Dealing with Anxiety: Using the Strength of an Anxious Mind to Calm Anxiety

Dealing with Anxiety: Using the Strength of an Anxious Mind to Calm Anxiety

An anxious mind is a strong, powerful mind, as anyone who has tried to rationalise themselves out of anxiety will tell you. An anxious mind can outrun, outpower and outwit rationality and logic any day of the week. What if you could harness the strength and power of that fiercely protective mind and use it to work for you instead of against you? 

Anxiety exists on a spectrum and we all experience it at some level. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Anxiety is a very normal response from a strong, healthy brain that thinks there might be trouble about, and instantly responds by making us stronger, faster, more powerful, more alert versions of ourselves.

Like any good thing though, too much is too much. When the brain is oversensitive to threat, it puts us on high alert even when there is no need to be. This is when anxiety becomes intrusive and hard to live with. It turns from the gentle security guard who shows up when needed, to the crasher who steals the joy, tells stories about nameless dangerous things, and cozies up beside you so close it’s hard to breathe, think and be.

Why is anxiety so powerful?

Anxiety is there to keep us safe. It is a call to action to fight or flee so we can move through danger. It’s there to keep us out of the way of trouble so the signals it sends have to be strong. The problem is that those signals aren’t always accurate. Anxiety is instinctive and automatic. It’s been practising its moves for thousands of years. That’s the thing about evolution – sometimes it works for us, sometimes it makes us vulnerable to anxiety. 

Anxiety was never meant to get in our way, but rather, to get us out of the way of danger. The part of the brain that drives anxiety thinks it’s doing the right thing. The more we fight it, the harder it will work to convince us that there’s danger and that we need to act. 

So if fighting an anxious mind doesn’t work, what then?

We know that an anxious mind is a strong, powerful mind. What if we could harness the strength and power of that fiercely protective mind and use it to work for us instead of against us? As strong as a mind can be in its experience of anxiety, it can be equally strong in calming it. Anxiety might still show up, but rather than appearing as the wolf at the door and sending your fiercely protective brain into a panic, it can be greeted more in the way of, ‘Oh hey there – I know you. Take a seat over there.’

We know that over time, mindfulness works to build and strengthen a brain against anxiety, but there are aspects of mindfulness that can be used in the midst of anxiety to find calm. With practice, they can be called on at will to turn down the volume on anxious thoughts and feelings, and any other symptoms that anxiety tends to keep company with. 

But go gently …

Changing mindset involves small, repeated steps. Each step builds on the one before it, and this takes time. That’s okay though – there’s no hurry. Remember, your mind has been doing what it’s doing for a while and it will take a while to unlearn its habits.

Those habits have had a good reason for being there. Anxious thoughts and anxious feelings keep us alive. They put us on standby to deal with anything that gets in the way. It’s going to take some convincing to show them that actually, the only thing getting in the way, are them.

Don’t try to do all of these strategies at once. Trying to keep a hold of so many different things will make your mind do the equivalent of throwing its hands in the air and walking away. Instead, choose one at a time and do it for a short while at a time. Small steps, but important ones. If you try to do them all at once, there is the risk of it feeling too hard. When things feel difficult, it is normal to run back to what’s familiar. The way around this is to go gently. Here’s how …

Dealing with Anxiety – Using the power of an anxious mind. 

Anxiety is the power of the mind against the mind. That power is your greatest asset – and it’s an exceptional one. Now to claim it back so you can use it in a way that will build and strengthen you.

  1. Be present. Be where you are, not where your anxiety wants to take you.

    Anxiety works by using a solid collection of ‘what-ifs’ and ‘maybes’ to haul even the strongest, bravest mind from a present that feels manageable and calm, to a future that feels uncertain and threatening. Experiment with staying fully present in the moment. Anchor yourself by opening up your senses. What do you see, feel, hear, taste, know? Stay with what is actually happening, rather than what might happen. If this feels uncomfortable, put a time limit on it, let’s say, two minutes to start with. Spend this time fully experiencing the world as it is around you now.

