Breathing is the most powerful way to bring the body back to calm during anxiety and big feelings – but so many kids hate it!

I often go into schools to talk to young people about anxiety and big feelings. When I do, I always ask, ‘Who’s tried breathing through big feels and thinks it’s a load of rubbish?’ Most of them put their hand up. I put my hand up too, ‘Me too!’ I tell them, ‘I used to think the same as you. But now I know why it didn’t work and what I needed to do to give myself this powerful tool (and it’s so powerful!) that can calm anxiety, anger – all big feelings.’

2 reasons kids hate breathing through anxiety and big feels.

Kids will often find it difficult to engage with the idea of breathing through anxiety or big feelings. There are two reasons for this, and when we understand this, we turn it around.

1. They’ve tried it, but not properly. Now the brain associates it with ‘threat’.

THE FIX: Let them know that during big feelings, the amygdala (the ’anxiety’ part of the brain) can only do things it’s good at. This might sound something like,

‘Strong, steady breathing is the most powerful way to calm an anxious brain – but the last thing the brain wants to do when it’s in protective mode is to take time out to relax. It will also be tricky for the brain to get the body strong steady breathing if it isn’t used to it. During anxiety, the brain is too busy to try new or unfamiliar things. 

The good news is that all brains love to learn. Even the most anxious brains (which are strong, powerful, beautiful, protective brains) can learn to breathe their way back to calm during anxiety.
The key is to make calm breathing familiar. You can do this by doing a few minutes of strong, steady breathing each day. Try it before bed, in the car on the way to school – any time. This will build strong ‘calm breathing’ pathways in the brain, making calm breathing easier during anxiety. 


Get ‘good’ at strong breathing by practising lots when you’re calm. Try breathing in for 3, then slowly out for 5 through pursed lips, or ‘figure 8 breathing‘.

2. The ‘‘why’ isn’t clear.

THE FIX: Explain the science. Young people are hungry for the science, and they deserve the information that will make this all make sense. Let them know that breathing is the most powerful way to calm an upset amygdala, but only if you’ve practised lots when you’re calm.

Remember, all powertools need a little instruction and practice to use them well. Breathing is no different. Even though we’ve been breathing since we were born, we haven’t been strong breathing through anxiety and big feelings.