Mindfulness has an extraordinary capacity to build a strong body, mind and spirit in ourselves as adults, as well as in our children. Science has told us that it can help to protect against stress, anxiety, depression, illness and pain, ease the symptoms of autism and ADHD, improve academic performance and social relationships, as well as expand the capacity to experience positive emotions.
Mindfulness is about stepping back and seeing thoughts and feelings come and go, without judgement, but with a relaxed mind, fully focussed on the present moment.
Children are wonderfully present in what they do, but as life picks up speed, the capacity to experience that calm, strengthening stillness can become more difficult to access. The sooner we can encourage the little people in our lives towards mindfulness, the greater their capacity for mindful presence will be. A regular mindful practice will ensure that existing neural connections are strengthened and new ones established.
Mindfulness for children generally works best it’s kept to about five minutes or less. Of course, if they’re able to go for longer, brilliant – go with that. Ready to play?
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Mindful Breathing.
Get your kiddos into a comfy position and ask them to close their eyes. Next, ask how their breath feels as they draw it into themselves, and then as it leaves. If they put a hand on their belly, they’ll be able to feel the rise and the fall of their breath. Do this about five times – five inhales, five exhales. After five breaths, guide them to any thoughts and feelings they might be aware of, then invite them to let go of those thoughts and feelings. Ask them to imagine that the thoughts and feelings are bubbles, floating away, as they return to their breathing. Repeat the five breaths – five in, five out – and do this as many times as feels right.
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Thought Clouds.
This is a slightly different take on the above exercise. When your mindful ones are into the rhythm of breathing in through the nose for three, and out through the mouth for three, ask them to try this: ‘As you breathe in, imagine that your thoughts are forming as little clouds above your head. Imagine the cloud floating away as you breathe out. Keep breathing slow, strong breaths and let your thoughts come, and then go.’
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The Mind(ful)-Body Connection.
The way we hold our bodies has a powerful effect on the way we feel and the way other people see us. Different poses can actually change body chemistry. Nurture the awareness of the mind-body connection in your children by asking them to explore how they feel when they strike a pose. Here are some good ones to try, particularly if they’re about to do something that could make them a little anxious. In a quiet space where they feel safe and private, encourage them to strike one of these power poses and explore with them what they feel – hopefully more confident!
• Superman: Stand with feet just wider than hip width apart. Clench fists, stretch both arms out, and fully lengthen the body. Expanding physical presence by stretching and opening up can increase feelings of power and pride (think of athletes who crosses the finish line first and throw their arms into the air).
• Wonder woman: Stand up tall and strong with legs apart and hands on hips.
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And while we’re on superheroes …
Ask them to switch on their super ‘Spidey-senses’ to find out what they can taste, smell, hear, see and feel in the moment.
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The Mindful Jar.
A mindful jar works in a couple of ways. First, it will to help them to understand what happens when strong emotion starts to take hold of them. Second, it can help them find calm when they are feeling stressed, upset, or overwhelmed. Here’s how:
Start with a jar and fill it almost to the top with water. Into the water, add a few big dollops of glitter glue (or school glue and dry glitter). Pop on the lid and give the jar a shake. Here are some words:
‘Imagine that the glitter is like your thoughts when you’re stressed, mad or upset. See how they whirl around and make it really hard to see clearly? That’s why it’s so easy to make silly decisions when you’re upset – because you’re not thinking clearly. Don’t worry this is normal and it happens in all of us (yep, grownups too). [Now put the jar down in front of them.] Now watch what happens when you’re still for a couple of moments. Keep watching. See how the glitter starts to settle and the water clears? Your mind works the same way. When you’re calm for a little while, your thoughts start to settle and you start to see things much clearer.’
The beautiful part of this exercise is that while they are learning about their emotional selves, they are also engaging in an act of mindfulness as they watch the glitter fall to the bottom of the jar.
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Safari.
Oh but not just any safari! The idea here is to guide them towards switching on their senses, turning down their thoughts, and being fully engaged in the present moment. Take them outside and explain to them that they are on safari, looking for any animal that crawls, flies or walks. Let them know that they have to be quiet and alert, with their hearing, feeling and seeing super-senses switched on so they can discover tiny wild beasts that the world may or may not have seen before.
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Mindful Smelling.
Take a bunch of delicious smelling things from around home – candles, fresh herbs, flowers, fruit, vanilla, cinnamon, grass – anything – and invite them to breathe in the smell and to feel what happens in their body as they do that. (‘The cinnamon reminds me of Christmas,’ or maybe ‘The lavender makes me feel sleepy.’)
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A Breathing Buddy.
Have them lie down with a soft toy on their tummy. As they breathe, guide them towards noticing the toy moving up and down. This can help them to understand what it feels like to have strong breaths, which is a powerful way to calm themselves when high emotion overwhelms them.
