What You Focus On Is What Becomes Powerful – Why Your Thoughts and Feelings Matter

What You Focus On Is What Becomes Powerful

What you focus on is what becomes becomes powerful. The message is real and comes fortified with some serious science. It’s called experience-dependent neuroplasticity. The research around it has caught fire and the findings are powerful. The implications for all of us are profound. 

At the heart of the research is the finding that experience changes the brain. Just think about that for a minute: You have incredible capacity to change your brain through your experiences. Up until the last decade or so, it was thought that the brain stayed fairly much the same and wasn’t open to influence or change. We now know that just isn’t true.

Each of us has a brain that is designed to be malleable and plastic and open to our influence. It is constantly shaping itself to be the best one it can be for us. Our experiences are the fuel for this shaping and everything we see, feel, experience, sense and do is slowly but surely changing the architecture of our brains, sending gentle instruction on how they can build to best support us. 

How does it work?

Between the walls of our skulls, billions of neurons (brain cells) work together to shape us into the humans we are. Different neurons are responsible for different parts of our experience, whether it’s eating, feeling, sleeping, sensing threat, firing up, falling in love, spelling, laughing, remembering, learning, nurturing – you get the idea. Being human is complicated and our brain drives all of it – it’s no wonder we are still discovering its secrets. 

Every time you have an experience, the relevant neurons switch on and start firing. As this happens, neural connections get stronger and new synapses start growing. 

Even as you read this, sparks are flying in your head. About 100 billion neurons are waiting and ready to act, but not all of them will be recruited. The ones that are will depend on the experience you’re having. The neurons that are connected to your immediate experience – what you are feeling, thinking, seeing, sensing, doing, experiencing – will fire and new connections will start to form within minutes. The more connected the neurons, the stronger that area of the brain, the more responsive and effective it will be.

The neurons that aren’t as needed will eventually wither away. This withering away is normal and healthy and is one way the brain grows into its most efficient self. You can’t grow the edges of your head so your brain occupies some precious real estate. The space is reserved for the neurons that you need the most – the ones that will best support you given the life you’re living.

Every time we have an experience, the corresponding neurons are activated. Every time they are activated, they are elevated a little in the order of importance. Repeating or prolonging an experience will keep the connections between neurons strong and ensure that they stay. This is why, for example, we can recite the alphabet without thinking. It’s not because we were born baby geniuses with a cute alphabet jingle imprinted into our brains. It’s because throughout our childhood, we sing the alphabet song and have it sung to us so many times, that the relevant neurons are repeatedly activated enough to eventually form rock solid connections.

Experience doesn’t just effect change by creating new connections and strengthening existing ones. It also seems to reach into our genes (the tiny atoms in the DNA inside the nuclei of neurons) and change the way they function. A regular practice of mindfulness, for example, will increase the activity of genes that have the capacity to soothe a stress reaction in the heat of a moment, ultimately making you more able to deal with stress.

Everything you experience will alter the physical structure of your brain in some way. The things you do, the people you spend time with, every feeling, thought, and automatic experience will influence the wiring of your brain to make you who you are and to influence who you can become.

Brains can change. Let me tell you a true story …

A bunch of neuroscientists wanted to explore how brains can change. To do this, they called on London cab drivers and some serious brain imaging.

In order to become a London taxi driver, would-be cabbies have to pass ‘The Knowledge’. This is a test of memory and is one of the most difficult tests in the world to pass. It involves memorising at least 320 basic routes, 25,000 streets within those routes and about 20,000 landmarks and places of interest. It usually takes about 4 years of committed study and at the end of it, those who have done the work end up with what amounts to a roadmap of London imprinted onto their brains. 

A series of brain scans conducted on a group of drivers after their training revealed that their brains had actually changed to support their learning. Prior to the learning, the part of their brains responsible for spatial memory (the posterior hippocampus) was much the same as everyone else’s. Fast forward to the end of training, and it was found to be significantly larger. The longer a cabbie had been in the job, the bigger that part of their brain. Learning and repeated experience had changed the brain according to the job it was needed for.

Why it’s SO important to be deliberate about who you’re with and what you do.

