Anxiety can be tough for anyone to deal with, but add in the whirlwind of changes that come with adolescence, and anxiety can feel like an intrusive mind hog that spends way too much time squeezing, surprising and overwhelming anyone it lands on.
If anxiety is making a menace of itself, the good news is that there are ways to take it back to small enough. First though, it’s important to understand the telltale signs of anxiety and where they come from. When you understand this, anxiety will start to lose the power that comes from its mystery and its unpredictability.
Teens With Anxiety. A Few Things You Need to Know
Anxiety has absolutely nothing to do with strength, character or courage.
People with anxiety will be some of the strongest, most likable, bravest people any of us will know. Anxiety and courage always exist together. Courage doesn’t mean you never get scared – if you’re not scared, there’s no need to be brave. What courage means is that you’re pushing right up against your edges. It doesn’t matter where the edges are. They will be different for everyone. The point is that courage is all about feeling them and making a push to move through them – and people with anxiety do it all the time.
Sometimes it drops in for absolutely no reason at all.
Anxiety happens because your brain thinks there might be danger, even when there is no danger at all. Brains are smart, but they can all read things a little bit wrong sometimes.
Anxiety is soooo common. Almost as common as having feet. But not quite.
On average, about 1 in 5 young people have anxiety. Without a doubt, someone you know or care about will also struggle with anxiety from time to time. Stats don’t lie. They don’t gossip and they don’t start scandals either, which is why they’re so reliable. They’re good like that.
Everyone experiences anxiety on some level.
Anxiety exists on a spectrum – some people get it a lot and some people get it a lot less, but we all experience anxiety on some level at some time in our lives – exams, job interviews, performances. Sometimes it can happen for no reason at all.
Anxiety is a feeling, not a personality.
Anxiety doesn’t define you. It’s a feeling – it will come, but it will always go, and it’s as human as having a heartbeat.
Your brain that is strong, healthy and doing exactly what brains are meant to do.
Your brain is magnificent. It’s just a little overprotective. It loves you like a favourite thing and it wants to keep you safe. And alive. Brains love keeping people alive. They adore it actually.
Anxiety can look a little something like this …
Here are some of the common signs of anxiety in teenagers. If you have some of these, it doesn’t mean that teenage anxiety is a problem for you. This list is a way to make sense of things that feel as though they’re getting in your way, but if you experience some of them and you’re travelling along beautifully, then there’s no problem at all. Something is only a problem if it’s causing you a problem.
Thoughts …
- Negative thoughts – what-ifs, thoughts about being judged or embarrassed, small thoughts that grow into big worries.
- Excessive worry about physical symptoms (that a cut might become infected, that a headache might mean brain cancer).
An anxious brain is a strong brain, and anxious thoughts can be persuasive little beasts that stick to the inside of your skull like they belong there. Write this down and stick it to your mirror, so you see it every morning when you’re getting a faceful of your gorgeous head: ‘Thoughts are thoughts. They are NOT predictions. Let them come. And then let them go.’
Feelings …
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Fearful, worried, overwhelmed, out of control.
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Dread, as though something bad is going to happen.
- Panic that seems to come from nowhere.
- Feeling separate to your physical self or your surroundings. (This is called depersonalisation and it can be driven by anxiety. Manage this one by managing your anxiety. Keep reading for how to do this.)
Physically …
- Racing heart.
- Tightening in the chest
- Butterflies.
- Tense muscles.
- Shaking hands.
- Feeling as though you’re going to vomit.
- Dizzy or light-headed.
- Feeling as though you want to burst into tears.
- Feeling angry.
These are all because of the surge of neurochemicals that happen when the body is in fight or flight mode. They can feel frightening, but they are all a very normal part of the way your brain and body protect you from possible danger (more about this later).
Behaviours …
- Skin picking (dermatillomania).
- Pulling out hair (trichotillomania).
- Nail biting.
- Avoidance of people or situations, even if they are things that would probably be fun. (This isn’t necessarily about wanting to avoid the people involved and more about wanting to avoid the anxiety that comes with certain situations such as parties or get-togethers or anything unfamiliar.)
- Feel compelled to perform certain habits or rituals that don’t seem to make sense (e.g. having to stack things in even numbers, having to touch the door handle a certain number of times before you leave, compulsive hand-washing, checking locks etc).
People with anxiety tend to find all sorts of ways to make their anxiety feel smaller for a little while. These self-soothing behaviours will often escalate with the intensity of the anxiety, but will ease once anxiety is under control. If you can manage your anxiety, this will help to fade these symptoms. (Sit tight – we’ll talk about how to do that.)
You might have a bit of …
- Tummy trouble – (constipation, diarrhoea, irritable bowel).
In the gut are hundreds of millions of neurons. This is affectionately known as ‘the brain in our gut’. These neurons are really important for mental health because they send information from the belly to the brain. When the environment in the gut is out of balance (not enough good bacteria, too many bad ones), the messages sent back to the brain can stir anxiety.