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A Mindful Walk.
Take a short walk together to help them to learn to be mindful while they’re moving. First, ask them to focus on their breath. Then turn their attention to anything else their senses tune in to in the moment – the breeze against their skin, the sound of the trees, the smell of fresh air, the way their body feels as they move. The idea is for them to experience the sensations, rather than to become too ‘heady’ by thinking too hard about them.
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The Mindful Snack.
Next time you have a bite to eat together, try mindful eating for a few minutes. ‘Let’s try something called mindful eating. It’s where you slow things down when you eat so you can notice things you don’t usually notice. What does your food feel like to touch? What about the smell? What if you squish it a little – what does that feel like? Now take a bite but chew very slowly. Really notice your mouth moving up and down. Can you feel the food against your tongue and between your teeth. What does it taste like? What does it feel like? Keep chewing for a little while (20 to 30 seconds). When you’re ready, notice what the food feels like as it moves down your throat and towards your belly.’
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Guided Meditation.
The Smiling Minds app has guided meditations for ages 7 to adult. It’s free, easy to use, and brilliant.
Being ‘still’ can be hard sometimes (for all of us). If your kiddos are squirmy at first, just keep practicing in short bursts until they become more used to it. Afterwards, do something fun with them – give them your full attention with a little chat about what they did, read a story, have a cuddle – whatever works for them, so they associate it with special, fun time.
Anything you do to introduce them to a mindfulness practice will be worth it. In no time at all they’ll be doing it on their own and gearing themselves with an incredible skill that will give them a solid, sturdy foundation from which to explore and experience the world.
[irp posts=”1289″ name=”Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids & Teens: ‘Anger & How to be the Boss of Your Brain'”]
Thanks. I am intending to do use mindful activities with a group of y3 and y4 children. Some of these are just what I need! Thankyou. x
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this web site, this webpage is truly remarkable.
Wow I love your website! Learning how to help my child through their anxiety and also learn mindfulness… Its funny as I learnt mindfulness through university to help with leadership but I could never find the right way to introduce it to my children. Now I have thank you very much
I love the Safari idea! My dad used to do almost exactly that with me and I have memories of standing very quietly and watching a butterfly or bee with him. Maybe that’s part of the reason I am a calm and patient adult! Neither of us knew what we were learning or teaching, but I did the same with my children, and my grandchildren. Makes for some wonderful days together.
I wish I had read your article years ago when my children were young. Wonderful advice.
Thanks Gina. Yes – we’re learning all the time aren’t we.
So refreshing…… I love to read new ideas to help our children….and to help the parents first. Every bit of help is needed for our future generation. Never stop learning ?
You are amazing. Such a insightful and helpful article. Your website is soso good.
I´m so in. I resonate with your wok personally and even professionally.
I am your follower for sure.
Thank you so much.
Thanks Alexandra! That means a lot.
Thank you very much for your every efforts. Each child have different challenges so can you help me a specific needed way. Thank you
You’re very welcome. I’m pleased the article has helped.
Fantastic article , Thank you.
Thanks Sheila.
A great article. I am always trying to think of different ways to teach children to be mindful.
Thanks Karen.
These are brilliant! I love the ones that incorporate play and imagination for littler children. I also think some of these would be great for adults just learning mindfulness. Thanks for the great list. 🙂
Thank you for introducing us to Smiling Mind, I do a short meditation from there each night with my five yr old, she loves it. Having worked with anxious teens, I Truly believe I’m setting her up with invaluable. life skills
I’m so pleased you found them. Yes – you are absolutely setting your daughter up with skills that will help her thrive.
So LOVING what you’re doing at Hey Sigmund! We are big believers in the benefits of mindfulness for kids, ESPECIALLY those who are “differently-wired.” 🙂 Wanted to share a podcast episode we did on what mindfulness can do for kids with ADHD, Asperger’s, Anxiety, and more: http://www.tiltparenting.com/session4
Headspace is another great app that also offers guided meditations & teaches about meditation to children to adult
We can all practice and teach children Mindfulness* to help perpetuate a new generation of attentive, thoughtful calm, rational thinkers. I wish the Mindfulness concept will become a viral yearning that becomes a natural habit for present & future generations. Thank you for this valuable information-from which all humans can benefit!
Thanks Bonnie. Yes, it will be a wonderful skill that the next generation will hopefully use to their full advantage. It’s a powerful thing isn’t it.
Thank you so much for this! Now a day, with schools cutting funding, what a way to help kids deal. This is something they can take into adulthood. Thank you again!
Thanks Cyd. Skills for a lifetime!