Experiences matter. They matter in the moment and in the way they can change the brain beyond the immediate moment.

Your brain will build and change whether you like it or not.  It’s so important to build it in the direction you want it to build it. Think of it as a mark on a page. At first, the mark might be so faint as to not even be noticeable, but keep going over the mark, even with the slightest of pressure, and that mark will get more defined and more permanent. Your attention and focus will always be somewhere – maybe many places – which means there are wirings and firings happening all the time, strengthening what’s there or creating something new.

If you aren’t deliberate and conscious in shaping your brain, other people and experiences will do this for you. Experiences, situations and people – positive or negative – will leave lasting traces on your brain by way of strengthened neural pathways.

By being purposeful about your experience, and the experiences you repeat or spend longer doing, you can have a direct influence over how your brain strengthens and grows and the pathways that are most likely to endure – but it does take a deliberate and conscious effort. 

What you focus on will determine the parts of your brain that fire, wire and strengthen. Then, as those parts of the brain switch on and the neurons start firing, lasting connections will be made, strengthening memories and influencing what the brain will attend to in the future (positive or negative).

If you let your mind settle on self-criticism, self-loathing, pain, distress, stress, worry, fear, regret, guilt, these feelings and thoughts will shape your brain. You will be more vulnerable to worry, depression, anxiety, and be more likely to notice the negatives of a situation, frame things in a negative way, and be barrelled off track by what you could have or should have done.  

On the other hand, if you focus on positive feelings and frame situations with a tilt towards the positive, eventually your brain will take on a shape that reflects this, hardwiring and strengthening connections around resilience, optimism, gratitude, positive emotion and self-esteem.  

The power to change your brain. We all have it. Here’s how to use it.

We are wired to notice threat and bad feelings. This is  completely normal and healthy and it’s what has kept us alive for thousands of years. We humans are brilliant when it comes to noticing the bad, analysing it, and hanging on to it until we learn something from it. It’s called the negativity bias and it’s powerful.

The problem is that while it is our very human way to notice the bad, it is also human to let the good slide right of us. It’s not unusual that in a day of good conversation, fabulous people and enriching experiences, your mind will stick with the one argument, the one bad phone call or the one jerk that crossed your path. Imagine if it could be the other way around, with the good sticking and the bad sliding away into the ‘doesn’t matter’ zone. Because we humans are powerful creatures, we can go one better than imagining it – we can do it, but it takes a hard and deliberate push, which is okay – because we all have that in us.

First, we have to switch on to the good and be deliberate in noticing positive experiences. This might be more difficult than it sounds, particularly if you have a brain that, like many beautifully human brains, is well-trained in noticing the bad.

When you have the good in your radar, let your mind settle on it for long enough to start the neurons firing in your brain. Don’t just notice it, feel it. Hold on to it for at least 20 seconds. After this time, the experience will be hardwiring into your brain, firing neurons and strengthening the connections that will ultimately shape your experience.

This will start to grow these parts of your brain and shape a brain that is able to notice the good, respond to the bad and move forward, rather than stay stuck.

If the positive experience isn’t ready and waiting in front of you, do what you can to create it. It doesn’t have to be monumental. Try calling on a memory, listening to a song, making a phone call, organising a catch-up, playing or doing something that makes you feel nurtured. When you do, make the feeling stay. It might want to fade away, but don’t let it, not straight away. 

Like any habit, noticing the good takes time to become automatic. Notice how quickly you notice the bad and let go of the good. Be deliberate in balancing things up and gradually, this in itself will also change your brain.

Does this mean negative feelings are a no-go?

Negative feelings are never a no-go. Being deliberate in focusing on the positive doesn’t mean that we have to pretend the negative doesn’t exist. Negative feelings are important too and deserve to be there. They guide us to withdraw when we need space to heal, they alert us to problem people or situations and they act as a warning sign. Negative feelings should be honoured as much as positive ones but they will come with a cost if they are allowed to take over.

The neurons that fire together, will wire and cause lasting changes in the brain. Staying in bad feelings beyond their usefulness is will do damage. It’s like going over and over the mark that serves no useful purpose but to keep a wound open. Every time you go over it, you’re making it a little heavier, a little stronger, a little harder for you to exist without its influence.