And those zzz’s …
- Difficulty sleeping – either trouble falling asleep, or waking up and not being able to go back to sleep.
When you’re still, quiet and trying to relax, negative thoughts or worries will see it as an invitation. They’ll put on their fancy pants and get the party started in your head. Pushy little sleep-thieving pirates that they are.
Practical, powerful ways to help manage anxiety.
Understand why it feels the way it does.
Understanding why anxiety feels the way it does will be one of your greatest tools in managing it. Think of it like this. Imagine being in a dark room that is full of ‘stuff’. When you walk around in the dark, you’re going to bump into things. You’re going to scrape, bruise and maybe drop a few choice words. Turn on the light though, and those things are still there, but now you can navigate your way around them. No more bumps. No more scrapes. And no more having to hold your tongue in front of people who can confiscate your phone. Here’s what you need to know …
Anxiety happens because a part of your brain (the amygdala) thinks there might be something it needs to protect you from. When this happens, it surges your body with a mix of neurochemicals (including oxygen, hormones and adrenaline), designed to make you stronger, faster, more alert and more powerful so you can fight for your life or run for it. This is the fight or flight response. It’s normal and healthy and it’s in everyone. In people with anxiety, it’s just a little quicker to activate.
The amygdala acts on impulse. It’s a do-er, not a thinker – all action and not a lot of thought. It just wants to keep you safe, because safe is a lovely thing to be and because that’s been its job since the beginning of humans. The amygdala can’t always tell the difference between something that might hurt you (like a baseball coming at your head) and something that won’t (like walking into a party) – and it doesn’t care. All it wants to do is keep you safe.
When there’s nothing to flee or nothing to fight, there’s nothing to burn the neurochemical fuel that is surging through you. The fuel builds up and that’s why anxiety feels the way it does. Here’s how that works:
» Your breathing changes from normal, slow breaths to short, shallow breaths. This is because your brain tells your body to conserve oxygen on breathing, and send as much as possible to the muscles so they can get ready to run or fight.
You might feel puffed or a bit breathless. You might also feel your cheeks burn red (from the blood rushing to your face) and your face become warm.
» If you don’t fight or flee, the oxygen builds up in your body and the carbon dioxide drops.
You might feel dizzy or a bit confused.
» Your heart races to get the oxygen around your body.
Your heart can feel like it’s beating out of your chest and you might feel sick.
» Fuel gets sent to your arms (for fight) and to your legs (for flight).
Your hands, arms and legs might feel tense or shaky.
» Your body starts cooling itself down to stop it from overheating if it has to fight or flee.
You might feel a bit clammy or sweaty.
» Anything happening in your body that isn’t absolutely essential in the moment for your survival will shut down to conserve energy. Your digestive system is one of these. It shuts down until the ‘danger’ is dealt with, so the fuel it was using to digest your food can be used by your body for fight or flight.
You might feel butterflies in your belly. You might also feel sick, as though you’re about to vomit, and your mouth might feel dry.
» The amygdala also controls your emotions so when it’s in fight or flight, it’s switched on to high volume. This means your emotions can be too.
You might burst into tears or get angry.
Everything you feel when you have anxiety is to do with your body getting ready to fight or flee, when there is actually no need for either. It’s okay – there are things you can do about this. Let’s talk about that …
Dealing with Anxiety – The How-To
Here are some ways to manage anxiety by strengthening the structure and function of your brain in ways that protect it against anxiety. Remember though, the brain is like any other muscle in your body – it will get stronger with practice. I wish I could tell you that it would get stronger with pizza and tacos but that would be a dirty big lie and very unhelpful. Delicious maybe, but unhelpful. What isn’t a lie is that the following strategies have been proven by tons of very high-brow research to be very powerful in helping to reduce anxiety.
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Mindfulness. But first to show you why.
A mountain of studies have shown that mindfulness can be a little bit magic in strengthening the brain against anxiety. In a massive analysis of a number of different mindfulness/anxiety studies, mindfulness was found to be ‘associated with robust and substantial reductions in symptoms of anxiety.’
Mindfulness changes the brain the way exercise changes our body – but without the sweating and panting. Two of the ways mindfulness changes the brain are:
- by strengthening the connections between the amygdala (the key player in anxiety) and the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that can calm big emotions (and anxiety counts as a big emotion). The stronger the connections, the more the pre-frontal cortex is able to weigh in during anxiety and calm things down.
- by teaching the brain to stay in the present. Anxiety is driven by a brain that has been cast into the future. Thoughts start out as ‘what ifs’ and turn into persuasive little beasts that won’t let go. Mindfulness helps to keep control over your brain so you can stop it from worrying about things it doesn’t need to.
Okay then. What else can mindfulness do?
