Where the Science of Psychology Meets the Art of Being Human

Posts Tagged: behaviour

14th June, 2017

With Kids

With Kids

 

The House Model – A Metaphor

A new way to think about anxiety, connection, self-regulation and relationships. 

 

 

 

How to Strengthen the Neural Foundations for LearningHow to Strengthen the Neural Foundations for Learning

The way to the learning brain isn’t always through the learning brain. How to create the optimal neural conditions for your child to learn.

 

 

Facebook LiveFacebook Live

We covered a lot of ground in this Facebook Live, including anxiety in kids, big feelings, sleep, tantrums, mindfulness, sibling fights … and more.  

 

 

 

Hand on Heart - A Powerful Way for Kids, Teens and Adults to Calm AnxietyHand on Heart

A powerful way for kids, teens and adults to calm anxiety.  

 

 

 

How to Help Kids & Teens Feel Calm When the World Feels Fragile

The conversations that can help your children and teens feel calmer, safer and braver during world trauma or a global crisis. 

 

 

A Proven Way to Propel Kids Forward

How to explain a growth mindset to children a way that will engage them, spark their curiosity, and nurture their growth.

 

 

Building Emotional IQ in Children with Emotion Bridging

Emotional IQ is vital to success and happiness. Emotion bridging is a powerful way to do this.

 

 

When Kids or Teens Fail, Fall or Stumble

Our response to failure or mistakes can build them or break them. Here’s how to do it in a way that helps them flourish. 

 

 

Building Creativity in Kids

As access to information has become easier, creativity – how information is used – has become the game-changer. Here’s how to nurture it in your kiddos.

 

 

The Remarkable Power of Play

Play is vital to the development of healthy, happy, thriving children. Here’s what all parents need to know.

 

 

Clinginess – How to Make it Work for Them (and You)

Understand why clinginess happens, and how to stop it from holding your child back. 

 

 

Stepping Back – A Technique to Build Emotional Intelligence

A simple, effective technique to build empathy in kids and teens, and to help them understand and manage big emotions.

 

 

A Proven Way to Deal With Maths Anxiety

Even if children are fully prepared and ready to shine in a maths exam, anxiety can lumber in and make a beast of itself – as only anxiety can do. New research has found a way to ease anxiety and improve performance, by changing the fear centres of the brain. 

 

 

Life as a Stepfamily – What You Need to Know to Make it Work

This simple but powerful step can make a difference to your stepfamily. https://wp.me/p5hkQx-i82

 

 

How to Help Kids & Teens Feel Calm When the World Feels Fragile

The conversations that can help your children and teens feel calmer, safer and braver during world trauma or a global crisis. 

 

 

When Children Lie - How to Respond and Build Honesty
2nd June, 2016

When Children Lie – How to Respond and Build Honesty

All kids (and all adults for that matter) will at times find themselves in a glorious mess, at the hands of their own wrongdoing. With kids and teens, lies will often feature in this mess, either as a cover-up or a cause. The way we respond can strengthen our connection and nurture their honesty, or it can breathe life into the learning that lying is a handy way to deal with trouble. 

















Hey Warrior - A book about anxiety in children.








Hey Sigmund on Instagram

Our kids are going to make bad decisions. Hopefull Our kids are going to make bad decisions. Hopefully they’ll make plenty - it’s one of the ways they’ll learn and grow. We won’t always be able to love them out of a bad decision, but we want to be the ones they come to when the mess unfolds. 
When they get it really wrong, they’ll know it. They’ll also know exactly what we think. Of course we’ll be tempted to remind them over and over of what they’ve done and the fallout from that, but it will be useless. There is no new wisdom in telling them ‘I told you so’, and it also runs the risk of switching them off to our influence and guidance at a time they need it most. 
There will be wisdom in the mess for sure, and the best way to foster the discovery is to make a safe space for this to happen - and there is no safer space than in their connection with you. 
When we prioritise connection above lectures, criticism, or judgement, we clear the path for self-reflection. This is where the magic happens. When they feel safe with us, and free from shame or disconnection, we have enormous power to facilitate growth - ‘Can you tell me what happened? I know you’re a great kid and I’m wondering what made this feel like a good decision? What can you do differently next time? I know you didn’t mean for this to happen but it has, and I’m wondering how you might put things right? Do you need my help with that?’ When we strip it back to bare, discipline was always meant to be about teaching, and this will never happen when there is shame or when they feel disconnected from us. You are their everything. They don’t want to do the wrong thing and they don’t want to disappoint you - but they will, lots of times. 
With every one of their bad decisions is an opportunity to guide them towards growth, but only if we keep them close and hold their hearts gently amidst the breakage. When we keep their hearts open to us, they will open their minds and their mouths too. They will talk and they will listen, and they will know that even when their behaviour is ‘questionable’, they are our everything too.

Our kids are going to make bad decisions. Hopefully they’ll make plenty - it’s one of the ways they’ll learn and grow. We won’t always be able to love them out of a bad decision, but we want to be the ones they come to when the mess unfolds.
When they get it really wrong, they’ll know it. They’ll also know exactly what we think. Of course we’ll be tempted to remind them over and over of what they’ve done and the fallout from that, but it will be useless. There is no new wisdom in telling them ‘I told you so’, and it also runs the risk of switching them off to our influence and guidance at a time they need it most.
There will be wisdom in the mess for sure, and the best way to foster the discovery is to make a safe space for this to happen - and there is no safer space than in their connection with you.
When we prioritise connection above lectures, criticism, or judgement, we clear the path for self-reflection. This is where the magic happens. When they feel safe with us, and free from shame or disconnection, we have enormous power to facilitate growth - ‘Can you tell me what happened? I know you’re a great kid and I’m wondering what made this feel like a good decision? What can you do differently next time? I know you didn’t mean for this to happen but it has, and I’m wondering how you might put things right? Do you need my help with that?’ When we strip it back to bare, discipline was always meant to be about teaching, and this will never happen when there is shame or when they feel disconnected from us. You are their everything. They don’t want to do the wrong thing and they don’t want to disappoint you - but they will, lots of times.
With every one of their bad decisions is an opportunity to guide them towards growth, but only if we keep them close and hold their hearts gently amidst the breakage. When we keep their hearts open to us, they will open their minds and their mouths too. They will talk and they will listen, and they will know that even when their behaviour is ‘questionable’, they are our everything too.
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