    Every time you do this, you will be strengthening your ability to pull back from the anxious thoughts that steal you away from the safety and security of where you are. Try to get into a regular practice each day, for however long you can – two minutes, five minutes, ten minutes – it doesn’t matter. There’s no right amount, but the longer the better. The main thing is to keep doing it. The brain strengthens and rewires with experience, and this is an experience that is so strengthening and healthy, your brain will love for it. 

    Try: ‘Right now, I’m here and I’m safe. I see the sky. I feel the breeze against my skin. I hear my footsteps’

  2. Be patient. Don’t be in a hurry to change your thoughts and feelings.

    Thoughts and feelings will come, they will stay, and then they will go. No thought or feeling stays forever. Be patient and know that whatever you are feeling, or whatever you are thinking, it will pass.

    Experiment with being fully present, without needing to push away any thoughts or feelings. There is no anxious feeling and no anxious thought that is stronger than you. However big they feel, you will always be stronger and more resilient. Be patient. Be open. Be curious. See what wisdom lies at the end of your anxious thoughts and feelings if you stay with them, rather than fight them. Let them stay for long enough to realise that you have no need for them today. 

     Try: ‘An anxious thought. That’s okay – you’ll leave when you’re ready.’

  3. Be an observer. Watch your thoughts and feelings without engaging with them. 

    Anxiety has a way of drawing you in and making you engage with every anxious thought that comes in thinking distance of you. It’s exhausting! Experiment with standing back and watching your thoughts as an observer, knowing that when they are ready, they will pass. Sometimes we need to engage with thoughts and feelings, and sometimes we need to stand back and wait for them move on. Try imagining your thoughts and feelings as a bubble, and then watch them float by.

    Experiment with letting them be, without needing to change them, understand them, or talk yourself out of them. Imagine them hovering in the air around you, without becoming a part of you. Just let them be, without holding on too tightly. When they are ready to go, let them go. Think of it like this – rather than standing in the middle of a thunderstorm, trying to change the direction of the wind, imagine yourself watching that storm through a window, knowing that it will pass. 

    Try: ‘There’s a thought about what might happen if it rains on the holiday. Look at that. Didn’t know that was there.’

    ‘A feeling about going to the interview. Interesting.’

  4. Trust your anxiety. Know that it won’t hurt you. 

    There are a lot of reasons anxiety feels so awful. Two of the big ones are because it comes with a bunch of ‘unknowns’, and because the physical feelings don’t make sense. A curious, strong, thoughtful mind will try to put these feelings and thoughts in context, because the idea that they are free-floating and not attached to anything feels even worse. You might find yourself wondering if your physical symptoms are a sign of something more serious. You might wonder if that ‘bad feeling’ means something bad is actually going to happen. You might worry about the worry (this is common with anxiety) – what’s driving it, how to you stop it.  that your anxiety isn’t a sign of something bigger. This is hard to do but the more you practice it, the stronger you will be at calming your anxious thoughts and not believing the messages they contact. Anxiety is there as a warning, not a prediction. Feel the security and safety of what that means for you.

    Try: ‘My heart feels as though it is pounding through my chest. This is anxiety. It’s not a symptom of something bigger. I’m safe.’

  5. Trust yourself. You are strong. You are resourceful. You will cope. You always have.

    Trust that whatever happens, you can deal with it – because you can, you absolutely can. This might not feel real for you at first, and that’s okay. Go with it and see what the experience has to give you. This is a learning process and it will take time. Underlying all worry, anxiety and stress is fear that we won’t be able to cope. Fear of failure, for example isn’t fear of the failure but fear that you won’t cope with the failure. Ditto for rejection, making a wrong decision – anything. You will cope. You’ve proven it over and over. See what happens when you move towards trusting that. If it doesn’t feel real, pretend until it does. From the outside it will look the same anyway.

    Try: ‘Whatever happens, I will cope. I always have.’ 

  6. Meet your anxiety where it is, without needing you or it to be different. 

    It’s paradoxical, but sometimes, the more we try to change something the more energy we give it, and the more it stays the same. (Keep telling yourself not to think of pink gorillas. Try really hard not to think of them. Keep telling yourself to stop thinking of pink gorillas. See how that works?) Anxious thoughts take up a lot of precious head space. They draw on our feelings, focus, thoughts and imagination. The more we try to make sense of them and control them, the more they feed into anxiety. Instead, experiment with being with your anxiety as it is, without needing to change it. Acceptance doesn’t make a feeling stronger or more enduring. It stops giving it energy.

