Anxiety is a normal response to something dangerous or stressful. It becomes a problem when it shows up at unexpected times and takes a particularly firm hold. When anxiety is in full swing, it feels awful. Awful enough that anticipation of the feeling is enough in itself to cause anxiety. Anxiety in kids can be especially confusing , not only for the ones who are feeling anxious, but also for the adults who care about them.
We already know that anxiety has nothing to do with strength, courage or character. It picks a target and it switches on.
When that target is a child or teen, it can be particularly distressing, causing problems with sleeping, eating and missed school from unexplained illnesses such as sick tummies or headaches.
One of the worst things about anxiety in kids is the way it can happen without any identifiable cause. The physical feeling is familiar – that panicked feeling that comes when you miss a stair or as my daughter recently described, ‘that feeling you get when you’re almost asleep and you feel like you’re falling.’ (‘Yes, we’ve dealt with it in our home too. It’s under control now, so I can assure you this works.)
The good news is that anxiety in kids is very treatable and they are particularly responsive. I often think we don’t give them enough credit. They’re so open to possibility, and very quick to make the right connections when they’re given the right information and support. As the adult in their lives, you’re the perfect one to give it.
Anxiety in Kids and Teens: Turning it Around
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Don’t talk them out of it.
As a parent, the temptation is to reassure your child with gentle comments in the way of, ‘There’s nothing to worry about,’ or ‘You’ll be fine‘.
This comes from the purest of intentions but it runs the risk of them feeling as though there’s something wrong with them. The truth is that when anxiety has a hold of them, they can no sooner stop worrying than fly to the moon. As much as they want to believe you, their brains just won’t let them.
What they need to hear is that you get it. Ask them what it feels like for them. They may or may not be able to articulate – and that’s okay. Then, ask if it’s ‘like that feeling you get when you miss a stair,’ (or ‘that feeling you get when you feel like you’re falling in your sleep’). Often, this in itself is such a relief because ‘someone gets it.’
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Normalise.
Explain that:
•. Anxiety is normal and everyone experiences anxiety at some time in their life – before an exam, when meeting new people, going for an interview or starting at a new school.
• Sometimes it happens for no reason at all. That’s also normal. It happens to lots of adults and lots of kids but there are things you can do to make it go away.
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Explain why anxiety feels like it does.
Out of everything, this is perhaps the most powerful intervention for anyone with anxiety. Anxiety in kids causes the most problems when it seems to come on without any real trigger. There’s a reason for this, and understanding the reason is key to managing the anxiety.
Here is a child-friendly explanation. I’ve used it for a variety of ages, but nobody knows your child like you do so adjust it to suit.
‘Anxiety is something that lots of people get but it feels different for everyone. Anxiety in kids is common, and lots of adults get it too. It happens because there’s a part of your brain that thinks there’s something it needs to protect you from. The part of the brain is called the amygdala. It’s not very big and it’s shaped like an almond.
It switches on when it thinks you’re in danger, so really it’s like your own fierce warrior, there to protect you. It’s job is to get you ready to run away from the danger or fight it. People call this ‘fight or flight’.
If your amygdala thinks there’s trouble, it will immediately give your body what it needs to be strong, fast and powerful. It will flood your body with oxygen, hormones and adrenaline that your body can use as fuel to power your muscles to run away or fight. It does this without even thinking. This happens so quickly and so automatically. The amygdala doesn’t take time to check anything out. It’s a doer not a thinker – all action and not a lot of thought.
If there is something dangerous – a wild dog you need to run away from, a fall you need to steady yourself from – then the amygdala is brilliant. Sometimes though, the amygdala thinks there’s a threat and fuels you up even though there’s actually nothing dangerous there at all.
Have you ever made toast that has got a bit burnt and set off the fire alarm? The fire alarm can’t tell the difference between smoke from a fire and smoke from burnt toast – and it doesn’t care. All it wants to do is let you know so you can get out of there. The amygdala works the same way. It can’t tell the difference between something that might hurt you, like a wild dog, and something that won’t, like being at a new school. Sometimes the amygdala just switches on before you even know what it’s switching on for. It’s always working hard to protect you – even when you don’t need protecting. It’s a doer not a thinker, remember, and this is how it keeps you safe.
