Invisible Disabilities – Why They’re Challenging and How to Turn Them into Superpowers

Invisible Disabilities - Why They're Challenging and How to Turn Them into Superpowers

Invisible disabilities are just that…invisible. It’s one of the most difficult obstacles to overcome when identifying and treating mental health issues and learning differences.


Before I get started, I do want to clarify my stance on the phrase ‘invisible disability’. I use this term throughout my article so that people can find this post if they are searching for information connected to that terminology. It is however very important to me that people understand that disabilities are really just differences.

As we all know every person has strengths and weaknesses. Life is about leaping over hurdles and expanding our world. Each and every human being has challenges that are unique to their personal circumstances. It is my sincere goal to help people reach for the stars and make their dreams reality.

Over the course of my career I’ve seen just that – if they get the help they need. That being said, there are way too many people who fall through the cracks and are expected to accomplish tasks that are outside their current abilities simply because caregivers, family members, educators and doctors fail to recognize their challenges.

So, what are invisible disabilities? In a nutshell, it’s when someone suffers from a neurological or physical condition that impairs physical movement, interaction with others, career progression or academics. Unfortunately, these issues may not be immediately apparent to others.

A great example of an invisible disability is ADHD or ADD. One of the most common misconceptions about people with attention deficit is that they’re disinterested or possibly less capable than their peers. Nothing could be further from the truth! In fact, I’ve found most of my patients with ADHD or ADD have extraordinary gifts that shine through once they learn to deal with areas of weakness. With assistance, people with ADHD and ADD become very successful members of society.

Some other examples of invisible disabilities are:
• Social anxiety
• Depression
• Fibromyalgia
• Closed head injuries
• Epilepsy
• Diabetes
• Cystic Fibrosis

Let’s be frank, it’s tough to comprehend what you can’t see with your eyes. For example, a teacher would never pressure a person with a broken leg to join track & field. That’s obvious – but what’s not so obvious is the student living with social anxiety. They’re expected to attend class and give presentations like everyone else. Unfortunately, there is little understanding or accommodation when it comes to this type of challenge. Students with social anxiety can achieve as much as anyone else, but like all students they need the right support to reach their full potential. Their ability isn’t the problem, but anxiety without appropriate support or understanding can be. 

There are no cold hard figures for Americans with Invisible Disabilities. This is because they’re not “seen”, or are underreported. We do know however, that there are millions of people who aren’t getting the assistance they need.

To give you a little insight, in 1997 only 7 million of the 26 million categorized as having a severe disability needed a wheelchair, a walker or crutches. The point is, things aren’t always what they seem.

Education & Identification

Too many people are missing out on the help they need educationally, medically and psychologically – help that would ensure their future success. Some of the most important information educators, parents and healthcare professionals can have is a list of red flags to help them identify those who are in danger of slipping past unrecognized. Here is Laura Eskridge’s list  of red flags for age related learning disabilities:

1. Preschoolers: Difficulty pronouncing words, rhyming, learning basic letters, numbers, shapes and colors.

2. Kindergarten – 4th grade: Difficulty connecting letters with sounds, understanding basic words, remembering facts and consistent reading and spelling errors.

3. 5th – 8th grade: Difficulty understanding and comprehending reading materials, has a tough time following oral instructions and comprehending spelling strategies.

4. High School & Young Adults: Spells the same word differently depending on circumstances, has difficulty answering open-ended questions, understanding abstract concepts, misreads information and has a tough time focusing on details.

Here is the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental health red flags:

1. Withdrawal
2. Problems thinking
3. Increased Sensitivity
4. Apathy
5. Feeling Disconnected
6. Illogical Thinking
7. Nervousness
8. Unusual behavior
9. Mood Changes
10. Drop in Productivity
11. Changes in Sleep & Appetite

Let’s Destigmatize Challenges

Aside from lack of detection, one of the biggest problems is denial. For many it’s easier to just get by than it is to admit there is something more going on. That’s why education is so very important.

The truth is, all of us have challenges. The beauty of neuroplasticity is that the brain changes until the day you die. With simple exercises, you can quite literally alter your world. An invisible disability doesn’t have to DIS-able you. In fact, it can be your superpower.