    What you focus on is what becomes powerful. The more you focus on something, the more it flourishes and expands.Try to be with your anxiety without pushing against it. Don’t force it to go or to be different than it is. This will let you understand your anxiety more, which will bring it out of the dark and into a space in which you can deal with it.

    This isn’t easy, but it’s powerful. Try it in little bits and work up from there. Start with letting your feelings be as they are for two minutes, or however long feels okay for you. Sit with them, without needing them to be different. Then if you want to, after that you can give them your attention and try to turn them into something else. When you can, let them be as they are again. See how this feels, then when you’re ready, work up to longer.

    Try: ‘I am having a worried thought. My hands are clammy. My mouth is dry. This is anxiety]. And that’s okay.’

  7. Clear your filter.

    Messages and experiences from the past have a way of changing the filter through which we look at the rest of the world. This is the way it works for all of us – anxiety or no anxiety.

    Try to approach experiences and moments as though you are experiencing them for the first time. Even if you have been in many similar situations before, none of them will be exactly like this one. Notice the differences between what is and what has been. With every experience, you are changed somehow – wiser, braver, stronger, more capable, sometimes more anxious, more worried, more fearful. Be open to the new possibilities that can come from this new experience, because that’s what it is – a new experience.

    For example, if you have had a painful breakup, there might be a tendency to hold back from loving wholeheartedly again. New people and new relationships might feel risky. This is completely understandable, and staying away is a move that will keep you safe, but it will close down the possibilities and promise that are waiting for you to find them. Growth happens when we open ourselves up to ‘what is’, rather than letting new experiences be coloured by ‘what has been’. 

    Try: ‘This is a brand new experience. I’m open to discovering what will unfold for me here.’

    ‘This reminds me of all the times I’ve had to meet new people. These people are different. I’m different. This experience is different.’

  8. Surrender. Let go of the need for certainty, even if it’s just for a moment.  

    The future is always uncertain, so anxiety has a pretty easy time of causing a stir. Not everything will go to plan and that’s okay, but the more we try to control things, the more we tend to realise how little control we have. This will feel uncomfortable at first, so start with surrendering to the uncertainty for a small amount of time. Experiment with letting go of needing to control the moment, the future, the past, or the people around you. The more you are able to lean in to your uncertainty and tolerate it, the less power it will have over you.

    Try: ‘I don’t know what will happen if I have to change plans. And that’s okay.’

And finally …

Think of these strategies like drops in a bucket. The first time you try them, you might not notice much. Same with the second time, and the third time. Eventually though, the more you experiment with them and the more you use them, the more capacity you will have to harness the strength of your wild and beautiful mind and make it work more in your favour. You will learn that you will always have what it takes and that anxiety is a feeling that comes and then it will go, just like a bad weather day. You’re a fighter – you’ve been fighting anxiety and winning for a while now. You’re strong, brave and resilient and you have everything you need inside you to deal with anything that might stand in your way. 

159 Comments

Greta J

I really loved your tips to just wait and listen to the storm in your brain without trying to calm it so that you can let it all pass. I have really bad anxiety, and it is affecting my life and my productivity. I will have to try your tips, but I wonder if I should look for counseling to help me work through things.

Reply
Simon G

Hi Karen
Been facing some anxiety in my life and getting to the guts of the source of that and in doing so getting results. How is it going with you.

Reply
Simon

I have been dealing (or trying to) with anxiety from a very very young age. After struggling for so long I noticed in other species and nature by being still the body is able to process what is not necessary in terms of thought processes. This brings me back to a natural sense of myself and that anxiousness dissolves.