It’s always okay to feel the bad, to sit with it and to explore the wisdom that it contains. The wisdom will always be in there somewhere. Certainly an avoidance of negative emotions will have its own costs.

To stop the negative running away and doing damage, actively work towards balance wherever you can. Take some time to focus on your resilience, your courage, your strength, your inner wisdom. If you are feeling lonely, take time to draw on memories or people who love and appreciate you. Whether it’s a ‘hey there’ text, an invitation, a photo, a memory. If you are feeling drained, take time to draw on experiences that nourish you.

When the experiences happen, let the feelings stay for long enough to let them do their important work. Notice the bad, feel it, let it bring you new wisdom, but don’t keep watching it in the rear view mirror when there are other things around you that can start to move you forward.  

And finally …

By directing your focus and staying with your experience, you can change your brain and shape it towards a more positive, compassionate, resilient, kinder, happier, more empowered and contented way of being. You can turn positive experiences into positive brain changes, which will in turn change your day to day experience.

What you focus on is powerful. The brain will build around what it rests upon. Whether we view the world through a lens that is sad or happy, optimistic or hopeless, whether we are open to love or quick to close it down is all directed by our brain. What you pay attention to will shape your brain, which in turn will shape your experiences, your relationships, your life. 

[irp posts=”923″ name=”Hardwiring for Happiness. How We Can Change Our Brain, Mind & Personality.”]

29 Comments

Helen

Such a well written article on a very important subject! I’m so glad to see this information reaching people. Keep spreading the light!

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Piriyanka

The best article about our mind, I’ve read. This helps to improve our daily life by doing little thing better and definitely a path to being happy. Thank you so much ! More articles like this would be wonderful.

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Olaseni F

Thank you so much for such a beautiful and illuminating article. I will reflect and meditate on it for a while. Blessings Seni

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Mudassir Nawaz

Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww

Thank you so much for such a brilliant and direly needy article

Love from Pakistan

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David

I always feel like what i expect to happen does not happen and i get the opposite. Like if i expect things to go smoothly it is a mess. If i worry about something and stress over it it ends up going fine. How can i overcome this.

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Helen

Hi David,
It’s likely due to some subconscious program probably from childhood, some limiting beliefs that you can easily uncover and bring to surface and reframe to work for you to create desired outcomes.

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Libby

Thank you so much Karen! I enjoyed reading this article it really explains the big picture…. easy to understand! Mindful thinking has been something I’ve been working on for awhile but after your read I believe I will incorporate it in my life more and more.

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Arockiam

Hello Karen, you have shown how our daily experiences and our brain are interconnected.
focusing on positive things will heal what is caused by negative things. There is not only science in your statements, there is great charisma!
currently I am running an experiment on Positive
Focus that increases Happiness. Your article is just in time. Its thought provoking. Thanks.

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Bulent

Cutting edge neuroscience in layman’s terms. Couldn’t be better. Many, many thanks for this beautiful article. Very timely, for myself, by the way!

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Hey Sigmund

You’re so welcome Bulent and thank you very much for your comment. I’m so pleased that you found this article when you did.

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Ricardo

Great article,

I enjoy this type of articles because it brings faith in me again. Life is full of up and downs and I have to remind myself that I have to keep fighting, perseverance is key and always looking towards positive experiences.

Thank you,

Ricardo

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Sherrill

Wonderful article, Karen, many thanks! Many references about this are in the Bible. The Book itself, in my opinion is not entirely religion based. Many men/women wrote about about foretelling, visions, spiritual visitations. Have you ever had the hair on your head stand up because you had a feeling? Premonition if you will. Does that signify your belief in God? No.
So taken at face value if you will, in this Book and others written since, you might see a trend advising us look inside ourselves for all the answers. Opening up your mind and hearing, acknowledging soul and conscience together freeing you to actually alter your life, your health, your mindset. I have. Quite simply, just believe in yourself and be thankful to whomever you feel is putting these ideas in your head.
FAITH SEES THE INVISIBLE, BELIEVES THE UNBELIEVABLE, AND RECEIVES THE IMPOSSIBLE.
Corrie Ten Boom

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Stephanie

I was with a man that drank, was mean, hit me, yelled at me as I went further and further inside. Before I knew he was like this, I fell in love. He also, whenever there was conflict, he would say, well I’m single the and the same night would go out and sleep with anyone. He would send me pictures of who he slept with. I met him when my Dad was dying and I was very down. He sent me this article. Do you think I can change my brain enough to be with him?

