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by Lara Fraser

[post-views] VIEWS

Anxiety in Public—Avoiding the Spotlight

Anxiety in Public - Avoiding the Spotlight

When my anxiety first hit, I would have anxiety attacks in public frequently. In church, youth group, grocery stores, school, family events, and so on. If you know anything about panic attacks, you know it is not something you want to happen in public. I’ll give you brief overview: shaking, rapid breathing, suffocating feeling, crying, and sweating. Definitely not a pleasant ordeal, especially not in public where anyone can see it.

That said, panic attacks are like a wild mustang—they take work and practice to tame. So what do you do to prevent or tame or anxiety attacks when you are in public? Here are some key practices to help equip you for panic attacks.

Strengthening against panic attacks.

  1. Have a support person with you.

    Honestly, this one probably helped me the most; having someone to stand by me and talk me down in those high stress and fearful moments was one of the most reassuring things I have experienced. If you don’t have a support person already, I would totally suggest finding one.

  2. Don’t stop what you are doing.

    When I stop what I’m doing in the middle of an anxiety attack, it overwhelms me way quicker because my thoughts are left to simply focus on what is happening in my mind and how I am feeling.

  3. Practice grounding.

    Grounding is the technique where you observe your setting and list off what you see, what you hear, what you feel (physically with your hands and feet), and what you smell. This helps to keep you in reality when your mind is pumping adrenaline through your veins telling you that you have reason to be afraid.

  4. Breathe.

    In a panic attack it’s easy to hyperventilate, therefore you need to force yourself to breathe right. A technique I learned was triangle breathing; inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for four.

  5. Point focus.

    Similar to grounding, you focus in on one object and describe in every way possible (ex: there’s a notebook, it’s rectangular, it’s pink, its sparkly, it’s thick…).

  6. Know the exits.

    If it comes to the point that you need to get away from the public eye and have a melt down, you want to know where the best escape is.

Living with anxiety is definitely not fun or easy, but it is possible. I thought I would never get past the anxiety and would never get a grip on the attacks, but I did. It took time and patience with myself and adjustments in my lifestyle. You have to be willing to commit to doing what it takes to get better. You also need to believe in yourself; that means no self-criticism or condemnation when you slip up or fall apart, but instead working as hard as you can to stay positive. I know it sounds daunting and hard, but you are totally capable of it. Believe me, if I can do it, so can you.

That’s all for now! Do you have any other techniques for surviving anxiety attacks in public? Please share!

Anxiety in Public - Avoiding the SpotlightAbout the Author: Lara Fraser

Hey! My name is Lara Fraser (soon to be Lara d’Entremont). I am currently enrolled in a Bachelor of Ministry majoring in Christian Counselling. With these courses I hope to one day be working at a human trafficking rescue centre helping teen girls recover from their awful experiences. I enjoy writing, reading, blogging, riding horses, and pilates. I have a passion for helping others (especially teens) by sharing my story and experiences. You can find my blog at lightscameraanxiety.ca and my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/lcanxiety/ 

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karenyoung_heysigmund

Anxiety in kids is tough for everyone - kids and the adults who care about them.

It’s awful for them and confusing for us. Do we move them forward? Hold them back? Is this growing them? Hurting them?

As long as they are safe - as long as they feel cared for through it and their bodies feel okay - anxiety doesn’t mean something is wrong.
It also doesn’t mean they aren’t capable.

It means there is a gap: ‘I want to, but I don’t know that I’ll be okay.’

As long as they are safe, they don’t need to avoid the situation. They need to keep going, with support, so they can gather the evidence they need. This might take time and lots of experiences.

The brain will always abandon the ‘I want to,’ in any situation that doesn’t have enough evidence - yet - that they’re safe.

Here’s the problem. If we support avoidance of safe situations, the brain doesn’t get the experience it needs to know the difference between hard, growthful things (like school, exams, driving tests, setting boundaries, job interviews, new friendships) and dangerous things.

It takes time and lots of experience to be able to handle the discomfort of anxiety - and all hard, important, growthful things will come with anxiety.