Reply
Chezen S

Great article. I tend to think anxiety as a mirage to a thirsty man in the desert. If you believe it, you are likely to run after it, drying you up faster. If you keep calm and take it for what it is…..you might wait until help shows up or find Real water! It is a question of perception I guess

Reply
Lu

I recently moved back in with my partner after two years. I’m pregnant. I’ve been getting anxiety everytime I come home from work. My mind has been drifting. Making up scenarios and preparing myself for disappointment when I get home. I can’t relax. I don’t trust them even tho I have no actual evidence of anything that shows they can’t be trusted. They are loving, supporting and caring. There is great fear that they have feelings for another person, that they will do something that will hurt me, drugs, lie to me, etc. I needed to read this. Thank you. I definitely need to practice letting anxiety be and it will pass. I’ve been dealing with it alone sometimes I let it be known to my partner but they are so great that I don’t want to make them feel any less. I’m definitely going to practice these routines.

Reply
Tshering A

THANK YOU for this wonderful article. It has surely given me hope which is the most precious thing one could ever lose. I’ve been fighting this for a while now and I strongly believe that I can surely overcome my fears. It’s hard to describe what you don’t understand and it’s even harder to be brave when the thing that scares you is you. My advice to all those going through this is never to lose HOPE and know that you are not alone. Do what you have to do with a positive mind, stay strong and I promise you this, you will beat this. The strongest among us are the ones who’ve fought this battle and won on their own to which others are unaware of. Remember, you are strong.

Reply
JrGirl88

I experience anxiety when driving. Driving used to be my favorite thing to do, it calmed me down, it gave me alone time, I could be a star singing along to the radio… it was great! A couple of weeks ago I had a medical issue while in the car with my son. I managed to get him where he needed to go and drove myself to the hospital. The medical issue has since been resolved and I am fine medically. The doctors told me I’m as healthy as a professional athlete. That made me giggle… I’d rather chill on the couch than work out! Ever since that day I’m terrified every time I get in the car with him by myself that I’m going to put him in danger. I know it’s completely irrational and ridiculous but the feeling is still there. I’m excited to try the suggestion in this article and see how it can help me. Thank for publishing it!

Reply
Pamela

This is an amazing way to be comforted full of positivity and hope practice makes perfect they say thanks so much for this reassurance greatly appreciate

Reply
Eileen Mulcahy

This is a very helpful article. It makes sense of anxiety and explains it really well. It is a very good resource for those who struggle with anxiety. Thank you very much for making it simple as this will help lots of people. I, for one, will pass this on to others who will surely benefit from its wisdom. Eileen Mulcahy Ireland

Reply
Udokanma

I was married at a very tender age and was maltreated, abused and unloved. Later became a widow with four children. I lived on a very small income. No help and later became anxious. When I started noticing instabilities in my body. I became afraid of developing High blood pressure and insanity. This lasted for years. But thanks to God that my fears never prevailed. But that anxiety reappeared and I want it to go entirely.

Reply
Ofentse

I only just read this now and it was so connecting because at some point when see you people doing their mundane you think that you’re the only who feels crazy or maybe is not fine, but in reality you’re perfectly it’s just a state of mind and you just to get control over it. I thought I was alone too, and that I won’t be fine because it’s so fast and never ending how it controls your mind. Reading comments and commenting too is really helpful for me, and I hope for others too. It might be on a single mind, I get it but talking to people who know the feeling can help a lot because they can relate. Thank you Karen and all who are part of this.

Reply
cici

I woke up this morning with my usual feelings of anxiety. I have developed small stupid senseless fears all because of anxiety. I LOVE this article! Thank you for sharing, Karen!! It has helped reassure that anxiety is nothing but an uncomfortable feeling. Due to my anxiety i now have a fear of my heart beating fast, specifically when i am done eating a heavy meal or if i am alone in a place. (Stupid right!?) i try meditation and this does help, but it still happens from time to time. I feel trapped in my own mind.. i don’t get panic attacks often, and when j feel one coming i talk myself out of it.. or i try to embrace it… but it is such a scary state of mind to be in. Do you have any suggestions???

Reply
Alina

I’m not the one who wrote the article but I overcame that fear. I just told myself my heart will race and speed up at any given and unknown time in an event or task that makes me downright anxious. If your heart does start to race then don’t let it get to you!! Even out your breathing by taking deep breaths in and out for 5 minutes. Calm yourself with positive thoughts of things you’re excited to do or hobbies you enjoy doing. Most important thing to know: It. Will. Pass. -no matter what or how long, it’ll pass and you WILL be okay. I’m obviously no expert but this helped me. I don’t know if it will work for you but I hope some help will come out of it for you.