Plenty. Mindfulness can improve concentration, academic performance, the ability to focus, and it can help with stress and depression. It also increases gray matter, which is the part of the brain that contains the neurons. Neurons are brain cells, so we want plenty of them and plenty of gray matter for them to hang out in.
So mindfulness hey? What is it exactly?
Mindfulness is about staying in the present and ‘watching’ your thoughts and feelings without hanging on to them for too long. It’s this ‘hanging on too long’ that gives them the juice they need to become something bigger. Minds quite like to wander, especially anxious ones, so staying in the moment can take some practice. Here’s the how:
- Get comfy and close your eyes.
- Notice your breathing. How does the air feel as you draw it inside you? Notice the sensation of the air, or your belly rising and falling. Notice your heart beating. If your mind starts to wander, come back to this.
- Now, what can you hear? What can you feel outside of you and inside your body? If your mind starts to wander, focus on your breathing again.
Is there an app for that?
There are some brilliant apps that can guide you through mindfulness. Here are three (with links) for you to have a look at:
Smiling mind – a free app has tailored programs for different ages.
Stop, Breathe, Think – start by choosing words to describe how you’re feeling right now, and the app will suggest the best meditations based on where you’re at.
Insight Meditation Timer – another free app with guided meditations from over 700 teachers. It also has a very excellent feature that shows a map of how many other people are meditating in the world (using the app) at the same time as you. How to make the world feel a little bit smaller and a little more connected. Nice.
Exercise.
The effects of exercise on mental health are proven and powerful. The research on the positive effects of exercise on anxiety could probably cover a small planet, or, you know, a very big building. The point is that there’s tons of it.
Here’s how it works. Some neurons (brain cells) are born with the personality of puppies – very excitable and quick to fire up. We need these. They help us to think quickly, act quickly and remember. In the right amount and at the right time, these neurons are cell-sized bits of brain magic. Sometimes though, they can get a bit carried away with themselves. When too many of these excitable neurons get too active, anxiety can happen.
To stop these neurons getting over-excited and causing trouble, the brain has a neurochemical, GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid is the name it likes to go by at scientific get-togethers and when it wants to make an impression). Neurochemicals are the suave little messengers in the brain that carry important info from one cell to another. GABA is the brain’s calm down chemical – kind of like a sweet lullaby for the parts of the brain that are in very serious lullaby need. When the levels of GABA in the brain are low, there’s nothing to calm the excitable neurons. Exercise is a really effective way to get the GABA in the brain to the right levels.
Once these neurochemicals are back to healthy levels, the symptoms of anxiety tend to disappear into the sunset, or into a box with a very tight fitting lid – we don’t know for certain but wherever they go, it’s somewhere far away from you which is the important thing.
Any activity that gets your heart going counts as exercise. This will be different for everyone. It doesn’t have to mean pounding the pavement with your running feet on to the point of that you’re gasping for sweet life and demanding an oxygen tank. Not that there’s anything wrong with this, but it’s just that there aren’t always oxygen tanks handy when you need them. A brisk 20-minute walk or 8-10 minutes of going up and down the stairs a couple of times a day will also do it. Whatever works for you. Try for something you can do at least five times a week.
If vigorous exercise and you are still in the getting to know you trying-to-like-you phase of your relationship, non-aerobic exercise like yoga can also ease anxiety.
Breathe. But practice, practice, practice. And then practice a little bit more.
Anxiety can feel like such a gangster at times, it can be hard to believe that something as simple and as normal as breathing can out-muscle it – but it can. Here’s why. Strong, deep breathing initiates the relaxation response. The relaxation response was discovered by a Harvard cardiologist to be an automatic response that can neutralise the surge of neurochemicals that cause the awful physical feelings of anxiety. Because it’s an automatic response, you don’t need to believe it works, it just will – but you do have to initiate it.
Breathing is the switch that will activate the relaxation response and start to put the symptoms of anxiety back to small enough. Once you start slow deep breathing, your body will take over and do the rest. Breathe in through your nose for 3, hold for 1 and then out through your mouth for 3. (If you’re the type who quite fancies a visual, imagine holding a cup of hot cocoa and smelling the warm, heady aroma for three, hold your breath for one, then blow it cool for one.) Make sure the breathing is going right into your belly, not just into your chest.
In the thick of anxiety, the brain is too busy with other things to remember to do strong deep breathing. To make strong deep breathing easier for your brain to access, practice it a couple of times a day when you’re calm.
Food. You’ve gotta look after your belly
We used to think that anxiety or depression caused tummy trouble, but increasingly researchers are thinking that it actually works the other way – an unhappy belly can make an unhappy brain. The good news about this is that it doesn’t take too much effort to put it right, but eating well is super-important.
