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Depression & Happiness: Is the difference in our DNA?

If only the gene pool came with a filter and a half decent lifeguard …

The propensity to feel happiness, or not, might lie in our DNA in the form of an unhappiness gene.

Clearly happiness is not about what we have – there are plenty of unhappy people who have a lot and plenty of happy people who have little.

Scientists may have found the answer – it’s in our DNA, in the form of a gene, ADRA2b, that causes some people to pay more attention to negative emotional events.

The gene is present in about 50% of Caucasians which is much higher than in other ethnic groups.

The ADRA2b gene influences the degree to which people tune in to negative or threatening things around in the environment, affecting not only how events are perceived in the first place, but also how they are remembered later on.

The study involved showing participants a series of emotional words which were positive, negative, or neutral. Participants who had the ADRA2b gene variant were more like to perceive the negative words than those who did not have the variant. Words which were positive were perceived similarly by all participants.

For example, people with the gene are more likely to notice an angry face in a crowd and remember it later on, rather than enjoying the company of those around them.

As explained by Prof Rebecca Todd, lead author of the study, ‘the findings suggest people experience emotional aspects of the world partly through gene-coloured glasses – and that biological variations at the genetic level can play a significant role in individual differences in perception.’

Being emotionally sensitive to what’s happening in the environment is a good thing – it’s the food of happy relationships and a safe and nurturing environment. Things can’t be put right if nobody notices when they are wrong.

Focussing too much on the negative does harm. Rumination – focusing on negative thoughts and events – is a risk factor for depression.

Perception is a critical part of the way we experience and respond to the world. It influences everything – our mood, our relationships, the goals we set, the way we bring up our children. Everything.

It’s important to remember that genetics don’t necessarily have to determine outcome. Think of it like walking around in a dark room. You bump into things, stumble, fall. But when you turn on a light everything that was there in the dark is still there – but now you can navigate around it.

For those who tend to perceive life with a grey hue, being armed with this knowledge can open up the possibility that just because you feel it – negative, threatened, sad – doesn’t necessarily mean it has to dictate who you are. 

Genes interact with our environment and our upbringing and though you can’t change your genes, you can change your environment, how you respond to it, and those you allow to be in it. For ways to pull out of negative thinking, see here.

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When terrible things happen, we want to make sense of things for our kids, but we can’t. Not in a way that feels like enough. Some things will never make any sense at all.

But here’s what you need to know: You don’t need to make sense of what’s happened to help them feel safe and held. We only need to make sense of how they feel about it - whatever that might be.

The research tells us so clearly that kids and teens are more likely to struggle after a tr@umatic event if they believe their response isn’t normal. 

This is because they’ll be more likely to interpret their response as a deficiency or a sign of breakage.

Normalising their feelings also helps them feel woven into a humanity that is loving and kind and good, and who feels the same things they do when people are hurt. 

‘How you feel makes sense to me. I feel that way too. I know we’ll get through this, and right now it’s okay to feel sad/ scared/ angry/ confused/ outraged. Talk to me whenever you want to and as much as you want to. There’s nothing you can feel or say that I can’t handle.’

And when they ask for answers that you don’t have (that none of us have) it’s always okay to say ‘I don’t know.’ 

When this happens, respond to the anxiety behind the question. 

When we can’t give them certainty about the ‘why’, give them certainty that you’ll get them through this. 

‘I don’t know why people do awful things. And I don’t need to know that to know we’ll get through this. There are so many people who are working hard to keep us safe so something like this doesn’t happen again, and I trust them.’

Remind them that they are held by many - the helpers at the time, the people working to make things safer.

We want them to know that they are woven in to a humanity that is good and kind and loving. Because however many people are ready to do the hurting, there always be far more who are ready to heal, help, and protect. This is the humanity they are part of, and the humanity they continue to build by being who they are.♥️
It’s the simple things that are everything. We know play, conversation, micro-connections, predictability, and having a responsive reliable relationship with at least one loving adult, can make the most profound difference in buffering and absorbing the sharp edges of the world. Not all children will get this at home. Many are receiving it from childcare or school. It all matters - so much. 

But simple isn’t always easy. 

Even for children from safe, loving, homes with engaged, loving parent/s there is so much now that can swallow our kids whole if we let it - the unsafe corners of the internet; screen time that intrudes on play, connection, stillness, sleep, and joy; social media that force feeds unsafe ideas of ‘normal’, and algorithms that hijack the way they see the world. 

They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be enough. Enough to balance what they’re getting fed when they aren’t with us. Enough talking to them, playing with them, laughing with them, noticing them, enjoying them, loving and leading them. Not all the time. Just enough of the time. 

But first, we might have to actively protect the time when screens, social media, and the internet are out of their reach. Sometimes we’ll need to do this even when they fight hard against it. 

We don’t need them to agree with us. We just need to hear their anger or upset when we change what they’ve become used to. ‘I know you don’t want this and I know you’re angry at me for reducing your screen time. And it’s happening. You can be annoyed, and we’re still [putting phones and iPads in the basket from 5pm] (or whatever your new rules are).’♥️
What if schools could see every ‘difficult’ child as a child who feels unsafe? Everything would change. Everything.♥️
Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’

Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️

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