Reply
Jonathan A

I’ve been trying to get grip on my anxiety for decades. I didn’t realize how severely depressed I was as a child and teenager until I started trying to deal with anxiety as an adult. I believe that suffering through years of sexual and physical abuse traumatized me, destroyed my self esteem and trained my brain to think something bad was coming and it usually did. I developed bad social anxiety, afraid to speak to people individually or publicly. Anxiety has held me back in a lot of ways and I’ve spent years trying to figure out why I get so nervous when there’s nothing to be afraid of-I often wake up nervous and immediately have to start calming myself down. I have been able to overcome it and control it many times with breathing and positive thoughts spoken aloud or just feeling the panic then talking it down in my head. I’ve been able to rebuild myself over the years and now being single at 39, and just recently getting my heart broken, I don’t feel afraid of relationships but social anxiety still creeps in sometime. I have made huge progress over the years and am very sociable now instead of guarding myself from everybody. Articles like this help give me tools and ideas that I can use to help my individual situation. It takes time but I know if I continue to work on it I can make lasting changes because I already have.

Reply
R.S

I found this really nice to read. I’m just starting to accept that I’ve been sufffering from anxiety for many years. I thought it was how everyone felt until now I’m realising my symptoms. It is mainly a fear of being alone, but only at night when it’s dark. I will sometimes stay awake with all the lights on, until I am so exhausted that I will be able to fall asleep. I’m soon to live on a farm in Iceland, and I’m terrified by the thought of the evenings and nights, even though there’s a family in a house very close. Would love some inputs, as I don’t know what to do.

Reply
Mark Murphy

I really appreciate your tip on how training your brain to calm itself down in times of anxiety takes a lot of time. My daughter told me that she has been experiencing some anxiety around starting high school, and she wants all of her worry to go away. I will be sure to tell her that it will take some time before her brain can calm itself down!

Reply
Kit h

I really like what you said about keeping yourself grounded and away from anxiety by focusing on your sense of feel, sight, sound, and so on. My sister has been working as a professional photographer for almost a decade. Surprisingly, she still gets anxiety attacks during both small and prestigious jobs. I will be sure to get him books that can guide her in staying grounded or anchored to help her out during these situations. This piece will be a great starting point for her for sure. Thanks!

Reply
Angela

I ink I’ve suffered on and off most of my life, but the last 3years it’s getting worse. I’m just about to turn 50. Have blood test for the menopause because I’m an emmotianal wreck. I use to be strong and cope with stress and anxiety, now it feeds it. I need help but I can never express myself when I seek it. Suggestions please.

Reply
Dani

Hi Karen. I’ve struggled with anxiety on and off since I was a teenager. I’m now 25 years old and have been feeling very helpless and discouraged recently. I’m in a new relationship with a wonderful guy. However, my last relationship ended horribly. He was cheating on me for months and was basically living a double life. I have a lot of trust and abandonment issues because of it. Now, I have a lot of anxiety with my current relationship. I worry that I am not good enough or that he’s going to leave me. I can feel my anxiety get in the way of my relationship now and it makes me so frustrated. I am scared my anxiety is going to ruin my relationship because my thoughts and worries are so strong and so uncontrollable. This article helped me because I think that i have to approach this anxiety in a different way. I can’t fight these feelings anymore but have to realize that they’re going to pass. The more I fight these thoughts and try to analyze why I think this way the worse my anxiety gets. If you have any more tips, please let me know.

Reply
Carolyn

I have been through much trauma as a child and adolescent from sexual abuse to the death of my mother from cancer having to be the caretaker for her for years as a pre teen and teen. My parents split and I was taken to a different country. I developed an anxiety disorder early on. I have received counseling in the past. It is usually under check until something happens. I am going through a divorce and have moved out this week for the first time in 20 yrs. My ex and I are still good friends. We had been through a lot together with a failed adoption and other things. I also have a relationship with someone now. But I am very anxious and am having panic attacks. I have diarrhea and can’t eat. I miss my house and ex he wanted to retire and travel in a van and I was not ready to retire. In retrospect I am thinking that I am. The complication is that I Love the other person as well. My ex and I are more like brother and sister. This whole complicated mess is causing me so much stress and anxiety. I feel so lost and confused.

