Separation Anxiety Webinar

Strengthening Children Through Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety can come with loads of heartache for children and their important adults, but there’s something else it comes with – the opportunity to strengthen all children against anxiety and build their brave – and we know they can be brave.

Saying ‘goodbye’ can be tough! Not only for our children, but for us too – even the strongest and bravest of parenting hearts can feel the wrenching that can come at separation. Separation anxiety exists for a good reason. We want our children to feel loved and supported, and we also want to build their brave so anxiety doesn’t stand in the way of the important, growthful things they need to do.

Of course we’d rather our young ones never feel the tailwhip of separation anxiety, but so many young people (and the adults who love them) are going to experience anxiety at separation from a loved one. It’s part of being human, but it doesn’t have to hurt. As their important adult, you have a profound capacity to support them through separation anxiety and help them feel braver, stronger, and closer to you, even when you’re not beside them – at school, at bedtime – any time they are away from you. In this one-and-a-half-hour webinar, we will explore practical, powerful ways to do this.

This is information I wish every parent could have. I’ll be speaking to you from my professional experience, but more importantly, I’ll be speaking to you from my parenting heart. Something you might not know about me is that my own experience with my daughter’s separation anxiety when she was a little person is what led me to this work. (She’s now one of the bravest women I know!

I know we can get kids through separation anxiety. I know the heartache. I know the feelings of helplessness. And I know we can get them through. 

If you can’t make the ‘live’ online event, that’s no problem at all. A recording of the webinar will be made available to all registered participants for 30 days.

We will explore:

  • why separation anxiety happens, and the important job it’s there to do;
  • the thing all loving adults will do (we’ll all do them!) that can inadvertently make their anxiety worse, and what to do instead;
  • why their anxiety will fuel yours;
  • what adults can do to soften the impact of separation;
  • how to respond in the midst of anxiety – strategies for children, parents and carers (including teachers and other important adults);
  • practical ways to support your child through separation anxiety;
  • specific strategies for bedtime anxiety;
  • the toolbox for young people – how to help all children feel bigger at separation;
  • the connection between anxiety and aggression, and how to respond to big behaviour in the moment;
  • the connection between anxiety, behaviour and learning, and how to work with this;
  • a road map for supporting your child through anxiety – before, during, and after;
  • why relationships matter, and how to facilitate relationships between children and their important adults (teachers, other important adults) in ways that will build brave behaviour.
Presented by: Karen Young (AUS)
Location: Online
Start Time: 6:30 pm
End Time: 8:30 pm
Cost: AUD $40
Date: 08/02/2024
Timezone: Brisbane GMT +10

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Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’

Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️
Anxiety is driven by a lack of certainty about safety. It doesn’t mean they aren’t safe, and it certainly doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means they don’t feel safe enough - yet. 

The question isn’t, ‘How do we fix them?’ They aren’t broken. 

It’s, ‘How do we fix what’s happening around them to help them feel so they can feel safe enough to be brave enough?’

How can we make the environment feel safer? Sensory accommodations? Relational safety?

Or if the environment is as safe as we can make it, how can we show them that we believe so much in their safety and their capability, that they can rest in that certainty? 

They can feel anxious, and do brave. 

We want them to listen to their anxiety, check things out, but don’t always let their anxiety take the lead.

Sometimes it’s spot on. And sometimes it isn’t. Whole living is about being able to tell the difference. 

As long as they are safe, let them know you believe them, and that you believe IN them. ‘I know this feels big and I know you can handle this. We’ll do this together.’♥️
Research has shown us, without a doubt, that a sense of belonging is one of the most important contributors to wellbeing and success at school. 

Yet for too many children, that sense of belonging is dependent on success and wellbeing. The belonging has to come first, then the rest will follow.

Rather than, ‘What’s wrong with them?’, how might things be different for so many kids if we shift to, ‘What needs to happen to let them know we want them here?’❤️
There is a quiet strength in making space for the duality of being human. It's how we honour the vastness of who we are, and expand who we can be. 

So much of our stuckness, and our children's stuckness, comes from needing to silence the parts of us that don't fit with who we 'should' be. Or from believing that the thought or feeling showing up the loudest is the only truth. 

We believe their anxiety, because their brave is softer - there, but softer.
We believe our 'not enoughness', because our 'everything to everyone all the time' has been stretched to threadbare for a while.
We feel scared so we lose faith in our strength.

One of our loving roles as parents is to show our children how to make space for their own contradictions, not to fight them, or believe the thought or feeling that is showing up the biggest. Honour that thought or feeling, and make space for the 'and'.

Because we can be strong and fragile all at once.
Certain and undone.
Anxious and brave.
Tender and fierce.
Joyful and lonely.
We can love who we are and miss who we were.

When we make space for 'Yes, and ...' we gently hold our contradictions in one hand, and let go of the need to fight them. This is how we make loving space for wholeness, in us and in our children. 

We validate what is real while making space for what is possible.
All feelings are important. What’s also important is the story - the ‘why’ - we put to those feelings. 

When our children are distressed, anxious, in fight or flight, we’ll feel it. We’re meant to. It’s one of the ways we keep them safe. Our brains tell us they’re in danger and our bodies organise to fight for them or flee with them.

When there is an actual threat, this is a perfect response. But when the anxiety is in response to something important, brave, new, hard, that instinct to fight for them or flee with them might not be so helpful.

When you can, take a moment to be clear about the ‘why’. Are they in danger or

Ask, ‘Do I feel like this because they’re in danger, or because they’re doing something hard, brave, new, important?’ 

‘Is this a time for me to keep them safe (fight for them or flee with them) or is this a time for me to help them be brave?’

‘What am I protecting them from -  danger or an opportunity to show them they can do hard things?’

Then make space for ‘and’, ‘I want to protect them AND they are safe.’

‘I want to protect them from anxiety AND anxiety is unavoidable - I can take care of them through it.’

‘This is so hard AND they can do hard things. So can I.’

Sometimes you’ll need to protect them, and sometimes you need to show them how much you believe in them. Anxiety can make it hard to tell the difference, which is why they need us.♥️

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