We have all had toxic people dust us with their poison. Sometimes it’s more like a drenching. Difficult people are drawn to the reasonable ones and all of us have likely had (or have) at least one person in our lives who have us bending around ourselves like barbed wire in endless attempts to please them – only to never really get there.
Their damage lies in their subtlety and the way they can engender that classic response, ‘It’s not them, it’s me.’ They can have you questioning your ‘over-reactiveness’, your ‘oversensitivity’, your ‘tendency to misinterpret’. If you’re the one who’s continually hurt, or the one who is constantly adjusting your own behaviour to avoid being hurt, then chances are that it’s not you and it’s very much them.
Being able to spot their harmful behaviour is the first step to minimising their impact. You might not be able to change what they do, but you can change what you do with it, and any idea that toxic somebody in your life might have that they can get away with it.
There are plenty of things toxic people do to manipulate people and situations to their advantage. Here are 12 of them. Knowing them will help you to avoid falling under the influence:
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They’ll keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting.
They’ll be completely lovely one day and the next you’ll be wondering what you’ve done to upset them. There often isn’t anything obvious that will explain the change of attitude – you just know something isn’t right. They might be prickly, sad, cold or cranky and when you ask if there’s something wrong, the answer will likely be ‘nothing’ – but they’ll give you just enough to let you know that there’s something. The ‘just enough’ might be a heaving sigh, a raised eyebrow, a cold shoulder. When this happens, you might find yourself making excuses for them or doing everything you can to make them happy. See why it works for them?
Stop trying to please them. Toxic people figured out a long time ago that decent people will go to extraordinary lengths to keep the people they care about happy. If your attempts to please aren’t working or aren’t lasting for very long, maybe it’s time to stop. Walk away and come back when the mood has shifted. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings. If you have done something unknowingly to hurt somebody, ask, talk about it and if need be, apologise. At any rate, you shouldn’t have to guess.
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They’ll manipulate.
If you feel as though you’re the only one contributing to the relationship, you’re probably right. Toxic people have a way of sending out the vibe that you owe them something. They also have a way of taking from you or doing something that hurts you, then maintaining they were doing it all for you. This is particularly common in workplaces or relationships where the balance of power is out. ‘I’ve left that six months’ worth of filing for you. I thought you’d appreciate the experience and the opportunity to learn your way around the filing cabinets.’ Or, ‘I’m having a dinner party. Why don’t you bring dinner. For 10. It’ll give you a chance to show off those kitchen skills. K?’
You don’t owe anybody anything. If it doesn’t feel like a favour, it’s not.
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They won’t own their feelings.
Rather than owning their own feelings, they’ll act as though the feelings are yours. It’s called projection, as in projecting their feelings and thoughts onto you. For example, someone who is angry but won’t take responsibility for it might accuse you of being angry with them. It might be as subtle as, ‘Are you okay with me?’ or a bit more pointed, ‘Why are you angry at me,’ or, ‘You’ve been in a bad mood all day.’
You’ll find yourself justifying and defending and often this will go around in circles – because it’s not about you. Be really clear on what’s yours and what’s theirs. If you feel as though you’re defending yourself too many times against accusations or questions that don’t fit, you might be being projected on to. You don’t have to explain, justify or defend yourself or deal with a misfired accusation. Remember that.
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They’ll make you prove yourself to them.
They’ll regularly put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else – and you’ll always feel obliged to choose them. Toxic people will wait until you have a commitment, then they’ll unfold the drama. ‘If you really cared about me you’d skip your exercise class and spend time with me.’ The problem with this is that enough will never be enough. Few things are fatal – unless it’s life or death, chances are it can wait.
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They never apologise.
They’ll lie before they ever apologise, so there’s no point arguing. They’ll twist the story, change the way it happened and retell it so convincingly that they’ll believe their own nonsense.
People don’t have to apologise to be wrong. And you don’t need an apology to move forward. Just move forward – without them. Don’t surrender your truth but don’t keep the argument going. There’s just no point. Some people want to be right more than they want to be happy and you have better things to do than to provide fodder for the right-fighters.
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They’ll be there in a crisis but they’ll never ever share your joy.
They’ll find reasons your good news isn’t great news. The classics: About a promotion – ‘The money isn’t that great for the amount of work you’ll be doing.’ About a holiday at the beach – ‘Well it’s going to be very hot. Are you sure you want to go?’ About being made Queen of the Universe – ‘Well the Universe isn’t that big you know and I’m pretty sure you won’t get tea breaks.’ Get the idea? Don’t let them dampen you or shrink you down to their size. You don’t need their approval anyway – or anyone else’s for that matter.
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They’ll leave a conversation unfinished – and then they’ll go offline.
They won’t pick up their phone. They won’t answer texts or emails. And in between rounds of their voicemail message, you might find yourself playing the conversation or argument over and over in your head, guessing about the status of the relationship, wondering what you’ve done to upset them, or whether they’re dead, alive or just ignoring you – which can sometimes all feel the same. People who care about you won’t let you go on feeling rubbish without attempting to sort it out. That doesn’t mean you’ll sort it out of course, but at least they’ll try. Take it as a sign of their investment in the relationship if they leave you ‘out there’ for lengthy sessions.
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They’ll use non-toxic words with a toxic tone.
The message might be innocent enough but the tone conveys so much more. Something like, ‘What did you do today?’ can mean different things depending on the way it’s said. It could mean anything from ‘So I bet you did nothing – as usual,’ to ‘I’m sure your day was better than mine. Mine was awful. Just awful. And you didn’t even notice enough to ask.’ When you question the tone, they’ll come back with, ‘All I said was what did you do today,’ which is true, kind of, not really.
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They’ll bring irrelevant detail into a conversation.
When you’re trying to resolve something important to you, toxic people will bring in irrelevant detail from five arguments ago. The problem with this is that before you know it, you’re arguing about something you did six months ago, still defending yourself, rather than dealing with the issue at hand. Somehow, it just always seems to end up about what you’ve done to them.
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They’ll make it about the way you’re talking, rather than what you’re talking about.
You might be trying to resolve an issue or get clarification and before you know it, the conversation/ argument has moved away from the issue that was important to you and on to the manner in which you talked about it – whether there is any issue with your manner or not. You’ll find yourself defending your tone, your gestures, your choice of words or the way your belly moves when you breathe – it doesn’t even need to make sense. Meanwhile, your initial need is well gone on the pile of unfinished conversations that seems to grow bigger by the day.
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They exaggerate.
‘You always …’ ‘You never …’ It’s hard to defend yourself against this form of manipulation. Toxic people have a way of drawing on the one time you didn’t or the one time you did as evidence of your shortcomings. Don’t buy into the argument. You won’t win. And you don’t need to.
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They are judgemental.
We all get it wrong sometimes but toxic people will make sure you know it. They’ll judge you and take a swipe at your self-esteem suggesting that you’re less than because you made a mistake. We’re all allowed to get it wrong now and then, but unless we’ve done something that affects them nobody has the right to stand in judgement.
Knowing the favourite go-to’s for toxic people will sharpen your radar, making the manipulations easier to spot and easier to name. More importantly, if you know the characteristic signs of a toxic person, you’ll have a better chance of catching yourself before you tie yourself in double knots trying to please them.
Some people can’t be pleased and some people won’t be good for you – and many times that will have nothing to do with you. You can always say no to unnecessary crazy. Be confident and own your own faults, your quirks and the things that make you shine. You don’t need anyone’s approval but remember if someone is working hard to manipulate, it’s probably because they need yours. You don’t always have to give it but if you do, don’t let the cost be too high.
Wow! To be honest I see the trend in me that puts people into difficult situations. Never knew the impact but yes lots to learn and do to make people around me feel better. Brilliant article .. an a eye opener!
Yes, it certainly is not pleasant to have to realize that I have had this angry, nasty personality!
You can not reason at all with selfish people! It is all about them they will try and make you think they care. Actions speaks louder than words! Always keep your guard up with these people!
Those relatives are attempting to keep you away for financial inheritance property estate distribution. If your mother needed you and you had a great relationship and never called or came to visit her….yeah…pretty lousy…if you had a SHITTY relationship where you were the scapegoat and everything got blamed on you while the other siblings were spoiled rotten…yeah…no visiting required…I understand completely..however, if you were the favorite who was spoiled rotten and your siblings were not, you stopped visiting and calling when mom ran out of resources and had no property to leave you or estate jewelry cars cash etc…then yep crappy on you…either way TOXIC people learn this self serving behavior somewhere…I find it especially hurtful when at a funeral people with agendas take the opportunistic timing when guards are down, to attack other family members…insideous…
How do you break it off with a toxic person?
I chuckle while I read this, it’s funny how I’ved been played around with so much that I actually never noticed any of these things. Thank you,
I like this article. I am currently the subject of my brother’s considerable enmity. In a fit of impatience at his overbearing and ranting behaviour, I made the mistake of calling him a narcissist. Since then, I have called him to apologize. He seemed to accept this apology, but not really. I have have far more negative interactions from him since then than positive ones. I no longer call him and when he calls me he goes on long rants about his work, etc. and is not interested in anything about me or my children despite the fact that we live far away from each other. Suddenly, he has taken an interest in me again and has been threatening me, implying that I am not a fit parent and that social services might becoming involved. He has contacted my in-law’s family to smear me and my husband to them, all in the guise of wanting to help, of course. So I lost my temper on the phone and told him not to contact me again.