The work for us isn’t to hold them back from safe situations (even though we’ll want to) but to help them feel supported through the anxiety.

This is part of helping them gather the evidence their brains and bodies need to know they can feel safe and do hard things, even when they are anxious.

Think of the space between comfortable (before the growthful thing) and ‘I’ve done the important, growthful thing,’ as ‘the brave space’.

But it never feels brave. It feels like anxious, nervous, stressed, scared, awkward, clumsy. It’s all brave - because that’s what anxiety is. It’s handling the discomfort of the brave space while they inch toward the important thing.

Any experience in the brave space matters. Even if it’s just little steps at a time. Why? Because this is where they learn that they don’t need to be scared of anxiety when they’re heading towards something important. As long as they are safe, the anxiety of the brave space won’t hurt them. It will grow them.❤️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Jan 28

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18382936468153868
Anxiety in kids is tough for everyone - kids and the adults who care about them. It’s awful for them and confusing for us. Do we move them forward? Hold them back? Is this growing them? Hurting them? As long as they are safe - as long as they feel cared for through it and their bodies feel okay - anxiety doesn’t mean something is wrong. It also doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means there is a gap: ‘I want to, but I don’t know that I’ll be okay.’ As long as they are safe, they don’t need to avoid the situation. They need to keep going, with support, so they can gather the evidence they need. This might take time and lots of experiences. The brain will always abandon the ‘I want to,’ in any situation that doesn’t have enough evidence - yet - that they’re safe. Here’s the problem. If we support avoidance of safe situations, the brain doesn’t get the experience it needs to know the difference between hard, growthful things (like school, exams, driving tests, setting boundaries, job interviews, new friendships) and dangerous things. It takes time and lots of experience to be able to handle the discomfort of anxiety - and all hard, important, growthful things will come with anxiety. The work for us isn’t to hold them back from safe situations (even though we’ll want to) but to help them feel supported through the anxiety. This is part of helping them gather the evidence their brains and bodies need to know they can feel safe and do hard things, even when they are anxious. Think of the space between comfortable (before the growthful thing) and ‘I’ve done the important, growthful thing,’ as ‘the brave space’. But it never feels brave. It feels like anxious, nervous, stressed, scared, awkward, clumsy. It’s all brave - because that’s what anxiety is. It’s handling the discomfort of the brave space while they inch toward the important thing. Any experience in the brave space matters. Even if it’s just little steps at a time. Why? Because this is where they learn that they don’t need to be scared of anxiety when they’re heading towards something important. As long as they are safe, the anxiety of the brave space won’t hurt them. It will grow them.❤️

karenyoung_heysigmund

In the first few days or weeks of school, feelings might get big. This might happen before school (the anticipation) or after school (when their nervous systems reach capacity).

As long as they are safe (relationally, physiologically) their anxiety is normal and understandable and we don’t need to ‘fix’ it or rush them through it.

They’re doing something big, something brave. Their brains and bodies will be searching for the familiar in the unfamiliar. They’re getting to know new routines, spaces, people. It’s a lot! Feeling safe in that might take time. But feeling safe and being safe are different.

We don’t need to stop their anxiety or rush them through it. Our work is to help them move with it. Because when they feel anxious, and get safely through the other side of that anxiety, they learn something so important: they learn they can do hard things - even when they feel like they don’t have what it takes, they can do hard things. We know this about them already, but they’ll need experience in safe, caring environments, little by little, to know this for themselves.

Help them move through it by letting them know that all their feelings are safe with you, that their feelings make sense, and at the end of the day, let those feelings do what they need to. If they need to burst out of them like a little meteor shower, that’s okay. Maybe they’ll need to talk, or not, or cry, or get loud, or play, or be still, or messy for a while. That’s okay. It’s a nervous system at capacity looking for the release valve. It’s not a bad child. It’s never that.

Tomorrow might be tricker, and the next day trickier, until their brains and bodies get enough experience that this is okay.