We know there are trillions of microbes that live in the intestinal tract. These send signals to the brain that can change mood and behaviour. If you eat too much processed food or too much sugar (or not enough good food) it can knock out the balance of good bacteria in your gut. This can upset the balance of everything and heavily influence your mood by sending funky messages back to your brain. Eating unprocessed, healthy food, and food that contains good bacteria (such as miso or yoghurt) can help to balance things out inside your gut and put things back on track.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with eating something unhealthily delicious now and then, but make sure that you’re not overdoing it. The healthier your gut, the healthier your mental health. Gut bacteria are the rock stars of the mental health world. It’s really important to keep yours happy, because, you know – cranky rock stars can be painful and annoying and cause more than a decent amount of trouble.
And finally …
Make sure you love yourself a little louder. At adolescence, you’re at a point in your life where the world is opening up to you. It’s a world that needs your wisdom, your courage and your interesting and very wonderful take on things. Anxiety can have a way of shifting the focus too often to the negative, but the things about ourselves that we would like to change often have very wonderful strengths built into them. Of course you would always rather not have anxiety, but there are so many strengths in you. Spend plenty of time noticing them.
Anxiety is something that happens, not something you are. What you are is smart, with truckloads of emotional intelligence, and a very wonderful and uniqe way of looking at things, as well as being the person people can count on, the one who thinks of things that other people haven’t, creative (even if you aren’t doing anything creative, it’s in you), sensitive, strong, and brave. You would be most people’s favourite type of humans.
I really appreciate this post. I’m 17 years old and I am on a therapy treatment but idk if i have anxiety. I feel very much like this though. I will start breathing more. Thank you.
Milena it’s so great that you have clarity around how you feel. Whether or not you have anxiety, the strategies described here will strengthen you in really positive ways. Breathing, exercise and mindfulness are all really wonderful things to do to keep yourself healthy and strong.
My daughter is 10 years old. I can sense that she has anxiety problem. This morning she said that she had been feeling uncomfortable and shaky over the past 5 days. She is reading a new book and I think she is overreacting to this new story. She cannot stop thinking what is going to happen to the girl she is reading about. Am I over-reacting? Her mother has significant anxiety problem and I know how damaging anxiety can be. What shall I do? Everything else is perfect. She is doing well at school, with her brothers and friends. I just want to know if I should something now before it is too late.
It would be really helpful if your daughter can talk to you about the book she is reading. By talking about the story, she will also be helping her mind to process the emotions and issues it might be bringing up for her. Just let her talk – you don’t need to fix anything. Explain to her, as in the article, how anxiety might be contributing to the feelings she is feeling. Understanding how anxiety can create physical symptoms and feelings of uneasiness can be incredibly empowering and can stop anxiety escalating into ‘anxiety about the anxiety’. It’s great that you are so sensitive to her and what she might be feeling, and what she might need. Give her the space she needs to talk and if she doesn’t want to talk, that’s okay – just let her know that you are there any time she wants to talk about anything at all.
Hi! I am really glad that you wrote this article, it has been very helpful. As a teenager struggling with anxiety myself, it was nice to hear some strategies. However, when I try to talk to my parents about my anxiety, they dismiss it and say I am faking it. Do you have any advice on how to help my family understand more of what I am going through so that they can believe me?
It can be difficult to understand anxiety, particularly for people who haven’t been through it. It might be helpful to be really specific about the way anxiety intrudes in your life. Rather than speaking about ‘anxiety’, perhaps speaking about the symptoms and the way they cause trouble for you might help your parents understand. It might also be helpful to explain that anxiety is really common and that lots of people struggle with it from time to time – about 1 in 5 actually. Sometimes anxiety can make everyone feel a little helpless, so it might seem like people are dismissing it, but sometimes it might be that they aren’t sure what to do about it or how to be supportive through it. It might be helpful to let your parents know about anything you are doing to try to manage it, such as the ways described in the article. Another option might be to speak with a school counsellor or a teacher and ask them to help you speak with your parents. The main thing to remember is that anxiety can be managed, and the strategies in the article that can help with anxiety are really great habits to get into anyway. It’s great that you can identify what’s happening for you, and that you are open to trying the things that can help. You are strong, insightful and wonderful.
Thank you for the amazing informative article.This is really a big help , because I want to help my best friend (15 years ) who suffers from anxiety . ??
Nerys I’m pleased the information is helpful. Your friend is so very lucky to have you.
My daughter has been having a lot of anxiety recently and my wife and I have been wondering what we should do so that we can help her feel normal and reduce some of her anxiety. Like you mentioned, it is important to know that anxiety is something that affects everyone at one point or another and that it is a feeling, not a personality. Hopefully teaching that to my daughter will help her to be able to feel better about herself so that she can be happy and carefree while her anxiety isn’t affecting her.
The conversations you are having with your daughter about anxiety, what it is, how normal it is, where it comes from and how to manage it – are so important. Self-consciousness can really elevate during adolescence – it’s all a normal part of development – but as a result, it mean that our teens can often compare themselves and feel different, not realising that most other teens are feeling the same way. I hope your daughter is able to find comfort soon, and realise how beautifully normal she is.
