The Simple Way to Feel Love and Happiness Every Day

The Simple Way to Feel Love and Happiness Every Day
By Allison Goldberg

Love = Happiness: And I am not taking about being in a relationship.

How often have you said something similar to this, ‘When I make more money, then, I will be happier’.  ‘When I have a life partner, house and kids, then, I will be happier.’  ‘When I accomplish the career I really want, I will really be happy,’ or, ‘When I lose weight, I will finally be happy’.

Wouldn’t it be incredible to know that happiness is something that you can feel every day, several times a day, no matter what is going on in your life?  Did I mention that being ‘in love with another person’ is not going to be the answer to your happiness?  Happiness is a feeling and a decision that we make every day.  

Here, is a very easy strategy that will give you the gift of happiness with one simple question that you ask yourself, all day every day.  

Think of the word Favorite and what it means to you.  What is your favorite song?  What is your favorite pair of shoes?  What is your favorite exercise?  What is your favorite food?  Then ask yourself, how much love and enjoyment comes from hearing your favorite song, wearing your favorite shoes, doing your favorite exercise and eating your favorite food?  By definition, favorite is a word that demonstrates your strongest preference for something.  

Let’s now move on to a new word that will become a big part of your daily vocabulary.  That word is LOVE.  This is the word and question that will change your life forever.  Do I love (fill in blank here)?  Begin to ask yourself this question as many times as you possibly can when going through your day.  Each thing you choose for yourself, each moment, that is within your control, make sure that you LOVE it. (The key word here is control, because as we know, many things are out of our control.)  

Let’s start with basic things that you do daily.  What you wear each day.  Do you love the thing you are putting on your body? Consider everything from your undergarments to your socks, shoes, pants, shirt, dress, jewellery or are you wearing it because it is there in your closet? If your answer is, I love this, wear it, if not, do not put it on your body, take it off.  I challenge you to LOVE everything you wear.  

Let’s go to a different example.  Have you ever thought about your favorite exercise or sport?  The question becomes then, why not do only a sport or exercise you love?  There are enough choices out there for you to choose what you love and stick to it. Being healthy is important but you DO get to choose what you do to be healthy.  If you love to run, by all means, run.  Or if you prefer a sport, do the sport.  But the key factor is this, LOVE what you choose. Love your choices, all day.

Let’s consider our friends. Of course, we have our obligatory friendships, and this mantra does not apply to those relationships. You know who I am talking about. However, you do have a choice on who you spend your time with. Make sure you love those people. Don’t agree to lunch or socialize with people you don’t really really want to be with. You can apply the LOVE =HAPPINESS to almost every area of your life that is WITHIN your control.  

What happens when you apply this theory of ‘do i love this’?  You will experience two very important things in your life that will forever change your path.  You will experience feelings of love more than 50 times in a day.  Feeling Love 50 times a day = HAPPINESS.  

Try it out.  See how much this activity will change your life.  No matter what is going wrong in your day, today or any day, you are guaranteed to feel love and happiness throughout your day.  No one and no circumstance can take away the luxury that you and only you have the choice to feel LOVE=HAPPINESS. You have added this amazing strategy to your life.  Good luck. I feel love=happiness right now.  I LOVED writing this article. 


About the Author: Allison Goldberg
Allison’s Personal Story:

I was driving my car and listening to one of my many mentors through my blue tooth and when he was speaking, I had an epiphany.

I have been in the coaching industry for 17 years and when asked by both individuals and companies about myself, my logical brain went to the place of what I call “credential security” which was my college degree, many of the certification and training programs, my field experience and the many reputable companies and individuals that I have been fortunate enough to work with over the years. I have all of that data in a file ready to email to any person that wants to know.

Here is where my epiphany came in…. When I listen to my mentors, each of them has a real, raw story that defines them and that is what has fueled their passion and commitment to the field they are in. I too, have a story that gives me the passion and drive to help others live life to their full potential. It is a story that I have understood very clearly for my entire life, but sharing it, has not been something I would readily do.

I am now at the point where I think I have done myself and my clients a disservice by not sharing the story that has been the very thing that brought me to my passion. Which is the Life Coaching partnership with people who are looking for their reason, passion and goals for their own lives.

So, from this point on, when people ask me what is “my story”, this is what I will say.