All 11 points are so important to practice and truly appreciated #2 thought clouds. Will definately introduce the idea to the kids I teach. I created Mindful Play Yoga and teach kids in schools and privately yoga and mindfulness. Found your blog recently and have enjoyed every article. thanks for the work you do. All best, Jamie
Yoga does wonderful things for kids too – it’s great work you’re doing. I’m pleased you’re enjoying the articles.
Hi Jamie. You teach kids mindfull yoga? Are you close to Philadelphia, PA
What a great article!
As parents, we all want the best for them, and sometimes loving your child too much can give them anxiety. The higher our support, the higher our expectations, thus creating temperamental and rebellious moments. This article offers tools for me to help my children to move past those moments, and hopefully, they will use it enough that it’ll given insight and mindfulness over their feelings and reactions.
I’m a new subscriber and I look forward to future articles.
Thank you. It’s wonderful to hear that you can put the information to such good use.
great and useful ideas! mahalo/thank-you!
You’re very welcome.
I am so happy to know that at young age MINDFULNESS is being introduced to school children. I believe EMOTIONAL STABILITY must be thought among young learners. If a child is emotionally, mentally and spiitually stable- his/her decisions in life will be towards success. Realm
This is the first article I’ve read, on this the first time to your website. Recommended to our staff by our school counselor…. I like it! Send more good stuff please….. 🙂
I’m so pleased you found us here!
Such a needed article, understanding children are the future, the necessity of parents and educators to teach children how to transform and live happy lives, and the importance of developing life enhancing practices young.
“If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.” Dalai Lama
So let’s get going!
Beautifully said. Thank you.
So true!
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karenyoung_heysigmund
Remember the power of ‘AND’.
As long as they are actually safe:
They can feel anxious AND do brave.
They can feel like they aren’t ready for brave, AND be ready brave.
They can wish to avoid AND they can stay (or not be taken home).
They can be angry, anxious, and push us away AND we can look after them through the feelings without avoiding the brave/ new, hard/ important.
We can wish for their anxiety, anger, sadness to be gone AND we can be with them without needing them to be different.
We can believe them (that they are anxious, scared, angry) AND believe in them (that they are capable).
When we hold their anxiety AND their capacity for brave, in equal measure and with compassion, we can show them that their anxiety doesn’t cancel their brave.♥️
Oct 7
karenyoung_heysigmund
These stickers or temporary tattoos are go anywhere cheerleaders for their brave - because being brave is hard sometimes! Available as packs of 12 individual tattoos or stickers.
Of course, tattoos and stickers are much handier if there is something special to hold them in. Oh, I hear you - and I’ve got you … enter the Hey Warrior tin to store them in (or treasure, or wishes, or snacks, or promises that they’ll clean their room - for especially big negotiations). Because truly - is there even such a thing as too much storage? No. Pffft. Of course not.
Now, of course, they’re all my favourites for equal amounts of time, but let me tell you about the hug tattoo and the hug sticker ...
These little stunners are for hugs on demand. If you’ve ever heard me speak about separation anxiety, you’ll know that one way we can ease it is to bring the idea of a child’s loved person closer. But how? Hug tattoos and hug stickers is how!
The idea is to load the hug tattoo or sticker with hugs - as many as they need to last all day, or lots of days, or until breakfast. Whenever they miss you, they can give their tattoo or sticker a squeeze and wrap themselves in one or forty of those hugs you’ve put in there.
They can also put their hugs in a tattoo or a sticker for you (or your phone, your water bottle - you get the idea). Remind them that whenever they think of you during the day, it’s because you’re using one of the hugs they’ve loaded up for you.
The hug tattoos and stickers have been tested and re-tested for ‘volume holdability’, and the conclusion, established through rigorous testing, (because non-rigorous testing would kind of make it a ‘guess’ which would be pointless), is that they can hold heaps of hugs, times a thousand, plus one - because when we’re talking about hugs there’s always room for one more, but I know you know that.
Available separately (12 pack of individual stickers; 12 pack of temporary tattoos; or the Hey Warrior tin) or save 20% with a bundle.♥️
Click on the link in the bio or here to buy or for more info https://www.heysigmund.com/shop/
Oct 7
karenyoung_heysigmund
Validation is a presence, not a speech.
It doesn’t mean you’re being permissive, or rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour. It doesn’t mean you’re saying the storm is okay. It’s a way of handling the storm and offering a safe passage through it, without judgement, shame, isolation.
Think about the times your big feels have taken over. Has it ever worked ever, in the history of forever, for someone to tell you to calm down, or shut you down, or manage you. Nope. Not for me either.
Because when we’re in big feels, we don’t need to be managed, we need to be seen. We don’t do or say the rubbish things we do because we don’t know the rules of social engagement, or because we haven’t had enough consequences, or because we think these things are okay. In fact, we’re not thinking at all. We do these things because in that moment, we don’t have the resources to do differently.
