Anxiety is a normal response to something dangerous or stressful. It becomes a problem when it shows up at unexpected times and takes a particularly firm hold. When anxiety is in full swing, it feels awful. Awful enough that anticipation of the feeling is enough in itself to cause anxiety. Anxiety in kids can be especially confusing , not only for the ones who are feeling anxious, but also for the adults who care about them.
We already know that anxiety has nothing to do with strength, courage or character. It picks a target and it switches on.
When that target is a child or teen, it can be particularly distressing, causing problems with sleeping, eating and missed school from unexplained illnesses such as sick tummies or headaches.
One of the worst things about anxiety in kids is the way it can happen without any identifiable cause. The physical feeling is familiar – that panicked feeling that comes when you miss a stair or as my daughter recently described, ‘that feeling you get when you’re almost asleep and you feel like you’re falling.’ (‘Yes, we’ve dealt with it in our home too. It’s under control now, so I can assure you this works.)
The good news is that anxiety in kids is very treatable and they are particularly responsive. I often think we don’t give them enough credit. They’re so open to possibility, and very quick to make the right connections when they’re given the right information and support. As the adult in their lives, you’re the perfect one to give it.
Anxiety in Kids and Teens: Turning it Around
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Don’t talk them out of it.
As a parent, the temptation is to reassure your child with gentle comments in the way of, ‘There’s nothing to worry about,’ or ‘You’ll be fine‘.
This comes from the purest of intentions but it runs the risk of them feeling as though there’s something wrong with them. The truth is that when anxiety has a hold of them, they can no sooner stop worrying than fly to the moon. As much as they want to believe you, their brains just won’t let them.
What they need to hear is that you get it. Ask them what it feels like for them. They may or may not be able to articulate – and that’s okay. Then, ask if it’s ‘like that feeling you get when you miss a stair,’ (or ‘that feeling you get when you feel like you’re falling in your sleep’). Often, this in itself is such a relief because ‘someone gets it.’
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Normalise.
Explain that:
•. Anxiety is normal and everyone experiences anxiety at some time in their life – before an exam, when meeting new people, going for an interview or starting at a new school.
• Sometimes it happens for no reason at all. That’s also normal. It happens to lots of adults and lots of kids but there are things you can do to make it go away.
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Explain why anxiety feels like it does.
Out of everything, this is perhaps the most powerful intervention for anyone with anxiety. Anxiety in kids causes the most problems when it seems to come on without any real trigger. There’s a reason for this, and understanding the reason is key to managing the anxiety.
Here is a child-friendly explanation. I’ve used it for a variety of ages, but nobody knows your child like you do so adjust it to suit.
‘Anxiety is something that lots of people get but it feels different for everyone. Anxiety in kids is common, and lots of adults get it too. It happens because there’s a part of your brain that thinks there’s something it needs to protect you from. The part of the brain is called the amygdala. It’s not very big and it’s shaped like an almond.
It switches on when it thinks you’re in danger, so really it’s like your own fierce warrior, there to protect you. It’s job is to get you ready to run away from the danger or fight it. People call this ‘fight or flight’.
If your amygdala thinks there’s trouble, it will immediately give your body what it needs to be strong, fast and powerful. It will flood your body with oxygen, hormones and adrenaline that your body can use as fuel to power your muscles to run away or fight. It does this without even thinking. This happens so quickly and so automatically. The amygdala doesn’t take time to check anything out. It’s a doer not a thinker – all action and not a lot of thought.
If there is something dangerous – a wild dog you need to run away from, a fall you need to steady yourself from – then the amygdala is brilliant. Sometimes though, the amygdala thinks there’s a threat and fuels you up even though there’s actually nothing dangerous there at all.
Have you ever made toast that has got a bit burnt and set off the fire alarm? The fire alarm can’t tell the difference between smoke from a fire and smoke from burnt toast – and it doesn’t care. All it wants to do is let you know so you can get out of there. The amygdala works the same way. It can’t tell the difference between something that might hurt you, like a wild dog, and something that won’t, like being at a new school. Sometimes the amygdala just switches on before you even know what it’s switching on for. It’s always working hard to protect you – even when you don’t need protecting. It’s a doer not a thinker, remember, and this is how it keeps you safe.