If you don’t need to run away or fight for your life, there’s nothing to burn all that fuel – the oxygen, hormones and adrenalin – that the amygdala has flooded you with. It builds up and that’s the reason you feel like you do when you have anxiety. It’s like if you just keep pouring petrol into a car and never take the car for a drive.
So when the amygdala senses a threat it floods your body with oxygen, adrenaline and hormones that your body can use to fuel its fight or flight. When this happens:
♦ Your breathing changes from normal slow deep breaths to fast little breaths. Your body does this because your brain has told it to stop using up the oxygen for strong breaths and send it to the muscles to they can run or fight.
When this happens you might feel puffed or a bit breathless. You also might feel the blood rush to your face and your face become warm.
♦ If you don’t fight or flee, the oxygen builds up and the carbon dioxide drops.
This can make you feel dizzy or a bit confused.
♦ Your heart beats faster to get the oxygen around the body.
Your heart can feel like it’s racing and you might feel sick.
♦ Fuel gets sent to your arms (in case they need to fight) and your legs (in case they need to flee).
Your arms and legs might tense up or your muscles might feel tight.
♦ Your body cools itself down (by sweating) so it doesn’t overheat if it has to fight or flee
You might feel a bit sweaty.
♦ Your digestive system – the part of the body that gets the nutrients from the food you eat – shuts down so that the fuel it was using to digest your food can be used by your arms and legs in case you have to fight or flee. (Don’t worry though – it won’t stay shut down for long.)
You might feel like you have butterflies in your tummy. You might also feel sick, as though you’re going to vomit, and your mouth might feel a bit dry.
As you can see, there are very real reasons for your body feeling the way it does when you have anxiety. It’s all because your amygdala – that fierce warrior part of your brain – is trying to protect you by getting your body ready to fight or flee. Problem is – there’s nothing to fight or flee. Don’t worry though, there are things we can do about this.’
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Explain how common anxiety in kids is.
Anxiety in kids is common. About 1 in 8 kids have struggled with anxiety – so let them know that in their class, there’s a good chance that 3 or 4 other kids would know exactly what they’re going through because they’ve been through it before. Maybe they’re going through it right now.
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Give it a name.
‘Now that you understand that your anxiety feelings come from the ‘heroic warrior’ part of your brain, let’s give it a name.’ Let your child pick the name and ask them what they think of when they picture it. This will help them to feel as though something else is the problem, not them. It also demystifies their anxiety. Rather than it being a nameless, faceless ‘thing’ that gets in their way, it’s something contained – with a name and a look.
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Now get them into position.
‘The problem with anxiety is that [whatever their ‘heroic warrior’ is called – for the moment, let’s say, ‘Zep’] Zep is calling all the shots but we know that you’re really the boss. Zep actually thinks it’s protecting you, so what you need to do is let it know that you’ve got this and that it can relax. When you get those anxious feelings, that means Zep is taking over and getting ready to keep you safe. It doesn’t think about it at all – it just jumps in and goes for it. What you need to do is to let it know that you’re okay.
The most powerful thing you can do to make yourself the boss of your brain again is breathe. It sounds so simple – and it is. Part of the reason you feel as you do is because your breathing has gone from strong and slow and deep to quick and shallow. That type of breathing changes the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your body. Once your breathing is under control, Zep will stop thinking he has to protect you and he’ll settle back down. Then, really quickly after that, you’ll stop feeling the way you do.’
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And breathe.
Breathe deeply and slowly. Hold your breath just for a second between breathing in and breathing out. Make sure the breath is going right down into your belly – not just into your chest. You can tell because your belly will be moving. Do this about 5 to 10 times.
