Anxiety in Public—Avoiding the Spotlight

Anxiety in Public - Avoiding the Spotlight

When my anxiety first hit, I would have anxiety attacks in public frequently. In church, youth group, grocery stores, school, family events, and so on. If you know anything about panic attacks, you know it is not something you want to happen in public. I’ll give you brief overview: shaking, rapid breathing, suffocating feeling, crying, and sweating. Definitely not a pleasant ordeal, especially not in public where anyone can see it.

That said, panic attacks are like a wild mustang—they take work and practice to tame. So what do you do to prevent or tame or anxiety attacks when you are in public? Here are some key practices to help equip you for panic attacks.

Strengthening against panic attacks.

  1. Have a support person with you.

    Honestly, this one probably helped me the most; having someone to stand by me and talk me down in those high stress and fearful moments was one of the most reassuring things I have experienced. If you don’t have a support person already, I would totally suggest finding one.

  2. Don’t stop what you are doing.

    When I stop what I’m doing in the middle of an anxiety attack, it overwhelms me way quicker because my thoughts are left to simply focus on what is happening in my mind and how I am feeling.

  3. Practice grounding.

    Grounding is the technique where you observe your setting and list off what you see, what you hear, what you feel (physically with your hands and feet), and what you smell. This helps to keep you in reality when your mind is pumping adrenaline through your veins telling you that you have reason to be afraid.

  4. Breathe.

    In a panic attack it’s easy to hyperventilate, therefore you need to force yourself to breathe right. A technique I learned was triangle breathing; inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for four.

  5. Point focus.

    Similar to grounding, you focus in on one object and describe in every way possible (ex: there’s a notebook, it’s rectangular, it’s pink, its sparkly, it’s thick…).

  6. Know the exits.

    If it comes to the point that you need to get away from the public eye and have a melt down, you want to know where the best escape is.

Living with anxiety is definitely not fun or easy, but it is possible. I thought I would never get past the anxiety and would never get a grip on the attacks, but I did. It took time and patience with myself and adjustments in my lifestyle. You have to be willing to commit to doing what it takes to get better. You also need to believe in yourself; that means no self-criticism or condemnation when you slip up or fall apart, but instead working as hard as you can to stay positive. I know it sounds daunting and hard, but you are totally capable of it. Believe me, if I can do it, so can you.

That’s all for now! Do you have any other techniques for surviving anxiety attacks in public? Please share!


Anxiety in Public - Avoiding the SpotlightAbout the Author: Lara Fraser

Hey! My name is Lara Fraser (soon to be Lara d’Entremont). I am currently enrolled in a Bachelor of Ministry majoring in Christian Counselling. With these courses I hope to one day be working at a human trafficking rescue centre helping teen girls recover from their awful experiences. I enjoy writing, reading, blogging, riding horses, and pilates. I have a passion for helping others (especially teens) by sharing my story and experiences. You can find my blog at lightscameraanxiety.ca and my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/lcanxiety/ 

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#parenting #parentingwithrespect #parent #mindfulparenting
Some days are keepers. Thank you Perth for your warmth and wide open arms at the @resilientkidsconference. Gosh I loved today with you so much. Thank you for sharing your stories with me, laughing with me, and joining with us in building brave in the young people in our lives. They are in strong, beautiful hands.

And then there is you @michellemitchell.author, @maggiedentauthor, @drjustincoulson, @nathandubsywant - you multiply the joy of days like today.♥️
When you can’t cut out (their worries), add in (what they need for felt safety). 

Rather than focusing on what we need them to do, shift the focus to what we can do. Make the environment as safe as we can (add in another safe adult), and have so much certainty that they can do this, they can borrow what they need and wrap it around themselves again and again and again.

You already do this when they have to do things that don’t want to do, but which you know are important - brushing their teeth, going to the dentist, not eating ice cream for dinner (too often). The key for living bravely is to also recognise that so many of the things that drive anxiety are equally important. 

We also need to ask, as their important adults - ‘Is this scary safe or scary dangerous?’ ‘Do I move them forward into this or protect them from it?’♥️
The need to feel connected to, and seen by our people is instinctive. 

THE FIX: Add in micro-connections to let them feel you seeing them, loving them, connecting with them, enjoying them:

‘I love being your mum.’
‘I love being your dad.’
‘I missed you today.’
‘I can’t wait to hang out with you at bedtime 
and read a story together.’

Or smiling at them, playing with them, 
sharing something funny, noticing something about them, ‘remembering when...’ with them.

And our adult loves need the same, as we need the same from them.♥️
Our kids need the same thing we do: to feel safe and loved through all feelings not just the convenient ones.

Gosh it’s hard though. I’ve never lost my (thinking) mind as much at anyone as I have with the people I love most in this world.

We’re human, not bricks, and even though we’re parents we still feel it big sometimes. Sometimes these feelings make it hard for us to be the people we want to be for our loves.

That’s the truth of it, and that’s the duality of being a parent. We love and we fury. We want to connect and we want to pull away. We hold it all together and sometimes we can’t.

None of this is about perfection. It’s about being human, and the best humans feel, argue, fight, reconnect, own our ‘stuff’. We keep working on growing and being more of our everythingness, just in kinder ways.

If we get it wrong, which we will, that’s okay. What’s important is the repair - as soon as we can and not selling it as their fault. Our reaction is our responsibility, not theirs. This might sound like, ‘I’m really sorry I yelled. You didn’t deserve that. I really want to hear what you have to say. Can we try again?’

Of course, none of this means ‘no boundaries’. What it means is adding warmth to the boundary. One without the other will feel unsafe - for them, us, and others.

This means making sure that we’ve claimed responsibility- the ability to respond to what’s happening. It doesn’t mean blame. It means recognising that when a young person is feeling big, they don’t have the resources to lead out of the turmoil, so we have to lead them out - not push them out.

Rather than focusing on what we want them to do, shift the focus to what we can do to bring felt safety and calm back into the space.

THEN when they’re calm talk about what’s happened, the repair, and what to do next time.

Discipline means ‘to teach’, not to punish. They will learn best when they are connected to you. Maybe there is a need for consequences, but these must be about repair and restoration. Punishment is pointless, harmful, and outdated.

Hold the boundary, add warmth. Don’t ask them to do WHEN they can’t do. Wait until they can hear you and work on what’s needed. There’s no hurry.♥️

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