Very good article! I read it to my daughter because it validates how her friend treated her in high school that had such an effect on her that she went into a quiet like shy-shell to perfect herself .She now gets that it’s not her that’s the problem! See motherly advice is good but naturally kids think parental complements or advise is biased because well they are our child. We’ve always been open & honest with our children but when dealing with subjects like in this article kids need to hear it from peers that” they’re not the crazy one’s”! Thank you for this article it has been helpful for my daughter..& many more people in this position..
My husband always has to be right. He twists every word I say turning it on me. He’s exhausting. He forgot my birthday two times in a row. He always has to have an apology after he turns it on me. “you didn’t even apologized”, or “what you should do is apologize” then my F-you comes out!
Am I going crazy, I don’t know, but I am beginning to feel a little hatred towards him. Then, when I shut him down, he try’s to apologize but at that point I have nothing to say and then of course I’m being a B, or a C!!
I’m at a loss!
This helped me alot I have a friend who always gives out negative energy all the time, its annoying but am worried for her at the same time
It was very ‘tough’ abt the start of this new year, when someone told me ‘that I was negative all the time ‘ ! Ouch !
hello ive been in a relationship for two years now.. my partner and i are currently going through a rough patch and i came across this article because im looking for ways to fix our relationship i really love him and i dont want to lose him but after reading this article i feel like i am the toxic person in his life so what i want to know is how can i fix that and should i still stay with him.
I love number 10. I always get accused of YELLING at my spouse. My spouse hears any comment that is not agreeing with her opinion as YELLING at her.
No conflict is ever resolved. If I dont agree with her, there is hell to pay. And I disagree with her it means I am not a ‘normal’ man.
I have to choose between being a ‘doormat, yielding, normal husband’ -or- a ‘in the dog house, no sex, no conversation combatant’.
I hate marriage.
Thank you this article has helped me with my situation with a family member. I have been keeping my distance and have tried to move on with my life. That too has caused strain and tension for everyone else in the family and at family get togethers. I recently told the person I wanted peace with them at one of the family events and am hopeful to put an end to their toxic energy directed at me.
How do you deal with it when it’s your husband who is toxic? And is rubbing his toxicity onto me?
I agree with you, particularly about being manipulative. Toxic people are master manipulators and very good at purposefully confusing others. A good way to tell you are dealing with a toxic person is that anytime you hang out with them, you’re likely to feel exhausted, negative, anxious, angry, and emotionally drained. Detached contact or occasional interactions is a great way of dealing with a manipulative person. Great article.
To numb……I too had a narrasistic family member. My mother. I was an only child and got all the hurt directed to me alone. It sucked. Still hurts at 38 years old. But let that make you loving to others and strong against the aggressors. DO NOT take that out on your sister like u are done too and hurt. Band together in strength and loving behavior. Do not hurt her and become the traits that your brother has hurt u with or you are re creating the monster as yourself to her. She might not be so strong one day and carry out the actions that you held back with the suicidle thoughts . Sending love and healing your way .. I know the pain and hurt first hand. I will never get the love I craved and still do. Even Acceptence for being born But I will not let that make me nasty soul sucker like my narcissistic parent. Peace and love. Rose up and together with love and sister
Wow, sounds very similar. It takes alot of love and understanding to pardon the parent that has spend too much time being selfish.
Thank you. Same situation here. I am 57 yrs old and it still hurts. I am letting go if my toxic family. There is nothing I can do to change them. Very sad but working on myself and to find meaningful relationships eleswhere.
Hello its Jeffrey I just wanted to ask you something like how do you tell someone that you have had enough of them and these people follow you around,they come around to the next door neighbours and pretend they are there for a reason .
These people actually stalk me where ever I go including overseas,i have tried to tell them on many occasions that I want nothing to do with them and one of them come around to try and listen to my conversations no matter where I go and then try to use this for there pleasure and to try and use this information for gossip and then try to use it against you.
it has got to the stage that I am thinking of calling the police because they break the law and don’t care what you say but still continue to do what they like.
do you have any information that will help out here please
I’m 58 yrs old and am having a similar problem. I think most people would say I’m an ok guy. Not going to win an election but not going to hurt someone. I thought the internet was a place we could all express our views being respectful of all. I have found it to be potentially more hazardous
Hi. I get the same from the 4 toxics in my life, one of whom is my older sister. They clearly don’t like me becuase i don’t jump to their beat and let them win, but for people who don’t like me they can’t leave me alone and go their own way. It almost becomes about retribution. You didn’t submit to us so we’re going to ruin your life. How dare you stand up to us, or ignore us and not cower before us.
Thanks for the great tips and advice. It really clears up a lot of unanswered questions.
one thing I find toxic in my relationship is how my live in girlfriend spends hours on her phone texting with people but if I text to say Im leaving work do you need anything from store or something, I wont get a response even after I get home she doesn’t even mention it and it shows on my phone she never read the message at all. I have discussed it with her many times that it makes me feel like I am way at the bottom of her priority list but it only changes for a short time then its back to that habit again. Even when we are at home at night she lays in bed texting friends or her daughter or whomever else and is fairly oblivious that im even there. ( keep in mind we are a middle age couple not a young naïve couple new to dating and relationships by any means)
She may not like texting as much as you think. Perhaps she is a very busy person and has too many other people leaning on her. She may look to you for something more and somebody who doesn’t lean on her. Try to be more understanding. when your text messages are nonstop it’s easy to miss a text.
My on and off guy is constantly accusing me of being secret on my phone. I am not. If I show him he will assume I erase before he could see and it’s become so much it’s sickening. I was on unemployment online and he asked to wash his face while I was in bathroom at this time we were not together going on few weeks and he came in saw I was on unemployment I began telling him about my problem with them and he disregarded what I was talking about to go off that I’m secretly hiding in bathroom and texting WE R NOT EVEN TOGETHER what is wrong with him!? He is toxic to the extreme
Well your story is similar to mine..
My guy always made me feel bad about myself.everytime I used to talk to my male friends he would say am cheating accusing me of being cheap,chasing me out of the house mercilessly.
He dint give me a chance to talk or defend myself instead if he got angry he would think of nothing else than to make me feel miserable about myself..he kept telling me I treated him like an option and having remembered all I did for him and I am just a student😪with my own pocket money I once paid his hospital bills.
When I had enough of him.i told him I need a breakup he started crying saying that he thinks he wasted his time and that ive broken his heart and that am not considerate😪
Did I do the wrong thing.breaking up with him?was it wrong I now put myself first just to be happy🥺
Its borderline…. if you’re dating or married or thinking about getting married. It’s probably not a good idea to have a bunch of guy friends texting you and whatnot. But I’ll also say that I don’t understand your entire situation. So I might be wrong.
My boyfriend got angry in the middle of a conversation and walked out on me, because I overheard him on the phone assuring another woman he was going to be with her and she should give him time, so I confronted him. He’s giving me attitude and trying to avoid me.
I’m a 31 year old woman and most of my friends are males. Most of my activities and hobbies are male-centric so it just comes with the territory. Every guy is always asking “Why can’t you have more girl friends?” Men need to just stop being so insecure.
Thank You 🙂
Currently my friends man says things like I cheated because you deserve it and you are a whore even though she is loyal and a good woman. You are worth nothing and never have but says before will say I’m sorry ok I love you…
I have a toxic friend who mapulates me for money and uses my disadvantges to bring me down.
I have a guy friend who dosnt cuddle me back when I cuddle him but he can fully cuddle every other girl he also makes me buy all of his drinks when we go out
Believe it or not their are a few good people out there , you will find them . You know you don’t deserve that treatment and so do I ! Move on from the manipulator .
My partner is clever. I try very hard to not play his games. I probably end up doing it myself as I try and get him to see and feel how I do, but guess he won’t or can’t.
My man and I have lived together for about 15 years. We love each other so much that everyone envied our relationship, but out of the blue he stopped sleeping at home, saying work is so demanding. He only comes once in a while to check on us. He no longer tells the truth, he makes up stories and defends them till he can personally own and believe his stories as an excuse. He rarely calls, hardly replies to texts, and won’t say how he feels about me. His cuddles are no longer hot. He is so toxic that he has refused to even reconnect the past to present. I’m so confused but when I ask him what’s wrong with me, he says, ‘It’s not you it’s me’, so I keep asking myself over and over again but can’t find an answer.
I get so tired of trying to figure out what is happening.
Your on/off guy, huh? Well then you must be at least one of his on/off girls I’m betting. Maybe neither of you can trust yourselves to commit to anyone…not even each other. And come on, you can’t be the innocent one who would never do anything to provoke him in any way🙄
When you are living with someone thats kind of rude dude to not acknowledge the kindness. I’m not a slave driver but a response to my text in like 5 minutes would be nice. I’m a contractor and my time is money I don’t need a women that brings me down and dollars 2. If you see yourself going down the tubes in wealth like 1000s at a time it has to stop bills need to be paid. Get a women that works as a team not a monkey on your back
I agree with you
That on & off or hot & cold, I described it as Dr. Jekle & Mr. Hyde. And he could change in a few seconds, not from day to day, although he did that too. When he tried to project himself with his problems, I would say to him, don’t put you’re problems on to me, you stick them up where the sun doesn’t shine because those are your problems not mine! Then he would punish me for things that he did, not me, and I would tell him, you’ve got a real problem, doesn’t phase me when you try to punish me cause it doesn’t bother or hurt me at all. When I found out who & what he was after being married to him and read.my life’s story, we had been married for 33+ plus years. I left him 5 times, but am divorced now over 2 years. He lives next door to me and he and his daughter have ruined my life, while I am still trying to sell my house. I hope someone who reads this will get as far away from this malignant narcopath. Thanks for reading. Jrh
I’m so sorry it sounds like the mess I’m in what was me no woe is them they have to be miserable and I don’t think that it’s just them being mean I think they’re f****** evil so I hope that you sell your house soon that you can be free and break away from them and never have to see them again and the love and happiness find you and cover you for the rest of your life bless you
I can totally relate…I been with my Bf for few years known him for almost 9. He now calls me names when he’s mad, disrespects me and has zero consideration for my feelings. He never answers my calls or responds to my texts, yet at home he’s always got his phone in his hands for hours,(just in his phone) says he’s watching TikTok animal videos and stuff… He shows no affection towards me,our time spent together is on two separate couches watching netflix. I don’t feel close to him, I’ve tried talking telling him how I feel and he says I’m EXAGGERATING & nothing is wrong, or says it’s my own fault I feel that way….I DONT KNOW WHAT 2 DO ,EVERY TIME I think I want to give up on us,..he will walk in the room as if nothing is wrong and suddenly he’s that nice man I fell in love with… I’m 42 and I want more than just a boyfriend, but marriage is never even a topic between us….
