See the Good – How to Reinforce Your Child’s Character Strengths

See the Good - How to Reinforce Your Child's Character Strengths

Kaisa Vuorinen is organizing the desks in her classroom, located in the town of Espoo, Finland. The morning will be spent with eight first-graders who participate in special education. Smiling, Vuorinen says, “Our students all have challenges in controlling themselves. There’s an array of restlessness, lack of restraint, and unpredictability here.”

To help Vuorinen out, a resource teacher and classroom assistant arrive at the classroom. The bell rings, and the clomping sounds of many feet begin to be heard from the hallway. Soon, little boys out of breath from playing outside flow into the classroom. The students shake hands with their teacher and classroom assistants and say, “good morning,” to them.

Without further ado, two boys fall into Vuorinen’s arms and hug her tightly. “ There are these huggers, but many of these children have by this age received so much negative feedback that now we should change direction and support what is positive in them, even if it’s still at an early stage.” Kaisa Vuorinen says that earlier on she studied to become a solution-centered coach, and that she has used solution-focused methods in her work as a special education teacher. However, she felt like it was not enough. “I saw in my students so much psychological stress, which I just couldn’t reach.”

Vuorinen says she found the missing piece when she was once on sick leave and picked up a book entitled Lost at School: ‘Why Our Kids with Behavioral Problems are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them‘ written by Ross W Greene (2014). Her attitude towards ‘troublemakers’ and other ‘misfits’ changed in one fell swoop.

Children act correctly when they have the sufficient skills to do so.

“It’s easy for us to think that children act correctly and behave well if they just want to; that acting correctly and behaving well only depend on the desire to do so. However, that’s not the case; children act correctly when they have the sufficient skills to do so.”

Inspired by this revelation, Vuorinen attended positive psychology courses and became aware of an instrument that, as a teacher, she had been lacking. Using a teaching method focusing on strengths, she received this new tool, a vocabulary which a teacher can use to draw out positive qualities and guide students away from problems.“ It’s actually a question of very old ideas, character education and virtues, which have been updated for our times,” she explains.

Vuorinen employs a list of 24 character strengths as a basis when conferencing with parents. The parents select five core strengths from the list to assess just how their child is at home, when s/he is relaxed and at his/her best. She tells me that for many parents and to herself, the moment is magical, because in a way, it is an opportunity to see the child in a new light. “It often feels like I am getting a new pair of glasses.”

Kaisa Vuorinen discusses how a parent can, for instance, choose “enthusiasm ” from the list as one of his/her child’s strengths, whereas in class, this same enthusiasm exhibits itself as disruptive behavior. “The student doesn’t know how to wait, stay still or stop talking, but underlying all this is that very enthusiasm. In the end, enthusiasm is this child’s greatest strength, the character trait that will help him or her succeed later in life.” 

Another parent names “prudence” as their child’s strength, which to the teacher may appear in classroom situations as aloofness or passivity. There may be a great deal of thinking and pondering going on behind the scenes, which just does not manifest itself. The enthusiastic child who botches things up simply needs self-regulating skills, and the wary and cautious child just needs more courage to advance his/her ideas in group situations.

Vuorinen’s mission is to recognize the strengths of her students and to guide the students in using and regulating their strengths in a constructive manner.

In the boys’ education classroom, the day begins with the practising of self-regulation skills. “Self-regulation, or self-control, is a challenge for all children, so of course it’s also difficult for those in need of extra support.” To be sure, before getting down to business, Kaisa Vuorinen and the teacher assistants are fully occupied for ten minutes directing the boys, who are talking, tussling, and wandering around, to their desks. A few swear words can be heard. One student goes out to the hall with an assistant to calm down. A string runs through the classroom, and paper tags are attached with clothes pins all along it. Inspiring words such as courage, perseverance, kindness, and love are written on the tags.

The thought occurs to me that at least the teacher very much needs these strengths. In spite of the slight chaos, Vuorinen radiates peace and energy. She points out that a creation of a positive class atmosphere is one of the most important matters that a teacher attends to in the classroom. The student who had gone out to the hallway to calm down returns to the classroom with the assistant, and right away Vuorinen encourages him to join the group. 

