Courage is Taking That First Step Into the Unknown

Courage is Taking that First Step Into the Unknown

Fear is something that has held me back in the past, not being prepared to take risks that moved me outside my comfort zone. That has all changed since I made the decision to become a life coach.  Each day I am faced with new challenges to overcome, new ways of thinking, and the person I now have to become. Each day I am faced with the decision to push through the fear to get my dream off the ground or to turn back.  Each day I choose to move forward, sometimes taking leaps of faith or some days smaller more manageable steps.

Guess what! It just gets easier, who knew that dealing with fear was just a process, and a change of perception.

I recently read the book “Feel the fear and do it anyway” by Susan Jefferes. In it she explains the process that I have experienced. I hope the following information helps you to move forward and take that first step into the unknown.

The five truths about fear.

  1. The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow as an individual.
  2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
  3. The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and do it.
  4. Not only are you going to experience fear whenever you’re on unfamiliar territory but so is everyone else.
  5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

The biggest fear of all – the one that really keeps you stuck is

I can’t handle it!

At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you.

The truth is:

If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear?

Nothing

All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way!

Some fear is instinctual and healthy and keeps us alert to trouble. The rest – the part that holds us back from personal growth is inappropriate and destructive, and perhaps can be blamed on our conditioning.

What matters is that you begin now to develop your trust in yourself, until you reach the point where you can say:

Whatever happens to me, given any situation, I can handle it!

We can’t escape fear.  We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting adventures; it is not an anchor holding us transfixed in one spot.

If everybody feels fear when approaching something totally new in life, yet so many are out there “doing it” despite the fear, then we must conclude that fear is not the problem. The real issue has nothing to do with the fear itself, but rather, how we hold the fear.  For some, the fear is totally irrelevant.  For others, it creates a state of paralysis.  The former holds their fear from a position of power (choice, excitement and action), and the latter hold it from a position of pain (helplessness, depression and paralysis).  The secret to handling fear is to move yourself from a position of pain to a position of power.  The fact that you have the fear then becomes irrelevant.

To help you on your pain to power path, it’s important that you begin to develop a pain to power vocabulary.  The way you use words has a tremendous impact on the quality of your life.  Certain words are destructive; others are empowering.

Pain to Power Vocabulary

Pain >             >         >         >         >         >         Power

I can’t _____________________________  I won’t

I should ___________________________   I could

It’s not my fault ______________________  I’m totally responsible          

It’s a problem________________________  It’s an opportunity        

I’m never satisfied ____________________   I want to learn and grow

Life’s a struggle ______________________  Life’s an adventure

I hope _____________________________ I know            

What will I do? _______________________ I know I can handle it

It’s terrible __________________________ It’s a learning experience  

Begin eliminating the words terrible, can’t, problem, struggle, and should from your vocabulary. When you give your subconscious these messages your subconscious believes you. Not only does your sense of yourself change with a more powerful vocabulary, so does your presence in the world.  People who display an inner strength are treated differently from those who come across as weak.  The more powerfully you speak, the more you will be a force in the world around you.

You can also bring more power into your life by expanding your comfort zone.  Try each day to do something that pushes you outside your zone.  Take a risk a day – one small bold stroke that will make you feel great once you’ve done it.  Even if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to, at least you tried.  You didn’t sit back powerless. As your power builds, so does your confidence, so that stretching your comfort zone becomes easier and easier.  The magnitude of the risks you take also expands.  As long as you are taking risks – no matter how small you are moving yourself to a more powerful position.

When you feel yourself hesitating take the leap instead of backing away. Feel the fear and do it anyway.


Cath McEwenAbout the Author: Cath McEwen

Cath McEwen is a passionate, genuine, caring, and certified life coach who is inspired to support individuals who are in pursuit of personal growth and their own passions. She started Daring to Dream Life Coaching as a part of her own dream, following a journey of self discovery and personal growth.

Cath believes that embracing change while being true to yourself, your values, and your unique talent is within the power of all of us. If you are looking for a new perspective or approach, and support to take that first step into the unknown she would love the privilege of working with you.

Find Cath on Facebook,  TwitterInstagram and Pinterest.

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Over the past the past 24 hours, I’ve been in Devonport, Tasmania to deliver two sessions to parents and carers - ‘Big Feelings, Connection, and Confidence’, then later an open Q and A where parents brought their real life questions - and we talked.

Thank you for welcoming me so warmly, and for trusting me with your questions, your stories, and your vulnerability. 

This was an openness where real change begins. Parenting is hard - beautiful and messy and hard. In the last 24 hours, I’ve been moved by the openness and honesty of parents I’ve shared space with. This is where generational patterns start to shift.