If you don’t need to run away or fight for your life, there’s nothing to burn all that fuel – the oxygen, hormones and adrenalin – that the amygdala has flooded you with. It builds up and that’s the reason you feel like you do when you have anxiety. It’s like if you just keep pouring petrol into a car and never take the car for a drive.
So when the amygdala senses a threat it floods your body with oxygen, adrenaline and hormones that your body can use to fuel its fight or flight. When this happens:
♦ Your breathing changes from normal slow deep breaths to fast little breaths. Your body does this because your brain has told it to stop using up the oxygen for strong breaths and send it to the muscles to they can run or fight.
When this happens you might feel puffed or a bit breathless. You also might feel the blood rush to your face and your face become warm.
♦ If you don’t fight or flee, the oxygen builds up and the carbon dioxide drops.
This can make you feel dizzy or a bit confused.
♦ Your heart beats faster to get the oxygen around the body.
Your heart can feel like it’s racing and you might feel sick.
♦ Fuel gets sent to your arms (in case they need to fight) and your legs (in case they need to flee).
Your arms and legs might tense up or your muscles might feel tight.
♦ Your body cools itself down (by sweating) so it doesn’t overheat if it has to fight or flee
You might feel a bit sweaty.
♦ Your digestive system – the part of the body that gets the nutrients from the food you eat – shuts down so that the fuel it was using to digest your food can be used by your arms and legs in case you have to fight or flee. (Don’t worry though – it won’t stay shut down for long.)
You might feel like you have butterflies in your tummy. You might also feel sick, as though you’re going to vomit, and your mouth might feel a bit dry.
As you can see, there are very real reasons for your body feeling the way it does when you have anxiety. It’s all because your amygdala – that fierce warrior part of your brain – is trying to protect you by getting your body ready to fight or flee. Problem is – there’s nothing to fight or flee. Don’t worry though, there are things we can do about this.’
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Explain how common anxiety in kids is.
Anxiety in kids is common. About 1 in 8 kids have struggled with anxiety – so let them know that in their class, there’s a good chance that 3 or 4 other kids would know exactly what they’re going through because they’ve been through it before. Maybe they’re going through it right now.
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Give it a name.
‘Now that you understand that your anxiety feelings come from the ‘heroic warrior’ part of your brain, let’s give it a name.’ Let your child pick the name and ask them what they think of when they picture it. This will help them to feel as though something else is the problem, not them. It also demystifies their anxiety. Rather than it being a nameless, faceless ‘thing’ that gets in their way, it’s something contained – with a name and a look.
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Now get them into position.
‘The problem with anxiety is that [whatever their ‘heroic warrior’ is called – for the moment, let’s say, ‘Zep’] Zep is calling all the shots but we know that you’re really the boss. Zep actually thinks it’s protecting you, so what you need to do is let it know that you’ve got this and that it can relax. When you get those anxious feelings, that means Zep is taking over and getting ready to keep you safe. It doesn’t think about it at all – it just jumps in and goes for it. What you need to do is to let it know that you’re okay.
The most powerful thing you can do to make yourself the boss of your brain again is breathe. It sounds so simple – and it is. Part of the reason you feel as you do is because your breathing has gone from strong and slow and deep to quick and shallow. That type of breathing changes the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your body. Once your breathing is under control, Zep will stop thinking he has to protect you and he’ll settle back down. Then, really quickly after that, you’ll stop feeling the way you do.’
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And breathe.
Breathe deeply and slowly. Hold your breath just for a second between breathing in and breathing out. Make sure the breath is going right down into your belly – not just into your chest. You can tell because your belly will be moving. Do this about 5 to 10 times.
Practice before bed every day. Remember that Zep, the warrior part of your brain, has been protecting you for your entire life so it might take a little bit of practice to convince Zep to relax. But keep practicing and you’ll be really good at it in no time. You and that warrior part of your brain will be buddies – but with you in control.One way to practice is by putting a soft toy on your child’s belly when they lie down. If the toy is moving up and down, their breathing is perfect.
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Practice mindfulness.