I am a fourteen-year-old girl, and I am afraid I have anxiety and mild dermatillomania. I want to find medical help, but my dad has been putting it off because he doesn’t think it is that serious, as most of my symptoms are mental. My family thinks I’m the happiest person alive, but I need help and I don’t know how to find it on my own. Any advice?
Brooke you know yourself better than anybody and it’s so great that you are able to voice what you are experiencing. Even if your symptoms are ‘mental’, as you say, they are no less important or intrusive than if they were happening in any other part of your body. I have no doubt by at all that your dad wants the very best for you. Sometimes a doctor might be needed in more severe cases, but if your anxiety is milder the best ways manage it involve things you can do yourself. You are more powerful than you know and there are things you can do that can really strengthen you. Try the strategies in the article, especially mindfulness and exercise. There is a lot of research that has found both of these can be very effective in managing anxiety – and there are no side effects. It’s also important that you try to get as close to 9 hours sleep as you can. I know this is difficult sometimes, but sleep is when your brain sorts through and starts to resolve any problems or leftover ‘stuff’ from during the day. Try the things described in the article – they’ll help to strngtydn and protect your brain against anxiety. Be patient though – anxiety can be persistent but if you can try a regular practice of mindfulness (try for at least 10 minutes a day and work up to more), as well as exercise (a fast 30 minute walk 5 times a week will be a great place to start if you aren’t doing much at the moment) and give it a few weeks, I’m sure you will be able to make a difference to how you are feeling.
Hi I loved your article. I myself, have major depression, ptsd, and aniexty that are all well managed now that I am 22. Recently my mom and I found out my younger sister who is 14 has aniexty disorder. She is having a lot of trouble in school, mostly with getting to school. She is a good student, but she oversleeps and will not go to school even after seeing a therapist. It seems like she doesn’t want help. I plan on printing out this article and giving it to her in the hopes that she will read it. There have a been a few times where she reached out to me over my mom since I understand where she is coming from. Unfortunately, aside from those times she refuses to talk about it. I’m very concerned about school attendance and the time she spends alone. I had issues with sucicidal thoughts and actions when I was in high school (the same school as her) and I don’t want her to go through what I went through. Do you have any supplemental advice that you could pass on. I’m worried her doctor and a her therapist are not giving us enough information to really give her options for coping with her disorder. I appreciate your time and thank you in advance for any help you can give!
-Aaron
Your sister is so lucky to have you! Don’t underestimate the difference you’ll make by letting her know that you get it and that you understand how she feels. The more validated she feels, the easier it will be for her to reach out to you. The strategies in the article will all help to strengthen her against anxiety. Exercise, mindfulness (download the Smiling Mind app for her – it’s a great way to get started with mindfulness, which research has shown can be a really powerful way to strengthen the brain against anxiety), and eating well to maintain good gut health (less processed foods and sugars etc) are all important. Here is an article about why exercise is important https://www.heysigmund.com/activity-restores-vital-neurochemical-protects-anxietyepression/ and mindfulness https://www.heysigmund.com/overcoming-anxiety-mindfulness/. I hope this helps. It really is wonderful that you are able to understand what she is going through and that you are able to be there when she needs someone to talk to. It doesn’t matter if your sister doesn’t talk to you about everything – some things might be difficult for her to put word to and that’s okay. It’s knowing that she can talk to you if she needs to that’s important.
Thank you 🙂
This information was very helpful in teaching me how to talk my 14 1/2 year old daughter through her anxiety. She is promoting in three weeks and going to a different HS then all her current school mates and boyfriend of 18 months. She’s dealing with fears about starting a new school, dealing with a distant relationship with her boyfriend whom she cares much about.
Hi, I’m 14 years old and I don’t know if I have anxiety. I often bite my nails and have stomach aches. I feel panicked at random moments throughout the day when everyone seems calm and relaxed. My hands start to shake and my mind just fills up with useless thoughts like is my family ok, is there someone else here, is there someone under my bed etc. I spoke to my mum about it but she just tells me that it’s nothing. I don’t really know what to do so maybe you can help.
Agathe the symptoms you are describing are very common. If it is anxiety, it is manageable. If know the symptoms can feel confusing and sometimes a bit scary, but if it’s anxiety it all makes sense. Try the strategies in the article to see if they help – exercise and mindfulness can make a huge difference. It’s also important to make sure that you’re getting at least 9 hours sleep a night. I know that can be really difficult if you are studying, or doing extra things after school, but try whenever you can. Sleep is when your brain sorts through it’s emotional ‘stuff’.