Practice before bed every day. Remember that Zep, the warrior part of your brain, has been protecting you for your entire life so it might take a little bit of practice to convince Zep to relax. But keep practicing and you’ll be really good at it in no time. You and that warrior part of your brain will be buddies – but with you in control.One way to practice is by putting a soft toy on your child’s belly when they lie down. If the toy is moving up and down, their breathing is perfect.
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Practice mindfulness.
An abundance of scientific research has demonstrated the profound effects of mindfulness. MRI studies have shown that practicing mindfulness increases the density of gray matter in the brain, providing relief and protection from stress, anxiety and depression. See here for more information.
Mindfulness doesn’t have to be complicated. Essentially, it’s being aware of the present moment, and there are plenty of fun ways introduce children to mindfulness.
Start by explaining that anxiety comes about because of worry about the future and what might happen. Sometimes these thoughts happen in the background – we don’t even know they’re there. Mindfulness helps you to have control over your brain so you can stop it from worrying about things it doesn’t need to. It trains your brain to stay in the here and now. The brain is like a muscle and the more you exercise it the stronger it gets.
It sounds easy enough but minds quite like to wander so staying in the moment can take some practice. Here’s the how:
- Close your eyes and notice your breathing. How does the air feel as you draw it inside you? Notice the sensation of the air, or your belly rising and falling. Notice your heart beating. If your mind starts to wander, come back to this.
- Now, what can you hear? What can you feel outside of you and inside your body? If your mind starts to wander, focus on your breathing again.
Remember that anxiety in kids is very treatable but it might take time. Explain to your child that his or her very clever and very protective brain might need some convincing that just because it thinks there’s trouble coming, doesn’t mean there is. Keep practising and they’ll get there.
A Book for Kids About Anxiety …
‘Hey Warrior’ is a book for children to help them understand anxiety and to find their ‘brave’. It explains why anxiety feels the way it does, and it will teach them how they can ‘be the boss of their brain’ during anxiety, to feel calm. It’s not always enough to tell kids what to do – they need to understand why it works. Hey Warrior does this, giving explanations in a fun, simple, way that helps things make sense in a, ‘Oh so that’s how that works!’ kind of way, alongside gorgeous illustrations. (See here for the trailer.)
great article! Congratulations! My boyfriend has come up with a great technique, in which the anxiety is like a hedgehog, thus the spikes (the anxious person becomes aggressive). So he says, turn off your spikes, and it works!
Love it! Because like anxiety, we can all be kinda ‘cute’ until our spikes go up! This is lovely imagery.
I learned more about the anxiety my 10 year old son is going through and tools on how to help him in this article than from all of the therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists we’ve been to, combined. No one is helping me and telling me how to help him. He has suffered from anxiety and OCD since he was very, very young. And at 10, I’m still trying to find the right person to help us. And help from the school. Thank you for this very insightful article.
You’re very welcome! Having the right information makes a big difference doesn’t it. I hope this is able to help you. I can hear how frustrated you are. It’s such an awful feeling when someone you love is struggling and you don’t know what to do to help them. I hope you find the right person soon. Keep trusting your intuition on this. Your son is lucky to have you fighting for him. I hope you find the right person soon – they’re out there. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
I found this article to be very helpful. I am dealing with anxiety myself at the moment and often worry that in the future my kids will too (just another thing for me to be anxious about).
I hope that dealing with it myself will prepare me if they do.
I’m so pleased the article was helpful for you. The fact that you have anxiety doesn’t mean your kids will get it. I can hear how much that plays on you. There are so many factors at play and genes are just one of them. Even if your children do end up with anxiety, they won’t necessarily experience it the same way you do. The environment around them also plays a big part. One thing you can do is to always communicate confidence in them. If you are anxious about the world, they will learn to be anxious about the world. If you encourage them to try new things, be open to new people, be brave and curious (even though sometimes it’s against what we want to be saying – tell me about it!) then they will hear your confidence in them and will be more likely to believe in their own capacity to cope. But of course, even this isn’t a given. We can only do what we can do and we can’t do more than that. Thank you for making contact.