9 Simple Solutions for Better Mental Health

Here are 9 tools I use to help patients overcome weaknesses and uncover their strengths.

1.  Solid sleep hygiene.

There’s no replacement for good sleep; this is the time your brain takes to repair the ravages of daily stressors. Be sure to get your beauty rest. It’s a quick and easy path to better mental health.

2.  Brain training.

This is a no brainer (pardon the pun). Strong brains have a much better chance of overcoming challenges. Cognitive fitness is a must. You have probably heard of lumosity.com. They have 50 free cognitive games for you to sample. Brains need exercise as much as bodies do.

3.  Physical activity

Humans are complex organisms. There isn’t a single part of our physiology that doesn’t interact and communicate with the rest of the organism. Simply put, a healthy fit body supports a healthy, fit brain. Walk, run or maybe practice some yoga. t doesn’t matter how your body moves – just that it moves.

4.  Mindfulness exercises

Being present is very important. 99% of anxiety would cease to exist if we didn’t worry about the past or what we imagine might happen in the future. The present is a pretty cool place to hang out and be well. I highly recommend meditation and there are many scientific studies to back me up. If you want some more information click here.

5. Stress management.

… And I don’t mean squeezing tennis balls or drinking herbal tea. The key is to get to the root of what is causing stress in your life. Once you do that then you can commit to a plan to eliminate it. Maybe you need a new job or to ditch toxic relationships. Whatever it is, now is the perfect time.

6. Nutritional assessment.

This is my favorite soapbox. Respect yourself enough to honor your body, mind and soul with only the best food. One rule of thumb is to try to stick to eating things with three ingredients or less. For example, what is a Cheeto? I’ve never seen a Cheeto tree, have you? If you can’t grow it, best to avoid it.

7. Pursue creative endeavors.

This is the best channel for whatever ails you. Paint, sing, dance, cook, write, carve, sculpt, fly a kite – do anything to channel negative energy into something beautiful.

8. Talk, talk, talk.

Whether you seek counsel from friends, family or a therapist – talk! The expression, pain shared is pain halved is so very true. Humans are relational by design. When you are heard by a compassionate, caring human your burden is reduced.

9. Equine therapy.

Hang out with horses. They have a very special bond with humans. Not only do they mirror human emotions, but also they’re very sensitive and intuitive creatures. Interaction with horses is very powerful therapy.

If you suspect you (or someone you love) might have an invisible disability it’s important to know that that with some simple tools, it’s possible achieve success in areas you never imagined; and most importantly, on the other side of every disability is a superpower.


About the Author: Dr. Lynn Fraley

Dr. Lynn Fraley is a Clinical Mental Health Professional in the State of Washington, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the State of Idaho and is certified by the National Board of Counselors. She has worked with child and adult survivors of all types of abuse, chemical dependency, divorce & blended family structures as well as more severe and long-term mental illnesses. Her primary areas of focus are cognitive rehabilitation, individual psychotherapy & paediatric developmental issues. She has also been designated as a certified expert, by the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and holds a specialty board certification in Sexual Abuse by AAETS

4 Comments

Charles Z

I have Narcolepsy and a friend that can’t accept the fact that can’t do certain activities. She just want’s me to be her normal … I’ve to educate her and she still can’t accept it. I was diagnosed 45 years ago with Narcolepsy … Hard to have and keep friends because they can’t see it it doesn’t exist and can’t understand my lifestyle to deal with it … What do I do She just keeps telling me “Yes Charlie I understand an reverts back to ignoring it …

Reply
Janet B

My 13 year old son has suffered with ADHD all his life. He has been treated by teachers and principals like an intensionally bad kid and a criminal. He is very intelligent but is failing every subject and skipping out because of this treatment and prevailing attitude as well as being bored out of his mind. His father is a complete narcissistic alcoholic who mentally and emotionally abuses him by blaming him for everything as well as a myriad of other ways.
He is going through a psych-ed assessment in hopes of getting the teachers to recognize his ADHD as real and valid and treat him with compassion and understanding instead of disdain. He’s on meds and has been moved to a new school but it’s a battle for him to go to school and for myself everyday advocating for him at doctors, pediatricians, psychologists never mind the school and his “father”. It floors me that he is blamed and punished instead of people trying to find out WHY he’s acted out or done something. They jump straight into discipline mode when maybe he needs a friendly ear, a hug or some food. I have ADD to a lesser degree so I can relate to him and of course I love him fiercely 🙂 even though he is hard work most of the time… Basically I think the whole world needs to slow down and people need to make more time for each other, give each other the benefit of the doubt, cut some slack and remember that people are generally doing the best they can at any given moment – especially children!