If you still feel as though you need extra support, is there a school counsellor or a teacher you can talk to? They would have a lot of experience with anxiety in teens, as so many of their students would have experienced similar symptoms as the ones you are describing. I also want you to know that you are not alone. Anxiety can feel isolating, but you would be amazed at how many other people your age have similar symptoms. Your brain is healthy and strong and doing what brains are meant to do – keeping you safe. It’s just working a little too hard to do this, but if you can understand why it feels the way it does as explained in the article, practice strong breathing, and try to establish a regular practice of mindfulness and exercise, this can help to strengthen and protect you against anxiety. I also want to say how great it is that you reached out for advice. I know that also can be difficult, but it shows that you are brave and strong, and that you have everything in you that you need to move through this.
Anxiety is real. You have to have the tools to deal with it. For a teenager with great marks, lots of friends, very sociable it’s hard to understand why you feel like this. But the truth is that you are “sweeping down the carpet” the reasons why because sometimes is so hard and you don’t know how to cope. So you don’t know them and doing so you can’t fight them. You have to face them and learn to deal with them – I will help you find someone to help you deal with it. This can not condition you in life. I’m your mum and I’m here. (to my 16 years old teen)
Hi, I am 16 turning 17 and at this point I am coming to grips with having anxiety, I first noticed it when I moved from High School to College. Many instances you feel alone, but that is not the case. I have somewhat known I had anxiety since I was little but it never bothered me until now. Reading this was great as I have seeked a counselors help and I have found that my anxiety is slowly going away. It raises it’s head every now and then but I try to ,as you say, “stay in the moment” I would like to say to anybody reading this that as this website says “anxiety is not who you are”. Getting anxiety under control is different for everybody and I find that if I get anxious I will go into the lounge room and sit with my parents. Again I would like to say thank you for this website as it makes understanding of why anxiety is there and how it works. This website is a great eye opener and I will be showing it to my counselor so she can give it to her other patients if she wishes. The BIGGEST thing to remember in times of anxiousness is YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND STAY POSITIVE!!!
Thanks for reading, John 🙂
John thank you so much for sharing your experience. Your words are powerful and important. You sound as though you are are managing your anxiety from a position of such strength and empowerment. You are using great strategies and I know your words will help many people who read them. Thank you!
This article has made so many things make sense. I constantly have tightening sensations in my chest and also chest pain and my immediate reaction is that I’m having a heart attack. In the back of my mind I know I’m not, but something always tells me that it could happen. The fact that this is a symptom of anxiety has made me feel normal. I feel like whenever I tell someone I’m having a panic attack or that I have anxiety, they will think I’m looking for attention, but this article has made me realise that the anxiety makes me feel that way.
Is it true that anxiety can also be linked to depression/depressing thoughts? As I often have a low mood and sometimes feel as though I may be depressed?
Thank you again for making a struggling 18 year old girl feel a little bit more normal 🙂
You’re so welcome Georgie. I’m so pleased you found the article. It’s so common with anxiety to feel as though you are having a heart attack. It feels so real! Of course, it’s important to make sure there is nothing else going on if you are worried. Anxiety is also very good at putting worrying thoughts into your head that will make you doubt yourself, such as that other people will thinking you are doing it for attention, but if you look through the comments, you’ll see that this is another common sign of anxiety. I absolutely believe you when you say you feel anxious – and I also know how awful that can feel.
If you tend to be anxious, it’s very possible that negative thoughts have a way of circling themselves round and round in your head and staying there for way too long. This can contribute to depression but mindfulness can be a really powerful way to manage this. In a way, it’s training for your brain to bring it more to the present and less likely to grab onto the thoughts that feel bad for you. If you can start with 10 minutes a day and work up to 20, that’s something that could really strengthen you against both anxiety and depression. The Smiling Mind app is a great way to start if mindfulness is something that’s new for you. You really can do this so it doesn’t interfere with your life as much. You have a strong, healthy brain – it’s just a matter of teaching it to work more for you in a way that is good for you – which you can absolutely do.
Hi, I’m a 13 year old girl and I suffer from anxiety a lot ! This article has really helped me. Thank you so much !
Emma I’m so pleased this article has helped you! I really want you to know that you are not alone. There are so many other people who are dealing with anxiety. It’s so wonderful that you are searching for ways to manage it. There is all the courage and strength in you that you could ever need to deal with anxiety and really thrive. Remember that your anxiety isn’t who you are – it’s something that comes and then it goes. Who you are is someone brave, strong, and wonderfully resourceful.