How wonderful is this technique I have read it to my son who is eleven and has had anxiety for a year we have seen lots of people and no look so far then I read this and its brilliant I am going to use it a lot thank you so much
You’re welcome. I’m so pleased it found its way to you!
Thank you so much for this article. I just got off the phone with my daughter’s school counselor. She has severe anxiety about going to school and it has gotten worse over the past few months. We have found that she is a “dweller”. She dwells on things for far longer then others and it makes her anxious. I hate that she suffers from this but our family suffers also. We also have a 4 year old and an 18 month old. I feel guilty because we have to spend so much time helping my 8 year old that I feel they are neglected. Childhood anxiety is also a stress on the whole family. These strategies sound great and we will put them in place tonight.
You’re so welcome! Here is a link about rumination (the ‘dwelling’) that might be useful https://www.heysigmund.com/depression-risk-factor/ . You’re absolutely right about childhood anxiety affecting the whole family. The thing about families though, is that the person who needs the most resources will change around. At the moment it’s your daughter and you’re doing a wonderful job of giving her what she needs. It’s her turn at the moment – that’s just the way it is. She will get through this though, and then it will be someone else who will need the family to rally. One day it will be your daughter who will be there for her younger siblings and she will probably be one of the most important people in their lives. That’s what you are investing in – and it’s so worth the investment. I’m so pleased the information has found it’s way to you. I’m sure the strategies will make a difference.
Thank you!! I wish I had this article 15 years ago and then again 3 years ago, but I am still going to try your suggestions with my 16 year old. You are doing a wonderful job by sharing such information!
You’re welcome. It’s never too late! Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot to me.
Thank you — it’s nice to know I am not alone. I just have a question though, what specialist do we go to to help our children cope and help us help them?
I know they need to learn CBT but is this only given through a very expensive psychologist?!?!
You’re welcome! And you are certainly not alone. Any counsellor should be able to help you. CBT is just one of many therapies that are effective but counsellors would be well aware of how to practice CBT. The most important thing is that your child ‘clicks’ with whoever you choose. If they don’t click, it doesn’t mean the counsellor isn’t a good one, it’s just one of those things about being human that individually we are able to have an immediate rapport with some people more than others. Counsellors who specialise in children would (hopefully!) know how to establish a quick rapport so maybe try for someone who issued to working with kids. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
hey, so I’d like to drop the perspective of a kid. I’m 16 and have had severe anxiety coupled with OCD my entire live, although it’s been way worse in the last few years. You have no idea how many doctors and therapists and psychologists and helpful adults have announced breathing as the ultimate solution to fix everything. It is wonderful and can prevent panic attacks sometimes. But if my brain has gone into full panic attack mode, I can’t hear anyone and can’t do anything for myself. We have yet to figure out what makes the full panic attacks stop, besides time.
Your perspective is an important one. I’m so grateful that you’ve shared it. You’re right – there’s so much we don’t know. The good news is that there is new research all the time so rest assured that they’re working on it. The scientific world desperately wants to come up with something so that people like you don’t have to go through what you’re going through. I’m so grateful you took the time to share your insight. Thank you!
Thank you very much for all your help. I suffer with anxiety and stress and we’re going through a house move at the moment which of course impacts on family life. I’ve noticed my 9 year old is picking up on my anxieties and this has apparently been manifesting itself in school as he is worried about moving to a new area. Thank you for giving me the tools to address it in both him and myself. Bless you.
You’re so welcome. I’m so pleased the information has found its way to you. House moves are so stressful on everybody and I hope you’re both able to find some relief soon. Thank you for making taking the time to share your story. My very best wishes to you both.
I am so grateful for this article. I didn’t even have to find it, a facebook friend posted it today without even knowing how appropriate it is right now. My 9 year old daughter is suffering terribly with anxiety. Bedtime is awful, it took two and a half last night for her to get to sleep and even then she woke up a couple of hours later. She is hating herself right now and everything that comes out of her mouth is so negative. She blames herself for everything that is wrong in her world. We have moved recently and she has started a new school but she has always struggled with her sleep and has suffered night terrors. It is so upsetting to see her like this.