I feel like I’m too old to start over and look for someone else,I do love him but I hate walking on eggshells never know if he’s in a d*** mood or decent. I just want to be happy
He’s a boyfriend? Easy, leave. There is someone that will make you happy and if not feeling alone by yourself is much easier mentally than feeling alone with someone right next to you.
What if you’re married to a person like this?
I am at my wits end I look after the kids do all the house work work fulltime and he does not help everything is too much of an effort and work and his friends mean more when I get stressed out about all I am doing he shouts at me and makes me feel worse or says he has heard it all before, today he called me miserable and I can leave, so I did with nothing came to a park sat here and dunno how I feel. I just feel like an object and not even a good one, I have lost myself somehow
Damn….. this is exactly what my husband does, too. That is….. unless he’s giving me the silent treatment, or repeats the very last word of any question I ask in making conversation…… it’s maddening and I feel like I am worth so much more than to be a doormat. He has turned into a real disappointment and refuses to share his life, finances, travel plans, acquaintances, pictures, problems, and daily activities of a normal marriage. He is quick tho to need kudos and brag about how great he is and demand that I agree he is super talented. He completely changed into a stranger about 2 years into the marriage. I’m stuck and 52….. not wanting another embarrassing divorce.
I’m currently locked out of my house sitting on patio after bringing the 3 loads of washing I did for my partner or ex. She is demanding money when I’m currently unemployed. My new job starts January 8th so have 4 weeks where I’ve had to get on centrelink.
She’s never answer the phone to my calls in the 8 years we have been together. Always on silent. She’s never really worked and only responds when she wants something.
Has never contributed one cent but gaslights me as soon as my pay is spent. Empties my bank an every opportunity she gets and just gambles it away then treats me badly.
Has never had conversations about the future or trips, and is always dealing with some kind of bad situation daily or weekly.
At what point do you have to save yourself?
There will literally be nothing left to save soon.
I didn’t realize I was in an emotionally abusive relationship until the day it ended. I spent the last 2.5 years assuming I was in a normal, healthy relationship. But the abuse was subtle, very minimal and not something to think about in the first year but getting progressively worse by the second year. The projection, judgement (not so much on me but others around him), isolation and resentment of the life I had outside him were becoming more evident as time progressed.
The day it ended, he punished me for doing an activity with a friend and not him, and for choosing to spend the weekend at my own home instead of his. He accused me of not providing enough for him sexually. (There was non-stop pressure for sex. We couldn’t have conversations without it leading to something sexual. I thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t want it as much as he did (which was daily, with oral sex in-between.))
I didn’t know that when I left, that was his way of breaking up with me. He didn’t answer my calls and finally responded to my text, saying it wasn’t working out and he needed to move on. But that was always his way. If I didn’t comply, then there was the unspoken threat of breakup. I lived in fear that if I pushed back, said no to sex, failed at attempting to learn a new thing, etc., he would be unhappy and threaten breakup.
He covered it up by telling me he loved me more than anything. I thought it was normal that he wanted me with him all the time, but thought it weird he never wanted to do things with his friends. I would joke that I had a “needy boyfriend”, not realizing just how serious it was. Even now, the breakup is fresh, I’m in denial about the person he really was. I still see him as sweet and caring because the betrayal is too difficult to bear.
That is not what you need to hear, although I guess you could consider it: You are important and should be acknowledged, not ignored. You are not some doll she can take and just throw down and pick it up when she wants to play with you.
A relationship is time and sharing and attention and love. You are not being respected. One day you will find your soulmate. I’m still waiting for mine. I’m just filling time with a meaningless guy that doesn’t hear me or acknowledge me unless he wants dinner.
Sounds like you should break up. Judging from what you said, it absolutely sounds as if you are very low on her list.
Very much so…
My ex is constantly putting me down. He was the one who chose to pull back and didn’t want to see me and eventually I gave up and moved on. He then offered to help me with my start up business but he criticises me all the time and the says he is too busy to discuss then goes nuts when I don’t making me jump through hoops. I have now told him to collect the equipment and be done with it. But he hasn’t. I have blocked him I’ve had enough of his put downs and stupidity.
He’s your ex? He’s not putting you down. He’s your ex! You should have very limited/minimal contact. I suggest zero contact but understand you may not have that option. Remember, when you allow an ex to control you, you are being unfair to yourself and anyone within your current relationship. It wrecks you/causes unnecessary feelings and nobody focuses on the current relationship because their time/energy are wasted, probably just like your ex would want.
So my relationships back when we 1st started dating I was still opening with myself cyber cheating is the best way I can put it….fast faward to 8 years laters same guys now four kids are involved and I’m just not happy my mornings start out with him asking me unnecessary questions ( like did I leave and street walk all night) everyday he makes me spend every waking moment with him and will get upset if I don’t want to(like I have to work where he works and move when he moves b.c it makes him feel better) and if he leaves the house me or the kids are not to leave until he comes back b.c it makes him feel better he is my first relationship my first love I know in the past I did wrong and fucked up his trust for me but year’s later I just don’t see myself happy with this man…. everytime we talk it turns into an argument and are last conversation he told me he does not like anything I’m interested in and that I better get on board with him. I’m just stuck I understand I cheated in the pass and that it hurt him and damaged him but what I don’t understand is why b.c of the mistake I made 8 years ago do I feel like I have to give my life up to this man like I love scary movies but can never watch them b.c he don’t like them….I love pop rock and rnb music but I have to always listen to my music in my headphones b.c he don’t like it I understand I have made a mistake but is my one mistake supposed to make me give my life away and just act like the woman he wants me to be and not the woman I want to be? How do I leave?
I wont lie to you that sounds like a narcissist. I was in a relationship for 11 years and dealt with that. If you truly love them you will let them go because they have something that they need to learn in life.
You simply will never be good enough. I know this is hard to hear but think about what you’re doing to your soul.
They will break you to the point where your heart can’t take it anymore. But one thing i will guarantee you is that you will smile through all the bad because at the end of the day, your soul knows you are not being truthful to yourself.
This is why you feel emotionally and physically drained. I was physically and mentally abused and at the end of the day.. whatever i did was “nowhere near what i did to him”.
It will be hard. You will have bad moments. I did too but at the end of the day i realized there’s so many good men in this world. Don’t stay for looks. Be who YOU want to be and all will fall into place for you. Self love. Sont expect someone to love you if you cant love yourself.
Sorry your soul knows that you are being truthful to yourself ** if you ever want advice i am going through the same thing and much respext to you btw to seek help online.
I never post things online btw. But i did this one out of respect.
abuse should never be tolerated even for the sake of having kids with someone, men are the most confusing and women are always second guessing every action or non action, it is the men that have the short comings usually that treat their women poorly with no concern for how their partners feel, some men also arent aware that what they are doing is wrong because they are emotionally broken, its never a womans fault for how a partner mistreats them. ensure your needs come first, do everything to raise your self esteem, time to your self, bubble baths, do something nice for yourself and get rid of the abuser
I can only take so much from a person and I will burn a bridge so bad, I make sure they never come back. None have come back. I dont play! Being alone is soooo much better!
Dude you’re my spirit animal!
Amen to that!!!! And I too have d alt with this…..if coyrse your man would have you think,”urs all you and everyone else”. He’s the only one tfat really knows what love is. He’s the only one of how many billion people on the planet??? Really?? Those narcissists know what they’re doing to us. It’s a choice to be the way they are,they weren’t born tfat way!!! They are cruel on purpose. It feeds who they are! In the immortal words of,any and all,run girl,run! Fast as you can! Do not stop to pass go and collect your 2 hundred dollars. You just hit the jackpot on your way out! If you need to question,whether it’s right or wrong,just run first.The answer will come soon! Good luck to you and stay strong….it’s necessary!
Cracked phone screen. My apologies for the illiterate sounding comment. Please try to read thru
The reason u went looking for a partner elsewhere is due to his long abuse he has given u. Yes, it’s wrong, and not to say it was right but God he earned it! When a man treats u badly after yrs of faithfulness but still accuses u of being unfit or unfaithful then u need to move on. Ur not bad…just finally gave up and emotional abuse scars u far worse than physical so people need to wake up. It is him who did the damage…not u. U just sought comfort wanting to be loved and appreciated which a normal hubby should give. Once u leave this relationship…u won’t ever feel a need to look else where for another partner other than ur new right guy. It just won’t happen…u will be healed from past but also smarter to know ur limits and leave before u go looking outside ur committed relationship.
Sounds like he is insecure and unable to let go of the past. The relationships seems to have turned into one that isn’t flourishing in the present and future but instead is living in the past. If it’s possible I would just move out and get your own apartment. I’m not sure if you are married but if you are, it’s either discuss this problem with him or leave. We only live one time and we want our lives to be as joyful and happy as it can be considering life is so difficult and hard. I hope it will work out for you.