Hi my names emily and I’m 15, I’ve been experiencing anxiety for years now but it’s only been in he last couple of months that it’s gotten totally out of control and taken over my lovely hood I’m not enjoying much anymore I constantly feel like I’m going to vomit I break into a sweat and whenever it gets really bad I’m on the toilet for really long periods of time. I was finding it extremely hard to comprehend that anxiety could cause physical symptoms this bad but after reading this I feel a sense of knowing this has really helped me so thankyou x
Emily I’m so pleased you have found this article. The physical symptoms that come with anxiety can be really scary when they happen, but if they are related to anxiety, they won’t hurt you. Anxiety can be so confusing, but know that there are so many people who struggle with anxiety and the physical symptoms like the ones you have described. I love that you have searched for information to try to understand what’s happening for you – you are so resourceful and resilient. I hope the information is able to help you feel better, and to realise that you aren’t alone. If you can, try to speak to someone you trust about what you are feeling so they can reassure you about what’s happening inside you when you feel anxious. People with anxiety tend to have so much strength and courage because they have to deal with their anxiety, which isn’t easy! You would have plenty of both – courage and strength – I promise you x
I love how you opened up with empowering words, this was great for my 14 year old boy suffering from anxiety. The whole article is solution oriented and positive. Thank you!
You’re so welcome Mary. I hope it’s helpful for your son.
I loved the way you wrote this article so positive and encouraging for young people with anxiety, to show that anxiety is not an abnormal feeling, it’s just the way our brain responds to things around us which are a little unusual to us. I have a 15 year old son who sometimes feel something is in his throat or he feels heavy in his chest, I try to give him lots of reassurance and comfort during these times. Also deep and slow breathing seems to help him. Hopefully this is just a phase and get better as he grows older and wiser. Any recommendations I appreciate it. I enjoyed your article, very well said
Sami I’m so pleased the article was helpful for you. It sounds as though you are a wonderful support for your son. Deep slow breathing is certainly important for anxiety. Here is an article that will help explain why https://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-in-kids/. It is written for younger children, but the process is the same for all of us. As your son starts to understand his anxiety he will start to find it easier to manage. If you can talk to him about the article and explain why his anxiety causes him to feel the way it does, it will help to make it less frightening for him when it happens. A great thing for anxiety is mindfulness. There is a lot of research that has shown it can change the structure and function of the brain is really great ways that help to protect and strengthen it against anxiety. The Smiling Mind app in the article is a great way to start this. I hope your son is able to find comfort soon. Anxiety can certainly be a scary thing when it happens but with time and practice, your son will start to get better at understanding his anxiety, managing it, and finding calm.
I could honestly cry if I let myself. This is exactly what I needed from the start to the finish. My 14 year old is suffering from anxiety and has been for years, we didn’t know it. We just have never experienced/been around anxiety so we thought the chest pains were heart problems, numb arm was heart problems, head aches were brain problems so on and so on.
I actually printed out two copies of this ( need to print 2 more ) and downloaded all 3 apps to check out before encouraging her to download them and use them herself. Thank you, from the bottom of my worn out tired mommy heart, for writing this article the way you did.
You’re so welcome Danielle. I hope it helps bring some comfort to your daughter.
Great article, thank you. I shall be forwarding this on to our church youth pastor as a great resource.
A couple of girls in my extended family (not part of any church, unfortunately) are suffering anxiety, and one of them found the counsellor’s normalisation and suggested strategies very helpful, which is great, but The other one (18 years old) simply couldn’t talk in her counselling sessions, so they were ended. She is extremely quiet, even with family, so how should a talk therapist get round this?! it seems awful that she can’t get outside help. Is there “talk training” type things that we can do with her?
Thanks so much for any help.
Thanks Holly. Some people just take longer to trust and to open up, and that’s okay. The key is to build a rapport before asking her to lose any of the wall that may be around her. Get to know her, help her feel safe, and give her time to trust. It might also be helpful to let her read up for herself about anxiety. That way, she can ask her own questions.
Putting my 2-cents in here if you don’t mind. We’re in the process of adopting a 16 year old female who was sexually assaulted by her father figure. We tried 1 on 1 therapy and she was just a stone wall. She doesn’t open up to people and considering the life she has had up till now, it’s not a surprise.
BUT!!!! She accidentally found a different kind of therapy, and it works! For her it is Smash Poetry, google it. There are a lot of different kinds of therapy and something as simple as art could be the therapy your extended family girl responds to. Don’t be afraid to encourage new ideas without using the word therapy, that word alone can be scary. Best of luck to them!
My daughter is now 17 & has been going to therapy for 3 years. Until a month ago she would mostly sit silently. She always wanted me in with her (except for occasions when she was particularly angry & anxious – then the therapist would ask for some time alone because my daughter would get just plain mean). Most of our therapy sessions consisted of just talking about things that my daughter would tell me at home & I would tell the therapist what we were talking about. So even though she did not actively participate most of the time (& didn’t make eye contact), she was still listening. This summer she got her first job & they kept scheduling her for our Tuesday night sessions. She started getting mad & actually told them that she couldn’t work on Tuesdays because she has a standing doctor’s appt.! She told me the one day that she really needed therapy and was upset that she had missed 3 appts. Lol. So this was finally the turning point for us. Those years of sitting relatively silently at therapy were not wasted! She was silently absorbing everything that was said, all the advice that was given, all the suggestions that were made and even though she was not actively participating, she was still getting what she needed out of it. Our last few sessions she has actually made eye contact with our therapist & told her what is going on in her life, what is bothering her, and why. It is amazing! It just goes to show, don’t discount the quiet one sitting with their head hung low & their hair in their face…they may be hiding, but they are still listening.