Once in a while, Vuorinen captures the attention of the most restless pupil – especially when she passes out cookies, putting one at the edge of each student’s desk. Similarly to the classic marshmallow experiment, Vuorinen instructs the students that if they can hold off eating the cookie for half an hour, they’ll get two cookies then. The cookie can also be eaten immediately, but in that case, there will not be a second one. 

These boys have only been Vuorinen’s students for a month, but they catch on at once. Their self-control muscles are palpably tense. One of them pushes his nose against the cookie and sniffs it loudly. Another one puts his pencil case on top of the temptation, lest he crack. The teacher’s encouraging words clearly calm down the students. Vuorinen seizes upon even the slightest of progress. Every now and then she glances at the tags hanging from the string and seamlessly uses the words connoting the strengths during the lesson. 

The creation of a positive class atmosphere is one of the most important matters that a teacher attends to in the classroom.

“Good, Henri, I noticed how you loaned your pencil to your neighbor – you used your kindness strength just then.” Another boy receives praise for raising his hand. “It’s good that you had the patience to raise your hand—you used self-regulation there!” Vuorinen tells me that she has noticed the crucial role that language plays in the creation of reality and formation of thinking.

The teacher is the developer of meanings in the classroom. She describes the children’s activities using the vocabulary of the strengths. “The vocabulary related to strengths is always visible. When I see persistence or courage, I bring it up. And I don’t say, ‘You did well at this task.’ Instead, I support the strength exhibited, ‘You are persistent since you completed the task.’ Nor do I praise a student for giving a presentation, but rather I praise the strength, ‘You were brave to come forward in front of the class.’”

I don’t say, ‘You did well at this task;’ instead, I support the strength exhibited.

After half an hour of concentration and the cookies, it is time for an exercise break. As the dance beat pulls the boys along, I lose myself in thought. Images of my own situations at home begin to surface. In the twists and turns of daily life at home, I could also make changes in line with the perspective presented by Kaisa Vuorinen. Instead of correcting my child’s mistakes, I could praise him for his persistence after he has worked through the difficulties of a homework assignment and completed it. What kind of parent am I really? And should a mother be some kind of robot, only spouting positive sentiments?

“This is no touchy-feely sugar coating of things!” renounces Vuorinen. “I have challenging large groups, and by no means is every day a success. ”She is, however, convinced that more joy, kindness, interaction, empathy, and love are needed at school. The word love frequently appears in Kaisa Vuorinen’s vocabulary. She defines it broadly as “positive interaction between people. “We already know that learning occurs on a whole other level in an environment absent of stress and shame.” Results from pilot testing of teaching using character strengths are remarkable. Findings include that student self-confidence improves, perceived safety in the classroom increases, mutual respect rises, and love of learning presents itself.

We already know that learning occurs on a whole other level in an environment absent of stress and shame.

In the same way in daily life at home, recognizing character strengths and praising them when used helps a child to gain self-confidence and experience success. Naming and recognizing strengths is important, but Vuorinen wants to stress that the child’s use of these strengths will not become more frequent if they are not supported or rewarded. Once again, this requires a conscious and consistent focus on what is already working and intact in the child.

Kaisa Vuorinen reports being gratified to notice that co-operation with parents has improved. “I’m moved when, on the verge of tears, parents tell me about how nothing positive had ever been said about their child, and how wonderful it is to hear these kinds of things about their own child.”

”It is a fact that negative moments leave a powerful imprint on a person’s mind, whereas positive ‘micro-moments,’ which are small and quiet, do not necessarily even register. Those small, positive moments must be made visible; that’s the core of this teaching style,” Vuorinen states. She tells me about one student who was particularly restless in the morning class. He was unable to focus and was disturbing the others. However, during recess, Vuorinen witnessed how the boy rushed over to console his friend, who had fallen down and hurt his knee. “It was a great expression of empathy and kindness. This is the kind of high spot that needs to be highlighted and made visible to the child.”

The bell rings. the students leave for recess in a throng. In the commotion of the hallway, I think about whether I myself succeed as a parent in highlighting my child’s high points, the small everyday occurrences that are easily taken for granted. One prominent advocate of character strengths is James J. Heckman who is also winner of the Nobel Prize in Economic Science. He speaks of character skills, emphasising the term skill. Inherited traits are not in question here, but rather character skills, which anyone can develop! If you feed it, it will grow. When you notice the good in someone, it proliferates. That is the way it is.