I had a very traumatic entry into this word. I was born into a circumstance that is unusual and hard to hear for most people. I am the youngest of 3 children.   6 Months before I was born, my biological father went missing. Yes, missing, as in, he didn’t come home from work that day.   He continued to be missing until 2 weeks before I was born. So, even as an unborn child, my mom was carrying a baby with a major mental burden of taking care of 2 other kids while being pregnant and the emotional agony of not knowing where her husband was. This time must have been extremely difficult and very taxing both physically and emotionally. Two weeks before I was born my biological father was found and he had been brutally murdered. Are you uncomfortable yet?  

That was my start to coming into this world so as you can see that when a child is born, there welcome may be very different than mine. My start was rough. For the next few years of my life my mom was trying to deal with the death of her husband, being a widow and raising three children. You can imagine the priority that I felt as my place in this family. My mom would say that I was the very thing that kept her on her feet and getting out of bed each day because I was a baby who needed her. She actually thanks me for being responsible for her not going into the depths of depression. With that, my life would never be the same. Most other kids growing up have the typical challenges that come with being a child, a toddler ,a teenager and young adult. I feel like my trauma and ability to survive and succeed in life is very much due to the fact that I had to grow up very fast and live an “adult” life at such a young age.

I learned very quickly that doing it MYSELF and doing it with a PLAN was the only option that would help me feel safe and in control. I took on the roles to be like a mom, dad, teacher, housekeeper among many other things. But acting like a child or having a “fun, carefree childhood”…. I did not.

So, when people, be it friends or family or later on, clients would ask me why I seem to “have it all together”, it was not by choice, it was just my way of surviving my childhood. So by the time I was an adult, it came very naturally to me. Make a GOAL make a PLAN , DO IT , and if it doesn’t work, make another plan and keep going until you get your needs met as well as your goals accomplished.  

That is how I was led into this field. So, in my opinion, my major in Communication, minor in sociology and my Life Coach certification course pales in comparison to the 46 years of living a goal driven life.

I would like to help you do the same.

And her professional one:

Allison Goldberg has been in human services since she graduated from the University of Texas with a Bachelor of Science in Communication in 1990 with a minor in Sociology.  She graduated in 3 years because she wanted to get out into the work force and begin helping people.

Allison has spent the last 12 years focusing on her life coaching business venture, Personal Dynamics.  Personal Dynamics is the name of her Life Coaching company and a spin off of her position as a corporate trainer and coach with Image Dynamics.  Personal Dynamics life coaching is about creating an opportunity for Certified Life Coach, Allison to partner with her clients and develop a program and process to reach their personal goals. As a life coach, the idea is to bridge the gap between the clients personal goals and current daily life results.  Life Coaching includes clarifying the client’s personal vision and purpose, addressing behaviors that create barriers to success, problem solving, and handling challenges as they occur.

You can find Allison at Personal Dynamics and on Facebook.

 

 

One Comment

Phil Cohen

Allison Goldberg has been the life coach for my daughter for the last 5 years. Her life coaching experience with Allison has not only helped her to achieve goals, but more importantly, it has enabled her to discover who she is, what makes her tick, and what goals really are. She has the gift of being able to find the hidden treasures that allow her to achieve those goals. Her sessions with Allison are always productive. She is a great guide. Everything is done with honesty and grace. She’s always so supportive, encouraging and committed. She has allowed my daughter to soar! Allison is a treasure and a blessing in our lives.

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‘Brave’ doesn’t always feel like certain, or strong, or ready. In fact, it rarely does. That what makes it brave.♥️
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#parenting #mindfulparenting #parentingtips
We teach our kids to respect adults and other children, and they should – respect is an important part of growing up to be a pretty great human. There’s something else though that’s even more important – teaching them to respect themselves first. 

We can’t stop difficult people coming into their lives. They might be teachers, coaches, peers, and eventually, colleagues, or perhaps people connected to the people who love them. What we can do though is give our kids independence of mind and permission to recognise that person and their behaviour as unacceptable to them. We can teach our kids that being kind and respectful doesn’t necessarily mean accepting someone’s behaviour, beliefs or influence. 

The kindness and respect we teach our children to show to others should never be used against them by those broken others who might do harm. We have to recognise as adults that the words and attitudes directed to our children can be just as damaging as anything physical. 