I’m so sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling like this. She’s going through some big changes at the moment. It’s awful when you feel like you can’t do anything to help them. Hopefully the information will bring her some comfort and stop her giving herself such a hard time. Here is a link that may help you with the night terrors. https://www.heysigmund.com/putting-the-halt-on-nightmares/ It explains what causes them and what you can do about it. I’m going to do a child friendly version but I hope this is able to help you in the meantime. I’m so pleased you found this information for your daughter, and I’m so incredibly grateful to people for sharing it. Thank you so much for making contact with me. My very best wishes for you and your family.
Thank you! We are feeling so out of our depth right now with a 9 year old who seems to be so anxious all the time, not sleeping well and worried about everything. It’s like this article was written just for him. Everything makes such perfect sense, and I am very hopeful this will help our son to start smiling more and worrying less.
You’re so welcome. I’m so pleased the information has landed in your hands. I know how awful it is as a parent to watch your kids going through something like this. I hope your little man finds some relief soon. My best wishes to you and your family.
Great article, practical, hands on and realistic, just the way I like it. I shared it on my meditation page as it is really helpful to the parents who’s children come to my classes. My daughter suffered with anxiety for over a year and I used very similar techniques and also introduced a power animal who was by her side when she needed him, it served as a temporary support, her power animal was a wolf and he reminded her to breathe and acted in the confident way she wished she could act. This mirroring helped my daughter to gradually step out of her anxiety, along with cranial sacral therapy work and flower formula’s. She is now very confident and sure of her self and removing herself from toxic relationships by her own recognition and choice (she is 10 yr old), I’m so proud of her. Anxiety is a journey that does take time. Interesting to see a few twin mums commenting, my daughter is a twin. We have come through a lot but my other twin is now showing subtler signs of anxiety mixed in with puberty! There have been some amazing comments on this thread, so interesting to read everyones experiences. Thank you for keeping it real x
Well said! The comments have been incredible – so open and generous and wise. Nothing more powerful than people connecting with people and I feel like there’s a phenomenal community here doing just that within these comments. It’s wonderful. I’m so pleased you enjoyed the article and thank you for sharing it on your page. I’m so grateful for the information getting out there and landing where it needs to be. I love the idea of your power animal and it’s great to hear that she’s doing so well. What a remarkable team you all must be!
Thanks for this, I will share it: “Keep it simple – for Adults!”
You’re welcome. The simplest is often the best. Thank you so much for sharing. Means a lot.
Another angle that I’m familiar with is anxiety, and other distressing moods, obsessions, and in my case very severe brain fog, or memory impairment, can show up in those of us with the MTHFR genetic variant. My child was 9 when she had her crisis, although signs were there earlier. For both me and my daughter there were tipping points that started the avalanche of symptoms, like Alison’s daughter, my girl also gets very self hating. A very skilled in this area naturopath got us on the road to recovery. Even today my kid, now 13 started the “I hate everything” speech and verbally attacking me. We call it high histamine moments, and knock it right out with nettle tea or capsules. We did some other protocols for getting well, but when your fight or flight crazed kid suddenly says, thanks mom, I feel better, after a natural remedy switched the freakout off, it totally shifts how we think about mood problems. Now as a therapist im starting to notice moody adults that freak out remind me of the MTHFR, and I’ve sent several in for testing and naturopathic help. Several alcohol bingers stopped craving alcohol too. Looking at multigenerations of problems with moods, and alcohol it is a relief to know I don’t have to just watch us fall apart, but this generation, we get well! See Dr Ben Lynch on the web to learn more. He is the one doing a lot of training of doctors on this new genetics involved approach.
Yes there’s so much about genes we don’t know. There seems to be quite a bit of research happening in the area at the moment. Thank you for sharing your insights.