Reply
Ritcha

I think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is one of the worst invisible disabilities. Could you email more articles on how to deal with OCD. Even the person suffering from OCD has to suffer from hatred of his own family, who consider him a burden, but its difficult for him to purchase the expensive medicines.

Reply

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Remember the power of ‘AND’. 

As long as they are actually safe:

They can feel anxious AND do brave.

They can feel like they aren’t ready for brave, AND be ready brave.

They can wish to avoid AND they can stay (or not be taken home).

They can be angry, anxious, and push us away AND we can look after them through the feelings without avoiding the brave/ new, hard/ important. 

We can wish for their anxiety, anger, sadness to be gone AND we can be with them without needing them to be different.

We can believe them (that they are anxious, scared, angry) AND believe in them (that they are capable).

When we hold their anxiety AND their capacity for brave, in equal measure and with compassion, we can show them that their anxiety doesn’t cancel their brave.♥️
These stickers or temporary tattoos are go anywhere cheerleaders for their brave - because being brave is hard sometimes! Available as packs of 12 individual tattoos or stickers.

Of course, tattoos and stickers are much handier if there is something special to hold them in. Oh, I hear you - and I’ve got you … enter the Hey Warrior tin to store them in (or treasure, or wishes, or snacks, or promises that they’ll clean their room - for especially big negotiations). Because truly - is there even such a thing as too much storage? No. Pffft. Of course not. 

Now, of course, they’re all my favourites for equal amounts of time, but let me tell you about the hug tattoo and the hug sticker ... 

These little stunners are for hugs on demand. If you’ve ever heard me speak about separation anxiety, you’ll know that one way we can ease it is to bring the idea of a child’s loved person closer. But how? Hug tattoos and hug stickers is how!

The idea is to load the hug tattoo or sticker with hugs - as many as they need to last all day, or lots of days, or until breakfast. Whenever they miss you, they can give their tattoo or sticker a squeeze and wrap themselves in one or forty of those hugs you’ve put in there.

They can also put their hugs in a tattoo or a sticker for you (or your phone, your water bottle - you get the idea). Remind them that whenever they think of you during the day, it’s because you’re using one of the hugs they’ve loaded up for you.

The hug tattoos and stickers have been tested and re-tested for ‘volume holdability’, and the conclusion, established through rigorous testing, (because non-rigorous testing would kind of make it a ‘guess’ which would be pointless), is that they can hold heaps of hugs, times a thousand, plus one - because when we’re talking about hugs there’s always room for one more, but I know you know that.

Available separately (12 pack of individual stickers; 12 pack of temporary tattoos; or the Hey Warrior tin) or save 20% with a bundle.♥️

Click on the link in the bio or here to buy or for more info https://www.heysigmund.com/shop/
Validation is a presence, not a speech. 

It doesn’t mean you’re being permissive, or rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour. It doesn’t mean you’re saying the storm is okay. It’s a way of handling the storm and offering a safe passage through it, without judgement, shame, isolation.

Think about the times your big feels have taken over. Has it ever worked ever, in the history of forever, for someone to tell you to calm down, or shut you down, or manage you. Nope. Not for me either.

Because when we’re in big feels, we don’t need to be managed, we need to be seen. We don’t do or say the rubbish things we do  because we don’t know the rules of social engagement, or because we haven’t had enough consequences, or because we think these things are okay. In fact, we’re not thinking at all. We do these things because in that moment, we don’t have the resources to do differently.

Validation is a way of adding resources, through relationship. It’s a strong, loving presence that sends the message, ‘Bring your feelings to me. I can take care of you through this. And I can keep you and everyone including you safe along the way.’

