karenyoung_heysigmund
Validation is a presence, not a speech.
It doesn’t mean you’re being permissive, or rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour. It doesn’t mean you’re saying the storm is okay. It’s a way of handling the storm and offering a safe passage through it, without judgement, shame, isolation.
Think about the times your big feels have taken over. Has it ever worked ever, in the history of forever, for someone to tell you to calm down, or shut you down, or manage you. Nope. Not for me either.
Because when we’re in big feels, we don’t need to be managed, we need to be seen. We don’t do or say the rubbish things we do because we don’t know the rules of social engagement, or because we haven’t had enough consequences, or because we think these things are okay. In fact, we’re not thinking at all. We do these things because in that moment, we don’t have the resources to do differently.
Validation is a way of adding resources, through relationship. It’s a strong, loving presence that sends the message, ‘Bring your feelings to me. I can take care of you through this. And I can keep you and everyone including you safe along the way.’
Of course even during a storm we need to hold boundaries to keep everyone safe (them, you, others), but let these be loving - hold the boundary, add warmth. ‘Yes, this is big. I want to hear you. (Relationship) No I won’t listen when you speak like that. When you can speak in a way I can hear, then we can talk (boundary). You’re not in trouble. I’m right here. (Relationship)
The might be a need for repair, learning, or talking about what’s happened, but during the storm isn’t that time.
We can’t reason with someone in big feels because the thinking brain, the part than can think rationally, logically, plan, think through consequences, make deliberate decisions, is locked out for a bit. This happens to all of us. It’s why we all do or say things that aren’t great when we’re in big feelings.
We can’t stop a storm once it’s storming, but we can offer a safe passage through it. This is what validation does. It a safe passage to a place of calm and connection, where you can have the influence and the conversations that will be growthful.♥️
Tracey B (verified owner) –
I have purchased several copies over the last few years and given them to the parents of student’s experiences these emotions.
Sarah M (verified owner) –
Thankyou for this beautiful gift of a book.
Heidi (verified owner) –
This book is beautifully illustrated and demonstrates amazing concepts in such an easy way for kids and adults. I really enjoyed it myself and my daughter liked it too!
SandyP (verified owner) –
Karen’s books are always favorites with my child clients and their families, and this is no exception. What a fun way to learn about our brains and self-regulation!
Karmen (verified owner) –
I have come to expect the very HIGHEST QUALITY from Karen Young’s writing! Norvile Dovidonyte has illustrated beautifully the brain, making it lovable and inviting to learn about! I truly appreciate how Karen so eloquently teaches about the complex brain and how beautifully Norvile illustrates her thoughts! It is fabulous! I’m excited to use it with groups and individuals! Thank you once again for sharing your gifts and talents so beautifully!
Tim K (verified owner) –
Just received today. Excellent book with great explanations for both kids and parents. Will definitely look into purchasing more of Karen’s books.
Got the hard cover, and it’s made really well.
Alaina (verified owner) –
Love all of Karen Young’s books. Love From Your Brain was the perfect way to start our unit looking at the brain, how it’s different parts work together (or sometimes don’t), and what we can do to strengthen the connections and make our brains stronger.
Marie W –
I have been reading this book to my 4 year old daughter, she loves it and is one of her go to books, she always talks about how her brain is learning when she is struggling with an activity. We recently bought her a bike for xmas and she refers to this book when she is practicing how to ride it. Such a great and insightful book for children.
Dana W (verified owner) –
I absolutely love all of Karen Young’s books and this one did not disappoint! As a Child and Youth Worker in Canadian schools these books are often my go to when working with students. I recommend these books to people all the time!
Barbara M (verified owner) –
Have used this book in classroom situation, a few pages at a time, and for individuals and small groups, and have given this as a gift for family. Well worth reading, sharing a read, or sharing the book
Solen (verified owner) –
Thank you for this wonderful book!!! How it makes a difference when we know and we’re aware. This should be a part of education system in 21st century. Before learning what’s around us we need to learn about ourselves because that’s what we want to have control over before anything else. I need to get more to gift parents around me!!!!
Barbara S (verified owner) –
I am a wellness coach with students in grades K-5. I read the Love from Your Brain book because it clearly explains brain development, how pathways develop, and why it is important to remain the boss of our brains. It is possibly the best-written narrative on understanding brain science in a simplistic way.
Deb (verified owner) –
What a beautiful book! I love the explanations and the positivity – so important for our kids to know they are strong and kind and brave. The illustrations are magical too. Thank you Karen (and Norville) for creating this magical piece of work.
Elizabeth –
This is a beautifully written book that provides such pertinent information in a way that supports learners of all ages. It is a perfect companion to the “Hey Warrior” and “Hey Awesome” books! Thank you for continuing to provide these wonderful resources!
Tisha C (verified owner) –
My 7 year old daughter and I have read this book several times and we both love it! Such a great way to explain brain development and guide emotional intelligence… hearing the words from the perspective of the brain is fun and engaging, as are the colorful illustrations.
Peter S (verified owner) –
These books are truly wonderful! Just what we were looking for! Thanks! 🙂
Belinda (verified owner) –
What a beautiful, informative book! It’s interesting for both adults and children alike, and is being re read by us all.
Sam S (verified owner) –
Wow! I purchased this book for my work, and also to read to my son, but I found myself learning about the development of the brain as I read along also. It is so beautifully written and caters to children of many ages, as well as adults.
The packaging was so lovely, and it was obvious that care was taken when sending this out. Love love love!
Nuala O –
Congratulations Karen and Norville for producing such an amazing , beautiful resource. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if every child got to understand how their brains work and how they can use their powerful brains to create their reality, no matter what their circumstances.