As a person who has struggled with anxiety since the age of seven, I can completely appreciate the accuracy in this post. I experienced anxiety in a time where it was not commonplace or Normal. The more this article is shared, the more people can be educated! This is a wonderfully written, simply expressed way to handle anxiety. Which can be a challenge for the child and the parent! Thank you so much for this post, you have made more of a difference than you know.
Thank you so much. It means everything to me to know that it’s making sense of things for people and I’m grateful beyond measure to every single person who has shared it. I’m deeply humbled. Thank you!
My 5 year old son has anxiety and I am so lost. I don’t know how to handle or deal with it. Especially wheN he gets panic attacks. Any advise or tactics For a younger child? I noticed he so has a nervous belly. When he gets worried he always gets diarrhea. Thanks!
Maria
I’m going to do a post very soon about dealing with anxiety in younger kids. There’s a real need for it so check back, or if you want to make sure you don’t miss anything everything I write during the week goes gets published on the newsletter on a Friday. The signup is on the home page in the right column if you’re interested. There’s actually a reason for the diarrhoea too. When the fight or flight response is triggered, the body tries to ‘lighten the load’ in case it needs to run. It’s also why people often feel the need to pee when their anxious – it’s all getting rid of anything that can weigh the body down while it’s running for its life. Thank you for making contact and I’ll have something out soon that will hopefully stop you from feeling so lost.
I have to try this. My twin daughters (10 years old) have been dealing with this for years and I had no clue what was wrong and I was getting no help from professionals. I have been lost and felt useless and like a horrible mother. The latest pediatrician has suspected anxiety but we haven’t really spoken much more about it. I will for sure use these techniques. Quick question though. It seems like it’s really bad every 3-4 weeks (i call it ‘their time of the month’) for about a 3-10 days. Does this sound like a symptom of anxiety or is it just coincidence it happens in this time line continuously?
The changes in hormones around the time of a period can certainly worsen symptoms of anxiety. I hope you’re feeling better about things now – it’s such an awful feeling when you just don’t know what to do to help your kids but we’re parents, not perfect. You would have done everything you could and you can’t do more than that. Your girls are lucky t have you. Thank you for making contact.
Thank you. .. a friend of mine shared this with me on Facebook. My 7 year old daughter (just tested a few weeks ago ) was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, and early signs of a d h d. The higher her anxiety gets the more impulsive she tends to get, and her attention suffers, as well as memory. She tested off the charts as far as i q. But, has an un explained fear of tornadoes. (No idea where that came from…) it keeps her up at night due to worry. Trying to come up with relaxation techniques to help her ‘de escalate’ so to say when she gets into this ‘broken record’ way of thinking. She is very hands on, creative, artistic, etc… maybe somehow can be used to bring herself out of her head?
Unfortunately, she does come of the anxiety disorder (naturally ) i have severe anxiety (mostly test anxiety).
Thank you for this article…
You’re very welcome. Anxious kids are often smart, high-achieving kids. Did your daughter see something about tornados on tv? Sometimes it only takes a passing mention to start the ‘what if …’ Thank you for sharing your story.
At the age of 4, my son came upstairs during daylight hours to tell us that he wanted an adult near him downstairs and not just his sister. He says, “I’m anxious that I will start to worry about being scared.” So insightful for such a young man. To me, this perfectly describes the irrational side of anxiety – to be afraid of worrying about fear. I have anxiety and know how he feels so it’s easy to share these moments with him. Thank you for such a straight forward article to help others see into his world. I will share this with many family members and friends.
You’re very welcome. I’m pleased it’s helped you. Your son has articulated it beautifully! That’s exactly what anxiety is – ‘worry about being scared’. Kids have such honest, raw insight don’t they. Thank you for letting me know.
My son struggled with anxiety for a few years when he was 12. It was a difficult time for all of us. With medication and counseling he learned how to manage it. I think that reassuring the child that nothing is “wrong with them, and explaining the body’s physiological reactions helps them understand what anxiety is and how it is affecting them. This is a great article, I wish I had access to it back then!