Start with baby steps few yoga poses, therapist might be?helpful? Save money no one knows about but yourself and close family member even if its few dollars a week it will add up. Always show respect towards him for children’s sake, if can join support group oh no u can’t Good book is courage to be a single mom. God bless and stay safe! Memories try to leave good ones! Mostly for children. #1 advise begin with prayer
My partner of 9-10years he is so manipulative and emotionally abusing me he almost every day calls me a fool, useless bitch. When I ask him why he is doing that he said I still repeating that he shows no remorse towards me. I have tried everything I could to please him but he we ll be fine 2 – 3days then so thing small he snaps. So I feel not safe with anymore as he can become very agitated sometimes and sometimes and he can be very nice, like I have run out of options now
Hi I know what it feels like to be named called and hit by someone that was supposed to love you I’m trying to get away we share a beautiful daughter I wish he would of changed but I know he never will I hope you have the courage I haven’t found best wishes hope everything gets better for you
After reading this article, i realized that i have been dating a toxic guy,forcing myself to please him, i wasted my time, he dont pick my calls or call me, we always have pending argument, always lying and manipulative.always demanding for more money ,i regretted of dating such a man
Hello, first of all, everybody makes mistakes. You should not be punished for this so please don’t carry any sort of guilt around this, nobody is perfect and we’re all just trying to make it through life the best way we no how mistakes are bound to be made along the way they help us grow as individuals and we take a lesson out of every mistake made. Please don’t feel guilty or as though your not worthy of the love that you deserve because you’ve made a mistake. Please don’t ever think you’re a horrible person because you’re not, you’re human.
In regards to your husband…Where do I begin… it seems to me that you’ve allowed his condones and accepted his controlling behaviour for quite some time in order to keep the peace and not upset him, after all you cheated on him so you ‘MUST’ of course spend the rest of your years making it up to him starting with not upsetting him by setting aside your own wants and needs so that you can fulfil his. .. seems ridiculous when you say out loud hey? Well not really I can tell you why you’ve tolerated and condoned this behaviour, it’s because you felt that you ‘deserved’ this because you ‘fucked up’ and this is your ‘punishment’ or way of ‘making it up’ to your husband… am I right? I think you know I am! Well first of all he honey, he CHOSE to stay with you after the cheating situation occurred. He could have left you and gone else, nobody held him against his will, he made the DECISION to stay with you. So let me get things straight, everybody knows and if they don’t we’ll they should that the number one rule when it comes forgiveness is… you must forgive but never forget. Forgive because this allows you to let go of hurt and anger but don’t forget because you need to know when sombody has run out of chances. So from what I can gather, your husband has not forgiven you for what you’ve done, because he still feel down inside has trust issues with you hence the needing to have you around not because he wants you around but because this allows him to keep tabs on you. He carries anger and resentment. A relationship can not and will not flourish under these toxic emotions and behaviours.
Your husband subconsciously believes that you owe him for what you did so he will always expect you to cater to his every need moving forward and your mistake will always be dangled infront of you as leverage up on you so that you are left feeling guilty and is if you owe it to the you husband, eventually they’ll have you believing you’re less of a person and as though you need to set your wants and needs aside to please them first because after all ‘you made the mistake not them’. Over time this becomes a toxic emotional roller coaster that never seems to end.
Doesn’t matter whether you’ve made 1 mistake or 50 mistakes nobody has the right to control you and what you want to do with YOUR life. You’re husband should understand that you’re human and you have made mistakes and you will make plenty more in life, but trying to control in order to ‘prevent’ you from possibly doing anything that might upset him is just ridiculous. You are not a doll, if he wants somebody he can control then go buy a blow up doll, she won’t mind if he takes her to work and keep tabs on her every move, she’ll even sit with the kids while he goes out better yet she doesn’t talk so he won’t have to worry about coming home and having an argument.
Okay in all honesty, you are so much more than your husbands puppet. I want you to remember that you only have one life, only one shot at this. So when you’re an old girl on your way out and you’re laying in your bed reflecting on your life, will you be filled with joy, fulfilment and happiness or will you feel defeated, saddened and full of regret due to all the missed opportunities, nobody wants to think about the ‘what if’ or the ‘could of beens’
So Monique, do you want to spend the rest of your life unhappy with a man who needs to be with you at all times because of his insecurities, who doesn’t want you leaving the house without him because he isn’t there to keep tabs on you. This is not love, this is imprisonment. You don’t want your children growing up thinking that this sort of controlling behaviour is normal. Please don’t stay because you’re worried to break up your family, remember 2 happy homes are better than 1 toxic unhappy home. Your children will understand one day and remember you’re doing this for yourself but you’re also doing this for them. You’re showing them how strong mummy is to leave a relationship that no longer served her. You’re showing them the happy outgoing, energetic, independent, strong woman that you are. Good luck with everything! I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes. –
Be very carful with what you tolerate. You are showing people how to treat you.
I have the same similar relationship just now I have a kid on the way and iknow its a red flag to stay my first love did me wrong but it hes still had contact of his first love he claims he does not know his password to Facebook comple months ago told her is she still breathing
You cheated because he is a repulsive ass. Stay away from him.
My boyfriend of 1 year stops in the middle of sex at 230 am to answer phone call from daughter 18 yrs who is crying about her boyfriend not taking her out 3 weeks before. She asks what he is doing n he says he is alone relaxing n makes me keep dog quiet in my own house and cannot believe that I find that insulting n deaming….
Hell no, leave his stupid ass. You deserve better girl. He’s toxic.
You cheated on him you scum. No wonder he resents you.
Yes well she has little respect for youbif she is putting her friends or family who are not kids above you. You deserve a great girl who is caring and kind and who can meet your needs and not be selfish. She sounds very passive aggressive with no regard for your feelings i would walk away and find someone balanced
I need advice…..my boyfriend is rude he does everything on this list when I read it I started balling what do I do I’m stuck in this crap relationship and I can’t leave because he says he will kill himself
I work with my husband. It is hard to separate work from home. He has recently given in to calling me names when I ask him to fix something about the house. Very sad .
Honey he says that to keep you there. You can’t let that keep you, your mental health and self worth will suffer the longer you stay. And remember, even if he did commit suicide, THATS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Hey. Would she notice if you leave her…? If not, why to waste your time wiht person who doesn`t care or appreciate you?
Hello , my partner is 65 and constantly gaslighting me . Self isolation isn’t a great situation but it’s necessary for protective measures for our son’s sake . I find I am dealing with everything now , it began subtly years ago but I was oblivious to what was going on . I do get stressed mentally because partner acts useless which means I make every call and sort everything out no matter what the problem is . Then he not picks things I do by lying about how I will react . For example my washing machine broke so I got a cheap portable camping one , it has a pedal . He said I’ll do it because you have no patience . WHAT ? I’ve had patience in lorry loads otherwise I would not be here doing everything still . I call him names under my breath because if I dare answer he storms off into the bathroom and will not discuss things . Nothing gets resolved and I get the silent treatment . I’m traumatised by my brothers cancer ordeal last year and haven’t had time to grieve properly before the pandemic set in .
If im honest I am the same , I do have alot of people leaning on me including my daughter and friends ect. I lean on my husband for support. My mind is constantly spinning on who im having to speak to or text. I do forget to text him bk alot or dont even see the meessege. My hubby gets cross with me over it too. Just know its not intentional
Wow. My boyfriend does the same thing. He sits on his phone & talks to friends. He asks how their day went. Never does that with me. He also gave his friend a 1,000 dollar mattress that had stains and now I have to help buy a new mattress. Yet when I ask for help (I’m in college and a mother to HIS kid), he tells me that I owe him something. He says I owe him a 24,000 dollar atv for all the help he’s given me. I thought couples were supposed to help each other out? I work part time, I’m a full time student and a mother.. I thought I was doing pretty dang good but I guess not.
I have been dating a guy for 11years now, though he is my first love and with him was when I started having trust issues, he. Has cheated on me several times with series of ladies to the extent of his ex he keeps looking up for her calls and chats , I had to break that conversation off just to protect what I have because I love him dearly and can sacrifice anything for him, despite that nothing changed, he still kept on cheating even now with girls 10years below my age and not only does he cheats on me with them , he practically and physically insults me just because of that, he chooses when to pick my calls , reply to my text , I have cried several times asking him what my offence was and yet he keeps begging that he would change and till now nothing has changed even I had lost my self-esteem in the process , he doesn’t even care about me neither even. Take me as a priority and yet he claims he loves me, his friends decides when he comes home and when to talk to me or hangup, he listens to his friends more than even I… The worst part of it am 3months pregnant for him now and am currently facing the worst hell of my life, I sacrifice my happiness just to please him to avoid issues , but still nothing is working , he insults me so much that he doesn’t even have a single respect for me , cheating is his hobby… I am currently in a state of dilemma, I don’t know what to do anymore.. I regretted not having to back out since…
If it is a consistent struggle, I’d really sit down with her and read her this to tell you how you feel and be SUPER calm and meaningful when you explain it. If she sows little to no emotion and blames YOU for her miss leadings then I’d tell her you want a break between you two. If the “threatening” phrase of wanting a break doesn’t work then she’s a goner bro. She lost feelings and isn’t attached anymore. Honestly from what I see ALOT nowadays is that these damn cell phones are a TERRIBLE CURSE and some what if a blessing. Good luck
Just get to hell out of there mate. She’s just not that into you.