When you notice the good in someone, it proliferates.

With this piece of old wisdom in mind, I enter the Teachers’ Room, redolent of cardamom rolls. “Last spring, it felt like miracles were happening in the classroom!” The cup of coffee I am holding grows cold as I listen to French and English teacher Elina Paatsila’s enthusiastic account of the use of the strengths-based method in language study. Paatsila tells me about a new girl in the class who did not know any English.

During class, the girl would be doing anything at all at any given moment, doing her own thing or wandering about, but she would not take part in the lesson. Nevertheless, little by little, the girl’s love of learning was drawn out.

Paatsila describes how this happened. “I seized upon all the least little things she did, in an encouraging way. ‘Look, you know that! That, too!’ I always came up with tasks for her that I felt she would succeed at.” The student gradually curtailed her classroom wandering and began to do assignments by herself, but still was not participating in class group work.

It eventually took a few more months before the girl joined in with the class. “Best of all was when, at the end of the term, she wrote down ‘hope’ and ‘love of learning’ on the class strengths-board as her own strengths.” 

I am impressed by this teacher’s tenacity in transforming a student’s negative spiralling into positive learning. Critical and accusatory comments along the lines of, “Why can’t you just concentrate?” or “You could do it if you just really tried!” often fall on deaf ears. According to Paatsila, a positive and respectful manner of speech works much better.

But what about when a student simply behaves badly? Is punishment incorporated into this teaching style at all? “If someone is behaving badly, I do bark at them,” Paatsila admits. “I quickly cut off the bad behavior, I avoid using an accusatory style of speech, and I don’t start to lecture. I look to see that the message has been understood, and I quickly move on to respectful interaction.”

In emphasizing a solution-focused orientation, Paatsila does not want to pose why questions such as “Why did the situation get out of hand?”, but instead wants to consider how to act the next time around, so that things would go differently.

In Elina Paatsila’s classroom, the paper tags with character strengths written on them are also in plain sight, hanging on the wall. Paatsila declares that strengths can be highlighted in conjunction with ordinary English learning.

She has a certain way of starting up with a new class. “We usually start off by recognizing what strengths are in the group; is there enthusiasm, persistence, optimism, kindness, or maybe self-control?” When the strengths have been identified at the group level, Paatsila tells the students to think about everything that those strengths have an impact on.

“Kindness brings with it a good atmosphere to the group, courage or persistence affects study skills, and so on. We can learn from each other, and each strength influences the learning results of the group as a whole,” describes Paatsila.

In the same way at home, family members can each identify their own and each other’s strengths, and think about what each member contributes to family life in terms of strengths. In the classroom, a shy student is not made to speak English in front of the class, but instead, his or her courage is drawn out little by little, and other already apparent strengths are reinforced in that same student.

The pedagogical premise is that anything can be learned, including courage skills.“ As a language teacher, it’s been new to me that students can succeed in class in ways other than academic; that is, on an assignment, in learning vocabulary, or in studying grammar. Now they are able to succeed by being brave, perseverant, or enthusiastic.”

The change in teaching style has also brought about a transformation in the group and in language learning. Teachers of other subjects who are teaching the same group of students have also reported that the atmosphere has improved and that concentration and learning are better now. At the end of the last term, Paatsila handed out language stipends on the basis of strengths.

“Everyone received public acknowledgement.” For instance, now an immigrant student received a stipend for persistence, for struggling daily with several languages; a brave student received it for their courage, and a kind student received one for creating a good class atmosphere. Grades were not at all brought up during this awarding of stipends.

The pedagogical premise is that anything can be learned, including courage skills.

In strengths-based school teaching, character education is first and foremost about teaching skills. Patience, persistence, courage, and even humor are learnable skills. Economist James J. Heckman has often wondered why schools focus so little on skills such as motivation, persistence or perseverance in teaching, even though it is known that these qualities are fundamental to succeeding in life.

In addition, Finnish education researcher Pasi Sahlberg names the inability to direct children in finding their own passion as the largest problem of Finnish school education. “An inspiring school doesn’t create competition or comparison, but rather happiness.” Elina Paatsila wholeheartedly endorses this. On a personal level, too, a positive student-strength-centred teaching approach has given her balance and self-confidence as a teacher. As a bonus, strengths-based thinking has also made its way home with her. “That scolding voice has quieted down considerably – no more nagging. I don’t look for flaws when the emphasis is on what is good in my daughters or husband.”