As long as they are safe, and they get there, it all counts. It’s all brave. It’s all enough.❤️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Jan 27

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 17927849610192008
In the first few days or weeks of school, feelings might get big. This might happen before school (the anticipation) or after school (when their nervous systems reach capacity). As long as they are safe (relationally, physiologically) their anxiety is normal and understandable and we don’t need to ‘fix’ it or rush them through it. They’re doing something big, something brave. Their brains and bodies will be searching for the familiar in the unfamiliar. They’re getting to know new routines, spaces, people. It’s a lot! Feeling safe in that might take time. But feeling safe and being safe are different. We don’t need to stop their anxiety or rush them through it. Our work is to help them move with it. Because when they feel anxious, and get safely through the other side of that anxiety, they learn something so important: they learn they can do hard things - even when they feel like they don’t have what it takes, they can do hard things. We know this about them already, but they’ll need experience in safe, caring environments, little by little, to know this for themselves. Help them move through it by letting them know that all their feelings are safe with you, that their feelings make sense, and at the end of the day, let those feelings do what they need to. If they need to burst out of them like a little meteor shower, that’s okay. Maybe they’ll need to talk, or not, or cry, or get loud, or play, or be still, or messy for a while. That’s okay. It’s a nervous system at capacity looking for the release valve. It’s not a bad child. It’s never that. Tomorrow might be tricker, and the next day trickier, until their brains and bodies get enough experience that this is okay. As long as they are safe, and they get there, it all counts. It’s all brave. It’s all enough.❤️

karenyoung_heysigmund

Anxiety on the first days or weeks of school is so normal. Why? Because all growthful, important, brave things come with anxiety.

Think about how you feel on their first day of school, or before a job interview, or a first date, or a tricky conversation when you’re setting a boundary. They all come with anxiety.

We want our kids to be able to do all of these things, but this won’t happen by itself.

Resilience is built - one anxious little step after another. These anxious moments are necessary to learn that ‘I can feel anxious, and do brave.’ ‘I can feel anxious and still do what I need to do.’

As long as the are safe, the anxiety they feel in the first days or weeks of school aren’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of their development and a sign that something so right is happening - they’re learning that they can handle anxiety.

Even if they handle it terribly, that’s okay. We all wobble before we walk. Our job is not to protect them from the wobble. If we do, they won’t get to the walking part.

To support them, remind them that this is scary-safe, not scary-dangerous. Then, ‘Is this a time for you to be safe or brave?’

Then, ask yourself, ‘Is this something dangerous or something growthful?’ ‘Is my job to protect them from the discomfort of that growth, or show them they are so very capable, and that they can handle this discomfort?’

Even if they handle it terribly, as long as they’re not avoiding it, they’re handling it. That matters.

Remember, anxiety is a feeling. It will come and then it will go. It might not go until you leave, but we have to give them the opportunity to feel it go.

Tomorrow and the next day and the next might be worse - that’s how anxiety works. And then it will ease.

This is why we don’t beat anxiety by avoiding it. We beat it by outlasting it. But first, we have to handle our distress at their distress.

We breathe, then we love and lead:

‘I know you feel […] Of course you do. You’re doing something big and this is how big things feel sometimes. It’s okay to feel like this. School is happening but we have five minutes. Do you want me to listen to your sad, or give you a hug, or help you distract from it?’❤️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Jan 26

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18031532522774725
Anxiety on the first days or weeks of school is so normal. Why? Because all growthful, important, brave things come with anxiety. Think about how you feel on their first day of school, or before a job interview, or a first date, or a tricky conversation when you’re setting a boundary. They all come with anxiety. We want our kids to be able to do all of these things, but this won’t happen by itself. Resilience is built - one anxious little step after another. These anxious moments are necessary to learn that ‘I can feel anxious, and do brave.’ ‘I can feel anxious and still do what I need to do.’ As long as the are safe, the anxiety they feel in the first days or weeks of school aren’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of their development and a sign that something so right is happening - they’re learning that they can handle anxiety. Even if they handle it terribly, that’s okay. We all wobble before we walk. Our job is not to protect them from the wobble. If we do, they won’t get to the walking part. To support them, remind them that this is scary-safe, not scary-dangerous. Then, ‘Is this a time for you to be safe or brave?’ Then, ask yourself, ‘Is this something dangerous or something growthful?’ ‘Is my job to protect them from the discomfort of that growth, or show them they are so very capable, and that they can handle this discomfort?’ Even if they handle it terribly, as long as they’re not avoiding it, they’re handling it. That matters. Remember, anxiety is a feeling. It will come and then it will go. It might not go until you leave, but we have to give them the opportunity to feel it go. Tomorrow and the next day and the next might be worse - that’s how anxiety works. And then it will ease. This is why we don’t beat anxiety by avoiding it. We beat it by outlasting it. But first, we have to handle our distress at their distress. We breathe, then we love and lead: ‘I know you feel […] Of course you do. You’re doing something big and this is how big things feel sometimes. It’s okay to feel like this. School is happening but we have five minutes. Do you want me to listen to your sad, or give you a hug, or help you distract from it?’❤️