Joel,
She is playing a game. She wants control of the relationship. People whom are serious about a relationship should care about texting back and would at least acknowledge the live-in partner life. Ignoring you, ignoring texts, it sounds like she enjoys the control and she enjoys making you feel what you are feeling right now. That’s toxic behavior. No one deserves that. I’m in a long distant marriage and my husband never ignores my texts and vice versa, if we are truly busy we will at least tell each other, “I’m driving I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel..” “helping kids with homework, I’ll call you in an hour.” Etc. Communication is key. She doesn’t have that. So, sorry, but she’s not worth it. There are people out there that genuinely care and know how to communicate, find her. Good luck 💕
Yeah I am having the same issue my partner is treating me like I don’t exist and blaming me for the our children being illegally taken not only that he talks to me like I am a dog
Tell me guys when a man wants to try harder around you and make you work after eight years I do cam sites and cams models to get more of attention. He doesn’t even get turned on by me either.please guys what the hell do I do now because you can’t chan he a man or a women that’s mindset is in that zone.
My guy is always cold and mean to Me I mean nothing to him n I try so hard im exhausted trying
Sick of dating men who just want sex no relationship, narcissistic or lie they want a relationship. Relationships becoming a thing of the past?
Have you ever stoped to think what her day was like. If your constantly texing her and you dont give her time to responed befor texing again that could be a reason. If you know that she volunteers alot of her time and has so many people depending on her because youve proven to her many of times thats shes not worthly why should she answer you? You think for one moment that shes tried and tried while you bypass her and now you want her just to wreal her in just to go back to being the same. Its just not all about you
My boyfriend and I always seem to have the same issues over and over. The two biggest things lately have been him stonewalling and pouting if he hears even the slightest tone in my voice. Once he starts he can keep it up for hours or even a full day of acting like I don’t exist. The other thing is if I make a mistake or answer his question wrong it can quickly become a huge fight. I feel like lately all my boyfriend cares about is if I’m wrong or not. I’ll explain to him that I’m sorry and I misunderstood and will say I’m wrong. Then he says that it doesn’t matter if I said it because I didn’t say it right away. He can go full rage mode about the fact that I didn’t admit to being wrong right away. He talks circles around me to the point of me not understanding what we are even talking about. I also have a bad short term memory and I can never remember the start of any argument and i feel like he uses it against me. I don’t know if he is a narcissist or if I’m too defensive and he reacts off of that?? I just need help because I don’t want to leave him. I just want to figure out how I can tell him about these things in a way that won’t provoke him.
I hope u got out of this relationship ! Unless she changed . Only God can do that !
I have the same issue with my boyfriend. When I’m there he is mad and has an attitude or ignores me, but when I have to go somewhere he starts telling me me he wanted to hang out with me, or that we have important stuff to do. He also pretends to be asleep until I leave, which I’ve told him makes me feel unwanted in my own home. When he snaps, he threatens to leave. He packs his stuff and when he sees I don’t care or I don’t try to stop him, he starts crying and trying to apologize. I’m starting to become a mean, impatient person and I hate it.
Hi Joel. I wish I had a man to converse with any time. Find someone that appreciates you. She is taking you for granted. I am sorry. I’ve been there. I’m divorced now. It’s better than feeling rejected or ignored in a “relationship”.
I would have to text her one last time after I emptied all my stuff out of the house and left for good. ‘Goodbye.’ That’s what my last text would say.
It’s weird I just came across your statement and I’m going through the exact same thing. I’m 54 and my partner (a man ) is 62. He’s always on his phone or tablet. We rarely talk. He sits on the sofa – no cuddles no conversation. He’s just on his device until he goes to bed.
hello everyone. I need some advice.. desperately.
My( possibly) toxic person is my husband. Before I start.. I know the easy answer.. leave.. but it’s not always that simple.
My husband has always gotten furious anytime I voice my own opinion about anything.. only time he doesn’t.. is if it’s in total.. and I do mean TOTAL agreement with HIS opinion. It really causes what I consider to be childish arguments. I am tired.. very tired.. of all the fighting.It’s literally draining me emotionally AND physically. Ive been with him 13 years, so I’ll just skip to the most recent behaviors . Not long ago.. I decided to switch my political party, as the party I was in ( and he still is).. didn’t match up with my personal beliefs. Instead of accepting that I am my own person, with my own beliefs.. he started screaming at me, started name calling, etc. I told him that this is a subject we should simply not discuss since he feels so passionate about it, and to me it’s really not important enough, at least to me to fight with each other about. . He initially agreed to that.. but the very next morning.. during coffee, he started making snide remarks and has continued to do so daily. If I dare to say anything back, it’s WW3. I get so tired of having to defend myself for every dang thing, but again I tried to ask if we can just avoid the subject.,due to the conflict it causes. Nope.. if Im watching tv or reading in the same room.. he will get on his smartphone, find his favorite political hate videos, and ply them as loud as he can until it forces me to leave the room. That how I deal with that now.. I just simply walk away.
There was a time couple of years ago. , my son ( his stepson)..was sick.. really sick.. I said I was taking him to urgent care, because I knew it was flu. ( turns out I was right).Husband said.. “thats a waste of money”.. “kids just get sick sometimes”.. “you baby him too damn much”. Folks.. my son had 103 temp ( as a teenager), vomiting, the works. I took him anyway.. because.. Im sorry if this offends anyone… but my kid comes before ANYONE else. When I got back withy son.. husband was livid.. and screamed at both my son and myself for daring to go against what he said. I got silent treatment for over a week for that one after he had his tantrum. Two weeks ago.. he got mad at me about something.. and told me everyone hates being around me because IM negative. Well.. we just moved to our current location about a year ago.. and last week some ladies in the neighborhood had a Bunco game night.. and I was invited.. We had a blast.. I have been getting along really really good with one of the ladies, pretty much since we moved here. During Bunco.. my husband went to hand out at her house with HER husband. they were drinking.. quite heavily.. but the other husband never acted drunk, or like an ass.. not once.. but mine did!.. He literally stayed there drinking one beer after another until 2 AM.. even though the man had told my husband that he was tired and needed to go to bed.. He actually gave up after a while, and just said.. “Im sorry.. Ive gotta go to bed.. I cant stay awake anymore”. I was trying to GENTLY encourage him to leave.. but nope.. he refused.. My Friend ( the wife) stayed up and continued to host. I was embarrassed, because he was just too all about himself to realize he wore out his welcome. Well.. while drinking, and nonstop talking about how great he is.. suddenly.. he told her something very painful about my past.. and of course had his own twist to it. Something that was so personal to me that I just couldn’t believe he said it. I tried to brush it off as him just being drunk, even though he hurt me terribly !! The next morning.. when he had sobered up.. I spoke to him about it. He refused to see how he was at all wrong in what he did.. ANY of it. now, no one in the neighborhood will talk to me because they all feel awkward. This was something that happened TO me years ago…. and yet IM being punished for it because he had to go into something too personal and too graphic for people who are just getting to really know me, ya know?? I think my husband did it on purpose.. I really do, because as I said.. not a week before that he told me no one wanted to be around me.. then he saw with his own eyes on Bunco night that it was not true.. and he simply couldn’t have it. Newest thing.. I got a job working from home. YAY me!! I will be taking to people some on the phone.. and as per company rules.. I can have no background noise… Specifically no TV , and NO barking dogs. I have two LARGE dogs that bark at absolutely anything… and even t nothing sometimes.. One is a Shepard.. so his bark is extremely loud. Even though we’ve had one of them nine years…My husband has never put up a fence. He doesn’t like to spend money on anything but himself.. I know that sounds mean for me to say.. but it’s true. Since I am the one who wanted the dogs.. it is my punishment to have to have them under my feet 24/7. I cant mop my floors without them following me and messing it right back up, I have to walk them around the entire block every time they want to go potty.. you name it. What he doesn’t realize is that he is punishing them too.. dogs need to run and play. But that s a whole other issue. My issue is that I said I understand he doesn’t feel like putting up a fence right now.. but that I do need some way of keeping them outside during my work shifts. He said NO.. He said I don’t need that because you cant hear them bark.. Mind you.. too large dogs.. LOUD barks.. and wood floors, so I get massive echo when they start up. Im pretty sure everyone in the neighborhood can hear them. He even admits that it hurts his ears.. ( except for when we talk about ME needing them outside, of course). Yesterday, I said again that since I start working here as of Monday, that I need to go get a runner ( since those are inexpensive).. to put them on to ensure it didn’t interfere with my job.. boy did that EVER set him off! He started screaming and cursing me.. telling me I think Im always right, and that I think he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.. accusing me of saying he isn’t supportive of me (even though I didnt say that) I am NOW I guess.. but Id never say that to HIM… how useless I am.. how much smarter than me he is.. because he works in a highly paid job and I dont etc etc etc. He got up, stormed out the door to go to work, and hasn’t spoken to me since.. All that just because I feel that I need to put the dogs out so that I won’t get fired from my job. ..I get punished for ever taking my own stand on things.. Like, It turns him off. We will go MONTHS without any physical intimacy. And I get the silent treatment for a week or two at a time. When I talk to him about it..I’ll get any number of excuses…and yet he sure doesn’t skip a beat to stare down other women in front of me, or flirt with women he grew up with online.I guess Im talking to you all, because I literally have no one else. He tells me I am the problem in our marriage. I want to ask you all, am I? Because if it’s me.. I will go get help.. living this way is not fun.
Cheryl
sorry for all the typos :/
hey cheril, i heard through your whole post, and i believe you. what you are experiencing is not normal. i am sorry to say. your husband IS emotionally destructive person. it shows also in the fact that you doubt yourself and wonder if you are the problem. it may feel like you need to continue to be there for him. have you heard of the term co-dependent? while you cannot change him, you can get help and support for yourself. one excellent resource is new life live. they have great counselors and truly wise advice. hope you can reach out to them for further help.