So many of the parents I met are already doing this deep, brave work. The questions asked were honest, raw, and profoundly human — the kind of questions that can feel heavy and isolating until you hear someone else ask them too.

Our children will grow in the most incredible ways if we allow them the space, and if we hold that space with love and leadership and a curious mind. And, if we open ourselves to them, and are willing to shift and stretch and grow, they will grow us too.

Thank you to @devonportevents for everything you’ve done to make these events happen.♥️
Can’t wait for this! I’ll be in Devonport, Tasmania next week to present two talks for parents and carers. 

The first is on Monday evening 19 May for a talk about how to support big feelings, behaviour and regulation in young people. This is not just another anxiety talk. You’ll walk away feeling hopeful, empowered, and with strategies you can start using straight away. 

Then, on Tuesday morning 20 May, I’ll be giving another talk for parents and carers but this will be a Q&A. Bring your questions to me! Even if you don’t have questions, the ones I answer will be loaded with practical information that will support you in your parenting journey. 

So grateful to @devonportevents for organising the events. They are public talks, open to everyone. 

Tickets available at Humanitix - search Devonport events and scroll down until you find me! 

Would love to see you there.♥️
Hello Adelaide! I’ll be in Adelaide on Friday 27 June to present a full-day workshop on anxiety. 

This is not just another anxiety workshop, and is for anyone who lives or works with young people - therapists, educators, parents, OTs - anyone. 

Tickets are still available. Search Hey Sigmund workshops for a full list of events, dates, and to buy tickets or see here https://www.heysigmund.com/public-events/
First we decide, ‘Is this discomfort from something unsafe or is it from something growthful?’

Then ask, ‘Is this a time to lift them out of the brave space, or support them through it?’

To help, look at how they’ll feel when they (eventually) get through it. If they could do this bravely thing easily tomorrow, would they feel proud? Happy? Excited? Grateful they did it? 

‘Brave’ isn’t about outcome. It’s about handling the discomfort of the brave space and the anxiety that comes with that. They don’t have to handle it all at once. The move through the brave space can be a shuffle rather than a leap. 

The more we normalise the anxiety they feel, and the more we help them feel safer with it (see ‘Hey Warrior’ or ‘Ups and Downs’ for a hand with this), the more we strengthen their capacity to move through the brave space with confidence. This will take time, experience, and probably lots of anxiety along the way. It’s just how growth is. 

We don’t need to get rid of their anxiety. The key is to help them recognise that they can feel anxious and do brave. They won’t believe this until they experience it. Anxiety shrinks the feeling of brave, not the capacity for it. 

What’s important is supporting them through the brave space lovingly, gently (though sometimes it won’t feel so gentle) and ‘with’, little step by little step. It doesn’t matter how small the steps are, as long as they’re forward.♥️
Of course we’ll never ever stop loving them. But when we send them away (time out),
ignore them, get annoyed at them - it feels to them like we might.

It’s why more traditional responses to tricky behaviour don’t work the way we think they did. The goal of behaviour becomes more about avoiding any chance of disconnection. It drive lies and secrecy more than learning or their willingness to be open to us.

Of course, no parent is available and calm and connected all the time - and we don’t need to be. 

It’s about what we do most, how we handle their tricky behaviour and their big feelings, and how we repair when we (perhaps understandably) lose our cool. (We’re human and ‘cool’ can be an elusive little beast at times for all of us.)

This isn’t about having no boundaries. It isn’t about being permissive. It’s about holding boundaries lovingly and with warmth.

The fix:

- Embrace them, (‘you’re such a great kid’). Reject their behaviour (‘that behaviour isn’t okay’). 

- If there’s a need for consequences, let this be about them putting things right, rather than about the loss of your or affection.

- If they tell the truth, even if it’s about something that takes your breath away, reward the truth. Let them see you’re always safe to come to, no matter what.

We tell them we’ll love them through anything, and that they can come to us for anything, but we have to show them. And that behaviour that threatens to steal your cool, counts as ‘anything’.

- Be guided by your values. The big ones in our family are honesty, kindness, courage, respect. This means rewarding honesty, acknowledging the courage that takes, and being kind and respectful when they get things wrong. Mean is mean. It’s not constructive. It’s not discipline. It’s not helpful. If we would feel it as mean if it was done to us, it counts as mean when we do it to them.

Hold your boundary, add the warmth. And breathe.

Big behaviour and bad decisions don’t come from bad kids. They come from kids who don’t have the skills or resources in the moment to do otherwise.

Our job as their adults is to help them build those skills and resources but this takes time. And you. They can’t do this without you.❤️

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