Being Brave – How to Make Sure the Risks You Take are Bold and Brilliant Ones – (A Video)

The Take-Aways

    • During adolescence you might find that you are really tempted to do risky things and there is a really good reason for this. Adolescence is an important time for you because you’re transitioning from child to adult. To do this well, your brain is designed to give you the courage and curiosity to try new things so you can learn new skills, develop new relationships, and experiment with your growing independence. 
    • It’s the the adolescents of the world that come with new ideas and new ways of thinking of the world. 
    • To support you in being brave and thinking brave, your brain is wired to pay more attention to the potential positives of a course of action, than the negatives. You’re just as capable of making really strong, healthy, positive decisions as an adult is, but because the part of your brain that tends to experience more fear when faced with risky situations isn’t quite as developed yet.
    • Remember, this is to give you what you need to take the risks that will elevate you, and really push you forward – and this is a great thing. Sometimes though, risks will end with consequences that aren’t so great for you. These risks include sexting, drinking, taking drugs, driving too fast.
    • Of course it’s great to follow your curiosity, experiment, and explore, but you need to be smart about it. What this means is before you make a decision, know that you might tend to focus more on the positives than the negatives.
    • To make more empowering, healthy decisions, take a step back before you decide on anything and ask yourself what the potential negatives might be. Negatives don’t necessarily mean that it’s not a good idea to move ahead with whatever it is you’re thinking about, but taking time to do this will make sure that you make the decision with clarity and wisdom.

 

 


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join our newsletter

We would love you to follow us on Social Media to stay up to date with the latest Hey Sigmund news and upcoming events.

Follow Hey Sigmund on Instagram

First, we ask the questions of us:

Are they relationally safe?
- Do they have an anchor adult at school?
- Do they know how to access this adult?
- Do they feel welcome, a sense of belonging, warmth from their adults?

Do they feel safe in their bodies?
- Are they able to move their bodies when they need to?
- Are they free from sensory overload or underload?
- If not, what is their bare minimum list to achieve this with minimum disruption to the class, keeping in mind that when they feel safer in their bodies, there will naturally be less disruptive behaviour and more capacity to engage, learn, regulate.

Then we ask the question of them:

What's one little step you can take? And don't tell me nothing because I know that you are amazing, and brave, and capable. I'm here right beside you to show you how much. I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself enough yet.❤️

#anxietyrelief #anxiouskids #anxietyinkids #anxiousteens #childanxiety #positiveparenting
Ready ... set ... SALE! 

Our Black Friday Sale is live. For a short time, we’re taking 25% off books, plushies, courses, and tiny beautiful things. 

The resources have been created to calm anxiety, build courage and resilience, and nurture the capacity for self-regulation all kids and teens.

The books have sold hundreds of thousands of copies. They’ve been read, loaned, gifted, and loved throughout the world. (The sale will also help you restock any resources that might have gone walking - apparently they tend to do that a bit!)

If you haven’t discovered the stickers, tattoos and tins yet, pop over and take a look. We’ve left the lights on for you!

See here for more information or to buy https://www.heysigmund.com/shop/.
Boundaries aren't requests we make of them. They're the actions we take to keep them (and everyone else involved) physically safe, relationally safe, and to preserve values when they aren't able to.

The rule: Phones in the basket at 5pm.

The boundary: (What I'm going to do when you're having trouble with the rule.) 

'Okay - I can see you're having trouble popping your phone in the basket. I'm just going to sit beside you as a reminder that it's time. Take your time. I'll just watch over your shoulder until you're ready. So who are we texting? What are we watching?'

Or:

'I know you hate this rule. It's okay to be annoyed. It's not okay to yell. I'm not going to listen while you're yelling.' 

Then, 'This phones in the basket thing is chewing into our night when we start it at 5pm. We'll see how we go tomorrow and if it's bumpy, we'll shift to phones in the basket from 4:30pm. Let's see how we go.'

It's not a punishment or a threat. It's also not about what they do, but about what we do to lead the situation into a better place.

Of course, this doesn't always mean we'll hold the boundary with a calm and clear head. It certainly doesn't mean that. We're human and sometimes we'll lose our own minds as though they weren't ours to own. Ugh. Been there too many times. That's okay - this is an opportunity to model humility, repair, self-compassion. What's important is that we repair the relational rupture as soon as we can. This might sound like, 'I'm sorry I yelled. That must have been confusing for you - me yelling at you to stop yelling. Let's try that again.'❤️
Boundaries are about what WE do to preserve physical safety, relational safety, and values. They aren’t about punishment. They’re the consequences that make sense as a way to put everything right again and restore calm and safety.

When someone is in the midst of big feelings or big behaviour, they (as with all of us when we’re steamy) have limited capacity to lead the situation into a better place.

Because of this, rather than focusing on what we need them to do, shift the focus on what we can do to lead back to calm. 

This might sound like:

The rule (what we want them to do): Phones go in the basket at 5pm. 

The boundary (what we do when the rule is broken), with love and leadership: ‘I can see you’re having trouble letting go of your phone. That’s okay - I’m just going to sit beside you until you’re ready. Take your time. You’re not in trouble. I’ll just stay here and watch over your shoulder until you’re done.’

Or …

‘I can see this phones in the basket process is dragging out and chewing into our night when we start it at 5pm. If that keeps happening I’ll be starting this process at 4pm instead of 5pm.’

And if there’s a bit of spice in their response, part of being a reliable, sturdy leader is also being able to lead them through that. Even if on the inside you feel like you’re about to explode 🤯 (we’ve all been there), the posture is ‘I can handle this, and I can handle you.’ This might sound like,

‘Yep you’re probably going to have a bit to say about it. That’s okay - I don’t need you to agree with me. I know it’s annoying - and it’s happening.’

‘I won’t listen when you’re speaking to me like this. Take your time though. Get it out of you and then we can get on with the evening.’

Then, when the spicy has gone, that’s the time to talk about what’s happened. ‘You’re such a great kid. I know you know it’s not okay to talk to me like that. How are we going to put this right? Let’s yet 5pm again tomorrow and see how we go. If it causes trouble we’ll start earlier. I actually think we’ll be okay though.’♥️
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins
Error: Access Token is not valid or has expired. Feed will not update.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This