truly give them the freedom to fly the nest. To trust and love them completely. To give them our blessings to choose the path they will walk. To give them wings without conditions. This is a gift from us to them. Often it is not easy, letting go never is. I have given my children wings and my eldest now lives in Singapore (I’m in London). My daughter works in Overseas Development and plans to live overseas. My heart aches at times yet I know deep within me that this is right and good. I give them my blessing with all my heart. I know that they will come to see me, that I will always be part of their lives. Because I have given them wings with which to fly I know that those wings will fly back home too when they needs to reconnect……there is always soup on the stove and a batch of brownies at home!

Six months ago I wrote an email to my eldest son for his birthday. It was an outpouring of my wisdom for him. Would he read them? Would he appreciate them or consign them to his email trash? He loved them and I then shared them (with his permission) in a blog for The Huffington Post. The response was astounding! This led me to develop these words of wisdom further resulted in the publication of my book 40 Words of Wisdom for my 24 Year Old: A Parenting Manifesto.


 

Rebecca Perkins is the author of Best Knickers Always: 50 Lessons for Midlife and founder of RebPerkins.com. Her latest book 40 Words of Wisdom for my 24 Year Old: A Parenting Manifesto (originally a Huffington Post blog) was published in April.

 She began writing to make sense of her life after the ending of her 20 year marriage. Rebecca is a NLP Master Practitioner and Personal Performance Coach working with women to navigate the transition of midlife. She is passionate about midlife as a time for renewal and for living the second half of life with enthusiasm and vigour.

 As a coach she is challenging and fun, motivating and inspiring. Midlife has taught her to be open-minded, to take more risks, to enjoy the simple things and to live each and every day with the question, ‘If not now, when?’ She lives in London and enjoys supporting and being surrounded by her children, spending time with her guy and celebrating life after 50.

 You can contact Rebecca via her website and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest as well as YouTube.

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

Daphne

I’ve literally just finished reading Rebecca Perkins: ‘Best Knickers Always’ so it was lovely to read some more from her. I enjoy her passionate way of writing and living and will be checking out her website.

Thanks for the article.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join our newsletter

We would love you to follow us on Social Media to stay up to date with the latest Hey Sigmund news and upcoming events.

Follow Hey Sigmund on Instagram

I LOVE being able to work with early childhood centres and schools. The most meaningful, enduring moments of growth and healing happen on those everyday moments kids have with their everyday adults - parents, carers, teachers. It takes a village doesn’t it.♥️
Thank you @lori.desautels!💕

“An amazing new children’s book by @karenyoung_heysigmund -  arrived this past week and I’m obsessed! Explores Polyvagal states in the most fabulous and understandable ways! Going to read to my 5th grade class today! Thank you Karen!! #childrensbooks #students #Ieducators #education”
Sydney! We’re coming to you. The Resilient Kids Conference is a one day event for parents and professionals who live and work with kids and teens. 

Can’t make it? There’s now an ONLINE option so you can watch from anywhere in the world, with the recording available for 4 weeks after the conference. 

I’ll be talking about anxiety in young people, but this information is relevant for ALL OF US. We need to  change the way we think about anxiety and respond to it - so let’s talk about how. I’ll give you practical, meaningful ways to support and strengthen your kids and teens with in ways that will serve them not just for now, but for the rest of their lives. 

Two things I know for certain. 1. All kids have it in them to be brave and do the things that feel bigger than them sometimes. 2. Parents and their important adults have the most profound capacity to strengthen kids and teens against anxiety and build their confidence and courage. 

I love these conferences and I know parents walk out feeling excited and empowered. 

Since 2016, the Resilient Kids Conferences have attracted up to 800 attendees at a single event. It is beyond beautiful to see parents, educators, and many other professionals stream through the doors in anticipation of a soul fulfilling experience. By the end of the day their faces are beaming, and so is our teams. It’s a community of people, redefining resilience together.

I’ll be joining Maggie Dent, Michelle Mitchell, and Dr Justin Coulson. In person, online and group license tickets are available for this event.

Tickets (online and live). Link in bio.
When times feel uncertain or your own anxiety feels big, come home to the things that make sense. 

Come home to each other, to stillness, to play, to rest, and conversation. 

Come home to listening more openly and caring more deeply, to nature, and warm baths, and being more deliberate, to fighting for what we can control, and the soft surrender to what we can’t. 

Come home to stories, and music, and to the safety of your tribe. 

Come home to that part of you that is timeless, and strong, and still, and wise, and which knows that, like everything that has ever felt bigger than you for a while, you will get them and you through this.♥️
Separation anxiety can come with a tail whip - not only does it swipe at kids, but it will so often feel brutal for their important adults too.

If your child struggle to separate at school, or if bedtimes tougher than you’d like them to be, or if ‘goodbye’ often come with tears or pleas to stay, or the ‘fun’ from activities or play dates get lost in the anxiety of being away from you, I hear you.

There’s a really good reason for all of these, and none of them have anything to do with your parenting, or your child not being ‘brave enough’. Promise. And I have something for you. 

My 2 hour on-demand separation anxiety webinar is now available for purchase. 

This webinar is full of practical, powerful strategies and information to support your young person to feel safer, calmer, and braver when they are away from you. 

We’ll explore why separation anxiety happens and powerful strategies you can use straight away to support your child. Most importantly, you’ll be strengthening them in ways that serve them not just for now but for the rest of their lives.

Access to the recording will be available for 30 days from the date of purchase.

Link to shop in bio. 

https://www.heysigmund.com/products/separation-anxiety-how-to-build-their-brave/

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This