If the behaviour is from an adult, it’s up to us to guard our child’s safe space in the world even harder. That might be by withdrawing support for the adult, using our own voice with the adult to elevate our child’s, asking our child what they need and how we can help, helping them find their voice, withdrawing them from the environment. 

Of course there will be times our children do or say things that aren’t okay, but this never makes it okay for any adult in your child’s life to treat them in a way that leads them to feeling ‘less than’.

Sometimes the difficult person will be a peer. There is no ‘one certain way’ to deal with this. Sometimes it will involve mediation, role playing responses, clarifying the other child’s behaviour, asking for support from other adults in the environment, or letting go of the friendship.

Learning that it’s okay to let go of relationships is such an important part of full living. Too often we hold on to people who don’t deserve us. Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay and if we can help our children start to think about this when they’re young, they’ll be so much more empowered and deliberate in their relationships when they’re older.♥️
When we are angry, there will always be another emotion underneath it. It is this way for all of us. 

Anger itself is a valid emotion so it’s important not to dismiss it. Emotion is e-motion - energy in motion. It has to find a way out, which is why telling an angry child to calm down or to keep their bodies still will only make things worse for them. They might comply, but their bodies will still be in a state of distress. 

Often, beneath an angry child is an anxious one needing our help. It’s the ‘fight’ part of the fight or flight response. As with all emotions, anger has a job to do - to help us to safety through movement, or to recruit support, or to give us the physical resources to meet a need or to change something that needs changing. It doesn’t mean it does the job well, because an angry brain means the feeling brain has the baton, while the thinking brain sits out for a while. What it means is that there is a valid need there and this young person is doing their very best to meet it, given their available resources in the moment or their developmental stage. 

Children need the same thing we all need when we’re feeling fierce - to be seen,  heard, and supported; to find a way to get the energy out, either with words or movement. Not to be shut down or ‘fixed’. 

Our job isn’t to stop their anger, but to help them find ways to feel it and express it in ways that don’t do damage. This will take lots of experience, and lots of time - and that’s okay.♥️
The SCCR Online Conference 2021 is a wonderful initiative by @sccrcentre (Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution) which will explore ’The Power of Reconnection’. I’ve been working with SCCR for many years. They do incredible work to build relationships between young people and the important adults around them, and I’m excited to be working with them again as part of this conference.

More than ever, relationships matter. They heal, provide a buffer against stress, and make the world feel a little softer and safer for our young people. Building meaningful connections can take time, and even the strongest relationships can feel the effects of disconnection from time to time. As part of this free webinar, I’ll be talking about the power of attachment relationships, and ways to build relationships with the children and teens in your life that protect, strengthen, and heal. 

The workshop will be on Monday 11 October at 7pm Brisbane, Australia time (10am Scotland time). The link to register is in my story.
There are many things that can send a nervous system into distress. These can include physiological (tired, hungry, unwell), sensory overload/ underload, real or perceived threat (anxiety), stressed resources (having to share, pay attention, learn new things, putting a lid on what they really think or want - the things that can send any of us to the end of ourselves).

Most of the time it’s developmental - the grown up brain is being built and still has a way to go. Like all beautiful, strong, important things, brains take time to build. The part of the brain that has a heavy hand in regulation launches into its big developmental window when kids are about 6 years old. It won’t be fully done developing until mid-late 20s. This is a great thing - it means we have a wide window of influence, and there is no hurry.

Like any building work, on the way to completion things will get messy sometimes - and that’s okay. It’s not a reflection of your young one and it’s not a reflection of your parenting. It’s a reflection of a brain in the midst of a build. It’s wondrous and fascinating and frustrating and maddening - it’s all the things.

The messy times are part of their development, not glitches in it. They are how it’s meant to be. They are important opportunities for us to influence their growth. It’s just how it happens. We have to be careful not to judge our children or ourselves because of these messy times, or let the judgement of others fill the space where love, curiosity, and gentle guidance should be. For sure, some days this will be easy, and some days it will feel harder - like splitting an atom with an axe kind of hard.

Their growth will always be best nurtured in the calm, loving space beside us. It won’t happen through punishment, ever. Consequences have a place if they make sense and are delivered in a way that doesn’t shame or separate them from us, either physically or emotionally. The best ‘consequence’ is the conversation with you in a space that is held by your warm loving strong presence, in a way that makes it safe for both of you to be curious, explore options, and understand what happened.♥️
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#mindfulparenting #positiveparenting #parenting

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