karenyoung_heysigmund

When terrible things happen, we want to make sense of things for our kids, but we can’t. Not in a way that feels like enough. Some things will never make any sense at all.

But here’s what you need to know: You don’t need to make sense of what’s happened to help them feel safe and held. We only need to make sense of how they feel about it - whatever that might be.

The research tells us so clearly that kids and teens are more likely to struggle after a tr@umatic event if they believe their response isn’t normal.

This is because they’ll be more likely to interpret their response as a deficiency or a sign of breakage.

Normalising their feelings also helps them feel woven into a humanity that is loving and kind and good, and who feels the same things they do when people are hurt.

‘How you feel makes sense to me. I feel that way too. I know we’ll get through this, and right now it’s okay to feel sad/ scared/ angry/ confused/ outraged. Talk to me whenever you want to and as much as you want to. There’s nothing you can feel or say that I can’t handle.’

And when they ask for answers that you don’t have (that none of us have) it’s always okay to say ‘I don’t know.’

When this happens, respond to the anxiety behind the question.

When we can’t give them certainty about the ‘why’, give them certainty that you’ll get them through this.

‘I don’t know why people do awful things. And I don’t need to know that to know we’ll get through this. There are so many people who are working hard to keep us safe so something like this doesn’t happen again, and I trust them.’

Remind them that they are held by many - the helpers at the time, the people working to make things safer.

We want them to know that they are woven in to a humanity that is good and kind and loving. Because however many people are ready to do the hurting, there always be far more who are ready to heal, help, and protect. This is the humanity they are part of, and the humanity they continue to build by being who they are.♥️

View Instagram post by karenyoung_heysigmund

Dec 16

Open post by karenyoung_heysigmund with ID 18073437878348955
When terrible things happen, we want to make sense of things for our kids, but we can’t. Not in a way that feels like enough. Some things will never make any sense at all. But here’s what you need to know: You don’t need to make sense of what’s happened to help them feel safe and held. We only need to make sense of how they feel about it - whatever that might be. The research tells us so clearly that kids and teens are more likely to struggle after a tr@umatic event if they believe their response isn’t normal. This is because they’ll be more likely to interpret their response as a deficiency or a sign of breakage. Normalising their feelings also helps them feel woven into a humanity that is loving and kind and good, and who feels the same things they do when people are hurt. ‘How you feel makes sense to me. I feel that way too. I know we’ll get through this, and right now it’s okay to feel sad/ scared/ angry/ confused/ outraged. Talk to me whenever you want to and as much as you want to. There’s nothing you can feel or say that I can’t handle.’ And when they ask for answers that you don’t have (that none of us have) it’s always okay to say ‘I don’t know.’ When this happens, respond to the anxiety behind the question. When we can’t give them certainty about the ‘why’, give them certainty that you’ll get them through this. ‘I don’t know why people do awful things. And I don’t need to know that to know we’ll get through this. There are so many people who are working hard to keep us safe so something like this doesn’t happen again, and I trust them.’ Remind them that they are held by many - the helpers at the time, the people working to make things safer. We want them to know that they are woven in to a humanity that is good and kind and loving. Because however many people are ready to do the hurting, there always be far more who are ready to heal, help, and protect. This is the humanity they are part of, and the humanity they continue to build by being who they are.♥️

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