An abundance of scientific research has demonstrated the profound effects of mindfulness. MRI studies have shown that practicing mindfulness increases the density of gray matter in the brain, providing relief and protection from stress, anxiety and depression. See here for more information.
Mindfulness doesn’t have to be complicated. Essentially, it’s being aware of the present moment, and there are plenty of fun ways introduce children to mindfulness.
Start by explaining that anxiety comes about because of worry about the future and what might happen. Sometimes these thoughts happen in the background – we don’t even know they’re there. Mindfulness helps you to have control over your brain so you can stop it from worrying about things it doesn’t need to. It trains your brain to stay in the here and now. The brain is like a muscle and the more you exercise it the stronger it gets.
It sounds easy enough but minds quite like to wander so staying in the moment can take some practice. Here’s the how:
- Close your eyes and notice your breathing. How does the air feel as you draw it inside you? Notice the sensation of the air, or your belly rising and falling. Notice your heart beating. If your mind starts to wander, come back to this.
- Now, what can you hear? What can you feel outside of you and inside your body? If your mind starts to wander, focus on your breathing again.
Remember that anxiety in kids is very treatable but it might take time. Explain to your child that his or her very clever and very protective brain might need some convincing that just because it thinks there’s trouble coming, doesn’t mean there is. Keep practising and they’ll get there.
A Book for Kids About Anxiety …
‘Hey Warrior’ is a book for children to help them understand anxiety and to find their ‘brave’. It explains why anxiety feels the way it does, and it will teach them how they can ‘be the boss of their brain’ during anxiety, to feel calm. It’s not always enough to tell kids what to do – they need to understand why it works. Hey Warrior does this, giving explanations in a fun, simple, way that helps things make sense in a, ‘Oh so that’s how that works!’ kind of way, alongside gorgeous illustrations. (See here for the trailer.)
I really enjoyed this article. I have struggled to get some professionals to listen to me regarding the level of anxiety that my son has. Addressing his ADHD with medication appears to be the first line of treatment. I understand it becomes more complicated with the fact that he has ADHD and a learning disability and therefore the anxiety issue seems to take a back seat. I am of the opinion that the anxiety symptoms are front and foremost in his case. It’s a tough one as I know anxiety often is a symptoms associated with the other 2 diagnoses.
You’re right, it is a tough one. If I’ve learnt one thing over years of practicing psychology, it’s that a mother’s intuition is a very powerful thing. It’s good that you’re treating the ADHD, hopefully once that is brought under control things will become clearer. I’m so pleased you’ve enjoyed the article. Hopefully it will empower you in relation to his anxiety symptoms, in that it’s something you can work on with your son while the medication helps him with his ADHD symptoms. Thank you for making contact with me. My very best wishes for you and your son.
I am going to share this with my eight year old son who has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. He has been struggling with “big emotions” (that’s what he calls it) and he feels like he is all alone. My son is a perfectionist and since he has set such a high bar for himself, he feels he is constantly failing when he isn’t. He is anxious about everything, school, friends, and sports. Thank you for this article, it has helped me visualize what his mind is going through during an anxiety moment.
‘Big emotions’. I love that. People with anxiety are often high achievers who expect a lot of themselves, so he’s not alone there. I’m so pleased you’re going to share the article with him. Hopefully it will help him understand and manage his process and find some relief. Thank you so much for letting me know.
Fantastic article. I loved the action steps that really help you as a parent help your child and not just talk to them. I believe this strategy could work with adults too. I may try it myself (when my own anxiety gets the best of me). Thanks so much for sharing this.
You’re so welcome. It would absolutely work with adults. I did write a grown up version a while ago and the this post is the younger version of that. Here is the link in case you’re interested https://www.heysigmund.com/dealing-with-anxiety/. (The child version is much more fun though!) Thank you for making contact with me.
I have suffered from anxiety since childhood and have had a lifetime of illness. One thing I’ve discovered in my 60s is that I’m gluten sensitive and all people with gluten and wheat allergies have one thing in common. Anxiety, that ends up causing auto-immune diseases. In my case many auto-immune diseases because my DNA shows that both my Mom and Dad had it. I would recommend trying a gluten free diet for your child and see if it doesn’t help their anxiety.
