Guest Post: I Have Misophonia

I Have Misophonia | Molly Mogren, Hey Eleanor!
By Hey Eleanor’s Molly Mogren

I’ve spent my entire life thinking I was absolutely nuts.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been ashamed by an issue I have with sounds. It’s without a doubt the thing I dislike about myself most. If a magical genie gave me three wishes, my first one would be to make the misophonia go away (I’d then wish for a billion dollars and for all pizza to be void of gluten and carbs, but still taste the exact same). From going to the movies to working in an office, this disorder makes daily life challenging.

I have misophonia. I didn’t know it even was an actual thing until a friend read this article in the New York Times and forwarded it to me. 

Molly, I think this is you

Whoa! That is me! I was relieved. Just knowing I had an actual thing was one of the best things I’ve ever heard. Pardon the pun.

I know what you’re thinking: what in the heck is misophonia? The gist: certain noises (in my case chewing, popping gum, humming, typing or clicking with a mouse) cause me panic and rage. And not in a “that’s really annoying” way.

It’s more of a I want to punch you in the face kind of way.

I literally panic if I realize I’ve left the house without ear buds (what if I have to sit by someone slurping at a coffee shop?!). Last week, I speed-walked away while yoga breathing and plugging my ears and shielding my eyes from the guy checking membership cards at Costco. He had the nerve to chew gum with his mouth open.

Like most people with misophonia, I first started experiencing symptoms around age eight. It began with food.

I hated hearing a spoon hit a cereal bowl, the muffled sound of a hand digging around a bowl of popcorn or popping gum. I know most people dislike those noises, but it would cause me to act out. Break things, scream, or avoid eating with my family all together.

Twenty-some years later, I’m still dealing with these same noise problems. In a lot of ways, they’ve gotten worse. My list of triggers continues to grow, and over the past 10 years, it’s moved from just sound, to sound AND sight. For example, seeing someone across the room chewing gum causes me to panic, even if I can’t hear them.

I know! It’s weird! However, 20+ years of this ridiculousness means my coping mechanisms are dialed in.

For example:

I almost always carry headphones, perfect for muffling noises at a coffee shop or a neighbor smacking gum on an airplane. I’d like to point out, if you have misophonia, airports are the absolute worst. Everyone chews gum at the airport.

I almost always have earplugs. 

My radio is always on, which helps muffle annoying noises.

I downloaded the White Noise app, which I play to drown out distracting sounds.

I purposely don’t spend time with people who constantly chew gum. I can think of three people right now that I love, but never want to spend time with because of their gum chewing.

I practice deep breathing techniques to calm myself.

I’ve mastered the art of subtly plugging my ears. I might look like I’m just casually resting my head on my hand, but no. I am trying to not hear you.

However, of all the things I do to manage my misophonia, the most helpful was meeting another person who has it. Long story short, the same friend who alerted me to the NYT’s story introduced me to her friend who also has misophonia. She’s normal and awesome and so funny and empathetic.

We live in different cities, but when one of us is having a particularly bad noise day, we will text each other. “My co-worker hasn’t stopped clearing their throat for six days! I’ve already cried twice in the bathroom today!” Just the act of voicing our frustrations is a HUGE relief. 

This is precisely why I am sharing my story. 

Though misophonia is a neurological disorder, there’s not a lot known about the condition and there is no cure. Some doctors speculate it’s a form of OCD, others believe it stems from some faulty wiring in the brain. What is known is that this disorder is real and it can be very debilitating. Hypnosis, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Tinnitus Retraining Therapy can help (full disclosure: haven’t tried any of these), but I also read just talking about it can ease misophonia. 

So here it is: I have misophonia. Whew!

I used to be afraid that people would make fun of me, purposely smack their gum, or write me off as hysterical or overly-sensitive.

Today, my fear is different: I don’t want people to feel self-conscious eating/breathing/living around me. I’m already aware that some friends and family do feel self-conscious, and it feels terrible. To be clear, I don’t have a fight-or-flight reaction EVERY time some one is eating around me. If I’m in a place with a lot of stimuli (a busy restaurant or fun party), I don’t notice a lot of the eating noises. 

I do, however, always notice the gum.

Always.

I can even hear it over the phone. Not so fun fact: The first thing I do when I walk into a room is scan it for gum chewers. If I see anyone chewing, I do everything in my power to not talk or look at them until they spit out the gum.

I can’t help it. It’s so dumb. 

Sharing my story is oddly therapeutic. I’m trying to get over that feeling of shame and embarrassment and I think this a step in the right direction. If you have other coping strategies or treatment ideas, I want to hear them! But if you could spit out your gum before commenting, I’d appreciate it. 