Validation is a way of adding resources, through relationship. It’s a strong, loving presence that sends the message, ‘Bring your feelings to me. I can take care of you through this. And I can keep you and everyone including you safe along the way.’
Of course even during a storm we need to hold boundaries to keep everyone safe (them, you, others), but let these be loving - hold the boundary, add warmth. ‘Yes, this is big. I want to hear you. (Relationship) No I won’t listen when you speak like that. When you can speak in a way I can hear, then we can talk (boundary). You’re not in trouble. I’m right here. (Relationship)
The might be a need for repair, learning, or talking about what’s happened, but during the storm isn’t that time.
We can’t reason with someone in big feels because the thinking brain, the part than can think rationally, logically, plan, think through consequences, make deliberate decisions, is locked out for a bit. This happens to all of us. It’s why we all do or say things that aren’t great when we’re in big feelings.
We can’t stop a storm once it’s storming, but we can offer a safe passage through it. This is what validation does. It a safe passage to a place of calm and connection, where you can have the influence and the conversations that will be growthful.♥️
Sep 26
karenyoung_heysigmund
The need for attention is instinctive.
We all need to be seen because that is how we stay safe. Attention is a need - a physiological, relational, instinctive need.
If attention is something we have to work for, or if it only happens when we’re ‘noticeable’ (as in demanding it, yelling for it, disappearing ourselves) our nervous systems will try to find a way back to safety by making ourselves visible. Brains would always rather be seen in a bad way, than not be seen at all - because being unseen is unsafe.
This isn’t a ‘kid’ thing. It’s a ‘human’ thing. Attention needing behaviour happens in our adult relationships too. If there isn’t enough play, joy, affection, we start to make ourselves noticeable. This might look like little verbal ‘swipes’, criticism, arguments, snaps. Ugh. We’ve all been there.
The mistake we’ve been making is tangling the need for attention with the need to be the centre of attention.
If a child’s behaviour is inviting (demanding?) attention, it’s because they are needing attention. The need is valid, even if the behaviour is a little (a lot?!) messy. All of us can struggle with niceties when our needs are screaming at us from the inside of us.
Of course you see them, love them, and would do anything for them. This isn’t about that - it’s about them feeling you enjoying them, seeking them out. It’s about them feeling the abundance of you - so much caring there are leftovers that they can tuck away for rainy days.
Sometimes of course there are just too many rainy days. Even as the most loving, attentive, devoted parents though, we get busy, distracted, stressed. That’s so okay and so normal! But it might mean our kiddos feel start to feel the absence of us a teeny bit. They won’t tell us they miss us. They’ll show us.
Of course we need to hold strong loving boundaries, but what can you add in to let them see that you enjoy them, miss them, like them.
Microconnections matter. Think of the difference it makes to you when someone shows you in teeny ways - a comment, a noticing, a seeking out of you - that they see you, even when they don’t have to. It’s oxygen.♥️
Sep 25
karenyoung_heysigmund
I love being a parent. I love it with every part of my being and more than I ever thought I could love anything. Honestly though, nothing has brought out my insecurities or vulnerabilities as much. This is so normal. Confusing, and normal.
However many children we have, and whatever age they are, each child and each new stage will bring something new for us to learn. It will always be this way.
Our children will each do life differently, and along the way we will need to adapt and bend ourselves around their path to light their way as best we can. But we won’t do this perfectly, because we can’t always know what mountains they’ll need to climb, or what dragons they’ll need to slay. We won’t always know what they’ll need, and we won’t always be able to give it. We don’t need to. But we’ll want to. Sometimes we’ll ache because of this and we’ll blame ourselves for not being ‘enough’. Sometimes we won’t. This is the vulnerability that comes with parenting.
We love them so much, and that never changes, but the way we feel about parenting might change a thousand times before breakfast. Parenting is tough. It’s worth every second - every second - but it’s tough.
Great parents can feel everything, and sometimes it can turn from moment to moment - loving, furious, resentful, compassionate, gentle, tough, joyful, selfish, confused and wise - all of it. Great parents can feel all of it.
Because parenting is pure joy, but not always. We are strong, nurturing, selfless, loving, but not always. Parents aren’t perfect. Love isn’t perfect. And it was meant to be. We’re raising humans - real ones, with feelings, who don’t need to be perfect, and wont need others to be perfect. Humans who can be kind to others, and to themselves first. But they will learn this from us.
Parenting is the role which needs us to be our most human, beautifully imperfect, flawed, vulnerable selves. Let’s not judge ourselves for our shortcomings and the imperfections, and the necessary human-ness of us.❤️
Sep 2
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