Where the Science of Psychology Meets the Art of Being Human

How to Help Children Feel Calm During a Global Crisis – (Talking to Kids & Teens About COVID-19 and other Global Trauma)

Posted March 23, 2020 by Karen Young

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When the world faces global trauma, we need each other more than ever. It’s a time for us to be more like the people we need to be, and the people we were called to be. It’s a time for us to leave judgement and comparison and righteousness well behind, and replace them with radical kindness, compassion, and open-heartedness. So let’s do that. When humanity is hurting, don’t underestimate what the little things might mean to the ones in your life who might be missing you, or who might be feeling more separate from the world, or maybe more anxious than usual – phone calls, messages, video chats, social media tags with ‘this reminded me of you’ in the message. Let’s not take the little things for granted. They matter. As it turns out, the little things will be the big things that will get us through this.

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2 Comments

Kate W April 2nd, 2020

Thank you Karen!
This is perfect. I came on here in search for a helpful article to share with parents at my school (I am a Counsellor there) and this video is fantastic! I actually took a lot away for my own personal use as well.

Nina Benedetto March 25th, 2020

Thinking of you and Sending you hope and courage

karenyoung_heysigmund

The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to fight or flee anything that presents itself as a ...

Aug 12

Open

The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to

The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to fight or flee anything that presents itself as a threat - and shame, punishment, judgement, exclusion, humiliation all count as threat, even if they come with loads of love.
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When our kids or teens mess up - which they will, because they’re humans not robots - the way we respond can open them up to our influence or shut them down to it. It can expand the fight and the disconnection, or it can shrink it. In time they will learn to be more in control of their urge for or flight, but for now, we will need to lead the way. (Of course, we are also human, and sometimes despite our biggest efforts to stay calm, we will step into the ring rather than wait for them to step out. We’re human. It’s going to happen. And that’s okay.)
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If we want them to be open to our influence, we first need to calm their active amygdala (the seat of anxiety and big emotion) by sending the message that we aren’t a threat. We can do this by validating their feelings or the need behind their behaviour (if we know what that is).
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Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with them, and it doesn’t mean approving of their behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we want to understand the world through their lens. ‘I can see you’re really upset about this.’ ‘It sounds as though you’re worried I’m going to get in your way. I can see this is important to you. I really want to understand. Can you talk to me about this?’
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When we do this, it sends a message to the protective, powerful, emotional amygdala that it’s safe and that it can back down. This will start to switch off the need to fight us or flee (ignore) us and open them up to our influence, support, warmth and guidance.
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It also doesn’t mean giving them a free pass on ‘unadorable’ behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we see them, and that we understand there is something important they need. When things are calm, they will be much more open to exploring their decisions, their behaviour, the consequences of that (including any consequences for them), and what they can do differently in the future.
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