My 17 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder after battling and beating an Eating Disorder. Are there any Camps that you would recommend for summer that she could attend to help with her disorder?
Ann I don’t have any camps that I can recommend, but have you tried speaking with your daughter’s school counsellor to see about any recommendations?
Hi Karen —
I work with teens who have severe eating disorders and I love this article.
I would love the see the “Eating” section remind teens that sometimes anxiety leads to people chosing not to eat enough food and that an empty belly often leads to a more anxious, unhappy brain.
Thanks for writing this — I’ll be using it with my patients!
Thanks Joelle! You’re spot on with what you have said about not eating and anxiety. Thanks so much for sharing this info!
It all sounds great and have forwarded it to my 12 year old select mute neice. I just hope she gets through this.
Great advice, I will show my daughter this article.
Thank you!
You’re very welcome! I hope it helps.
Thanks for a great article. It’s so important to validate and normalise anxiety amongst a myriad of accompanying feelings for teenagers to get to grips with. I want to pass this on to a few of my teenage client as well as many of my parent clients. Thanks again.
Howard thank you! Teens go through so many changes don’t they. Anything we can normalise for them helps.
Wonderfull insight and practical help. As a therapist you sometimes foget the whole picture. Thank you
Thanks Rolene.
Brlliant brilliant brilliant! And timed perfectly. My 12 year old daughter is coming to the realization that anxiety has it’s claws firmly dug into her psyche. I will share this with her and discuss it with her over the weekend. Thank-you!
Kerrie I’m so pleased this article found its way to you. I hope it helps your gorgeous girl make sense of things.
Hi I’m 13 and I’m pretty sure I have anxiety but sometimes I get scared that maybe I’m just making it all up to feel special or for attention or something. My mum and sister have it and over the past few months I’ve occasionally had a tight chest, the feeling that I can’t breathe, wobbly legs, a knot in my stomach and the feeling that I could cry. I get this over many little things and I’ve always been a bit of a worrier since a young age. Is this anxiety or am I just overreacting?
Sophie I’m so pleased you have asked me this. Let me promise you – you are NOT overreacting! If you are feeling these physical symptoms, they are very real for you and that’s what matters. They can be really frightening when they happen, even for the strongest, bravest person. It’s certainly not an over-reaction. Anxiety is so common and it often runs in families. If you haven’t already, it might be a really good idea to talk with your mum or your sister about what you are experiencing. If they’ve experienced anxiety, they can reassure you that what you are describing is very real and that you are not making a fuss about nothing.
The things you are describing are very common with anxiety – it’s exactly what anxiety does. Here is an article that explains why anxiety feels the way it does. It’s the same whether it’s in kids, teens or adults and it can really help to reassure you that you are safe, even though these symptoms feel really frightening https://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-in-kids/. I hope this helps.
I also want you to know that people with anxiety are strong, amazing people and anxiety doesn’t change this at all. It’s so great that you are able to understand what is happening inside you and describe that. Everything you have described makes so much sense! Try the strategies in the article – they are healthy things to do anyway. If you are someone who is worried that you are over-reacting, it means you are sensitive to the effect you have on other people. You are not over-reacting – you are insightful, strong, articulate, sensitive, and there is courage in you that you wouldn’t even have discovered yet – all such wonderful qualities.
I appreciate strategies to help with excessive anxiety – these are well researched. A couple that seem to be missing are: helping others and gratitude. I think it would be great for people writing about anxiety to explain the difference between adaptive and maladaptive anxiety, and how anxiety and the stress response can be so good for us as well.
Thank you.
This article is very well written and I agree with the content 100 percent.
Retired Youth Counselor
Thanks Chet. Youth counselling – such important work.
Thank you for the great article – I am a middle school counselor working with tweens and teens — very well written and gives great visuals and analogies —and gives me more tools to help them !
Todd you’re very welcome. I’m pleased the article has been helpful for you.
This. Is. Awesome. Just what I needed to help provide some backup support to my 20 yr old daughter who bravely decided to get some talk therapy as she deals with her out of control anxiety. Thank you so much!
You’re so welcome Robin. It’s such a brave step to get outside support. I’m so pleased your daughter has been able to go after what she needs.
I need help with my 16 yrs old son. Anxiety. Can’t get to school
Anxiety can be so convincing and can really make people feel as though they won’t cope with everyday things – but it can certainly be managed. Michele if your son isn’t open to trying the strategies in the article, his anxiety might be at a stage where he needs outside support to manage his symptoms. He might need to speak with a counsellor, a psychologist or a doctor. The counsellor at your son’s school should be able to guide you in the right direction.