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Hey Sigmund

Stephanie, being with a man who does these sort of things will certainly change your brain, but not for the better and never in a way that will make being with him feel okay. We are wired to notice things in our environment that have the potential to hurt us. There is a thing called toxic stress. When stress is chronic and ongoing over a long period of time, it turns toxic. It changes the brain in a number of ways. In the same way the body shuts down when it ingests toxins to try to limit the damage, the brain does the same thing. In a toxic environment, the growth of new brain cells will eventually start to decrease dramatically. When this happens, there will be certain parts of your brain that won’t be as effective as they can be. You will also become more susceptible to depression, anxiety, headaches – all sorts of things. The point of this article is to be careful with what you focus on because your brain will literally wire and change accordingly. When you are in an environment with a man who is cruel, thoughtless and has no regard for your well-being, it will be impossible to focus on anything else. You can’t focus on the good if the bad is so overwhelming. This man is hitting you and sending you photos of women he has slept with. He is not capable of loving you, but there are people out there who will be. You deserve to feel loved and safe – emotionally and physically. There is not a human on the planet who would be able to thrive in this sort of relationship. You are worth so much more than this and you deserve so much more than this. The problem with these sort of relationships is that they harm your self-esteem and will have you believing that you can’t do better. You can. You can do so much better, and you will, but first you will have to move the hurtful relationship out of the way so the nurturing, loving relationship can find you.

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Robert W. McLellarn

Great article! I had seen most of this before but hadn’t thought about it in quite some time. By reminding me you helped me change my brain so this information may be more available to me in the future…thanks for sharing! I’ll spend some time reflecting on what you wrote and see if I can get the right neurons firing together!!

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ZiZi

This is the best article I have read in a long time! Our mind is very precious and we don’t even know it!
Thank you!

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Turenne

I knew and believe that we are, become and remain what we think and feel… This article brings a stronger light by stating that “What We Focus On Is What Becomes Powerful”.

You do explain extremely well why and how our brain fire, wire and strengthen…

You are showing how powerfully repetitive or focus on experiences shape our reality. The great thing is that we can help shaping a balance and harmonious reality by being Mindful…

Thank you Karen for this great share!

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freedom & joy

Brilliant! And needed to hear this today. I run a biz and find myself falling into procrastination and negative thinking. I am generally a positive person, but have built very little action around ‘the dark side’ so it tends to linger longer than I like whenI’min that space. But I’ve recognised it and can domore to combat it.

“Why it’s SO important to be deliberate about who you’re with and what you do.” This is very very true.

Thank you!

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David

I tend to focus on the negative and suffer from depression. I assume dwelling on negative and not learning from it, to only reinforce the circuits in the brain responsible for those emotions, makes no logical sense. I recently lost my job during training due to not learning fast enough. I know I have adhd and learn slower than others. I guess I need to learn what I can and not dwell the negative, to keep me moving forward on getting a new job.

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Hey Sigmund

David what I know for certain is that for everything about yourself you wish you could change, there will be built-in strengths. You say you don’t learn fast enough, but you are very capable of learning and once you learn things, you would have the ability to use that information in ways that other people can’t – that’s a great strength. It’s hard to change habits, so at first you will have to really force yourself to notice the positive. It might feel awkward for a while – all new things do – but with practice, it will start to come easy. How quickly you learn is only one thing about you – it has nothing to do with your intelligence, your creativity, your capabilities. We all have the things we would prefer to change. The difference is that you are aware of yours but you have as many strengths as anyone else. They key for you will be focusing on those strengths without shifting focus to the things you would rather change. Try focusing on one thing at a time and let that strength become so obvious to you that it feels like part of who you are. There are wonderful strengths in you. You can do this.