Reply
Ruth

This is an absolutely wonderful article. Thank-you so much for writing it. I’ve been battling anxiety for a long time but had no idea I even had it until I had a nervous breakdown last July and have been unable to work ever since. I’m new to mindfulness and have been practicing and am definitely noticing a difference. I love how clear this list is and it reminded me of all the mindfulness practices I’m learning. I kind of want to print out this post so I can have it handy when I need it. 🙂 I’ve been researching anxiety quite extensively over the past few months and have written about my experiences and have put together my top 10 ways I like to deal with anxiety (Mindfulness is definitely on there) and would love your feedback. http://www.ruthpreston.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-anxiety-my-top-10-strategies-why-they-actually-work/
Thank-you again for this post. It’s absolutely incredible.

Reply
wikii

Generally i am suffering in counting my age i am 20 now and i am thinking on it all day that how i become 20 and in this year i will this year old and then started th
thinking about my past year that in 2004 i was that year old.. and i am unable to get rid of this thinking how can i get rid of this?

Reply
Dustin

I’m a 30 year old male and I’ve always have had problems with change. I hate it when my routine is upset and everything in my life changes. For example, when I was a child, going back to school every September would stress me out so much that I would make myself sick. Sadly, this hasn’t improved much as I have gotten older. I’m on medication to control depression and anxiety and it helps for every day issues but when something big happens, it still knocks me for a loop. Anyone have any advice on how not to stress about the what-ifs of a new situation?

Reply
Mike

I’m a 57 year old man I’m also an ex services man and up untill 18 months a go special needs teaching assistant when after 22 years I lost my job through a mistake in a classroom. I work partime as a casul driver for 3 day’s a week it’s not very sicure job and I was on antidepressants for 8 months but stopped taking them as my weight went up . I’m now at a time that the slightest thing can make me feel very depressed and anxious and I think the worst things are going to happen and if I not busy suicide dose come into my thoughts.
How can I get back to feeling positive about life again.

Reply
Denise

I was attacked at knifepoint and my motorbike stolen outside my home 4 months ago. Have my bike returned all fixed now but having trouble riding again. Fear of it happening again is overwhelming.

Reply
DARLA

Two years ago, at age 57, I began having panic attacks. I had no idea what was happening and therefore felt as if I was dying. I made my husband take me to the ER on 10 different occasions that first year. Each time I was cleared and told it was anxiety. I started on antidepressants and antianxiety drugs. I absolutely hate taking these drugs. Although the panic attacks stopped, I have anxiety on and off all the time. I found out that I have celiac’s disease, had neck fusion for 3 herniated discs, and started having high blood pressure. I really just want to go back to the person I was before the panic attacks. I was always so very happy and strong, but now I feel like a failure and worry about my health all the time. BTW, all this seemed to begin after a terrible bout of vertigo and I was prescribed 60mg predisone each day for 7 days. After the third day I was at the ER and so the journey began.

Reply
Taylor

Maybe have your thyroid tested! I had similar symptoms as yours and it turns out I was hypothyroid.
In the mean time, be patient with yourself. I know what it’s like to have symptoms and no idea where they are coming from. It’s frustrating to not feel like yourself. This will pass, you will be okay.

Reply
Loise

Hello, I am 28years old…I am studying abroad doing a Masters programme. I just started it two months ago and moved countries as well. It is so different from the learning style I am used to in my country and I find it to require a lot of my mental energy. I have my doubting moments of my capabilities and have contemplated quitting but that is not me, I do not quit. I am constantly having tension headaches and always overwhelmed by even the simplest of assignments. Whenever I want to read, I find myself wanting to sleep instead or my brain just wanders off to other things. I just came across this, hope I can be able to practice some of the things.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join our newsletter

We would love you to follow us on Social Media to stay up to date with the latest Hey Sigmund news and upcoming events.