An inspiring school doesn’t create competition or comparison, but rather happiness.

Elina Paatsila says that she has often pondered how persistence and self-regulation skills can be taught, because those are the pivotal skills which are beneficial in most every aspect of life. The Paatsilans’ own first-grader was reputedly a quintessential daydreamer who had trouble concentrating.

Books slammed against the wall if the homework was not immediately going well.“‘I won’t do it!’ And she was greatly annoyed when she would come up against a challenge. I remember sitting next to her and slipping her raisins if it looked like she was about to lose it, or we would take a short break and then continue the homework with new intensity.” I am familiar with the situation and know that a parent’s mood can also flare up in these circumstances.

Yet, from a learning perspective, we are dealing with an important phenomenon here. Any outburst or criticism is harmful in this situation. A parent should not go along with the child’s mood. When criticizing, a parent will unintentionally reinforce the undesirable behavior.

Instead, a parent’s calmness, sympathy, encouragement (and apparently raisins, too!) help an easily frustrated child to calm down and learn persistence, in the context of doing homework, for example. It is essential that the parent remain lovingly resolute and ensure that the task is completed, even if the book slams against the wall at some stage.

“The child must be supported through the difficult emotions and needs to have his/her own ‘path of success’ constructed; in other words, s/he needs to be offered learning experiences and tasks where s/he has an opportunity to experience success,” Paatsila says. Elina Paatsila’s daughter has subsequently become a tenacious and successful pupil.

Special education teacher Kaisa Vuorinen has also been pleased to notice how strengths- based thought has followed students home. Some homework assignments have helped with this, for instance those where the children can spot their family members’ strengths or they look for situations where a family member has shown persistence or courage.

“Parents have reported back that since strengths have begun to be spoken about at home, there have been fewer quarrels and the atmosphere has improved.” In addition, Vuorinen considers strengths-based thinking to be an excellent opportunity for teachers themselves to develop their own self-knowledge, which for its part increases empathy towards students. “What all could an extrovert similar to myself possibly learn from a diligent, perhaps socially intelligent student?” Kaisa Vuorinen questions.

By way of example, she tells me about some of the older children in a class who were thinking about sociability. A certain student, who quite easily talked over others and was an otherwise visible character in the class, said that he was social and brave. When the discussion progressed onwards to considering what social intelligence means, the student noticed that perhaps he was not socially intelligent, but more verbal. He had not learned how to regulate his strengths within the group.

On the other hand, in the same class there might be a quiet student whose strength is social intelligence. “This teaching style keeps one from just going forward on automatic pilot. It requires presence and sensitivity, but at the same time, it’s extremely rewarding to the teacher.” When student character is strengthened, the teacher’s own character also develops and family life gets a shot in the arm. Vuorinen supplies the following tip: Attach a list of family members’ top five strengths to the fridge. The results may surprise you!

For Niina’s complete ebook, including 12 exercises based on these ideas, click on the link below.


 

About the Author: Niina Melanen

Niina Melanen is a freelance writer and part-time teacher. She lives with her husband and her son in Helsinki, Finland, where she also studied Master’s degree in social and political sciences.

Niina has a long career in television as a news and current events reporter and documentary films director and producer. Her years as managing editor of Finnish Broadcasting Company’s Teacher TV have given her advantage point onto scientific research on learning. She wants to share her experiences of the Finnish school system, that has become world-famous for its leap to the top ranking in the OECD Program for International Student Assessment (PISA).

Niina’s new eBook, See the Good – and reinforce your child’s character strengths, has just been published and can be bought at Amazon. The e-guide offers practical advice and exercises on how to strengthen your child’s character and how to help him/her become a better learner.  

To find out more about Niina, visit her web page at bilberryideas.com.

11 Comments

Niina Melanen

Hi Lorena and others! The paperback version of “See the Good” is available in the link below:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/niina-melanen/see-the-good/paperback/product-23204891.html

There is additional information on the skills needed in successful learning plus 12 exercises to improve the skills.
Let’s keep in contact:

Reply
Lorena

Hi!

I do not have a kindle and I am interested on reading this book since I feel it could be of use for my 6 graders…
Is this material available in other format?