Of course even during a storm we need to hold boundaries to keep everyone safe (them, you, others), but let these be loving - hold the boundary, add warmth. ‘Yes, this is big. I want to hear you. (Relationship) No I won’t listen when you speak like that. When you can speak in a way I can hear, then we can talk (boundary). You’re not in trouble. I’m right here. (Relationship)

The might be a need for repair, learning, or talking about what’s happened, but during the storm isn’t that time.

We can’t reason with someone in big feels because the thinking brain, the part than can think rationally, logically, plan, think through consequences, make deliberate decisions, is locked out for a bit. This happens to all of us. It’s why we all do or say things that aren’t great when we’re in big feelings.

We can’t stop a storm once it’s storming, but we can offer a safe passage through it. This is what validation does. It a safe passage to a place of calm and connection, where you can have the influence and the conversations that will be growthful.♥️
The need for attention is instinctive. 

We all need to be seen because that is how we stay safe. Attention is a need - a physiological, relational, instinctive need.

If attention is something we have to work for, or if it only happens when we’re ‘noticeable’ (as in demanding it, yelling for it, disappearing ourselves) our nervous systems will try to find a way back to safety by making ourselves visible. Brains would always rather be seen in a bad way, than not be seen at all - because being unseen is unsafe. 

This isn’t a ‘kid’ thing. It’s a ‘human’ thing. Attention needing behaviour happens in our adult relationships too. If there isn’t enough play, joy, affection, we start to make ourselves noticeable. This might look like little verbal ‘swipes’, criticism, arguments, snaps. Ugh. We’ve all been there.

The mistake we’ve been making is tangling the need for attention with the need to be the centre of attention.

If a child’s behaviour is inviting (demanding?) attention, it’s because they are needing attention. The need is valid, even if the behaviour is a little (a lot?!) messy. All of us can struggle with niceties when our needs are screaming at us from the inside of us.

Of course you see them, love them, and would do anything for them. This isn’t about that - it’s about them feeling you enjoying them, seeking them out. It’s about them feeling the abundance of you - so much caring there are leftovers that they can tuck away for rainy days. 

Sometimes of course there are just too many rainy days. Even as the most loving, attentive, devoted parents though, we get busy, distracted, stressed. That’s so okay and so normal! But it might mean our kiddos feel start to feel the absence of us a teeny bit. They won’t tell us they miss us. They’ll show us.

Of course we need to hold strong loving boundaries, but what can you add in to let them see that you enjoy them, miss them, like them.

Microconnections matter. Think of the difference it makes to you when someone shows you in teeny ways - a comment, a noticing, a seeking out of you - that they see you, even when they don’t have to. It’s oxygen.♥️
I love being a parent. I love it with every part of my being and more than I ever thought I could love anything. Honestly though, nothing has brought out my insecurities or vulnerabilities as much. This is so normal. Confusing, and normal. 

However many children we have, and whatever age they are, each child and each new stage will bring something new for us to learn. It will always be this way.

Our children will each do life differently, and along the way we will need to adapt and bend ourselves around their path to light their way as best we can. But we won’t do this perfectly, because we can’t always know what mountains they’ll need to climb, or what dragons they’ll need to slay. We won’t always know what they’ll need, and we won’t always be able to give it. We don’t need to. But we’ll want to. Sometimes we’ll ache because of this and we’ll blame ourselves for not being ‘enough’. Sometimes we won’t. This is the vulnerability that comes with parenting. 

We love them so much, and that never changes, but the way we feel about parenting might change a thousand times before breakfast. Parenting is tough. It’s worth every second - every second - but it’s tough.

Great parents can feel everything, and sometimes it can turn from moment to moment - loving, furious, resentful, compassionate, gentle, tough, joyful, selfish, confused and wise - all of it. Great parents can feel all of it.

Because parenting is pure joy, but not always. We are strong, nurturing, selfless, loving, but not always. Parents aren’t perfect. Love isn’t perfect. And it was meant to be. We’re raising humans - real ones, with feelings, who don’t need to be perfect, and wont  need others to be perfect. Humans who can be kind to others, and to themselves first. But they will learn this from us.

Parenting is the role which needs us to be our most human, beautifully imperfect, flawed, vulnerable selves. Let’s not judge ourselves for our shortcomings and the imperfections, and the necessary human-ness of us.❤️

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