There seems to be a lot of research at the moment looking at the hand food plays in a variety of disorders. I’m keeping my eye on it all but it’s really good to hear from someone who has been there. I’m loving that people are sharing what’s worked for them. You never know who else it might work for. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Wow! This is great to have at hand! The way that you describe it is priceless. I have gone to counseling for years to understand it for myself and now my 14 year old son suffers pretty badly. I’ve tried to make him understand, but this will be perfect for him as he never understands why he always feels sick in new situations.
Thank you so much!
You’re so welcome. Information is such a powerful thing isn’t it and when people have it, they do incredible things with it. I really hope it’s able to bring your son some comfort. Thank you for making contact with me.
Thank you for this article! I have been struggling to understand what my son is going through and how to help him cope. Your explanation of what is physically happening is wonderful and I can’t wait to get home and share it with him. Thank you again for taking the time to write and post this!
You’re very welcome. I’m so pleased you have found this for him. Thank you for letting me know!
Thank you for this article, my daughter who is 7 has suffered from anxiety for two years now she was diagnosed with severe seperation anxiety and severe anxiety along with OCD and its been a battle. She’s been on meds now for a month because her anxiety started effecting her daily life not only does she suffer from the tummy aches, headaches, whining, among other things she wasn’t able to do normal things that would be done everyday. We do the breathing, have snuggle time at night, one on one play a couple times a week, use 1,2,3 magic because I don’t know about other kids but ours has some behavior issues and her anxiety seems to make it worse. Again Thank You this gave some good advice.
You’re welcome. I’m so pleased you found the article. You are fighting a battle and if I was fighting one, I’d want you on my side. I have such enormous respect for you and every other parent who has commented about the the battles they are fighting with and for their children. The resourcefulness, wisdom and strength is humbling. You are working so hard to get your daughter through and you are doing everything right. She will come through – I know it probably doesn’t feel like it right now but she will. She’s very lucky to have you. My best wishes for you both.
Thank you from my inner child. This is exactly the information I needed to hear, and delivered in a way that spoke to my core. This helps me in so many ways… thank you thank you thank you!
Beautiful! You’re so welcome.
The article was great, my 8 year old daughter has been dealing with and being treated for high anxiety disorder and ODD as well as she believe she has Aspbergers. I am trying to have her tested, any advise she doesn’t do well with change and she gets so frustrated so quickly and lashes out at anyone in her path. She’s been in therapy since she was 4 and it has helped but is there something else I can be doing to help her. At times I feel like there is nothing I can do help her. My ex husband her father suffers from Aspergers and anxiety and depression, I just don’t want her to go through what he has. Thanks for listening. Pam
You’re daughter is dealing with some big things there. This is a lot for both of you to be going through. She’s so lucky to have you. I hope you have people to look after you. If you’re getting her tested and she’s in therapy it sounds as though she’s in good hands. Talk to her about the the physical response of anxiety so she can understand it and not become anxious about the anxious feelings. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing everything you can. It sounds as though you’re doing an amazing job. Thank you for making contact with me.
Thank you for this excellent and informative article! My 12 year-old grandson is suffering from this disorder, and your article has really helped me to understand what he’s going through. He is in therapy and it has been helping him…slowly but surely. I will forward this to my daughter so she has a chance to read it as well. We sure miss our “happy-go-lucky” grandson…and look towards the day he has his “Zep” under control.
You’re very welcome! I really hope it is able to bring some relief to your grandson and so that happy-go-lucky little man can find his way back to you. Thank you so much for letting me know.
i work daily with kids helping them developing coping skills for anxiety. I believe that we need to talk more about it and de stigmatize it. Thank you for helping the cause with your wise words.
I couldn’t agree more! Thank you!
I did not take the time to read ALL of the comments so sorry if someone else said this already….I always tell my kids that they actually have a CHOICE on how they react to anything or person. It takes practice and self talk but they can learn to let it go…when they realize they have an actual choice it puts them in control of their emotions.
Nope. Nobody has said that yet so thank you! It’s a great way for them to think.