Follow Hey Sigmund on Instagram

Separation anxiety can come with a tail whip - not only does it swipe at kids, but it will so often feel brutal for their important adults too.

If your child struggle to separate at school, or if bedtimes tougher than you’d like them to be, or if ‘goodbye’ often come with tears or pleas to stay, or the ‘fun’ from activities or play dates get lost in the anxiety of being away from you, I hear you.

There’s a really good reason for all of these, and none of them have anything to do with your parenting, or your child not being ‘brave enough’. Promise. And I have something for you. 

My 2 hour on-demand separation anxiety webinar is now available for purchase. 

This webinar is full of practical, powerful strategies and information to support your young person to feel safer, calmer, and braver when they are away from you. 

We’ll explore why separation anxiety happens and powerful strategies you can use straight away to support your child. Most importantly, you’ll be strengthening them in ways that serve them not just for now but for the rest of their lives.

Access to the recording will be available for 30 days from the date of purchase.

Link to shop in bio. 

https://www.heysigmund.com/products/separation-anxiety-how-to-build-their-brave/
The more we treat anxiety as a problem, or as something to be avoided, the more we inadvertently turn them away from the safe, growthful, brave things that drive it. 

On the other hand, when we make space for anxiety, let it in, welcome it, be with it, the more we make way for them to recognise that anxiety isn’t something they need to avoid. They can feel anxious and do brave. 

As long as they are safe, let them know this. Let them see you believing them that this feels big, and believing in them, that they can handle the big. 

‘Yes this feels scary. Of course it does - you’re doing something important/ new/ hard. I know you can do this. How can I help you feel brave?’♥️
I’ve loved working with @sccrcentre over the last 10 years. They do profoundly important work with families - keeping connections, reducing clinflict, building relationships - and they do it so incredibly well. @sccrcentre thank you for everything you do, and for letting me be a part of it. I love what you do and what you stand for. Your work over the last decade has been life-changing for so many. I know the next decade will be even more so.♥️

In their words …
Posted @withregram • @sccrcentre Over the next fortnight, as we prepare to mark our 10th anniversary (28 March), we want to re-share the great partners we’ve worked with over the past decade. We start today with Karen Young of Hey Sigmund.

Back in 2021, when we were still struggling with covid and lockdowns, Karen spoke as part of our online conference on ‘Strengthening the relationship between you & your teen’. It was a great talk and I’m delighted that you can still listen to it via the link in the bio.

Karen also blogged about our work for the Hey Sigmund website in 2018. ‘How to Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Children and Teens by Understanding Their Unique Brain Chemistry (by SCCR)’, which is still available to read - see link in bio.

#conflictresolution #conflict #families #family #mediation #earlyintervention #decade #anniversary #digital #scotland #scottish #cyrenians #psychology #relationships #children #teens #brain #brainchemistry #neuroscience
I often go into schools to talk to kids and teens about anxiety and big feelings. 

I always ask, ‘Who’s tried breathing through big feels and thinks it’s a load of rubbish?’ Most of them put their hand up. I put my hand up too, ‘Me too,’ I tell them, ‘I used to think the same as you. But now I know why it didn’t work, and what I needed to do to give me this powerful tool (and it’s so powerful!) that can calm anxiety, anger - all big feelings.’

The thing is though, all powertools need a little instruction and practice to use them well. Breathing is no different. Even though we’ve been breathing since we were born, we haven’t been strong breathing through big feelings. 

When the ‘feeling brain’ is upset, it drives short shallow breathing. This is instinctive. In the same ways we have to teach our bodies how to walk, ride a bike, talk, we also have to teach our brains how to breathe during big feelings. We do this by practising slow, strong breathing when we’re calm. 

We also have to make the ‘why’ clear. I talk about the ‘why’ for strong breathing in Hey Warrior, Dear You Love From Your Brain, and Ups and Downs. Our kids are hungry for the science, and they deserve the information that will make this all make sense. Breathing is like a lullaby for the amygdala - but only when it’s practised lots during calm.♥️
When it’s time to do brave, we can’t always be beside them, and we don’t need to be. What we can do is see them and help them feel us holding on, even in absence, while we also believe in their brave.♥️

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This