Image Credits: Hey Eleanor!


The daughter of a flight attendant and a hippy-turned-real estate developer who toured Europe in a Volkswagen bus, I arrived on earth with an undeniable sense of adventure. From hiking the Antarctic Peninsula, to outrunning a hyena in South Africa and even driving a street-legal monster truck through Des Moines, Iowa—I never turn down an opportunity to do something crazy. I’ve worked as Andrew Zimmern‘s right-hand lady since 2007; we’ve co-written three books together and co-host a weekly podcast called “Go Fork Yourself.” My latest project, Hey Eleanor!, chronicles my year-long journey of tackling one thing that scares me every day. I call Minneapolis home & am shacking up with my fiancé Josh, dog (Patsy) and kitty, Bogart. I love coffee, crossword puzzles and am very good at parallel parking.

You can find Molly here on Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.


 

16 Comments

loughlin

personally i have misophonia but im to scared to tell people or point them out in fear of upsetting them or hurting their fellings. as said it`s a realy isolating felling and i only know 2 people that have it, one being my mum. i have gone to thereapy but apparently im “faking it” witch let me tell you is the WORST felling. my responses include eating, smacking lips, chewing, breathing, snortin and a spoon hitting a bowl. i also hate the mre sight of someone eating even if i cant hear it

Reply
Carol

I remember my first experience with Misophonia, at the time I was only 8-12 years old. I don’t remember any really strong reaction to sounds until about 2 years ago. I am 67 years old. My triggers are intermittent sounds: usually compressors, heaters,clocks ticking,or air conditioners. I’m not bothered by noises made by people, that others mention.
I do avoid situations where I know I’m going to be hearing those sounds. It an isolating feeling. It definitely has changed my life in the last two years. I’ve just started with Sound Therapy and counseling. This is also combined with relaxation techniques.
It seems stress and depression brought a return of my Misophonia

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James

I have spent a great deal of my life resenting people for the noises they make, I would sit and become more and more disgusted and enraged at them until I blew up. I thought many people felt the same about eating habits so I didn’t look at it as if there was a problem, I thought it had more to do with being brought up by someone who would shout at me for the slightest noise I would make. I have known for many years that is irrational, it’s not our fault our mouths and bodies make noise, they just do. The sound of my step daughters feet sticking to the floor as she walks through the house, my wife walking in flip flops, the dog walking on the laminate and many other natural noises bring feelings of disgust and anger that I find hard to ignore. Mostly I can wait it out knowing that everything passes but there are times when I simply can’t ignore my feelings and it all comes out on in explosive rants and rages that have broken many relationships. Shouting close to me hurts my ears in such a way that the reaction is unpredictable. School was bad for me, bullied for being a weirdo, I was a constant disruption in class and teachers despised having my presence in the class. I left school thinking I was below average intelligence because I was, and am still, unable to take in information and retain it. Now I know, it has nothing to do with mental capacity and everything to do with being easily distracted by noise.
I try to remember that my problem with noise is not anyone’s fault, if my wife is eating and I’m feeling anything I know it’s not her fault, it ain’t even mine, it’s just something that will pass, I try to be less hard on myself for the feelings I have. For me though, sometimes the reaction is so inappropriate that I know I need help.
Understanding this condition will help me, lots more people now have a basic understanding of mental health than ever before so it is easier to be open and honest about stuff that affects us on different levels and I truly believe it’s openness that protects and empowers us. We aren’t mental, nor are we mentally difficient, simply just wired to do different things.

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Julia

I can relate to this so much. I always bring earbuds with me. The only problem is I’m still in school, so being in a classroom surrounded by people makes it hard. Especially when the person besides me breathes very loudly or picks their nail the whole time. I usually just put my hand on my ear and cover so I can block out most of the noise.

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Caryn

Oh, my God. I had never heard of this before, but when I was reading your post I got chills because it was so dead-on. Chewing gum, forks and knives scraping on plates, and barking dogs are THE WORST. They honestly do make me feel like lashing out, and I hate that. Sometimes I have longed to be deaf so I can NOT hear certain things, even though I know I should be grateful every day for being able to hear. I am going to do more research on this, and if it still fits I think I will share it with my closest relatives so they can understand why I don’t always want to eat dinner with them, or go on long car trips when they’re constantly sniffling (another trigger), or talk to them on the phone when they’re eating. As far as coping mechanisms go, I’ve always felt ashamed and like I’m too picky about noise — like it’s all my fault — so I mostly tell myself to cut it out which is not helpful. White noise and headphones help, but now that I have a better idea of what’s going on maybe I can find some other help for it, too. THANK YOU for posting this and helping me feel less alone!