At 15, my daughter, the intense high achiever, started putting all kinds of impossible expectations on herself, was getting down on herself for any little misstep. She was under a lot of stress starting high school and in competitive sports. To “cope”, she started self-harming. Not superficial scratches but deep cuts with razor blades taken from disposable razors, pencil sharpeners, etc. In hindsight, this may have been more anxiety rather than depression but we got her a therapist, a doctor, psychologist etc (psychiatrist was a 6 month wait list!!!!!). She was put on Prozac. Then didn’t get better so dosage was upped. And upped. Became suicidal, depressed, still cutting, having disturbing dreams, threatened suicide, was hospitalized. They added an anti-psychotic med. No better. Suicide attempt – Hospitalized again. Saw psych finally, who added lithium. Hospitalized again. Increased prozac. Another suicide attempt. Increased Prozac. On the last increase, she missed 2 weeks of school because we needed to watch her 24 hours a day to keep her safe. She became OBSESSED with suicide. When she would walk into a room she’d scout the area for potential sharp objects, extension cords, etc. FINALLY we realized she’s one of those people that Prozac makes worse. She took 14 days worth of prozac as a suicide attempt. Side note: the day after this attempt I found out my mom has Stage IV lung cancer. I miss work all the time to haul my daughter to therapy 2x per week, psych 1x per month, days I have to guard her to protect her from herself. Not a good year for my stress level. She’s in the hospital again (behavioral health wards each time), and they are gradually reducing her prozac so she doesn’t have withdrawal issues. Looking back, I think the cutting stemmed from anxiety, not depression and because her brain didn’t NEED an SSRI like prozac, instead of helping it caused all kinds of new and dangerous issues. Not to disparage prozac, I took it in my 20s and it was a miracle for me (yes, depression runs in my family) – was on it a year and that was 20 healthy years ago. I just wanted to share my story because depression is different than anxiety and in a few people, SSRIS to treat depression can cause dangerous personality changes. For some people it’s a wonder drug. If you medicate your kids please watch for worsening symptoms. My daughter has been on SSRIS for 16 months and we’ve almost lost her multiple times. She wasn’t suicidal before she started on meds. We are broke from all the treatments/hospitalizations and are still at square one.
Oh this breaks my heart! What you say about antidepressants is absolutely correct and is why they should be a last resort and always closely supervised. It’s widely accepted that they can make symptoms worse in some cases. Having said that, they can be really effective for many people but people need to be advised that in some cases they can make symptoms worse, so that all those around the person taking the medication as well as the person him/her self can be on the lookout and respond straight away. There is a lot of research happening at the moment around depression that’s really promising, particularly for opening up new treatment options. I post when I find out about it. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s experience. It should never have happened. I’m pleased to hear that she’s being closely monitored now. It sounds like she’s in good hands. I hope you’re okay. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s so important to have the information out there and nothing beats hearing from people who have been through it. Thank you!
My heart goes out to you…thanks for sharing such a personal story. You are obviously a loving and caring mother, take pride in that and hope all will be okay with your daughter.
OMG what a timely post to find. I have just spent 2 hours sitting on my sobbing, shaking, squirming 6 yr sons bed because he doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow. I know I should avoid telling him that everything will be ok, but its really hard to say I know your worried, but you still have to go.
He has turned into a school hater as he says he has “the meanest teacher ever”. Saya she yells at the other kids and was devastated because she ripped a page out of a child’s book because he’d glued a worksheet into the wrong book. Shes been teaching at this school for many years and is a bit of a favourite when you ask around parents from her previous class years…they all claim one of the best in the school that their child has had. I asked around some of the other mums from this year and they all claim their child loves her. The mother of the boy whose page was ripped out asked him, and he was not fussed, just said she ripped it out and asked him to paste it in the right book. BUt my child is petrified of her. The week before last was crying because he was worried he’d get into trouble as he had finished his writing and she had said they would finish it the next day. He was worried if he took it up, she would yell at him for rushing. I convinced him to go and to write some more, even though he was adamant that he had nothing else to say. He did write more however and ended up getting a merit point for the extra work. He has had heaps of good notes and stars etc from her. We counted 14 tonight. Yet today he got what he terms a bad one. Basically its a note to say he needs to remember to be sensible in a certain subject and thanking him for changing his behaviour when asked. He has really taken it to heart. Will not tell me what the behaviour was, even though I reassured him I don’t need to know if he doesn’t want to share as all I need to know is that he changed his behaviour when asked, which he obviously did. He refuses to try breathing or relaxation of any kind when he gets so wound up, which is usually at night. I ened up reading to him for ages to distract him and eventually talking him into thinking of something else and then he will let me leave so he can sleep. He’s also started having night terrors agains, which he hasn’t had since he was 2 or 3.