Cheryl this broke my heart and I am in your exact shoes. It’s like you took the words from my thoughts and wrote them down. I have been considering seeing a therapist because I truly believe my significant other has controlled, manipulated, and emotionally abused me to the point where I can no longer think on a norma rational level. I very much hope you are okay and that you have gotten through this, or are getting through it now.
Hi, I just finished reading all this and also seen Cheryl’ story. I wanted to reply to her also but noticed her comment is from 2019 so she probably won’t see this. I was going through the same thing with my husband, he was very manipulative and very insecure of himself, all this I’ve noticed after we got married of course because if I’ve seen it sooner I’ll have second thoughts to go through marriage with him. I found out that my husband was cheating on me BIG Time and that means seeing woman in person and on social media .. The big clue to know when you’re being cheated on is to see and notice the actions of your partner..First of all he knows you’re a great and beautiful woman and very hard to easily find so they feel afraid of losing you and start bringing you down on purpose to make you feel insecure, alone and unloved, useless, dirty, small, and a lot more and all because that’s how they really feel for themselves inside their own body and most of the time when a husband is acting like this is because he’s sleeping with another woman, probably a married one too so they both keep it a secret or else. A husband that truly loves his wife will never treat her this poor. When I said above that he’s afraid of losing you yes it’s because he doesn’t want to be in his own misery alone, that’s all he wants you for a company that can take all of his bad behavior and also one that can tolerate it. Stop being a punching bag and fight back stand your ground with your foot firmly on that floor and stand up for yourself, I bet that will be a turn on for him real quick trust and believe that. Once you start acting like you don’t care anymore and feel confident head held high boi they’ll start fearing to lose you… Try it if you want him to start loving you again you need to be a grown woman that knows she deserves to be treated like the good person that she is. Most importantly we need to love ourselves first before any man or woman can enter our lives. If we truly love ourselves we will never allow anyone to treat us like trash ever.. Hope this helps, thanks for reading.
All the replies have truth in them..No, u shouldn’t have to re-live or be reminded of that 1 mistake 4 the rest of whatever time u may have w/ this guy, hopefully not the rest of your life. Its obvious that this guy can’t let it go or just leave it in the past..not fair to either 1 of u. And w/ that said, as long as he cares it around w/ him, ya’ll will not be able to move forward. What ever it is that your calling a relationship here, seems more like a life sentence. Trust has to be earned bk but doesn’t seem like he is even willing to give u that chance to even consider getting bk. When there’s more bad than good moments, then u should ask yourself what’s the point of even staying together. It’s surely not for all the fun and laughter so why are either of u putting yourselves thru all of the heartache ? Sounds like the both of u may have “settled”. You both deserve a better life w/ a partner that builds you up, not tears you down. The best of luck 4 the both of u.
Cheryl, I’ve noticed your comment is quite old, but I was wondering how your situation is now? Did he end up seeing his destructive behaviour?
Hi Cheryl,
You are not alone! I’m so sorry you are dealing with all of this! You are welcome to talk to me I have my own horror stories I can share, so just know…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I’m on round two with my husband and I’m just getting my affairs I’m order so I can finally be free, I’m patiently waiting for the moment I can make my escape. We were not even married a year when he started with similar crap to your husband, the shouting, putting down, isolating, manipulating and telling everyone how horrible I am, I lost all my friends or so called friends, I mean if my friends cared for me the way they said they did I don’t see how they would listen to what my husband had to say, but anyway, here we are. I was eventually violently chased out of our marital home and lived elsewhere for about 3 months, I was destitute Because I’m completely dependent on him and he had no care so just before the divorce went through we reconciled, started a business with partners and everything was great! He had seen the error of his ways, or perhaps not…he fell into the same pattern again about a month ago this time unmasking his demon to our business partners as well…
The best moment probably came about 2 weeks ago when our business partners came to me to tell me that they have been furiously defending my honor because my reputation was so badly broken by my husbands lies that people felt the need to warn them about me…and they basically told me that they’ve got my back…it was the first time I felt I could breathe again…that something so seemingly insignificant Could give me back, well, ME!
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, hang in there, the wheel turns, and I’m here if you need to talk.
You are worth so much more than this!
You are definitely not alone!!!!! I’m not sure what stage I’m in now…. I’ve been through the sobbing, what did I do phase, the consume myself with him phase, the sad and depressed phase, and so on. I can tell you that I don’t cry anymore, I haven’t in a few years. I’m not questioning myself anymore, I’m not trying to make him happy anymore, and I’m not shocked or surprised by anything he says or does anymore. In fact, I’m not even into confronting him and arguing anymore.
Seems to me that I might actually be getting very close to the ‘I’m out’ phase. Of course we all know that’s easier said than done. We’ve been together for 18 years now so you can get an idea of what we’ve been through. Honestly, I should have left back in 2014. We actually did separate for 5 months. Getting him out of the house was undoubtedly the hardest thing to do and I was heartbroken but it felt right. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like today if I never let him back in. It’s really never been the same since, and I don’t think it ever will be again. I’m pissed that I waited so long, and wasted so many years… I’m in my 40s now😳😳
I am in the same position as you and don’t know where to turn I get accused of flirting all the time and I can’t go anywhere without him having ago at me when I get back. He is constantly telling me how my job doesn’t pay enough and they are doing me over and how he brings in the money even in front of other people! I can’t go out with my friends and he pushes my friends away and can be very nasty so they fall out with me, I am married with 2 lovely kids but the one is not his and I find that when he starts an argument or I want to leave he uses his daughter to say he will take her and I’m sure it makes my son feel bad! I hate living like this I’m scared to talk to men incase I get accused or he sees me and it starts arguments. I am also afraid that my kids will think that this behaviour is ok when it’s far from ok but I have no way of getting out of it! When he is nice he is nice but then when something happens he doesn’t like his eyes change and I can tell he is angry! I find myself making excuses up for him to everyone like he’s had a bad childhood and doesn’t know any different or I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that! I’m sick of living like this!!!
You are dealing with at least a narcissist, maybe malignant or a psychopath. I suggest you watch the many You tube videos dealing with this subject. The above are all narcissists, to one degree or another, but if you are actually dealing with someone who is Psychopathic they have no conscience at all.
Familiarize yourself with this personality disorder so that you can better protect yourself from the toxicity. When you come out of the FOG you will realize just how damaging these people are and it is best to get as far away as possible.
How do I escape him, after 12 years and a child. He’s made sure I’m financially and mentally depleted. He has nothing positive, constructive or even nice to say. He won’t sleep in my bed. He won’t touch me unless it’s for his own self gratification and if I dare say a word, all hell breaks loose. I’ve had enough of being nothing. ????
I was a victim for 8 years ,,, got away in the end alive but physically and mentally scarred…
you must take walk to a safe place .
Girl! Stop your pain! You owe it to yourself to be happy. You need to leave him and get therapy. He’s damaged you to the point where you need to be guided back to a mental state. He’s broken you and that’s not right.
Your husband is abusing you. I believe your intuition is correct, did sabotage you with the people you were connecting with. He feels threatened because he has an abusive personality. That is his problem alone, not yours. Nothing you can do will fix that but he’ll want you to try, wear yourself out until one day you have nothing left and you’ll have no choice to walk away. Sticking around enables his shitty behaviour though I understand it’s not that easy to just leave. It’s a personal choice you’ll have to make in terms of what type of life do you want for yourself? Especially if you feel there is a kid in danger. In any case you have to put yourself first so that you’re okay and if the kid is not safe or in an abusive environment, document any of the concerns before you are gone, if you’re unable to keep in touch with the kid, might be in the best interest to contact social services. Yes it will make him angry and he will blame you but this is what abusers do, they blame everyone else without looking at their actions. They have faulty thinking and the more you were to treat him well, the more entitled he will become, more demanding and volatile.
I think you already know you are not the problem. We (people in toxic relationships) have gone through so much emotional pain we start to think we are the problem. My way of dealing with it right now is just stop caring about him. I told him to leave and he wouldn’t, so I let him stay but told him, ‘I’m not going to care about anything you want, say or do’. Try getting a cage for the dogs. But honestly if you want to stay, I’d say be strong don’t let his words get to you. When he tries to taunt you, just let it go in one ear and out the other. If he judges what you do, give simple answers: Ok. Oops … sorry. I don’t know what to tell you etc.
Personally it helped my situation to stop caring so much about keeping him happy because I was becoming toxic myself. I was so stressed out my stomach would be in knots. Just take it easy. Focus on your wellbeing and your son. You could start working out in your home and love yourself. Give yourself some you time. I wish you the best.
Cheryl I just read all of your post, you made me laugh a couple times and believe me I needed it after today and I also have to say you sound very rational minded, very fair in everything you require. I’m not sure how you’re living and what else he’s providing but it’s not much use him being in a highly paid job if he’s going to be selfish with the money and not give you the love you need at the same time. You’ve painted him in a bad light and he sounds like a nightmare. Very childish, selfish and narcissistic. If you don’t think he’s going to die soon it’s not worth the wait for the inheritance. I think you should find another love, there’s definitely someone better for you out there. Today my partner and I had a theme park booked and paid for which cost £158 and instead of going, we broke up. He’s at the pub and I’m finding solace in these posts. Some partners are so selfish, so uncaring and narcissistic. It’s hurtful, and the silent treatment is like torture to me because I overthink. I give all my love yet spend all my time either feeling unworthy or questioning if I’m even loved at all. Then the secrets, lies and truth twisting. It’s a lot – it’s like living with the devil!