Reply
Susan P

You do not need a Kindle to read a Kindle book. You can download the Kindle app onto a phone or computer. It is free.

Reply
Debbie

This approach really resonates with me. Is the book available in a format other than for Kindle?

Reply

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How we are with them, when they are their everyday selves and when they aren’t so adorable, will build their view of three things: the world, its people, and themselves. This will then inform how they respond to the world and how they build their very important space in it. 

Will it be a loving, warm, open-hearted space with lots of doors for them to throw open to the people and experiences that are right for them? Or will it be a space with solid, too high walls that close out too many of the people and experiences that would nourish them.

They will learn from what we do with them and to them, for better or worse. We don’t teach them that the world is safe for them to reach into - we show them. We don’t teach them to be kind, respectful, and compassionate. We show them. We don’t teach them that they matter, and that other people matter, and that their voices and their opinions matter. We show them. We don’t teach them that they are little joy mongers who light up the world. We show them. 

But we have to be radically kind with ourselves too. None of this is about perfection. Parenting is hard, and days will be hard, and on too many of those days we’ll be hard too. That’s okay. We’ll say things we shouldn’t say and do things we shouldn’t do. We’re human too. Let’s not put pressure on our kiddos to be perfect by pretending that we are. As long as we repair the ruptures as soon as we can, and bathe them in love and the warmth of us as much as we can, they will be okay.

This also isn’t about not having boundaries. We need to be the guardians of their world and show them where the edges are. But in the guarding of those boundaries we can be strong and loving, strong and gentle. We can love them, and redirect their behaviour.

It’s when we own our stuff(ups) and when we let them see us fall and rise with strength, integrity, and compassion, and when we hold them gently through the mess of it all, that they learn about humility, and vulnerability, and the importance of holding bruised hearts with tender hands. It’s not about perfection, it’s about consistency, and honesty, and the way we respond to them the most.♥️

#parenting #mindfulparenting
Anxiety and courage always exist together. It can be no other way. Anxiety is a call to courage. It means you're about to do something brave, so when there is one the other will be there too. Their courage might feel so small and be whisper quiet, but it will always be there and always ready to show up when they need it to.
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But courage doesn’t always feel like courage, and it won't always show itself as a readiness. Instead, it might show as a rising - from fear, from uncertainty, from anger. None of these mean an absence of courage. They are the making of space, and the opportunity for courage to rise.
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When the noise from anxiety is loud and obtuse, we’ll have to gently add our voices to usher their courage into the light. We can do this speaking of it and to it, and by shifting the focus from their anxiety to their brave. The one we focus on is ultimately what will become powerful. It will be the one we energise. Anxiety will already have their focus, so we’ll need to make sure their courage has ours.
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But we have to speak to their fear as well, in a way that makes space for it to be held and soothed, with strength. Their fear has an important job to do - to recruit the support of someone who can help them feel safe. Only when their fear has been heard will it rest and make way for their brave.
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What does this look like? Tell them their stories of brave, but acknowledge the fear that made it tough. Stories help them process their emotional experiences in a safe way. It brings word to the feelings and helps those big feelings make sense and find containment. ‘You were really worried about that exam weren’t you. You couldn’t get to sleep the night before. It was tough going to school but you got up, you got dressed, you ... and you did it. Then you ...’
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In the moment, speak to their brave by first acknowledging their need to flee (or fight), then tell them what you know to be true - ‘This feels scary for you doesn’t it. I know you want to run. It makes so much sense that you would want to do that. I also know you can do hard things. My darling, I know it with everything in me.’
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#positiveparenting #parenting #childanxiety #anxietyinchildren #mindfulpare
Separation anxiety has an important job to do - it’s designed to keep children safe by driving them to stay close to their important adults. Gosh it can feel brutal sometimes though.

Whenever there is separation from an attachment person there will be anxiety unless there are two things: attachment with another trusted, loving adult; and a felt sense of you holding on, even when you aren't beside them. Putting these in place will help soften anxiety.

As long as children are are in the loving care of a trusted adult, there's no need to avoid separation. We'll need to remind ourselves of this so we can hold on to ourselves when our own anxiety is rising in response to theirs. 