He’s had episodes of anxiety before. Often about social situations eg wanted to do AFL little kickers and happy to do the skills activities but would not play in the practice matches. More recently someone explained what a parking fine was, and now if I park on a meter he refuses to get out of the car or if I talk him round he does not enjoy the activity we are at but constantly wants to go back to the car.
I am a little at loss as to what to do re the school thing. I don’t want to make him a target if the teacher really is mean but am feeling I cant not say anything for much longer. I am definitely thinking a trip to the GP to look into finding a counsellor is on the cards.
He kind of gets the body symptoms as he had a wonderful teacher last year who went though flight or fight with them last year as part of a protective behaviours program, but he seems really resistant to trying anything to help the feelings i.e. breathing etc
It does feel good to know I am not alone reading all the posts above 🙁
You are so not alone! Sometimes it’s not necessarily the teacher but the particular teacher-child combination or something the child is reading that may or may not be there (we all do that from time to time). Your little man is obviously scared of her, but that doesn’t mean she’s scary. It means there’s something she’s doing that he’s reading that way. It might be the tone of her voice, the volume, her mannerism – who knows – but there’s something that’s bothering him. Most teachers are wonderfully open to making things better for the kids in their class, especially the good ones, which by all reports she is. I’m a big one for giving teachers the benefit of the information you have and trusting that they’ll do something good with it. Are you able to talk to her and let her know what you know? Let her know that you can see she’s building him up with stars and good notes but that your son seems to be misreading something she’s doing and you would like to work with her to work it out so he can feel better about coming to school. That’s just an idea. A counsellor would certainly be a good option. You sound like you are such a support for your son. Keep doing what you’re doing – you’re doing a great job.
Thank you for this great article. My 9 year old son has a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and much of what you have noted is what we have done for our child. I think what is extremely important for readers to know, however, is the importance of having a diagnosis if your child suffers from extreme anxiety on a daily basis. Having a diagnosis will also enable parents to put measures in place for their son or daughter at school via an individual education plan. In doing so, educational staff will be able to further assist your child as they progress through the grades. They will be given the proper tools to help your child succeed. Moreover, your child will be able to have more support services such as access to a child youth worker.
I think its also important to note the importance of having your child’s psychiatrist recommend weekly or bi-weekly meetings with a social worker/counselor for both the child and the parents together. In doing so, you will not feel alone in your struggles and your child will see the value in sharing his or her struggles more freely (at least we hope!).
My son was diagnosed two years ago. He is doing extremely well and we have actually stopped attending sessions with our counselor. He has his daily struggles (he also has ADHD (inattentive), learning disorders, and a mild form of Tourette’s Syndrome [ticks]), but he has an amazing support system at school, and at home (if I do say so myself!). Having a Generalized Anxiety Disorder is very different than having anxiety. Readers need to know the difference and understand how they can support their children in all areas of life before they become adolescents because, as you already know, if left untreated unhealthy coping mechanisms can develop and lead to the development of other mental disorders . . . I know because I am a living example.
Thank you again for providing readers with some great ideas for supporting their children. I do hope I’ve been able to add to the discussion from the perspective of a school administrator.
Thank you for sharing this! the points you have made are important ones and I’m grateful to you for making them. I know that people are also finding the comments s valuable source of information and support. I’m so pleased to hear that your son is doing well know. That will be such a source of hope for others. Thank you for taking the time to share your insight and wisdom.
Great article and so very much needed. Very helpful at any age even the very young with age (with age appropriate language). Helps anyone to know that there is always something they can do about whatever situation they are in, and that they can master their anxieties.
