Our job as parents isn’t to remove their distress around boundaries, but to give them the experiences to recognise they can handle boundaries - holding theirs and respecting the boundaries others.
Every time we hold a boundary, we are giving our kids the precious opportunity to learn how to hold their own.
If we don’t have boundaries, the risk is that our children won’t either. We can talk all we want about the importance of boundaries, but if we don’t show them, how can they learn? Inadvertently, by avoiding boundary collisions with them, we are teaching them to avoid conflict at all costs.
In practice, this might look like learning to put themselves, their needs, and their feelings away for the sake of peace. Alternatively, they might feel the need to control other people and situations even more. If they haven’t had the experience of surviving a collision of needs or wants, and feeling loved and accepted through that, conflicting needs will feel scary and intolerable.
Similarly, if we hold our boundaries too harshly and meet their boundary collisions with shame, yelling, punishment or harsh consequences, this is how we’re teaching them to respond to disagreement, or diverse needs and wants. We’re teaching them to yell, fight dirty, punish, or overbear those who disagree.
They might also go the other way. If boundaries are associated with feeling shamed, lonely, ‘bad’, they might instead surrender boundaries and again put themselves away to preserve the relationship and the comfort of others. This is because any boundary they hold might feel too much, too cruel, or too rejecting, so ‘no boundary’ will be the safest option.
If we want our children to hold their boundaries respectfully and kindly, and with strength, we will have to go first.
It’s easy to think there are only two options. Either:
- We focus on the boundary at the expense of the relationship and staying connected to them.
- We focus on the connection at the expense of the boundary.
But there is a third option, and that is to do both - at the same time. We hold the boundary, while at the same time we attend to the relationship. We hold the boundary, but with warmth.♥️
Alaina (verified owner) –
Love all of Karen Young’s books. Love From Your Brain was the perfect way to start our unit looking at the brain, how it’s different parts work together (or sometimes don’t), and what we can do to strengthen the connections and make our brains stronger.
Marie W –
I have been reading this book to my 4 year old daughter, she loves it and is one of her go to books, she always talks about how her brain is learning when she is struggling with an activity. We recently bought her a bike for xmas and she refers to this book when she is practicing how to ride it. Such a great and insightful book for children.
Dana W (verified owner) –
I absolutely love all of Karen Young’s books and this one did not disappoint! As a Child and Youth Worker in Canadian schools these books are often my go to when working with students. I recommend these books to people all the time!
Barbara M (verified owner) –
Have used this book in classroom situation, a few pages at a time, and for individuals and small groups, and have given this as a gift for family. Well worth reading, sharing a read, or sharing the book
Solen (verified owner) –
Thank you for this wonderful book!!! How it makes a difference when we know and we’re aware. This should be a part of education system in 21st century. Before learning what’s around us we need to learn about ourselves because that’s what we want to have control over before anything else. I need to get more to gift parents around me!!!!
Barbara S (verified owner) –
I am a wellness coach with students in grades K-5. I read the Love from Your Brain book because it clearly explains brain development, how pathways develop, and why it is important to remain the boss of our brains. It is possibly the best-written narrative on understanding brain science in a simplistic way.
Deb (verified owner) –
What a beautiful book! I love the explanations and the positivity – so important for our kids to know they are strong and kind and brave. The illustrations are magical too. Thank you Karen (and Norville) for creating this magical piece of work.
This is a beautifully written book that provides such pertinent information in a way that supports learners of all ages. It is a perfect companion to the “Hey Warrior” and “Hey Awesome” books! Thank you for continuing to provide these wonderful resources!
Tisha C (verified owner) –
My 7 year old daughter and I have read this book several times and we both love it! Such a great way to explain brain development and guide emotional intelligence… hearing the words from the perspective of the brain is fun and engaging, as are the colorful illustrations.
Peter S (verified owner) –
These books are truly wonderful! Just what we were looking for! Thanks! 🙂
Belinda (verified owner) –
What a beautiful, informative book! It’s interesting for both adults and children alike, and is being re read by us all.
Sam S (verified owner) –
Wow! I purchased this book for my work, and also to read to my son, but I found myself learning about the development of the brain as I read along also. It is so beautifully written and caters to children of many ages, as well as adults.
The packaging was so lovely, and it was obvious that care was taken when sending this out. Love love love!
Nuala O –
Congratulations Karen and Norville for producing such an amazing , beautiful resource. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if every child got to understand how their brains work and how they can use their powerful brains to create their reality, no matter what their circumstances.
Denise (verified owner) –
Great for teaching what happens in your head.
Mary P –
This book is beautiful ! It explains the brain in a practical approach that makes sense to young and adult alike. I read it and show the art work to everyone I can !
Rebecca (verified owner) –
This is a beautiful book that presents how the brain works in a fun, approachable and developmentally appropriate level for kids. Its the book I didnt know I needed! Will there be a stuffed brain coming out too? (fingers crossed)
Mary H (verified owner) –
“I like it, it’s very supportive” Those were the words my 13 year old granddaughter said after she first read it.
Jenny A (verified owner) –
For over 30 years I have had a passion for sharing what happens in our brains as we grow, with children and with those who raise children. This book tells that story so incredibly well. I very much look forward to sharing it with my grandchildren.