I was in a relationship with one and honestly the worst of my life. What a waste of time. Thank god I got out though. They deflect everything on you and everything they tell you is a fantasy story lol.
Good day. What to do if my husband does’nt anwer back if i ask something. Or just say something for the sake of it. This morning i asked for the time when i whoke up and he said 7 o clock but when i looked as my phone a bit later it was half past 8.
I would like to know whatever happened to Cheryl, an how many of these other dear ones left their partners, and/or resolved their problems w/them?
Stonewalling and going offline or ignoring messages is really frustrating and distressing to the other partner. Definitely a cruel behavior and never good for a relationship!
So then I should just continue arguing after several hours of it already, having accomplished nothing but going in circles? What if I need to go to sleep? What if the intensity of the argument escalates and I feel the safest thing to do would be to take a break to cool off? Is that considered stonewalling?? Or should we just beat the dead horse till one of us is catatonic?
Stonewalling is just going silent and leaving the person hanging. If you need to go to sleep or think you should just take a break to cool off, then that’s what you write in a message. It’s just ending the conversation.
Using an analogy, if someone wants to keep talking to their phone after you’ve said goodbye and hang up, that’s on them. But if you just hang up without ending the conversation, it’s on you.
I’m dealing with a toxic person I have been for about 5 years now. I’m sitting in the bathroom right now cause i don’t know where to go.my partner that’s been so angry at me and when I ask what’s wrong she yells or throws something..makes me feel really bad..she’s always talking with her co workers..her tone is so different..I have found out about I know of 3 people that are old enough to be our parents that the relationship seems odd..one was a 60 year old that was flirty and my partner flirted back..wanting to go to dinner..wanting to see her naked..the second was a 60 something year old that happened to be a client of hers..I read txt messages where they went to eat..told each other they loved each other..had her personal phone number and the third was a man..she’s a lesbian by the way..the man sent emaiils fantasizing over her. It sure what happened there or how that came about but it happened.
Yes definitely cheating on you. You deserve better. There’s no way when a person truly loves you will treat you like a nobody. I know you wouldn’t do the things she’s doing to you and you know why? Because you love her and can’t and won’t hurt her. That’s true love so my question to you is are you getting the same in return? Nope so you need to start planning and move on. She’s not worth it and you know it.. Hope you find your true partner that will love u unconditionally and treat you how you should be treated.
I lent $1,000 dollars to a friend on August 2nd. I gave her 4 months to pay back which would have been December 2nd. Well December 2nd came and I didn’t hear from her. I let it pass .January 2nd came and I called her,she gave me a bunch of excuses of why she didn’t have the money,her paycheck was being deducted to $80 a paycheck, she needed to put her stuff in storage etc. February 2nd I called her again and she said she had filed her taxes and it would take 3 weeks. Mind you all this time I was expecting a phone call,a text or something to explain or to assure me that I would get my money back,but I got nothing. In the meantime she was writing rude texts in block letters. I noticed from last September that she became distant after i had borrowed her the money,she would not comment on any of my posts on Instagram or just like anything i posted. So 3 weeks ago she have me the money using cashapp and it was $990 less $10 because cashapp deducts $10. Not even a thank you for helping me in my times of need nothing. I really felt disrespected because I was there for her when her car was repossessed and she needed money to pay,now I’m the bad person. She called one of our mutual friends saying she wishes she had never borrowed from me,she had a birthday party last week and didn’t extend an invite. I just need advise on what to do with this person. Should I unfollow this girl because really at this point she has made me the villain and her enemy.
Tee,
I am sorry for your trouble with this immature and entitled loser. Have you ever heard the saying, “Let people borrow money, they’ll leave you alone”?
You need to only have contact with this person to get your money back and then stay away from this person. You are were used. You’re money is the last thing on this child’s mind. The world is full of these entitled fools.
You could take her to small claims court but that only puts a judgement against her if you win because no one can’t get money from any deadbeat that has no steady income.
Bottom line my friend: $1,000 sounds like a small price to pay to get her out of your life”! Rest assured, she will come snooping around again when all other bridges (people and resources) are burned and she needs another bail out and SHE WILL GET IN TROUBLE AGAIN because in her mind she is always the victim.
If you decide to just forget about the money, block her phone number and forget about her, avoid her, don’t mention her to mutual friends. From that point, she no longer exists to you and she will be dealt with.
First mistake was you let her borrow money, people borrow money for obvious reasons, um they are broke. Whenever you lend money do it with the intent of never getting it back. Of course you set a time frame and if they dont meet it then you know you cant trust that person to be responsible, again they are broke for reasons.. look at it this way at least she paid you back. Some people never pay back the money. I say if you lend money make sure you have enough for yourself to say well if I lose this money no big deal. It’s ok to say no to someone if you feel you cannot help or dont want to really help. Hopefully you learned your lesson and understand it is biblical to lend money with the intent of never seeing it again. Never put friendship and money in the same category, they dont work well together! That’s what banks are for, and guess what they wont care if you cant pay it back or not they will charge you double and garnish your pay, that being said they have that power you dont. Keep your friendships and NEVER LEND MONEY!!
Hi Tee, i have the same experience with a very close friend. When she asked me for financial help so she could have some money to spend going abroad for work, I di not hesitate. After a year or 2 I kept on sending messages to her to ask how she’s been doing, I worried if she had settled in Her new workplace only to get a very cold reply that she was busy. She avoided talking to me even though I did not mention about the money that she owed me. I got tired sending my hi and hello and so I finally decided to block her. She is also a friend of my husband and she never bothered to reach out.
Yes. She’s a self centered, an ungrateful, and a disrespectful person. Move on with your life. You were kind and thoughtful towards her. She was not. Move on with your life!!
This is an interesting, if not somewhat upsetting article to me. I happen to be what the author would likely describe as the “toxic” person in this situation…at least, that is how I am being perceived. I am in a new relationship with someone who i absolutely adore. Being in my late 30’s, I have been through my fair share of traumatic, toxic partnerships, and having recently been diagnosed with Asperger’s autism, I am coming to terms with my own limitations as far as what I immediately understand about social etiquette and what will always have to be spelled out for me. I am an extremely loyal, devoted, and willing person in relationships. I do not feel the need to stray, nor do I value being flirtatious to anyone but who I am with, and I pride myself on my ability to admit when I am wrong (at least, when I become aware of it!) and to apologize accordingly. I am, for the first time in my life, in a situation where I have one hundred percent trust in my partner, both in his faithfulness to me and his ability to function as a rational, responsible, competent, thoughtful and moral person, and I am more attracted to him than I ever thought possible to be to anyone. Long story short, I am abandoning my conditioned thought processes usually geared towards bracing for the impact of betrayal or abuse in a relationship to fully embrace the joy and security of a multi-dimensional compatibility likened to that of a soul mate. I am unable to see ANYONE else as a possible replacement or a better fit, and I find that I am proud to protect what we have by making it known that I am taken to all I communicate with, no matter how innocent I may perceive other people’s intentions. Herein lies the problem: my “soul mate” believes that I am being flirtatious, attempting to connect with others in a less than innocent way, that I am not over my ex, who up till recently was my best friend on a strictly platonic basis, as I found we were much more successful when I didn’t put him in a position where he could be tempted into dishonesty… in other words, I broke up with him because he had been unable to remain faithful and unwilling to admit that, and I eventually found that I wanted to move on. So I have been feeling very misunderstood in this new relationship. Every text I send someone of the opposite sex is taken as an attempt to cheat, every reason I would have to communicate with other men is seen as unnecessary or a cover up of my attempted infidelity, every time I go back to my place after spending days or weeks at his, I am trying to be sneaky and do something wrong. All of these things dealing with trust have always been issues for me because for years I had no idea I was autistic and I was blundering through life, hurting people without being aware of it, unable to explain or even understand myself why I constantly appeared so dishonest when I knew I was behaving in a completely transparent manner as far as I was able to. Now I may not have as much patience for being falsely accused as I may have had years ago, so for that I have work to do, but I am struggling with this because it appears no matter what I say, how honest I am, how many times I have what looks to me like a perfectly good explanation for my behaviors, he rationalizes my words as being overly defensive, judgmental, he takes my direct way of speaking and reads into what I say, believing that there is some hidden meaning behind what I am only capable of vocalizing in the most literal sense, and when I have had enough of defending myself against things I feel are ludicrously false accusations, I let him know that I am done with the futile struggle and need some quiet time, and for a time i will not answer the phone for any reason until I feel I am more composed. He says i cannot say sorry when I am wrong, yet i have done nothing wrong and feel that I should only have to apologize for getting overly emotional and lashing out by yelling and calling names, which is something i do, unfortunately, and i am not proud of it. This ties into his belief that i cannot be accountable for my actions, and that I am projecting my insecurities onto him or twisting it to where it appears he is the one with the problem, as I do believe he has trust issues and that his suspicions are unwarranted. What prompted me to respond here was the author’s statement about toxic people trying to claim their hurtful actions were done with the intention of helping. I had been discussing a type of tactic used by the media with him the day before a Facebook friend, who I’ve never met or chatted with, posted that he had a link to a video that was exactly what I had been trying to describe the day before, and asked that anyone wanting the link should message him with a phone number to send it to. Thinking this would help to describe what I had been talking about, I contacted this man and gave him my number, requesting the link and telling him that I had been noticing some of his other posts about politics that were in alignment with my beliefs. We had a short conversation in which he did offer to meet in person, during which time I told him I did not venture out of my comfort zone, and spent most of my time at home or my boyfriend’s house. He mentioned feeling as though he made a blunder because he was unaware that I was taken, and as I perceived no disrespect to my relationship I reassured him of that and we talked a bit about possibly meeting in the future to exchange information we collected over various topics that related to the video I was requesting. It was my intention from start to finish to obtain the video to show my boyfriend so he had a better idea of what I had been talking about, nothing more. But now I can see why I appear to be so horrible…seems almost every single thing I’ve done with an honest heart is listed here and can be viewed in such a way that even I would be quick to slam the gavel were I on the outside of it. So, what is someone like me to do about this? All I could think of was to share my story in hopes that people could get a bit of perspective, and also for me to check myself a bit, as I am no stranger to being mistaken about things I feel confident about.