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Paul N. Dion

Hello fellow misophonia advocate,
My name is Paul N. Dion of http://www.misophonia.com. I am considering adding a “guest blogger” feature to the http://www.misophonia.com website. I’m sending out an invitation to bloggers and to websites dealing with misophonia looking for people interested in participating in such a project.
Submissions can be on any aspect of misophonia; news items, coping strategies, pictures, personal experiences or any other related content is welcome. There is no set length of the material that can be submitted. Links back to your blog/website are encouraged.
If you’d like to submit something please send it to:
Thank you,
~Paul

Reply
Carol Harris

I have this condition. I have been suffering from this since I was about 12 years old. The spoon hitting the bowl, the forks scrapping the plates, gum chewing, etc.. I thought I was crazy. Went to hypnosis in my 40’s. It did not help. Prayed to be free of it every day of my life until the last few years when it got better. Most of my frustrations were centered around my Mother, but anybody chewing gum still throws me into a rage. Even though I chew gum myself. I have developed coping mechanisms. I am 62. But sometimes the rage overtakes me. Glad to know it is neurological after all this time.

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Alicia

Living with it in a country where everybody and everything is extremely noisy and sticky and too much …. I would do anything to stop it, but can’t. I use medication for depression and think it helps with the anxiety…or not. Thanks for sharing your case. It has been a nightmare somedays.

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Jennifer S.

I find this so fascinating, and love that you so bravely shared your story. I don’t have this and hadn’t heard of it before today, but I know what it’s like to feel crazy because you don’t even know if the symptoms you’re experiencing are yours alone, and I agree – It’s so liberating to know there’s a name for the condition and that others can commiserate. Kudos to you and luck on your journey!

Reply
Katrina

Thank you so much for sharing this! It’s definitely one of those things I wish I could control but I just can’t. Instead I too have honed my coping skills. Your comment about subtly covering your ears was so dead on. I arrive early to all my classes to make sure I get an end row seat so my ear on my writing hand side is ok and if needed I can cover the other ear with my hand. I almost failed my drivers exam cause another person in the testing room wouldn’t stop this heavy breathing/sniffling thing, I basically rushed thru the whole test just to get out of there. And here I am at 35, and sometimes I can’t even eat dinner with my kids and husband. But knowing other people suffer from this and I’m not just crazy does really help.

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Molly Mogren Katt

I feel your pain! That driver’s test is story is horrific. In college, I used to skip lectures where I knew people would be popping their gum over and over and over again. I know this is my issue and not other people’s, but I am still baffled by how many adults smack and pop their gum in public. And at work! I changed my dermatology office because everyone, including the doctors, chewed gum. But I digress…

I am certainly willing to try some sort of behavior therapy. But until then, it’s plugging ears, headphones and white noise.

Reply
Molly Mogren Katt

Hi Amy,

I am sorry to hear you are going through that. I’m not sure what’s worse– having misophonia or living with someone who has it! All I can say is try not to take it personally; it seems the people closest to us often irritate us the most (probably because we know you’ll love us, regardless).

I wrote about this on my blog a few months ago & there are all sorts of comments about others suffering with similar issues. One woman said she tried some sort of therapy called Brain Highways (not even sure what that is) and it helped tremendously. I should really check it out.

You can read about it

Reply
Amy

My 14 year old daughter started showing signs of this about a year ago.
She can not sit at the dinner table without her ear buds.
Apparently the worst chewer in our house is me! When she hears the chewing she stops mid sentence and just loses it.
She manages by plugging up or taking dinner to her bedroom.
Still deciding if we are going to therapy.
Has anyone tried therapy and was it successful?

Reply

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‘Brave’ doesn’t always feel like certain, or strong, or ready. In fact, it rarely does. That what makes it brave.♥️
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#parenting #mindfulparenting #parentingtips
We teach our kids to respect adults and other children, and they should – respect is an important part of growing up to be a pretty great human. There’s something else though that’s even more important – teaching them to respect themselves first. 

We can’t stop difficult people coming into their lives. They might be teachers, coaches, peers, and eventually, colleagues, or perhaps people connected to the people who love them. What we can do though is give our kids independence of mind and permission to recognise that person and their behaviour as unacceptable to them. We can teach our kids that being kind and respectful doesn’t necessarily mean accepting someone’s behaviour, beliefs or influence. 