I’m so pleased you’re son is able to manage his anxiety now. That will be a source of hope to many who are struggling with anxiety. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
Thank you so very much for a brilliant article! I have been helping my child (now 9) with anxiety for several years. He began showing signs with digestive problems, which still exist today. He progressed to a physical “tick” of the eye for a long time which changed to a verbal tick in the back of his throat. He sort of makes a humming sound repetitively when anxious. Most recently his verbal sound is a high squeeky sound which really bothers him and can throw him into a panic, when he is not able to make the lower humming sound he wants. He has had recent full blown panic attacks and also had a 9 week stretch of night terrors. I realized he needed more then pediatric visits and calming strategies so we has just this week started psychology visits. Luckily for me, I took a lot of time explaining the value of these visits along with sharing that I have had similar appt’s in the past and found them to be quite helpful. His first visit was terrific, he had a lot of eye contact and “took” to the psychologist right away. I can’t wait to share your article with him as he would really take this information in. Thank you again for caring enough to share!
You’re so welcome. You did a really good job preparing him for the therapist, which is really important. I hope that your son is able to find some relief soon. Thank you for making contact with me.
Great article! My 6 year old daughter displays mild anxiety and this has given me some good pointers to talk about with her to help her better understand it.
I used to suffer from debilitating anxiety attacks and someone once gave me some advice on helping me recover and re-gain self control, when at the time I thought I was a lost cause. They told me to stop trying to fight the attacks. When I feel them coming on, let it happen, remind myself that I recognise these feelings and that it will pass soon enough. It won’t hurt me. I can breathe still, and I won’t have a heart attack, it’s just a feeling – for no particular reason. To my surprise – this worked. I now only very rarely suffer from an anxiety attack and these pointers help me every single time. I also found if the feelings and thoughts were particularly intense, I would distract myself by doing crosswords until it passes. This also works well for me.
Just thought I would share in the hope that someone else might decide to try this and see if it helps them.
Thank you so much for sharing this! You never know who you will be helping!
Does a Dr diagnose your child with anxiety? My eldest is 16 and have many issues that we are struggling to get to the bottom of? I wonder whether this is his issue!
Yes a doctor can diagnose anxiety. So can a counsellor or a psychologist. The only thing I would keep in mind is that if you go to a doctor, they might be more likely to recommend medication, whereas a counsellor or psychologist will use therapy to teach your son skills to manage is anxiety. It depends on how severe your sons symptoms are as to whether or not medication is warranted but if it is, it should always be done with counselling to teach skills that will be needed when the medication is stopped. I hope this helps.
My son who is 12 has been having issues with anxiety for the past year. He ended up having some major health issues and some major surgeries in the past year. Now he is experiencing anxiety with everything, school, sports, friend’s & the fear of his illness returning. He has been seeing the school physiologist for the past 2 months. It doesn’t seem to be helping. I am going to try some of your suggestions and see if that can put him at ease a little. Thanks
It sounds like your son is doing it tough at the moment. I really hope the information in the article helps him. Be patient with them though – some of the techniques might take some time but he will get there. My best wishes for you both.
Thanks you so much for this insightful article. I have just come back from the dr. discussing whether my daughter has anxiety or something physical wrong with her. I have just read her some of the parts of your article and she said to me “Yes that is what I feel”. Totally random things that she has identified as happening to her …the breathes…the sweating. She is a little science kid so this will help her tremendously. I will be sharing this with her Dr. Thank you SO much.
I’m so pleased this information has found its way to you. I hope this is able to make sense of this for your daughter. If she loves her science it will hopefully be just the thing!
There is a really easy quick to read book called “living with it” by Bev aisbitt.
Everyone should read this. It’s amazing. Cartoon type pictures, easy to read. It helped a lot of people I know. I used to have up to 10 severe panic attacks a day. It’s horrible. I went to an anxiety clinic and did once a week group for 10 weeks and it was amazing.
Thank you for sharing this!
This is such a helpful article. So glad a friend forwarded it to me. My biggest issue with my son (8) is nighttime anxiety and waking up at all hours of the night with “worry”.