Thank you! You’re so right. Everyone experiences anxiety to some extent – a job interview, an exam, meeting new people – it’s a sign that we’re right up against the edge of ourselves and about to do something brave. These skills are life skills that everyone can benefit from. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Saw this article at the perfect time as my daughter has been increasingly having struggles with anxiety. Thank you so much! She is 15 and an overachiever despite me trying not to put pressure on her. I am going to try some of these great ideas with her, including mindfulness and breathing techniques. It also made me feel better to read all the comments and see that other young kids and teens are dealing with the same issues as it is not something you can see on the outside.
You’re so welcome. I’ve been amazed by the response to this article – it shows how many people are struggling with anxiety. I’ve also been incredibly moved by the generosity of the comments, such as yours, in sharing information about something that as you said ‘is not something you can see on the outside’. It’s so powerful because it’s so easy to feel alone when you deal with something like this. So many kids with anxiety are intelligent and over-achievers. They put so much pressure on themselves! I’m so pleased you’re sharing the information with her. I’m sure the techniques and explanation will make a difference. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
this is a great way of explaining anxiety to kids. I have not read every reply so forgive me if this is mentioned before. My son really benefited from learning Emotional Freedom Technique. He felt able to cope better as he had something he could do to help himself. On a physiological level it slows the blood flow down to the amygdala, therefore reducing anxiety. It is yet another really helpful tool to deal with anxiety, as well as mindfulness, as you rightly say.
Thank you for sharing this! I know there are a lot of people reading the comments and it’s wonderful that people like you are sharing so openly. This hasn’t been mentioned yet so thank you!
You’re welcome. Emotional Freedom Technique is easily done, it involves gently tapping on meridian pressure points releasing feelings of being stuck! Really great for letting go of fear and anxiety for my 11year old, who has been using it since he was 8years old when he was experiencing massive levels of anxiety due to being bullied! He even used to see himself tapping when he was not in a situation where he could tap and that helped too! Amazing what a difference it made, and how the shift from scared to
courageous happened! Would love for both mindfulness and EFT to be taught in schools. It would make such a difference to the pressure our kids feel, often too much too soon!
Just to let you all know there is a great app on iTunes called Smiling mind.
It’s a mindfulness app that has age appropriate lessons on relaxation
Hope this will help some of you.
My son also suffers from it and this app has helped him self soothe and taught him that when he feeling anxious he can do techniques so that he is in control of it.
Thank you for sharing this! You’re right the Smiling Minds app is wonderful.
Thank you for a wonderful article. Great simple ways to explain and help my beautiful 7 year old grandson. It’s so distressing to watch him miss out on some fantastic opportunities because the anxiety takes over his little life. Good times ahead!!
Your’re so welcome. I’m so pleased you have found it for him. Definitely good times ahead! Thank you for letting me know.
Will this work for adults?
Absolutely. The original article I wrote was actually for adults. Here is the link https://www.heysigmund.com/dealing-with-anxiety/ . Hope it helps.
I was forwarded this article from a beautiful friend who is a school counsellor. I have a 7yr old with anaphylaxis, who recently had two attacks in one and a half weeks. We have been managing his anxiety response to this for the last month and see some improvement. Your article has given me more info to work with and generated discussion with my child around the physical symptoms he has been feeling. Thank you for a wonderful, child focussed article. Would be grateful for any ideas re: apps to help my child with mindfulness and relaxation..
You’re so welcome. I’m so pleased it’s been able to help you. I’ve seen a great comment about the Smiling Mind App. I know the app and the website is wonderful. Here is the link http://smilingmind.com.au. I’m not sure if it’s been moderated yet but I’m working my way through. It will be up soon. Thank you for taking the time to make contact.
Thank you for writing this article. My 11 year old son suffers from anxiety and now, I know what to do to help him. He’s due to start High School in September and is already getting anxious about it, as he does about everything that is different. I will definitely use this.
You’re welcome! I’m so pleased it has found its way to you. There are so many changes that happen around this age aren’t there. It sounds like he’s in good hands though. I’m so sure the techniques in the article will be good for him. Thank you for for making contact.
wow! this article opened my eyes to see what my 6 year old son is dealing with in school/home. I was doing everything wrong! I kept pretending nothing was wrong thinking he would just ignore his feelings he was having. I was worried if i talked to him about it he would be sucked into having anxiety really bad the older he got. thanks again! i’m sharing with everyone i know!