The kindness and respect we teach our children to show to others should never be used against them by those broken others who might do harm. We have to recognise as adults that the words and attitudes directed to our children can be just as damaging as anything physical. 

If the behaviour is from an adult, it’s up to us to guard our child’s safe space in the world even harder. That might be by withdrawing support for the adult, using our own voice with the adult to elevate our child’s, asking our child what they need and how we can help, helping them find their voice, withdrawing them from the environment. 

Of course there will be times our children do or say things that aren’t okay, but this never makes it okay for any adult in your child’s life to treat them in a way that leads them to feeling ‘less than’.

Sometimes the difficult person will be a peer. There is no ‘one certain way’ to deal with this. Sometimes it will involve mediation, role playing responses, clarifying the other child’s behaviour, asking for support from other adults in the environment, or letting go of the friendship.

Learning that it’s okay to let go of relationships is such an important part of full living. Too often we hold on to people who don’t deserve us. Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay and if we can help our children start to think about this when they’re young, they’ll be so much more empowered and deliberate in their relationships when they’re older.♥️
When we are angry, there will always be another emotion underneath it. It is this way for all of us. 

Anger itself is a valid emotion so it’s important not to dismiss it. Emotion is e-motion - energy in motion. It has to find a way out, which is why telling an angry child to calm down or to keep their bodies still will only make things worse for them. They might comply, but their bodies will still be in a state of distress. 

Often, beneath an angry child is an anxious one needing our help. It’s the ‘fight’ part of the fight or flight response. As with all emotions, anger has a job to do - to help us to safety through movement, or to recruit support, or to give us the physical resources to meet a need or to change something that needs changing. It doesn’t mean it does the job well, because an angry brain means the feeling brain has the baton, while the thinking brain sits out for a while. What it means is that there is a valid need there and this young person is doing their very best to meet it, given their available resources in the moment or their developmental stage. 

Children need the same thing we all need when we’re feeling fierce - to be seen,  heard, and supported; to find a way to get the energy out, either with words or movement. Not to be shut down or ‘fixed’. 

Our job isn’t to stop their anger, but to help them find ways to feel it and express it in ways that don’t do damage. This will take lots of experience, and lots of time - and that’s okay.♥️
The SCCR Online Conference 2021 is a wonderful initiative by @sccrcentre (Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution) which will explore ’The Power of Reconnection’. I’ve been working with SCCR for many years. They do incredible work to build relationships between young people and the important adults around them, and I’m excited to be working with them again as part of this conference.

More than ever, relationships matter. They heal, provide a buffer against stress, and make the world feel a little softer and safer for our young people. Building meaningful connections can take time, and even the strongest relationships can feel the effects of disconnection from time to time. As part of this free webinar, I’ll be talking about the power of attachment relationships, and ways to build relationships with the children and teens in your life that protect, strengthen, and heal. 

The workshop will be on Monday 11 October at 7pm Brisbane, Australia time (10am Scotland time). The link to register is in my story.
There are many things that can send a nervous system into distress. These can include physiological (tired, hungry, unwell), sensory overload/ underload, real or perceived threat (anxiety), stressed resources (having to share, pay attention, learn new things, putting a lid on what they really think or want - the things that can send any of us to the end of ourselves).

Most of the time it’s developmental - the grown up brain is being built and still has a way to go. Like all beautiful, strong, important things, brains take time to build. The part of the brain that has a heavy hand in regulation launches into its big developmental window when kids are about 6 years old. It won’t be fully done developing until mid-late 20s. This is a great thing - it means we have a wide window of influence, and there is no hurry.

Like any building work, on the way to completion things will get messy sometimes - and that’s okay. It’s not a reflection of your young one and it’s not a reflection of your parenting. It’s a reflection of a brain in the midst of a build. It’s wondrous and fascinating and frustrating and maddening - it’s all the things.

The messy times are part of their development, not glitches in it. They are how it’s meant to be. They are important opportunities for us to influence their growth. It’s just how it happens. We have to be careful not to judge our children or ourselves because of these messy times, or let the judgement of others fill the space where love, curiosity, and gentle guidance should be. For sure, some days this will be easy, and some days it will feel harder - like splitting an atom with an axe kind of hard.

Their growth will always be best nurtured in the calm, loving space beside us. It won’t happen through punishment, ever. Consequences have a place if they make sense and are delivered in a way that doesn’t shame or separate them from us, either physically or emotionally. The best ‘consequence’ is the conversation with you in a space that is held by your warm loving strong presence, in a way that makes it safe for both of you to be curious, explore options, and understand what happened.♥️
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#mindfulparenting #positiveparenting #parenting

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