Do you have any further information you could pass along?
Thank you so much.
You’re very welcome. I’m so pleased the article found it’s way to you. Here is the link to an article about nightmares that might help https://www.heysigmund.com/putting-the-halt-on-nightmares/. The reason your son is waking up with anxiety it because when we sleep, the brain processes all the emotions and experiences that happened while we were awake. Nightmares are the brain’s way of processing information that is distressing or unfinished. There have been a few people ask the same question so I’m going to write a version of the nightmare article like the anxiety one – hopefully soon. If you want to make sure you don’t miss it, all of my new posts are published on the newsletter every Friday. The sign up for that is on the home page on the right. Otherwise just check back and it will be under the ‘Being Human’ tab on the front page, then under ‘Sleep, Dreams and Nightmares. Hopefully this article will help in the meantime. Thank you for getting in touch.
My daughter, now 12, was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD at age 7, from pressure to do good at school. She’s an A student, so she’s always being pushed and challenged to do more. It was, and still is, bad enough that it caused her to have nervous tics. She is on medication to help with the anxiety. She plays sports and us involved with several other school activities and when something big is fixing to come up, the tics begin, then it takes a couple months for it to settle down and stop…until she gets really nervous again and then it starts all over. It’s heartbreaking to see this happen to her!! I can’t wait to show this to her and talk about! I hope it will help her, and me as well! Thank you for sharing
You’re welcome! It’s so heartbreaking when you can see you child struggling but there’s nothing you can do to help them. I’m so pleased you’ve found the article for her and I really hope it’s able to help the both of you. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. My very best wishes for you and your daughter.
Thank you, thank you 🙂 My daughter is 18 and has had severe anxiety for years. It’s hard on her as her father just tells her that she is fine and doesn’t really believe in anxiety. I have anxiety sometimes (not as severe as my daughter) but I understand how hard it is to deal with, especially a teenager. She is now at university studying social work and some of her classes have given her fabulous information that is helping her understand herself. I’m going to forward this to her. I wish more people understood mental health and talked about it. Again thanks!
You’re so welcome. Your daughter’s experience with anxiety will give her some valuable insight that will help to make her a great social worker. I couldn’t agree with you more – there isn’t enough understanding and conversation about mental health. I love – LOVE! – that it’s happening on this website. People are being so open and generous with their comments and that in itself can be such an abundant source of comfort for other people who are struggling – knowing that there are other people struggling too. Thank you so much for sharing your story – and for being part of the much needed conversation about mental health. Your daughter is lucky to have you!
Thank you for posting this. My 16 yo daughter struggles with anxiety and depression. We are starting therapy and I hope that helps. She has never had an anxiety attack in front of me. I don’t know how it affects her physically or otherwise and quite frankly, don’t understand it. They only seemed to happen at school. I don’t know how to handle it when she calls me and asks if she can skip out of class because she is having an anxiety attack. I’m not there and have never seen one. I don’t know how bad it affects her and whether to send her to class. I have let her skip a few times, but it’s been happening more and more. So I recently started telling her to go to the school nurse, psychologist or her dean. That way, they can help her and decide if she should go to class. I don’t know if that is helping or hurting. At this point I’m praying that the therapy helps her because I’m pretty lost with it all.
You’re so welcome. You’re doing the right thing with your daughter. If school is making her anxious, the more she avoids it the more anxious she will become. Anxiety can be cruel like that. The school staff know how to deal with this so she’s in good hands. It’s hard isn’t it because all you want to do is hold them but that’s not always the best for them. Keep talking to her about it so she feels like you’re in it with her and that sending her to the school staff is something you hate doing too but it’s just part of what you both have to do to get her better. Anxiety responds really well to therapy. She will learn skills that will help hermitage her anxiety. Let her read the article, although if you want a more grown-up version of the same thing, here is the link https://www.heysigmund.com/dealing-with-anxiety/. The information is really powerful – and empowering. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope you are all able to find some comfort soon.