I think you did the obvious thing to do in that situation so please please don’t give yourself a hard time over it. There wouldn’t be a parent alive who got it all right all of the time. I’ve had some shockers myself! What’s great about you is that as soon as you were given some new information, you straight away grabbed it and made the connections. Your son is lucky to have you. Thank you so much for sharing it around! You just never know how many people you’ll be helping. It means a lot to me. I’m so please the article was helpful for you. Thank you for letting me know.
Thanks for this. I have a four year old and her dad and I got divorced last year. Recently, we have been having MAJOR meltdowns and disciplinary problems. We (her dad and our partners and I) have been chalking it up to being four but I am hoping to follow this article when you post a new article for the parents with kids my daughters age who are having discipline issues as well. She is getting a step mom this week and a little brother in two months so I think it may be anxiety about the changes. I am so glad I came across this and hope to follow when you write a new one. Good work.
You’re welcome! I’m so pleased you found this for your daughter. There are a lot of changes going on for her at the moment so I wouldn’t be at all surprised if her behaviour was related to that. Sometimes you just have to let them process it in their own way – all with gentle guidance of course. It sounds as though you are all doing a really good job of parenting after divorce. It’s so critical and will make all the difference to the young woman she grows into. Great to have you on board!
Great article, but would love to see a post about anxiety in much younger children. My son is 3 and has ASD. We struggle with anxiety for much of the time. Last night I could hear him grinding his teeth in bed, from downstairs!! I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks in the past, but it’s heartbreaking when it’s your child and especially difficult when they’re so young as it’s hard for them to understand their feelings.
Any help would be gratefully received.
It’s so heartbreaking when you’re watching your child struggle and you’d do anything to stop it but there’s nothing you can do. There have been so many people with smaller children with anxiety. I will be doing a post sometime soon so keep your eyes open for that. If you want to make sure you don’t miss a post, signing up to the newsletter might be a good idea. All of the posts are published on that and it gets sent out on a Friday. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it will help other people.
Great article! One other thing that I have found helpful with children also is to explain to them what is going on around them. If a child is being cute and people laugh, they may have a lot of anxiety, but explaining that this is a positive response to their cuteness can help. Also, if there is a confusing situation where they are sensitive to the emotions but not equipped to understand it, just explaining it simply, honestly, and straight forwardly can help.
Yes! The points you make are excellent. Sometimes it can be hard enough for adults to interpret other peoples’ responses, so for kids it can be really confusing. Thank you so much for your comments. You’re spot on. They will help a lot of people.
Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I have a Highly Sensitive Child who is 4.5 years old and have been struggling with how to help her cope with her anxiety in new situations. Your post has given me some really concrete direction. Thank you.
You’re very welcome. I’m so please you found the post for her. I’ve seen a real need for something for younger children as well so will be posting something on that sometime soon. Thank you so much for making contact.
This article was such a blessing to me. My amazing 13 yr old daughter suffered from anxiety and had severe tummy aches and IBS was mentioned by peds GI specialist and recommended counseling. She had 8 sessions and amazing results and tummy aches stopped (breathing/imagery was taught)…… but now, a year later she started picking the skin around her nails. She has her thumbs with small lacerations from tearing skin. I know this is in response to anxiety but have no idea where its from!? She says she has no idea when she is doing it….. how can you tear your skin, and not even know it. I get a hang nail and about cry! Anyway…… your insight is so very helpful, and obviously appreciated, and needed!! Keep these words of wisdom coming!! :). Bless you!!
I’m so pleased the information has helped. In relation to your daughter’s skin picking, this isn’t unusual where anxiety is concerned – it’s not necessarily common, but it’s not unusual. One of the reasons people seem do it when they are anxious is to self-soothe. It’s not necessarily a conscious thing, but it seems to soothe the nervous system in some way. If it becomes a problem, therapy can certainly help. Mindfulness will also be useful. I will certainly keep the posts coming. The response to this one has been overwhelming and the comments so incredibly generous and open. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.
love this! I have a son that struggles daily with anxiety in all areas of life, and we are constantly looking for ideas. Thanks for the great insight!
You’re so welcome. I hope the information is able to help your son. Thank you for making contact.