If separation is the problem, connection has to be the solution. The connection can be with any loving adult, but it's more than an adult being present. It needs an adult who, through their strong, warm, loving presence, shows the child their abundant intention to care for that child, and their joy in doing so. This can be helped along by showing that you trust the adult to love that child big in our absence. 'I know [important adult] loves you and is going to take such good care of you.'

To help your young one feel held on to by you, even in absence, let them know you'll be thinking of them and can't wait to see them. Bolster this by giving them something of yours to hold while you're gone - a scarf, a note - anything that will be felt as 'you'.

They know you are the one who makes sure their world is safe, so they’ll be looking to you for signs of safety: 'Do you think we'll be okay if we aren't together?' First, validate: 'You really want to stay with me, don't you. I wish I could stay with you too! It's hard being away from your special people isn't it.' Then, be their brave. Let it be big enough to wrap around them so they can rest in the safety and strength of it: 'I know you can do this, love. We can do hard things can't we.'

Part of growing up brave is learning that the presence of anxiety doesn't always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it means they are on the edge of brave - and being away from you for a while counts as brave.
Even the most loving, emotionally available adult might feel frustration, anger, helplessness or distress in response to a child’s big feelings. This is how it’s meant to work. 

Their distress (fight/flight) will raise distress in us. The purpose is to move us to protect or support or them, but of course it doesn’t always work this way. When their big feelings recruit ours it can drive us more to fight (anger, blame), or to flee (avoid, ignore, separate them from us) which can steal our capacity to support them. It will happen to all of us from time to time. 

Kids and teens can’t learn to manage big feelings on their own until they’ve done it plenty of times with a calm, loving adult. This is where co-regulation comes in. It helps build the vital neural pathways between big feelings and calm. They can’t build those pathways on their own. 

It’s like driving a car. We can tell them how to drive as much as we like, but ‘talking about’ won’t mean they’re ready to hit the road by themselves. Instead we sit with them in the front seat for hours, driving ‘with’ until they can do it on their own. Feelings are the same. We feel ‘with’, over and over, until they can do it on their own. 

What can help is pausing for a moment to see the behaviour for what it is - a call for support. It’s NOT bad behaviour or bad parenting. It’s not that.

Our own feelings can give us a clue to what our children are feeling. It’s a normal, healthy, adaptive way for them to share an emotional load they weren’t meant to carry on their own. Self-regulation makes space for us to hold those feelings with them until those big feelings ease. 

Self-regulation can happen in micro moments. First, see the feelings or behaviour for what it is - a call for support. Then breathe. This will calm your nervous system, so you can calm theirs. In the same way we will catch their distress, they will also catch ours - but they can also catch our calm. Breathe, validate, and be ‘with’. And you don’t need to do more than that.
When things feel hard or the world feels big, children will be looking to their important adults for signs of safety. They will be asking, ‘Do you think I'm safe?' 'Do you think I can do this?' With everything in us, we have to send the message, ‘Yes! Yes love, this is hard and you are safe. You can do hard things.'

Even if we believe they are up to the challenge, it can be difficult to communicate this with absolute confidence. We love them, and when they're distressed, we're going to feel it. Inadvertently, we can align with their fear and send signals of danger, especially through nonverbals. 

What they need is for us to align with their 'brave' - that part of them that wants to do hard things and has the courage to do them. It might be small but it will be there. Like a muscle, courage strengthens with use - little by little, but the potential is always there.

First, let them feel you inside their world, not outside of it. This lets their anxious brain know that support is here - that you see what they see and you get it. This happens through validation. It doesn't mean you agree. It means that you see what they see, and feel what they feel. Meet the intensity of their emotion, so they can feel you with them. It can come off as insincere if your nonverbals are overly calm in the face of their distress. (Think a zen-like low, monotone voice and neutral face - both can be read as threat by an anxious brain). Try:

'This is big for you isn't it!' 
'It's awful having to do things you haven't done before. What you are feeling makes so much sense. I'd feel the same!

Once they really feel you there with them, then they can trust what comes next, which is your felt belief that they will be safe, and that they can do hard things. 

Even if things don't go to plan, you know they will cope. This can be hard, especially because it is so easy to 'catch' their anxiety. When it feels like anxiety is drawing you both in, take a moment, breathe, and ask, 'Do I believe in them, or their anxiety?' Let your answer guide you, because you know your young one was built for big, beautiful things. It's in them. Anxiety is part of their move towards brave, not the end of it.

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