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Adolescence is all about the transition from childhood to adulthood. It can be a confusing time for everyone - not just for our teens but also for the adults who love them. 

Too often, the line between childhood and adulthood can be a blurry one. The expectations of adulthood can come charging at them, but without the freedoms, confidence, or capabilities that adulthood brings. They can feel with such depth and intensity, but without the adult wisdom or experience to make sense of those feelings. 

They’ll be okay, but it might feel wobbly for a while. In the meantime they will look to us for signs of safety and certainty. This doesn’t mean certainty that everything will always be okay - it won’t be - but certainty that they’ll get through, certainty that they are extraordinary, and needed, and that their will be a space and a place in the world that only they can fill.

We might not always feel that certainty. Some days we might ache, and wish we could make their world feel softer for a while. In those times, it will be less about what you do and more about who you are - being the one who can be with them without needing them to be different, the one who can handle any of their hurts or heartaches with gentle, certain hands, the one who can block out the world for a while by letting them rest in our care without needing them to be, or do, or give anything back in return.♥️
For our children, we start building the foundations for adolescence in their earliest years - the relationship we’ll have with them, who they are going to be, how they are going to be. One of the things we’ll want to build is their capacity to know their own minds and be brave enough to use it. This isn’t easy, even for adults, so the more practice we give them, the more they’ll be able to access their strong, brave, beautiful minds when they need to - when we aren’t there.

This means letting them have a say when we can, asking their opinions, and letting them disagree.

When kids and teens argue, they’re communicating. We need to listen, but the need won’t always be obvious. When littles argue because it’s spaghetti for dinner and ‘I hate spaghetti so much’ (even though last week and the 5 years before last week, spaghetti was their favourite), they might be expressing a need for sleep, power and influence, or independence. All are valid. When your teen argues because they want to do something you’ve said no to, the need might be to preserve their felt sense of inclusion with their tribe, or independence from you. Again, all valid. 

Of course, a valid need doesn’t mean it will always be met. Sometimes our needs might need to take priority to theirs, such as our need to keep them safe, or for them to learn that they can still be okay if everything doesn’t go their way, or that sometimes people will have conflicting needs that need to take priority. What’s important is letting them know we hear them and we get it.

It’s going to take time for kids to learn how to argue and express themselves respectfully. In the meantime, the words might be clumsy, loud, angry. This is when we need to hold on to ourselves, meet them where they are, let them know we hear them, and step into our leadership presence. We might give them what they need because it makes sense and because there isn’t enough reason not to. Sometimes, after giving them space to be heard we’ll need to stand our ground. Other times we might solve the problem collaboratively: This is what you want. This is what I want. Let’s talk about how we can we both get what we need.♥️
Anxiety will always tilt our focus to the risks, often at the expense of the very real rewards. It does this to keep us safe. We’re more likely to run into trouble if we miss the potential risks than if we miss the potential gains. 

This means that anxiety will swell just as much in reaction to a real life-threat, as it will to the things that might cause heartache (feels awful, but not life-threatening), but which will more likely come with great rewards. Wholehearted living means actively shifting our awareness to what we have to gain by taking a safe risk. 

Sometimes staying safe will be the exactly right thing to do, but sometimes we need to fight for that important or meaningful thing by hushing the noise of anxiety and moving bravely forward. 

When children or teens are on the edge of brave, but anxiety is pushing them back, ask, ‘But what would it be like if you could?’ ♥️

#parenting #parent #mindfulparenting #childanxiety #positiveparenting #heywarrior #heyawesome
Except I don’t do hungry me or tired me or intolerant me, as, you know … intolerably. Most of the time. Sometimes.
Growth doesn’t always announce itself in ways that feel safe or invited. Often, it can leave us exhausted and confused and with dirt in our pores from the fury of the battle. It is this way for all of us, our children too. 

The truth of it all is that we are all born with a profound and immense capacity to rise through challenges, changes and heartache. There is something else we are born with too, and it is the capacity to add softness, strength, and safety for each other when the movement towards growth feels too big. Not always by finding the answer, but by being it - just by being - safe, warm, vulnerable, real. As it turns out, sometimes, this is the richest source of growth for all of us.

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