Hello Perriann. I actually have an opinion on this matter, but would first like to ask a couple of questions if you dont mind.
First, do you feel like the content of this video that you speak of is deserving of the type of conflict that could have, and seemingly did, cause in the relationship? In other words, do you think that knowing about your boyfriends problems with trust in his life and in this fresh relationship and you still want to stick with him through it, it’s very considerate to be contacting random men online and giving your phone number to them to start new friendships when the current ones that you have with men are the main topic of conflict already?
Also, not to pry too deep into the personal stuff but what exactly is it that your current boyfriend is deeming inappropriate about your interaction with the ex? For example, Do you tell the ex that you love him? Or miss him?
what am I supposed to do? Im scared and dont want to be hurt or attacked anymore by someone I have to live with and dont know what to do…I dont get it or understand..what am I supposed to do?
I’ve been with an emotionally abusive woman for 4yrs. I’ve stayed in it because I’ve always been insecure and codependent. I met her at the wrong time. I was unemployed for 1.5yrs, moved back to Michigan from Chicago and had a hard time adjusting after being away for so many years. She is an addict; a bulimic (8mths clean), but also a former alcoholic (clean 4yrs) and drug addict (clean 8yrs). I grew up from a family of immigrants and I am very conservative myself. I would have never thought in a million yrs to date someone with this type of past, along with their sexual experiences of 1 night stands. She treats me like crap!!! She plays on my insecurities, never gives affection, taunts me, threatens break ups, swears at, you can’t have an opposing opinion or else. She’s is a bully/hairstylist with tattoos that is jealous that I come from a close knit family and takes every opportunity to knock me down with words/make fun of me. If I workout regularly she will use silent treatment knowing that I’m analytical to figure out she’s pissed. Just so I can stop working out, because she has issues with her body and therefore feels out of control if I’m getting in great shape. She gets mad if I attend church. She’s ruined every holiday event at my family’s because of her own insecurities, yet she’s the most arrogant individual I’ve ever met. I’ve been to 3 different therapists over 3yrs and complained nonstop, yet I can’t break away, because of my own fears of being alone. I’ve always suffered from this, but being with an addict has magnified it 10 fold!!! I’ve never been treated this badly in my life. We haven’t had sex in 2yrs and she’s told me to my face she has no feelings, but we’re still ‘together’. I hate her sooooo much for taking advantage of my issues. The equivalent would be if each time I went to her place I walked in with a dozen donuts. I don’t play on her issues, but she loves doing it to me. Simply reason: 1. Easy target 2. Gives her control, which is the roots issue of a bulimic. I pray that God release me from her torment, because she’s rejected me on every level that my psyche seeks that validation from the abuser/rejecter. She knows this (she’s a smart cookie), and yet won’t say anything nicely, because she’s knows I’ll keep trying to please her.
I was with someone for over 4 years he had 3 adult children he was much older then me by over 26 years older i was 28 at the time. His kids aged 27 32 and 37 at the time in 2009 never accepted me because of my age and because I’m from England my partner was from Glasgow Scotland his adult children was really mean horrible and never once accepted me they used to say some really insulting things like i get my clothes from charity shops and i always look like a tramp which wasnt true. I was really hurt by their commets one of my partner daughters said i look like a dog and i was a gold digger who was only after his money again not true. I was living in Scotland at the time 10 years ago and ended up having to move away because of the abuse i got from my partner 3 adult children. We ended up spilting up because i kept having ago at my partner because of his kids he never once stood by me i never once said to his children oi thats enough respect my partner here he used to let them talk to me how they like and let his children speak to me like this. He eventurally dated a 18 year old with a child few months later but he never got any stick for that but i got years of abuse from his son who abused me on social media. In the end i reported him his son and had him blocked and came of facebook for good. I am very hurt that the fact i got this abuse from his adult children but when he dated and moved in with a 18 year old it was ok and nothing was said he has since moved away and I’ve not seen him since I’ve to moved on and moved away. I just want to say if anyone is in the same situation sometimes for your own well being and health its best to walk away no body as a right to disrespect you any any way or be rude and aggressive. I think they was bitter when their dad divorced their mum many years before his dad met me we met on a dating website and they took their anger out on me. I no longer see any of his family no one deserves that treatment and name calling. I was really polite and respectful to them but yet they was really horrible rude arggessive and mean to me to the point where i didnt want to see them it was like i was fighting a losing battle every time. I’ve no longer had any contact with them or with him he just stood their and just let his kids say anything they wanted i did have words with him many times but to no avail he said to me a few times to all but the kids have always been like that its how they are. If i was in a relationship with some one and had kids speaking to my partner the way i was spoken to they would have been told. I think it was because i am from England and some scots dont like the English i have recently been back to Glasgow to see friends and sometimes i did notice that the Glasgowians dont like English people i was looked at funny way and some people from Glasgow had made some sniddy remarks about where i came from. There was once a time i was in asdas with a friend of mine who got me a coffee from a machine and this woman came from no where and snatched the coffee from me and said this is my coffee get your own i was mortified it spolit the day for me. Its safe to say I’ve not been back to Glasgow since and couldnt wait to get home. Politeness and manners in my eyes dont cost anything i was taken aback by some people rudeness in Glasgow.
my spouse has a lot of these characteristics. We don’t do things I like to do and when I want to go ahead and do what I want to do, he pops an attitude. I don’t know what to say or how to say it without causing an argument. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am dealing with the same issue. I’ve slowly been taking on the role of housewife without the marriage or children. I take care of everything around the house and errands. He makes time for what he wants to do and very little time if non for what I want. He won’t even take the dog on a walk and I have to tell him to feed her and take her out to go pee. He has begun to insult me telling me I am not doing enough around the house. I am not certain what else I can do. I feel like I am living his life, a supporting character to his story. I thought that what I was doing around the house was in support of his career and schooling and would be temporary. Now I am starting to feel like this is what he expects from me. I wasn’t planning on being taken advantage of and I am disappointed to realize that I am. I feel like he thinks I owe him this because he makes the most money. I was starting two new jobs that I was excited about before the virus and was not going to need to really on him so much, but now with the virus I feel like I am being treated like a servant. I can’t leave the house to go for a walk without being told I have been lazy. Like I don’t get a day off. The big issue is that I have tried to discuss the issue of inequality of household and life duties and it always turns into be an argument. I could really use some help with how to approach a conversation in a more productive manner.
I’ve got a friend who is really great one minute but the next catty and really bitchy and pulls me down what ever i wear. She always makes statements like i got better clothes then you my moblie phone is better then yours she also says shes better then anybody else its dragging me down. We went on holiday together last year and she reduced me to tears with her inappropriate commets and remarks she said to me and others on the coach holiday we both went on. She was so bossy and rude to me while on this lovely holiday. We are supposed to be going away again for a 2 day break by coach I’m dreading it because i dont like the way she is with me sometimes. Ive known her since school i am 13 months older then her to. I have told her numberous of times about her behaviour and shes to speak to me in a respectful way. She has got other friends and they all said they dont go on holiday with her she can be really disrespectful and really rude to other friends. I injured my knee few years ago and because i couldnt climb up some steps she was making chicken noises to me and completely embrassed me in front of others shes always been quite disrespectful to people and to her family to. Her dad pulled her up once about her behaviour while at her mum and dad house she said something behind her parents back and was pulling faces and sticking fingers up at them her dad knew this and he really had ago at his daughter in the kitchen in front of me she does really disrespect her mum and dad name calls them behind their backs its beyond awful i wouldnt dream doing this to my parents. She will say things to me like dont talk to me talk to my hand and she will do this to her parents to. Shes had warnings at work to she works in a after school club and their been some parents and staff complaining about my friend attitude and behaviour at work. She still lives at home with her mum and dad even her dad has warned her in the past about her behaviour her dad said that she wont be living here if she continues with this behaviour shes not brought up like it and she is to respect her parents. Shes 37 but yet shes makes really nasty remarks and shes had some of her friends like me in tears and walking away from her until she calms down. Ive known her from the age of 14. She can be really nice person and asks how i am and how my family are but other times she can be really mean and disrespectful. We have all told her about her behaviour on different times and days. Her manager and supervisor mum and dad have also told her about her behaviour they find it nasty and mean but yet she still does it. I wouldnt dream of speaking to people in the way my friend does.
Labels are important when dealing with Narcissism in particular Malignant Narcissism. I would like to see much more written about this disorder. It is vital that people know the signs,manipulation and utter cruelty that a narcissist will inflict. They cannot change so please learn and leave now. My sister was murdered by her narcissistic husband 11 months ago. Luckily he killed himself directly after. Upon researching his computers and what was googled he had planned this for close to a year. Run from a narcissist. It could save your life.
Times have changed as far as families. I reached out to my sister after a year. I sent her photos of the grandkids. She sent me articles on social security. Wth!!! She proceded to ask how much I draw each month. Wow, same old sister. She always has an agenda, not a good one. I decided at that point I would just end it permanently. When she called me I was cold to her, not rude. Of course she told the rest of the family about it. How can u explain to the other family members how manipulative she is? I just don’t see the point explaining. Not my style. Any opinions?